Posts Tagged ‘Debye’

Working Smarter

April 22, 2014

In February 2011, I had client ask for several quotes on short notice.  I worked my tail off for four days straight and finished before the deadline.  However, in the process I really wrecked up my right shoulder and was in such pain – I kept thinking it would soon relax and right itself, but it didn’t.  Not only was it the ice pick in the back of my shoulder, it was the stiff neck and very sore and inflamed shoulder joint.  To be honest, I was a mess.

That began the most intense three years of my life.  I started seeing Debye for massage for the shoulder pain and found it hard to do anything for quite a while.  I hurt so much and had trouble sleeping at night – not one of my of my better periods.   I started doing better after I began massages with Debye in May or June – way too long to get help – and then things began to really show up with Mom and dementia.   Around  July and August was the time when I couldn’t leave her by herself any more.  It was a very difficult time because I was recovering from the shoulder and it meant I couldn’t go out any more.  By December I was way past overwhelm and far into over my head.

I waited to long to find help – I kept thinking “It’s not that bad” but it was.  I was brought up with “Don’t ask for help, don’t bother or burden people”.  It finally hit me – I had been doing that all my life, especially with RA!  I remember talking to my sister Ellen on the phone around that time; I mentioned the Don’t ask for help thing and she had three words for me  – Ditch it, Girl!  She knew exactly what I was talking about, all three of us had been doing it for decades.  So I asked for help from the Alzheimer’s Association and finally had the help I needed.

February of 2012 I broke my hip tripping over my Mom – that sent me to the hospital and rehab for 8 weeks with another 4 in outpatient therapy.  By that time, my doctor, my family, my friends were really worried about me.  The therapists at rehab told me if I went back to what I was doing, I would be back in rehab permanently.   I realized I couldn’t keep taking care of mom without some major help.  I had arranged caregivers during the day so I could get out for a few hours a week for a break, but it was also time to think seriously of long-term decisions.

I went through paperwork to enroll Mom in the Providence Elderplace program – they would take care of all her needs and provide caregivers when she wasn’t at the Center.  It was good for her to go to the Center and be with other people – all the staff there is wonderful with all the people.    Also, her new doctor, PT, OT and anything else she needed was there.  They helped me find a really good adult family home for Mom because she was needing more and more care.  In October 2012 we moved her there and it was just the right time.  She was still able to socialize, any longer and it would have been harder.

More paperwork, then even more to apply for Medicaid – by that time I had gotten her checking account down to $2000 and sold everything to pay her monthly bill for Providence.  At the same time, we were applying for a loan and vast amounts of paperwork for that.  February 2013 Mom was approved for Medicaid but it wasn’t until the beginning of June when the mortgage went through.  Then 4 or 5 weeks of kitchen remodel for a wonderful kitchen.  So many other things still to do for the house.  I have been trying to sell the furniture so we can have our own things around us, but not much luck.  I don’t know if I just don’t know how to do it or if something is holding me back.    Plus, so much cleaning out!

February of this year I past the 2 year mark of breaking my hip.  My rheumatologist said 70% people who break a bone will break another one within 2 years.   I was determined to be in the 30% and I made it – no falls or broken bones since the hip. So here we are in 2014 and it feels like a brand new start.  I have decided to move our furniture upstairs and my parents down to the basement.  We need to paint the living room and I want Brad to create a new mantle with crown molding.  it has been raining so consistently I haven’t had enough clear days to move furniture and not get it wet.

So what does all of this have to do with working smarter?  I had a call from the client I worked with 3 years ago when I spent four days straight on her quotes.  I had a week to update them and this time, I paced myself over the week.  Yes, it meant I worked a lot on Easter but I wanted to be able to finish on Monday and feel human.  By George, I did it!  I took my time, took breaks, went out to do things and didn’t allow myself to get antsy in the that “Got to get it down” mindset.  She has a board meeting today where she will present i – no idea if the board will go for it this time or not.  They vetoed it three years ago.

So here I am, 3 years older and a whole lot smarter and wiser.   I have been doing a lot of quotes and very happy to report a lot of them have turned into orders.  I am surprised to look up and find my life has changed a lot from Feb 2014 – I’m not sure how it happened, I know I have changed a lot as well.  I am better at asking for help, knowing that when something comes up, I can handle it, especially knowing I have friends and colleagues I can turn to for help.  If it hadn’t been for Dave Gagley and all his help with Mom’s stuff, I would have been in a rubber room.  So many people are willing and happy to help, now I have ways to help other people when they are dealing with some of what I have been doing.

The hardest part is going to see Mom twice a week at the adult family home.  She can’t really carry on a conversation in worlds I understand, though it is in a very conversational tone – she understands it but the circuits between her brain and her mouth have too many shorts now.  I read to her, take my iPad to play music she likes and of course, she loves the chocolate and cookies I bring every time.  I don’t ever want her to think I have abandoned her, so I visit and enjoy what I can with her.  She is usually glad to see me, whether she recognizes me as her daughter or just a familiar presence.

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Is It Really “No Big Deal”?

April 6, 2014

Deep tissue massage with Debye has once again been an eye opener for me this week.  She has been my cheering section for these many months and she hasn’t understood why I don’t pat myself on the back and be proud of what I have accomplished.  I have realized I have only seen “big” things as accomplishments to be acknowledged; the little ones seemed to be no big deal, they were just things I needed to do.  As an example, no pat on the back for keeping my body straight all week, the courage to keep going and digging down deeper and deeper, becoming more and more aware or asking and trusting my Angels for help.

I was surprised when she told me how much progress I have made, my body is much more flexible than when I started last June.  Plus she is so amazed at how much more aware I am than when I started as well.  From inside me, I feel I am not very far along – only because I am comparing myself to Debye and Monty.  They have studied and had different life experiences than I have had, plus they have healing abilities and sight I have always felt I didn’t have.  I have an automatic response to look outside myself and compare  to someone who is farther advanced, travelled more than I have or has an advanced degree.  I tend to discount what I have done, where I have been and most especially who I am – it’s no big deal.  Pat on the back for recognizing it!

Is it childhood programs and training; society and what it values; not knowing who I am what my gifts are or just a matter of not having confidence in myself.  Maybe it is something else entirely – I don’t quite know at this point.   I tend to compare myself (usually unfavorably) to people who have achieved things of note, made a name for themselves and support themselves very well financially.  Or to people with wonderful gifts that they were either born with or became aware as a result of a near death experience or catastrophic accident.

Over the past 40 years or so, people have often said how positive I am while having RA; how I do so much or that I am an inspiration.  I have a tendency to discount it, not seeing myself as others do but as myself doing what I have to about RA and living my life.  I realize some of that is childhood programs of not thinking well of myself because that is boasting or bragging.  So seeing small accomplishments only as one more thing to do and big accomplishments as something to keep to myself or I will be boasting.  How many kids have grown up with that same refrain?

It didn’t help to have a very talent older sister with great artistic talent.  (I know she will read this and I’ll bet she will discount herself a bit – why is it so easy to see in others but not myself?)  It isn’t anything to do with fault or anything like that – she has a talent and she worked hard to develop and refine it to the wonderful work it is now.  I admire her so much and love to see her work.  She is also a talented musician.

Then at the other end is my younger sister who sings,  writes lyrics and music, as well as books and other things as well.  Being in the middle sometimes feels as if I am out in left field without my own place.  However, I know that is my perception, my feeling of not having anything special to offer or be.  That is lack of confidence and insecurity – as an adult I have a lot better perspective.  I see I have always tried to define myself as an artist of some kind, as if that is the only area to look towards.  Looking back, I think I would have gone to the reference section of the library and start at the beginning and explore what was available, seeing what is out there and what piqued my interest.

It’s funny, I have always liked writing, but I felt stymied trying to think up characters and situations.  I finally realized I like essays and opinions, what I am thinking and feeling or what is happening in my life.  maybe I just feel comfortable because I just write down what is going on, I don’t have to think about.  There are times when it is a serious piece, other times I like to write about either the funny things that happen or describe it in a more humorous way.  I am learning I am a writer because I write – not because I have published anything that is a big seller.

Today I am more able and willing to pat myself on the back , whether it is for recognizing I am beginning to spiral down or that I have had the light bulb go on full tilt about I didn’t quite understand before or for an accomplishment, no matter the “size”.  Too much ego and her negative ideas for so long – it is getting so much easier to see the positive in myself.

 

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LET’S HEAR IT FOR A PAT ON THE BACK!

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YOU ARE A BIG DEAL!!!

 

Bon Voyage Debye!

December 1, 2013

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lYes, it says Bittersweet – Brandy bought it from those owners.  No proper picture with her sign, may have to take one myself to make it accurate.

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Gives you an idea of the inside.  Both side walls are brick – a very old building.  Now you know where I go every Wednesday morning.

Debye and Sal are on their way to San Diego area for who knows how long.

Wednesday at Breakfast Club was Debye’s last day – she and Sal will be leaving to move her to around Carlsbad – near San Diego.  That means we don’t have a massage therapist in the club, though she is working to have Michelle come and join us.  Michelle is Debye’s massage therapist.  I know Michelle from the Holistic Chamber networking group not too long after I moved here.  We met at her Whole Life Center; she and I talked about some promotional things, but nothing came of it because she had such an upheaval in her life for quite a while.

It is hard to say goodbye, Debye is a close friend, partner, teacher and mentor for me.  What is so cool is that she learned a lot from me.  This morning’s meeting was about what we are thankful for and it was wonderful to hear how much this club means to all of us.  It is not the usual networking group, so new people either think it’s great or are a bit put off by us.  We have a lot of fun, laugh and there isn’t that push to get people to buy that I have often found in other networking groups.  We have a structure but not the “have to’s” that so many have – we like to get to know each other first.

I saw Debye on Monday after seeing Dr. Cheryl.   I had time between appointments to buy Debye some lovely roses.  What do you get for the woman who is packing up her life in her van?  They are leaving Sunday, so there is time to enjoy them while they last.

Instead of a massage, she and Sal worked with his lasers, they apparently were using four at a time and really worked all over me.  I didn’t feel much – at first it was like a small pinching pain on my upper thigh, otherwise I didn’t feel anything.  I was very relaxed and allowed my mind to quiet and concentrate on the breaths between.  Sal is also a medical intuitive, so her  checked me over and had a couple of things to tell me.  I was a bit woozy when I got up from the table – not unusual – and was given water and told to drink a lot when I came home.

I was a bit uncomfortable that night and woke up feeling rather stiff and uncomfortable in the morning.  A hot shower helped and I was better by the time I left to go visit Mom.  This morning I was doing pretty well – I realized I felt lighter.  With 43 years of RA, it probably will take a while to work through it.

This morning, instead of the usual 5 minute and 15 minute speakers, it was suggested we spend the time talking about what we are thankful for – seemed to cover mostly the group and how much it means to all of us.

Debye asked to go first because she had things she wanted to say to the group.  She thanked everyone in the club and handed out Pyrite or Fool’s Gold.  It has some very interesting properties, so I want to check them out online.  She also had a gift for 3 people, Judith and myself because we saw her nearly every week  since Debye joined the club.  She gave us Selenite, mine looks like flowers, Judith had one that had long, slender clear crystals.  The third was for Dr. Cheryl – Debye had space in her office and they have referred clients to each other.

I decided to just copy Carri’s minutes on what we were thankful for – it’s a shortened version but you will no doubt get the gist of it.

Judith B-Thanks Nick for fixing gutters. Thanks GRATEFUL FOR: Debye for your care.

Vickie B-Ditto, Ditto!

Dr.Cheryl B-Thankful for everyone. Blessings in life on planet.

Carol B-Thanks for personal growth. Was so scared she sat entire time for first talk.

Dick D-Met Pat and invited to Breakfast Club.  Exciting time-offered services and used referrals.

Brandy D-Had hard pregnancy. He never stopped moving. Thanks for using Down Home Catering.

Dave G-Thanks, Julia.

Lee K-Considers all of us her friend. It’s hard to ask for help. We have given her confidence. When she broke hip,received cards, emails, flowers and rides.  Thanks!

Barrie L-Thanks to Pat for helping with Jon’s last accident.  Thanks to Judith for helping son. Moving from 35 year home to retirement home. 

Julia L-Thanks for being member.

Carri M-She is Thankful, Grateful and Blessed.  Grateful to live in the Northwest and see Mt Rainier.  Thankful for technology that found breast cancer when so small. Surgery scheduled for 1/17. Asked for positive thoughts and prayers.

Pat M-Appreciates everyone!

Al O-Thanks to the entire club. Was part of initial information 20 years ago in April.  One constant has been the club’s support of his career.

Debye P-This is her last meeting.  Handed out “fools gold” as a token to remember her by. Rocks can boost vitality. Helps you conquer anything.  

Darrell S-Wife wants him out of house.  John W gave him turkey feathers for fly fishing. 3 gifts_Judith, Lee and Dr Berry.

Randy S-Thanks to group-you are all friends.
John VZ-Thanks for being among you, He see’s 
beauty.He has something to offer, like all of us.

I thought I would be very drippy saying goodbye to Debye and thanking everyone for all they have done and been for me.  Maybe I just shut my mouth before it got to that point.

A Little Rambling

November 24, 2013

I have been thinking of several ideas for this post – yet I can’t really remember any of them!  Sometimes I am compelled to write a post while other times something happened I just want to tell everyone about it.   What’s frustrating is to have something in mind and not have time to write it at the moment.  Then when I finally have time, it seems either bland or I can’t quite remember what was so compelling.  This gave me a chuckle so I will add this and see where things go:

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Looks as if this is one of those posts that start here and I have no idea where it will go.  When I think about the past week, I remember how down I felt last Friday after visiting Mom.  Not sure how much came from seeing her slowly going downhill, how much I was just tired or the frustration of feeling things are more work than usual.

I had a very good week and accomplished a lot of things – some unexpected and welcome energy for a change.  I began to slow down around Thursday – not my choice – and by Friday I was not so energetic.  Anyway, I just felt down after seeing Mom and it was like that for 3 or 4 days.  I felt like running away by myself for a bit and let someone else take over; but there isn’t anyone else.    I finally caught myself feeling low and a little sorry for myself – maybe I needed a good whinge – and decided, I don’t like this, it is uncomfortable.   I asked the Universe to help me with an attitude overhaul – an adjustment wouldn’t quite be up to the task.

When I do that, sometimes I notice a difference fairly quickly, other times it takes a couple of days.  This was days, not hours.  I had a massage Tuesday and it felt good – it’s been bout 3 weeks since the last.  Tomorrow is my last one with Debye because she is moving to around carlsbad in California – not the most convenient commute.  I am going to miss her so much, especially as a friend and in some ways a mentor as well a massage therapist.  However, I know her friend Michelle so I will check her out because she does things similar to Debye.

I am pleased the week ended a lot better than it started.  I saw Mom this last week and she was fairly aware.  I brought a D.E. Stevenson book to read, but couldn’t find it on Friday.  I was going to take my iPad but couldn’t open it – I had forgotten my passcode.  I found it and when I go Tuesday, I will play some music for her.

When in doubt, talk about the weather.  We have had some gorgeous crisp, clear Fall days – nippy enough for frost.  I was amazed last week to see the sun shining and the Olympics came out from behind the clouds with snow covered peaks.  The other morning I was up early enough to see them look like strawberry sno-cones – all pink in the sunrise.  The Sound was a deep blue – so gorgeous but I was glad to have my car heater warm me up.  As long as I am in the sun, it is a bit warm and nice; in the shade it’s cold and windy.

I need to take a break and have a shower – we aren’t going out today even though it is sunny.  While Eddie vacuumed, I was printing pictures for his 787 exhibit and fixing the mistakes on his info sheet I typed the other day.  That along with this post.  Back in a bit.

BACK Again!

Not that it made a whole lot of difference; except I not only had a shower and got dressed, I also cleaned the bathroom.  So it has taken me a while to come back.  Too bad no fresh ideas, it happens sometimes.  I was hoping this one would start at one point and have an interesting journey to the end.  Can’t win them all.

The 2nd Day

September 1, 2013

I planned to write this on Monday or Tuesday, amazing how things get away from me.  I had two order from clients and 3 others I am working on – I don’t remember a time when I had this many projects.  That’s where I have spent my time as well and creating the design for Eddie’s Round Up.  Then seeing Mom twice a week, doc and infusion morning Thursday and meeting a client for lunch afterwards to sign the order form.

I was telling my rheumatologist about last Saturday at the Tournament and how pleased to find the after effects weren’t very bad.  I have noticed over the years that when I have done something major (sometimes not having done anything at all) I find the day after is often pretty good – I have even had ones that were wonderful.  But there is something about the 2nd day that I have been known to crash, to be stiff, sore and miserable.  What is it about that 2nd day?  Maybe lactic acid has built up in my muscles.  What I do know is I have to wait to see how I am 2 days after the event to see how well I am doing.

I was pleased to find I was doing  pretty well Sunday – well enough to start trimming the little forsythia by the ding room window.  It had been trimmed when John and his crew took out the wisteria, sticker bush  and a few other things.  It has since sent out long branches that got to a point that I couldn’t see out the window very well.  I was careful where I stepped and did quite well, though the lower back wasn’t all that happy.  Eddie came out a little later with the big clippers for the thicker branches – together we did a good job of trimming it back.

Monday was the 2nd day and I was doing rather well.    A little stiff and sore, good thing I had an adjustment with Cheryl and a massage with Debye that day.  So I did well after seeing the two of them and just had to see how the 2nd day of the forsythia trimming would go the next day.  I was pretty good, a bit stiff in the shoulders but otherwise better than I hoped.

I remember the last weekend of Ike Pono, Saturday was Warrior Games.  I knew I had a choice to participate or just use RA as an excuse not to do anything.  I decided it was go full tilt or nothing and deal with any consequences afterwards.  I went full tilt and I was stiff and sore the next day – it does happen that way sometimes.  I was a little late on Sunday and not moving too well – I explained I decided to go full tilt and deal with repercussions later.  I had a really nice compliment from Bruce – he told me “You are someone I want in my fox hole because I know you will have my back”.

The most frustrating time is when I haven’t really done much, just taking care of myself and suddenly I am hurting and miserable.  What happened?  Did I do something?  I will admit I have not quite figured it out yet.  I do remember the first summer I was in New Jersey – my first experience with humidity.  We did have a couple of window air conditioners so it wasn’t too bad, but I was still uncomfortable.  Then in September it cooled down and was very pleasant and comfortable.  Then the 1st of October it suddenly went humid again and I felt as if I had been run over by a train.  A clue that RA and humidity don’t get along very well in my body.

I can look back now and see it in a slightly different light and wonder – what was I focusing on and was it just one of my oh-poor-me-osis times or was there actually a trigger that put all that in motion?  It is certainly easier to look back than to be in the moment feeling everything and wondering what  I did wrong.  I suspect I will continue to wonder how what I do will feel on the 2nd day, but look at it a little differently, maybe with curiosity, interest and wonder rather than feeling a victim and someone or something is out to get me.

My rheumatologist was pleased with me on thursday, my sed rate was down 2 points and I am feeling better.  Still waiting for the surge of energy, but my joints seem to be doing better and since the sed rate is down, I will go for my infusion in 4 weeks but not see her until the following one 8 weeks later.  Any time the doc spreads out the time between appointments, I know I am doing well.

These pictures have nothing to do with topic, I just thought they were adorable.  Candy took them at Lake Radnor – such a variety of things and animals to see there.

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I think this was taken in the Spring not too long after the birth.

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They are so well camouflaged you would have to be up close to see them.

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Such an adorable face!

Thank you so much Candy, they are a pleasure to see.

Finally Up and Running

June 8, 2013

I have finally been able to put together the  blog with the kitchen remodel and published it – you can find it at eekplanian1.wordpress.com  It is more pictures with a bit of description or commentary.  I have the before pictures first in the Kitchen Remodel and then under that (I hope) I have labeled it Day 1.  I also plan to do a category that shows the outside of the house and some of the interior, then another with pictures of the “garden” – I use the term loosely since it is more bare ground or weeds rather than garden.

UPDATE: I can’t seem to get the link to work and I don’t know what is wrong. I thought it was publishing but it sometimes goes to something odd.  Well, let me know if you can get through in spite of the  frustrations.

It is strange to find myself doing two blogs at the same time, one will no doubt be a bit behind – it may go back and forth.  I appreciate your patience while I catch up.  Now that we have been doing it for a week, I am surprised I don’t feel terribly stressed out – tired, you bet!  But it has seemed to take so long to come and now at last the remodel has arrived.  Dealing with no water except in the bathrooms turns out not to be so bad – we seem to eat a lot of sandwiches and don’t use a lot of plates.  Eddie uses the downstairs bathroom while I find upstairs more convenient. We trade off who does the dishes, so no one is stuck doing it all the time.

We really enjoy Brad and one thing we notice is that at the end of the day, everything is cleaned and vacuumed before he leaves.  He has also been using the vacuumed right up close when he is taking something down or cutting somewhere since there is lead pain all over the house.  He did that when did the bathroom for us.  This time he isn’t taking out all the walls, so there is less work in that area.

Thursday this week the plumber came and turned the water off just as I was leaving for my massage, he said he would have it back on about 2:30.  So I decided to entertain myself until 3.  I had a lovely massage and Debye said that Spirits were telling me to go out in Nature and breathe it in deeply.  Also, they told her I had already decided, so they were validating my inclination.  Wow!

I stopped for some lunch to go at Subway – not a smart choice and will not go there again.  But I took it over to the park and hoped there would be a parking space.  We have been having lovely warm weather and figured everyone would be there.  As I drove down, all the places by the beach looked full – then I saw an empty space.  A handicapped space just where I wanted to be because I planned to go down to the south end of the park.  They were looking out for me.  I walked down quite a way and found a place I could go down the shallow few steps and over to a log with only a small stretch of sand and stone.  It faced west and the sun hadn’t come around all the way, so I had a lovely time eating my salad and my drink while reading my book.  It was amazingly quiet and peaceful most of the time, it was what I had in mind.

Around 2:15 Brad called to let me know the water was back on, so I cleaned up things and came home.  I was surprised to find myself so tired, I had no energy to do anything but relax.  Greg was gone and had no trouble doing the plumbing for the kitchen sink and Friday the inspector was due.  I have been taking pictures of the progress, so he was kidding me a bit about it.

Friday the electrician came – Bret has down things here before so he is familiar with the house.  He is a hoot and does an excellent job, I am glad he is doing the work.  He asked what we wanted for outlets and such 0 he said he could do anything we want.  I thought he was going to turn off the power, but that will be Monday.  So I was able to write my blog and work on getting the remodel one going.  I also went to see my Mom, she was kind of tired and when I asked about her bears, she wasn’t sure where they were.  I pointed out to her and asked if she would like to hold a bear – she was very happy to hold on to the big bear, her favorite.  I noticed she kept closing her eyes and so I asked Judy if she had slept the night before – Judy said she woke up quite early.  That may explain why she was nodding off.  So Judy helped her to get ready for a nap and I left.

Today we have taken our time doing things, I even had plenty of time to look through 3 quilting magazines.  We are both tired from the week and the weekend of moving stuff.  We slept well last night and probably will tonight as well. Sorry, no pictures for this post – you will find a lot on the remodel one.

HAPPY HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!

May 24, 2013

At last, the home equity loan is paid off, the money for our new kitchen is in the bank and Brad is already working on getting things going.  I am so glad I don’t have to deal with THAT bank again for a loan.  Mom still has her checking account there and we’ll probably just leave it.

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Yesterday I picked up the check and went to BECU to deposit it in our new checking account.  I needed to have some money for Brad but they only gave me a very small bit, I can have more Monday and then by next Thursday it is all available.  I got some temporary checks to use until the proper ones came.  Feels so good to have it finally finished.  Now it will be about 3 or 4 weeks of camping without a kitchen for a while – we can deal with that.  I told Brad if there are times when it is better for me not to be here, just let me know and I will find somewhere to go.  We do have lead paint and I know the floor of the basement is asbestos, so that may make a difference.

That was my afternoon.  My morning was my massage – Debye is so excited about how straight I have become and the amount of the heavy energy in my body that is now gone.  I was definitely looking forward to this massage, such a wonderful part of my week.  Towards the end of the massage when I was on my back, she was working my tummy and I began to feel a finger on each of my cheeks – at first I thought it was Debye, but she wasn’t that close.  I had not felt that before and when we were finished, I asked her about it.  She said someone else had come to work on me with her, she sometimes knows when it happens, but often she is focused on what she is doing and isn’t aware.  She remembers one session when she was working on me and she could see a bearded man at the head of the table working on me but that was in a different lifetime and the person on the table was a young boy.  When she told me that, I had an immediate picture in my mind of the  man and the young boy in the room; she said she thought it was in the 16th century.

How cool is that!  I am finding I feel energy coming down through my crown chakra more and more these days.  It is happening right now and I am not connecting to Source to call down my God Force energy.  Sometimes I am now feeling a bit in my Third Eye and I have always felt so much in my Heart Chakra.  She tells me I am becoming more and more aware.  I love it, I send thanks and gratitude every time I feel it.

images       15126163-beauty-lotus-flower

7th or Crown Chakra Symbol            Symbolized by 1000 petal lotus

Another time we were finished and I was writing her a check while she went to use the bathroom.  She came out chuckling because she noticed another thing Spirit had done to let her know of its presence.  She put on a new roll and I was the first to use it, then Debye did.  She showed me that the top few layers had been pushed to one side – she knew it was straight the last time she went.  She says they like to do things like that to let her know they are with her.  She says they will pat her hair and  she is delighted to have their presence.

Today I went to see Mom in the morning – John and his crew are here taking out some stuff in the garden and Brad is meeting with the plumber here in the afternoon while Eddie goes to service his car.  I brought some things Mom needed, like toothpaste, body lotion, kleenex and body wash – plus I tucked in 3 cookies for her.  She was sitting in her wheel chair at the dining room table and was alert and doing well today.  She was pleased with the cookies and we also talked about boats.  She said something about seeing a boat go by with ladies (no clue what she was talking about) and I talked about the boat parade, our adventures with the Mukilteo hull and the Christmas ship.  She remembered some of it and then I mentioned boats in Waterford during summers.  Sometimes she talked about things but I couldn’t understand what she was saying, so I agreed with her.

John and his crew ground down the stump that used to be the cherry tree that was pushing over the garage, dug out the wisteria (yes, I know it has gorgeous flowers, but the tendrils drive me nuts) then the big forsythia at the corner and the sticker bush at the other corner in the front.  We talked with the plumber and Brad and it feels as if things are really getting started.

It has taken me all day to write this, it takes less time when I am alone but it has been an interesting day.  It feels as if we have a new beginning.

Highlights From This Week

March 10, 2013

It is now the beginning of a new week and as I look back on last week, my first thought was that nothing earthshaking happened.  I have been spending my time lately not doing a whole lot, I just want to sleep and work out this fatigue until I finally reach the last layer.  However, as I was in the shower this morning, I started thinking about a couple of things that happened.

Friday was an eventful day, I went to pick up Mom at 9:15 so both of us could have haircuts.  I know it was a bit early for her, but she was having breakfast when I arrived.  Apparently Judy didn’t tell she was going to have a haircut, that must have been why she said Mom aaas moody.  Mom couldn’t understand why she had to get up early, but the day actually worked out fine.  We had a lovely sunny day, it was such a treat to see and feel the sun again.

We went to see Michelle and I had the first haircut.  I asked Michelle to cut mine a little shorter on the top – so it is shorter than it has ever been.   I also wanted Michelle to cut Mom’s hair shorter in the back because last time she wanted it longer – it is harder to fix for Judy and to be honest, she has had that neglected look.  She is definitely not neglected.   Her silver hair was beautiful and she agreed it felt good to have it cut.

As I was writing the check, my cell rang – it was Kathy, she was at Fred Meyer and wondered what I was doing.  I told I had Mom with me and she suggested meeting us there to say Hello.  I told Mom but she didn’t really know who I meant – I knew she would recognize her when she saw Kathy.  Kathy took care of Mom a lot before she went into the Elderplace program, they developed quite a bond.  Mom was delighted to see her for a few minutes.

I took her back to the house, this she wasn’t disappointed it wasn’t here.  I had promised her a cheeseburger for lunch; I left to pick up Whopper Jrs and some fries – I decided to get her slice of apple pie because it is her favorite.  We ate lunch together and then I left to relax for the afternoon.

msd333ry

http://www.cartoonresource.com

Later in the afternoon I had a call from my rheumologist’s office, Jennifer said she checked my insurance and they will cover Orencia.  She says I have amazing coverage for my Medicare supplement – so glad I went with Vickie and State Farm!  I have an appointment to start it at 1 on Tuesday – I’ll visit Mom in the morning.  It is an infusion for about 45 minutes – I figure it may take a little longer to get things set up the first time.  Then I have an appointment with my rheumatologist at 10, then go up to the Infusion Room after for the next one.  It will be another 2 weeks for the 3rd one and then it will be every 4 weeks.  At the moment I am not scared nervous or apprehensive, more curious than anything else.  I figure to take it as it comes and see what happens.  I am also not excited and having high expectations either – working on keeping neutral and no emotion.

Also, there are two new people at Mom’s house – John with the cat left and Jennifer went to hospital and then to a nursing home close to her sister.  I have seen Mr. Byrd but not spoken to him because he is usually asleep in his chair.  The new woman is in a wheel chair and  although I smiled and waved to her, she didn’t really respond.  She too is in a wheel chair.  As time goes by it will be interesting to get to know them.

I have been asked to join the neighborhood bridge group as a permanent member.  I said I would and we are playing on Monday at Claire’s.  That means one of these days I will have it here – I’d like to have the new kitchen and possibly the upstairs painted, plus our own furniture.

We have been slowly cleaning out, though if you saw the house right now, it doesn’t look that way.  I have the office to clean out and organize as well as going through papers and things of Mom’s.  I have been putting it off because it feels awkward and if she knew she would be upset.  Mostly it has been a bit here, a bit there, mostly in the kitchen and a little in the desk.  It has been strange going through some things and deciding what to keep and what isn’t necessary any more.  I have that pack rat mentality that I might need it some day.

I definitely did things for myself – I saw Dr. Cheryl my chiropractor on Monday morning and had my massage with Debye on Thursday.  A lot of the time I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I just took it easy and relaxed.  Little by little there are  small bits of energy and look forward to bursts and a lot of energy again.

I am interested in what you have to say,  I definitely want to know.

I have No Idea For A Title

November 29, 2012

I planned to write sooner but all I’ve wanted to do is whinge and I promised I wouldn’t/  I suddenly was so tired on Monday that after I saw my chiropractor, I came home and went to bed.  I slept well that night but was still finding it hard to wake up in the morning and stay awake.  Maybe there are layers of fatigue and exhaustion.  In that case, I may be getting into deeper layers that I have had for a very long time.  I will admit, I am fed up with being tired – I didn’t get this exhausted all in one day, so I need to remember it will take a while to release it, unfortunately I am not very patient at times.

I meant to put this post up yesterday afternoon – suddenly time slipped away because we had to go to both banks for check copies for DSHS.  Then to shop because we invited Kathy to dinner, I haven’t seen or really talked to her in quite a while.  I had also been to Breakfast Club – it has only been 2 weeks since we met – we took Thanksgiving week off – but it feels a lot longer.  Then it was over to Apple for my One to One.  I needed to get my iPad working and learn how to actually use it.  When I saw Mom on Tuesday I was going to take it and play some Al Bowlly things on YouTube – but I wasn’t sure I would have WiFi.  However, I took her chocolate and more Werthers.

I feel so much better after my One to One, I feel I have accomplished something and will see how things work on the iPad on Friday when I see Mom.  Then it was over to see Debye and my massage, I have really missed that!  I have been feeling a bit out of kilter the past few days, not sure what has been going on.  It felt as if something or more than one was welling up in my chest and almost choking me.  We had a great session and I feel so much lighter.  I was able to release and clear this program of feeling responsible for the world.  I now declare I am NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness or contentment, nor am I responsible for fixing things and making it better.  That’s NOT my job!  (NOTE to Self – do you read it loud and clear?)   Finally Debye helped me see things in a different perspective.  Each of us came here with a purpose and contract to experience something, everyone’s is different.  That each thing, event and experience is a gift and I need to allow each one to have their experience without thinking it’s bad or unhappy and I have to fix it.  I need to let go and allow each person their experience without judgment.   I also have to be non-judging about my own.  A couple of times over night I was feeling uncomfortable and found myself seeing it more with curiosity than with “What can I do or take to get rid of it”.  A rather different experience for me.  It is finally sinking in that each experience is a gift, one only has to see it in a different perspective than how we were programmed to see it.   My dim bulb of understanding it getting brighter and brighter.

When I left Debye’s it was raining, we have had some lovely sunny days, though chilly, lately and now the rain has moved in.  It got me to thinking about cats and I found some pictures that really illustrated how I was feeling.

Thanks to popkitten.com for these photos.  They have some really great photos of all kinds of cats.

Fortunately it isn’t raining as hard at the moment, but I am not all that anxious to go out.  But I have more stuff to do for Mom and it isn’t getting done staying home, warm and dry.

Thinking of a Title

January 8, 2012

It has been quite a rollercoaster lately, I am in waaaay over my head with a personal situation and I finally sought help from experts.  I could beat myself up and say I should have done it sooner, etc. – but I am not going to should all over myself or beat myself up.  It has helped to know others have knowledge and experience that can really help since I have no idea about it.  I have friends who have dealt with the same thing and have offered help and an ear to bend whenever I need it.  I am also going to go to a support group this coming week –  I have been ambivalent with RA support groups before but this is something that feels entirely different.  I will see what it is like and go from there.

As a result, I have drawn a blank on what to write about this week – a little surprising because I often have plenty to say.  One bright spot every week day is my Note From the Universe to encourage me, make me smile and give me great insights.  It also helps me put things into a better perspective.  This one came and made me laugh as well as help me put things in perspective:

Dwelling on the unimportant, stressing on the unintended, and freaking over the unknown, Lee, simply doesn’t work… and are a bit like lighting a match in a dark room to make sure no one accidentally sprinkled any gunpowder on your bicycle, kept under the stairs, near the back porch, in January.   Actually, some of that wasn’t really important, but hopefully it distracted from any stigma you may have attached to freaking over the unknown. 

You’re so adorable,
    The Universe

Why not just celebrate that you’re alive, Lee, every single day? After celebrating that you don’t need a bike to get email, in January.

This one came and just made me smile and feel so good!

What do blaring trumpets, cartwheeling angels, harping harpsichordists, and celestial hoedowns bring to mind?
The Pearly Gates? Welcome “Home” parties? Heaven gone wild?
Actually, Lee, they play for every earthly sunrise and all of the moments of each day and night that follow.

Duck!! 
    The Universe

Phew… you were nearly accidentally side-kicked by an exuberant admirer returning from a hoedown, Lee, who simply adores you.

And then comes ones like this, that are so encouraging when I am rather down on myself for not accomplishing much.  It makes me realize how much I discount what I do, can do and have done.  In my mind I know that so often I am the most effective when I am just being me – God works through me so much better when I show up and get out of the way!  When I “know that I know” deep in my heart that I am doing exactly what I am meant to do, that I don’t have to be famous or wealthy or have a lot of hoopla to live my purpose, then I can cease and desist.  I feel I am in the process now, but old habits die hard.  Thank you ego for your concern and protection, I choose the positive.

If you were able to look back at your most brilliant successes, stunning comebacks, amazing catches, and smokin’ ideas, Lee, and you were to find that virtually all of them seemed to materialize out of thin air, when you least expected them, and that they had exceeded even your greatest expectations at the time, how excited would you be about the new year and whatever else I’ve got up my sleeve? 

Hubba, hubba – 
    The Universe

If I’ve ever helped you before, Lee, don’t you think I can do it again… and again… and again… ad infinitum? Actually, it ought to be even easier next time, with your new saunter.

I know there is a gift in this situation but at the moment it isn’t necessarily clear to me – it may not be until it is all over and I have had a chance to absorb and process it all.  I know there are lessons I can learn and that too is very hard to see. ( NOTE TO SELF:  Ekhart Tolle talks about being in the moment, in the NOW – well, isn’t Mom a great  example of living in the moment?  Yes, it can be frustrating but it also is an advantage because she doesn’t remember my impatient, bitchy moments.)  I have too much emotion in the situation and the person, so it is harder to detach, take out the emotion and be more objective.  I have learned I take on others emotions and that gets me into trouble – another habit of a lifetime to continue working on.  I have not had a massage for 2 weeks and I really miss it, I hope to go this coming week because it has been a way to clear out a lot of old stuck emotions and help me see things in a more objective way. Plus Debye and Monty are a big cheering section for me as well as helping me understand things better.  I have spent so much of my life “doing it on my own” – it’s part of my upbringing and then I carried it through my adult life.  I dealt with RA mostly by myself because I didn’t really have anyone I could talk to about it – seeing the doc and other patients was only once a month or so.  My husband traveled and I was alone a lot – it made me more independent – and the women my age either had kids or a job or both.  I had neither, plus they didn’t really understand  having a husband who traveled a lot.  I have often felt I march to a different drummer.

Hmmm, for having drawn a blank I have managed to fill the page.  Isn’t that often the way!  I just start and never know what will come or where it will arrive.


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