Posts Tagged ‘Health’

Farther Down The Road To Recovery

January 19, 2014

This has been quite a long 3 weeks,  now in its 4th week.  Bothe Eddie and I are having trouble shaking this flu balderdash, kind of up and down.  I have some energy and interest in things at times, other times I just want to lie down and close my eyes.  I find I sleep better, don’t cough as much but have trouble going to sleep at night.  I can now wake up in the morning and feel ready to do things, then around lunch I am exhausted and I have a lie down or a nap.  No doubt the nap doesn’t help going to sleep at night.  However, I need to catch up on the rest I didn’t have while coughing all the time.  Thank goodness Eddie also sleeping better as well.

Now that I have covered Sick Call – aren’t you absolutely fascinated with all my aches and pains?  If it sounds like whingeing, it isn’t – just an update.

I ended up with a lovely ending to my birthday on Wednesday.  I came home from the acupuncturist to find heavy fog – it was a day of mixed weather.  I had a lovely 2 hour nap and when I got up, it was sunny and we had a lovely drive into Seattle to have dinner at Il Fornaio.  The sun was beginning to set, so there was some pretty pink in the sky – it was dark when we came home, so I don’t know how the sunset looked.  I was just please the sun returned for my birthday dinner.

I had venison, so tender and delicious; Eddie had the chicken medallions.  It was the Festa Regionale for 2 weeks and we try to come and sample the different regions through the year.  We split a dessert and they brought it with a lit candle – happily there was no chorus of Happy Birthday by the wait staff.  It was a quiet, enjoyable dinner with the two of us – it was fun and a delight.  Doesn’t take much to make me happy, especially with Eddie there.

We came home and relaxed a bit, then early bedtime.  Since I gave Eddie some of my balderdash, he has been sleeping in another room so he won’t get any more.  I am a generous person, but that kind of generosity is not to his liking – nor mine when he gives me his balderdash.

I have been taking Chinese herbs and a supplement for my immune system along with acupuncture to clear all this out; it is taking its own sweet time leaving.  Thursday I went in for infusion and found myself really tired, so I came home and went to bed.  Not quite how I had planner my day.  But Cindy says rest is very important and I am taking her at her word.

Friday I went to see Mom – she was fast asleep in a recliner with her red throw covering her.  I didn’t want to wake her because she looked so peaceful and comfortable.  The recliner is something she is willing to use to elevate her feet and Judy says it is making a difference.  She said Mom has slept well the night before, but it was a cold, raw foggy day and she wanted to be warm.  I left her chocolates and cookies in her room for later.

Yesterday we had sun all day – we just did some shopping and had something at Barnes & Noble, then came home.  I ended up having a nap and Eddie made soup from scratch.  We have been eating a lot of soup lately, we’re thinking maybe it is better to make our own than buy canned soup.  We’ll see how long that lasts.

Eddie had plans to go wash the car today – we have decided to stay put and read or whatever we want because it’s foggy and we don’t feel like going out.  Eddie is reading a book he can’t put down – he spent the afternoon reading while I slept.  We both love books like that – I read them faster than he does because I want to see how it ends.  Then I am sorry to see it end.

It may not have been an exciting week, but I am glad to feel better and to have interest in things.  So in that vein, I will put a picture in this post to lighten the mood.  I saw these and thought – Yup, that’s Cat Logic!

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cat-logic

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Bon Voyage Debye!

December 1, 2013

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lYes, it says Bittersweet – Brandy bought it from those owners.  No proper picture with her sign, may have to take one myself to make it accurate.

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Gives you an idea of the inside.  Both side walls are brick – a very old building.  Now you know where I go every Wednesday morning.

Debye and Sal are on their way to San Diego area for who knows how long.

Wednesday at Breakfast Club was Debye’s last day – she and Sal will be leaving to move her to around Carlsbad – near San Diego.  That means we don’t have a massage therapist in the club, though she is working to have Michelle come and join us.  Michelle is Debye’s massage therapist.  I know Michelle from the Holistic Chamber networking group not too long after I moved here.  We met at her Whole Life Center; she and I talked about some promotional things, but nothing came of it because she had such an upheaval in her life for quite a while.

It is hard to say goodbye, Debye is a close friend, partner, teacher and mentor for me.  What is so cool is that she learned a lot from me.  This morning’s meeting was about what we are thankful for and it was wonderful to hear how much this club means to all of us.  It is not the usual networking group, so new people either think it’s great or are a bit put off by us.  We have a lot of fun, laugh and there isn’t that push to get people to buy that I have often found in other networking groups.  We have a structure but not the “have to’s” that so many have – we like to get to know each other first.

I saw Debye on Monday after seeing Dr. Cheryl.   I had time between appointments to buy Debye some lovely roses.  What do you get for the woman who is packing up her life in her van?  They are leaving Sunday, so there is time to enjoy them while they last.

Instead of a massage, she and Sal worked with his lasers, they apparently were using four at a time and really worked all over me.  I didn’t feel much – at first it was like a small pinching pain on my upper thigh, otherwise I didn’t feel anything.  I was very relaxed and allowed my mind to quiet and concentrate on the breaths between.  Sal is also a medical intuitive, so her  checked me over and had a couple of things to tell me.  I was a bit woozy when I got up from the table – not unusual – and was given water and told to drink a lot when I came home.

I was a bit uncomfortable that night and woke up feeling rather stiff and uncomfortable in the morning.  A hot shower helped and I was better by the time I left to go visit Mom.  This morning I was doing pretty well – I realized I felt lighter.  With 43 years of RA, it probably will take a while to work through it.

This morning, instead of the usual 5 minute and 15 minute speakers, it was suggested we spend the time talking about what we are thankful for – seemed to cover mostly the group and how much it means to all of us.

Debye asked to go first because she had things she wanted to say to the group.  She thanked everyone in the club and handed out Pyrite or Fool’s Gold.  It has some very interesting properties, so I want to check them out online.  She also had a gift for 3 people, Judith and myself because we saw her nearly every week  since Debye joined the club.  She gave us Selenite, mine looks like flowers, Judith had one that had long, slender clear crystals.  The third was for Dr. Cheryl – Debye had space in her office and they have referred clients to each other.

I decided to just copy Carri’s minutes on what we were thankful for – it’s a shortened version but you will no doubt get the gist of it.

Judith B-Thanks Nick for fixing gutters. Thanks GRATEFUL FOR: Debye for your care.

Vickie B-Ditto, Ditto!

Dr.Cheryl B-Thankful for everyone. Blessings in life on planet.

Carol B-Thanks for personal growth. Was so scared she sat entire time for first talk.

Dick D-Met Pat and invited to Breakfast Club.  Exciting time-offered services and used referrals.

Brandy D-Had hard pregnancy. He never stopped moving. Thanks for using Down Home Catering.

Dave G-Thanks, Julia.

Lee K-Considers all of us her friend. It’s hard to ask for help. We have given her confidence. When she broke hip,received cards, emails, flowers and rides.  Thanks!

Barrie L-Thanks to Pat for helping with Jon’s last accident.  Thanks to Judith for helping son. Moving from 35 year home to retirement home. 

Julia L-Thanks for being member.

Carri M-She is Thankful, Grateful and Blessed.  Grateful to live in the Northwest and see Mt Rainier.  Thankful for technology that found breast cancer when so small. Surgery scheduled for 1/17. Asked for positive thoughts and prayers.

Pat M-Appreciates everyone!

Al O-Thanks to the entire club. Was part of initial information 20 years ago in April.  One constant has been the club’s support of his career.

Debye P-This is her last meeting.  Handed out “fools gold” as a token to remember her by. Rocks can boost vitality. Helps you conquer anything.  

Darrell S-Wife wants him out of house.  John W gave him turkey feathers for fly fishing. 3 gifts_Judith, Lee and Dr Berry.

Randy S-Thanks to group-you are all friends.
John VZ-Thanks for being among you, He see’s 
beauty.He has something to offer, like all of us.

I thought I would be very drippy saying goodbye to Debye and thanking everyone for all they have done and been for me.  Maybe I just shut my mouth before it got to that point.

I’m Amazed And Grateful!

November 13, 2013

yippeeCatWThank You www. sodahead.com for this great photo

My last post was my 200th and I now have 73 followers, that is mind-boggling.  I am very grateful to all 73 followers and also to all the people who  have read my blog posts.  All I can say is WOW!  I looked at some of the stats for my blog and was amazed at how many people in so many countries have checked out my blog.  I know some people have a whole lot more posts and followers, but it is so cool for me.

I started this blog about 3 years ago and at times wondered if anyone would be interested in what I had to say – apart from my family and friends.  I have had people make wonderful comments and I have found many wonderful blogs because of it.  How cool is that!  Thank You all for your interest and comments.

I started it  about Rheumatoid Arthritis, then I have slowly added other subjects because I was dealing with them.  Some posts – like the moles – have nothing to do with anything else, I just wanted to write about them because it was fun for me.  I have grown and changed, though RA is still with me – I have a different perspective on it and how I have been perceiving it.

I have learned so much from writing the blog and also reading other blogs, not only RA but also all kinds of other things I had no idea existed.  I am so pleased that people care enough to comment on my posts and give me ideas and possible solutions for things I have been dealing with for the past months and years.

As I am working on my own healing, I am learning more about myself; my Mom’s dementia has made it very obvious what some of the childhood programs I have been operating on all my life.  I am working on selling my Mom’s furniture so Eddie and I can have our own furniture in the living areas rather than piled up down in the basement.  But it also making me realize that is who I was and I want to be the me I am now.

I now realize I have a lot of emotion attached to my childhood and things of my parents.  I am letting it simmer on the back burner at the moment so I can truly let go.  I have come across things and each one has memories attached – yet the practical side of me thinks it is lovely but where will I put it?  I will also have to dust it.  I am noticing I am getting less emotionally attached and I’m glad about that.

So thank you everyone for your interest and support.  Consider yourselves hugged!

Past Data

October 17, 2013

I was just in the shower and it hit me – I associate walking with pain.  I went with Eddie to the Car Show yesterday, he always likes looking at cars and always goes back to Volvos.  All I thought was “I really don’t want to go but I will do it for Eddie.  There is a lot of walking and I still I run out of energy  quickly”.  As I had my shower, I realized that part of it was I don’t really enjoy the Car Show and want to wander all around.  I am interested in how comfortable a car is, can I reach, pull, push or adjust what I need to with ease?  Is it comfortable to sit in it and easy for me to drive – make and model are not a big factor.

I realize the interest factor isn’t there for me as it is for him.  I will admit that I can walk around one grocery store on Saturday and then another later after a chance to rest.  I realized that when I think about physical movement, I have programmed myself to expect pain and discomfort.  Can’t blame anyone else for this one – it is all on me.

I have been reading Neale Donald Walsh’s book “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”.   It has had a lot of insights and “aha’s” for me, but at the end of the first part, he sums it up that when you experience something, it isn’t  what’s in the moment.  It is all the past experiences the mind and ego bring up to explain it.

I was in shower a week or so ago and I could feel a sharp pain building in my left temple.  I am getting better at thinking “Hmmmm, this is interesting, I wonder what is happening”.  I am learning to look at it with curiosity and think “This is interesting, where is it coming from?”.  I started to remember Neale and thought about what does this trigger?  It hit me – it feels like a migraine coming on, bringing a miserable sharp pain in my temple, eye stinging and watering, stuffy nose and if it goes on too long, I feel and am sick to my stomach.  where’s my bomber?  Shit, I only have one left!

I remembered, that is Past Data from another time, it has nothing to do with right now.  I am not sure where this comes from or what it is, yet here I am thinking in terms of Past Data.  That certainly brought me up short!  I began to be curious about it and also set an intention to release, let go and clear out all that Past Data and fill the empty spaces with Divine Love.

I realized this current thing isn’t a migraine, I haven’t had them for quite a while.  Okay, so what is this pain?  I have been having more sinus headaches and study nose with a dry, scratchy throat – is it coming from sinus?  I still don’t quite know that this stuff is, it’s been hanging on for a long time.  What I noticed was the pain in my temple eased a lot – I have to remember to do this more often!

Lately, the other thing I have learned is to be with what hurts, seeing if I can describe it to myself.  It seems to lessen things a lot.  I know I have to come from curiosity and be neutral, otherwise it doesn’t work.  I also have to ask  myself “What is my body telling me?”.  Now that one is harder to do because I am still learning to listen and hear what she is telling me.  Sometimes it comes through intuition, sometimes I have to ask for help from someone I trust who is not as close to it as I am.  That usually involves more questions, but it helps quite a bit.

Now I have to look into the Past Data on walking or anything physical – my first thought is “Hell’s Bells!  I have had to deal with RA for 43 years, doesn’t that tell me!”.   But I know it is more than that and it means I will have to be more of a detective with a mountain of evidence to sift through before I will see my light bulb go on completely.  Right now it is a little dim, but I expect it will slowly brighten into full tilt with work.

I saved this draft and was ready to put it away to finish, then I realized I don’t have much more to write at the moment.  So I am sending it out and see what comes up next for me.  And since I don’t really have anything to illustrate it, I am going to add a photo my sister Ellen sent the other day.

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There was a Nor’easter earlier and this was how it looked afterward.

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She sent me this the next day.

Where Do I Start?

July 28, 2013

One good place to start is with a couple of adorable pictures from my sister Candy while cat sitting.

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      Kittyboy Litterfoot (Petey)      The Zen Purr Master (Emma)

I have been neglecting this blog for a while because of the kitchen remodel – haven’t been able to let those who like my post how much I appreciate it.  I am even more amazed and delighted to find I have almost 60 followers – that means quite a lot to me.

No doubt (or maybe not) you are wondering what I have been doing for the last few weeks.  There is my Mom and where she is at this point.  I have begun to visit her in the morning, not always easy, because after lunch she is ready for a lie down or a nap.  She is a bit more with it in the morning, we have a visit.  She is having trouble saying what she wants, she tends to mumble more and more that I don’t really understand  it.  There are times when she is with it a bit more and I tell her what I have been doing.  I haven’t told her about the kitchen remodel, I am not sure what she understands and I wonder if it would agitate her.  I tend to go with “If you aren’t sure, don’t”.  Maybe I am just chicken.

She is having trouble with arthritis in her knees, one especially.  She doesn’t like to walk or move because she knows it will hurt, though some days she is doing well and uses the walker.  If it is a bad day, they will have in a wheelchair.  They don’t want to make the wheelchair a habit or she will not walk again.  Last Wednesday was her evaluation with DSHS – I learned things I didn’t really know – or didn’t want to know.  Essentially she needs help with everything,  she can wash her face if they give her soap and washcloth ready to go and she can eat by herself but someone needs to be there to keep her on track.  Otherwise, she needs help or have it done for her in everything else.

I knew she had to have help with a lot, but I didn’t realize the extent – threw me for a loop.   I am still digesting it, I am not sure how I feel about it – I am not sure I feel anything at the moment.  I knew it would come to this and she would only go downhill, I am not sure I am ready for it.  Looks as if I will have to be ready for it.  One thing I have learned recently is to do something after I see Mom, even if it is just to go to Lowes for something for the house.  Or wander around somewhere just looking and seeing what’s there.  I am working on doing an errand after I see her, though I sometimes forget.  Then I go earthing on the Allen’s grass because it is softer and nicer than ours.

She can be very feisty sometimes, not wanting to shower, wash her hair or change her clothes.  However, Judy told me when she is having a good day, she is a darling.  I know it is the dementia that is causing a lot of this,  still hard to see it happen to Mom.  My sisters call her, but now it is hard for them and for Mom.    I had an email this morning from Candy, she had called Mom the other week and this was how she described it.

” I can tell that Mom is “disappearing” by our phone calls. She managed an “I love you, too” at the last phone call, but mostly it is a couple of minutes of me talking, and any answer she gives is so garbled it makes no sense. I tell her we are all fine. I tell her she’s been a wonderful mother and is free to leave, that we will be all right. I tell her I love her. I’m not sure she really knows who she’s talking to, though it is made clear at the beginning of the conversation that it’s her daughter from Nashville.”

A lot of other things have been going on as well, plenty of things for several posts.  I always hesitate to  publish things about my Mom, she is a very private person and she might be upset for the whole world to know.  Yet I also hope that writing about what is happening for our family can be of help and benefit to others dealing with a similar situation.  More early childhood training.

Busy Week

June 16, 2013

imagesThat’s how I felt Friday night – I was knackered.  Besides, when in doubt, put a cat picture in the post.

I’ve been so busy catching up on the remodel blog and keeping current with pictures that I haven’t had time to do a post here.  It has been an interesting time  during the remodel, I though it might be very difficult.  How glad I am that it has been fairly easy – having the fridge and the stove make a big difference.  Also, before Brad leaves for the day, everything is neatly  packed and and stacked, plus vacuumed – very tidy.  I think the thing I have some trouble with is not having a sink and water.  I have to consciously remember it isn’t there.  Otherwise, it has gone rather well.

Some days I am here and others I have things to do outside.  Monday was the day for the electricity to go off, so Dr. Cheryl and my caregiver support group helped a lot.  I was here on Tuesday morning, then went out to see Mom, felt rather down when I came back because she was nodding off holding her bear after a little while.  So I decided to see her in the morning on Friday, I brought cookies for the house.  She was holding to one of her little bears at the table and after a while she started nodding off.

I talked to her doctor and she suggested something to help her sleep since she doesn’t sleep very well at night.  She said it was a choice between a sleeping pill that would just put her to sleep at night but would greatly increase the chance of falls – something she has had trouble with for quite some time.  Or an anti-psychotic drug that would help lessen her anxiety, confusion and fears.  As my sister Candy pointed out, Mom has always been anxious as long as we have known her.  I will admit the mention of anti-psychotic sounds very dire and not my Mom at all, but once she explained what it can do, I feel a bit better about it.  The anti-psychotic drug is her recommendation and if it can calm some of the anxiety, fears and confusion while helping her to sleep as a result and have less chance of increasing falls, I have gone along with her.  I don’t know how soon it will start, she said it would take 4 to 6 weeks to see if it is working.

Eddie and went to look for light fixtures and I couldn’t find anything that would work and I liked.  So Thursday, my day at home, was spent at the computer going bug-eyed looking at fixtures.  I found one I like, but I still haven’t found one to put over the sink that will go with it.  I did find one for the porch that we both like – not sure Eddie is all that keen on the light fixture.  I also went on Friday to pick up samples of the knobs I like.  I’m glad I did because with something to occupy my mind, I didn’t feel down after seeing Mom.  So I think I need to do that again, otherwise I am not very good company for a while.

Later

Back to the post – I have now posted all the pictures I have for the remodel, this coming week should be interesting because we are supposed to get the cabinets later in the week.  However, Brad mentioned putting them together, so I wonder how long it will take to make it look like a kitchen.  I had planned to relax this weekend and not use the computer, but that didn’t quite work out the way I planned.  I also have a new client who wants a lapel pin and now shirts.  So I am working on quotes for that this week.  I never know what is going to happen from one day to the next these days, I feel I am taking it in my stride so far.  This Friday is Mom’s appointment with oncologist, then next week she gets her new shoes.

I’m looking forward to what the week brings – I keep thinking in terms that it is an adventure.

HAPPY HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!

May 24, 2013

At last, the home equity loan is paid off, the money for our new kitchen is in the bank and Brad is already working on getting things going.  I am so glad I don’t have to deal with THAT bank again for a loan.  Mom still has her checking account there and we’ll probably just leave it.

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Yesterday I picked up the check and went to BECU to deposit it in our new checking account.  I needed to have some money for Brad but they only gave me a very small bit, I can have more Monday and then by next Thursday it is all available.  I got some temporary checks to use until the proper ones came.  Feels so good to have it finally finished.  Now it will be about 3 or 4 weeks of camping without a kitchen for a while – we can deal with that.  I told Brad if there are times when it is better for me not to be here, just let me know and I will find somewhere to go.  We do have lead paint and I know the floor of the basement is asbestos, so that may make a difference.

That was my afternoon.  My morning was my massage – Debye is so excited about how straight I have become and the amount of the heavy energy in my body that is now gone.  I was definitely looking forward to this massage, such a wonderful part of my week.  Towards the end of the massage when I was on my back, she was working my tummy and I began to feel a finger on each of my cheeks – at first I thought it was Debye, but she wasn’t that close.  I had not felt that before and when we were finished, I asked her about it.  She said someone else had come to work on me with her, she sometimes knows when it happens, but often she is focused on what she is doing and isn’t aware.  She remembers one session when she was working on me and she could see a bearded man at the head of the table working on me but that was in a different lifetime and the person on the table was a young boy.  When she told me that, I had an immediate picture in my mind of the  man and the young boy in the room; she said she thought it was in the 16th century.

How cool is that!  I am finding I feel energy coming down through my crown chakra more and more these days.  It is happening right now and I am not connecting to Source to call down my God Force energy.  Sometimes I am now feeling a bit in my Third Eye and I have always felt so much in my Heart Chakra.  She tells me I am becoming more and more aware.  I love it, I send thanks and gratitude every time I feel it.

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7th or Crown Chakra Symbol            Symbolized by 1000 petal lotus

Another time we were finished and I was writing her a check while she went to use the bathroom.  She came out chuckling because she noticed another thing Spirit had done to let her know of its presence.  She put on a new roll and I was the first to use it, then Debye did.  She showed me that the top few layers had been pushed to one side – she knew it was straight the last time she went.  She says they like to do things like that to let her know they are with her.  She says they will pat her hair and  she is delighted to have their presence.

Today I went to see Mom in the morning – John and his crew are here taking out some stuff in the garden and Brad is meeting with the plumber here in the afternoon while Eddie goes to service his car.  I brought some things Mom needed, like toothpaste, body lotion, kleenex and body wash – plus I tucked in 3 cookies for her.  She was sitting in her wheel chair at the dining room table and was alert and doing well today.  She was pleased with the cookies and we also talked about boats.  She said something about seeing a boat go by with ladies (no clue what she was talking about) and I talked about the boat parade, our adventures with the Mukilteo hull and the Christmas ship.  She remembered some of it and then I mentioned boats in Waterford during summers.  Sometimes she talked about things but I couldn’t understand what she was saying, so I agreed with her.

John and his crew ground down the stump that used to be the cherry tree that was pushing over the garage, dug out the wisteria (yes, I know it has gorgeous flowers, but the tendrils drive me nuts) then the big forsythia at the corner and the sticker bush at the other corner in the front.  We talked with the plumber and Brad and it feels as if things are really getting started.

It has taken me all day to write this, it takes less time when I am alone but it has been an interesting day.  It feels as if we have a new beginning.

After The Last Two Weeks

May 22, 2013

I was not sure about publishing the post about my Mom yesterday, it is such a personal thing for her and our family.  I often wonder if it is a good idea to publish things so close to me and family – my sisters really are there to help me, I have asked their advice more than once.  I get so close to it that it is hard for me to be objective.   But I found I slept so well last night  that I now realize I needed to express what was inside me.  I am still taking it all in, but I am not scared about it – maybe it doesn’t feel real yet.  I spoke to her doc on Tuesday afternoon and she wants to send Mom to an oncologist to see what options are available.  Fortunately she doesn’t want to invasive and heavy duty stuff  for this – she said we are not treating Mom’s breast cancer, we are treating Mom.  She doesn’t think Mom would do very well in the hospital for surgery, so I’m glad she isn’t hung ho for invasive measures.  The appointment with the oncologist will probably be in about 2 or 3 weeks.

I went to visit her yesterday and took my next door neighbor Delores with me.  She and Bob are going to the canal house tomorrow and won’t be around much during the summer.  So she brought some rhododendron blossoms to Mom.  I was glad to see Mom was doing quite well, I really wasn’t surprised to see her in a wheel chair since her knees have been bothering her.  So we had a good visit and I checked in with Judy on Saturday after the biopsy to see how things were going.   Apparently Mom didn’t have any trouble with the incision, not even sure she remembers it.  I haven’t said anything to Mom about breast cancer – I’m not sure she would understand.  She didn’t ask about results, so I didn’t say anything to her.

I am very grateful to ElderPlace and the people there as well as Didi and Judy – I don’t have to do this all by myself.  I have received a lot of support and encouragement from my sisters and my husband Ed, what a difference asking for help makes.  This whole experience of Mom and her dementia, my broken ankle, finding an adult family home for her, applying for Medicaid, etc. has made me feel more confident and competent to deal with major things occurring. Adding to this is the letting go of all the negative programs and deciding to be who I am whatever anyone one says has also helped.  I feel different, though I can’t really be specific; just a difference.

We went to pick up the check this morning, but realized it is tomorrow.  Eddie wasn’t going to the archives this morning and decided not to go to the aviation conference, so he came to Breakfast Club with me.  I was doing the 5 minute – I am now finding I concentrate on what I am doing and not wondering what Eddie is thinking of what I am doing.  I think he sees a different me when he comes to Breakfast Club.  Not a bad thing.

We have put the remodel in motion, I will be getting the check for Brad to start buying materials.  He is going to get a head start so that when the plumber and electrician start on the 10th, he will have done the demolition, put in a new back door and work on the pocket door.  Brad is going to start doing that on the 3rd.  It doesn’t quite seem real yet, but with check in hand it will.

We have started cleaning out some of the cupboards in the kitchen, last Saturday we filled the wheely bin at least half full on Saturday and made it to the top today.  We took some things over to Goodwill as well, will be packing up more for another trip or more down there.

I am looking forward to my massage tomorrow morning and another good night’s sleep tonight.  There is so much going on inside me, yet I can’t really describe it in detail.  It just is.

Tuesday – Day 2

May 9, 2013

A machine to measure bone density to check for...

A machine to measure bone density to check for osteoporosis in the elderly and other vulnerable subjects. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tuesday I was feeling down  when I went to see my rheumatologist and have my infusion.  I had good news, my blood work shows the sed rate and inflammation was down a bit – she said it would take about 3 – 6 months to really see the difference.  I also said I was feeling a bit better, nowhere specific, just a general feeling better.  She is quite pleased.  She wants me to do a bone density scan when I see her in four weeks – so I do the scan, see her since she will have the results and then do my infusion.  Another doctor day.

It had been cloudy all morning, so it felt good to see a bit of the sun.  I went over to see Mom when I was done at the Polyclinic to see her.  I parked the car across the street, a bit on the grass, and the next thing I know, there’s a guy yelling at me to get off the grass – not just once or twice but many times – ranting in between.  I was stunned by such unexpected shouting.  I had not even had a chance to move in the car and I suddenly felt caught up in a childhood program.  I am sick to death of being told what to do and there was a stubborn streak coming out in me.  I moved the car not to where he told to, but against the fence of Mom’s house – a little passive aggressive mode.  I felt powerless in that moment.

I went in  to see Mom and found she was sound asleep – for whatever reason, she didn’t sleep the night before and was making up for it, so I didn’t wake her.   I told Didi what happened outside and she said he has a major alcohol problem and is like that with everyone.  I wished I had had a comeback at the moment, I only thought of it when I was near the house.  I told Didi I wished I had said “Blow it out your ear, a**hole!” but couldn’t think of it.  She said he needs to be told that.  What I did was as I left, I went by his car, rolled down the window and told him “Don’t you ever speak that way to me again!”.  He was ranting again and I told him to blow it out his ear and then I left.  I realized he had a louder voice than I do, so I was not going to get the upper hand – I wanted that so much.

As I drove away I found myself very upset and wanting to cry, I didn’t like the way I felt or behaved, that’s not how I want my being.  I thought about it all the way home and realized ego was in there with her two cents, wanting the upper hand and being right.  Well, Dr. Phil often asks people “Do you want to be right or happy?”.  I know she is protecting me and wanting to keep me safe – now I realized I needed to thank her for her care and tell her I choose something else.

There was so much churning around in my mind and as a result, in my body as well.  This is not the way I am becoming, it would have better for me to have sat in the car to center and ground myself and release the negative energy before going to see Mom.  I brought that negative energy into the house and I have kept it in my body as well.

I am beginning to realize what was happening – after the fact – and recognizing the programs and reactions that have been so automatic.  I haven’t been very good company lately, such familiar programs and reactions but only recognizing them better and better.  I have not done much of anything to change the situation and my response to it.  I am definitely a work in progress as I continue to notice programs coming up and thank ego for sharing but I choose something else.

Glitches Handled Well

March 27, 2013

I enjoyed last week a lot, I felt a feeling of well-being and energy – something I haven’t felt for a long time.  Yesterday I went to see my rheumatologist before I went to have my second infusion.  I did the first one two weeks ago so she wanted to know if I had noticed anything.  When I said a feeling of well-being, she said that is often what people first notice.  After seeing her, I went up stairs for my infusion – I asked for the corner suite, but it was occupied.  When I was there two weeks ago, I had it and it was quite enjoyable to look out to the west and the south – didn’t see much of the harbor because of all the tall buildings in front.  Looking to the south I could see the freeway and there weren’t buildings  blocking it.  Unfortunately, both times it wasn’t sunny, just cloudy and sulking.

However, all of the IV nurses at the Infusion Center were really nice, gentle when putting in the needle.  It takes about 45 minutes to do the infusion, plus they get it started by doing a saline solution at the same time.  They also offer drinks, soup, not sure what else.  The first time I was really tired, so I had the chair reclined and I dozed during the treatment.   I moved my elbow and that set off the alarm.  This time she put it in very well and it was fine if I moved.  I had forgotten my book the last time, so I remembered this time.  It made the time go by quickly, plus I was really into the book and its story.  I had apple juice, it tasted cool and really refreshing.

After the infusion, I had to go to Radiology to have hand and foot x-rays so there is a baseline to measure if there are changes as a result of Orencia.  After I finished there, I went to see my Mom.  I decided to stop and have something to eat and read for a bit.  When I got there, I found her sitting in her chair sleeping.  It really hit me, who was this old woman sitting in my Mom’s chair?  She didn’t look like my Mom – I didn’t expect that.  Then I found she is now using a walker – she has fluid buildup in her legs and it is really bothering her knees.  She won’t keep her feet above her head to help reduce the fluid so she is more comfortable.  Sucker punch two.  When I saw her last Friday, she was sleepy, so I didn’t stay very long.  She is doing well, but she mumbles a lot and I am not sure what she is saying.  She is pleased to see me and glad I come to visit, though I don’t know how much she remembers.  I  thought I had come to terms with what is happening – NEWS FLASH – looks as though I haven’t.  Now we are getting to the really hard part.

It has been that kind of week since I came home from the seminar.  I came home and found Eddie had trouble with his computer – after a while I kept thinking things don’t quite add up.  I ended up Monday morning doing a system restore – I had it written down from the last time because I wasn’t sure I would remember.  I was able to restore it and it is fine, though it cost Eddie $300 and a lot of worry – it was a stupid virus scam.  I figured a system restore should do it, though there was a part of me that was worried I would screw it up.  So the worst that could happen was I screw it up royally and then call Larry to fix it.  What a relief to have it restored and Eddie didn’t lose his Round Up and have to do it all over again.  Hooray for me!

I went to see my chiropractor after that and as always enjoyed my adjustment – plus my neck and shoulder were much more comfortable.  I was really looking forward to my afternoon nap to rest up from the weekend.  I ended up spending an hour in bumper to bumper traffic on 167 – would have been better off going on I-5.  Some days are like that.  When I got home, there was a message on my voicemail – a small financial crisis that showed me just how little I can do on some of Mom’s affairs.  Well, if nothing, it was informative.  So I had to go to her bank and later out to the Post Office to take care of it.  At times it felt as if things were falling around me, but when I was done, I felt I handled it competently – I also knew to ask for help from the Universe as well as people at the bank.  I had a feeling of accomplishment, though those three hours felt rather tense at times.

The only thing that made my heart go pity pat was that when I checked Mom’s checking account, she had too much money.  So I have to spend some to make sure she is below $2000 or she could be disqualified for Medicaid.  We had to buy some things for ourselves at Bartell’s, so I bought some things she needs – still have more to spend.  This is crazy, I have to make sure it isn’t over their limit when they check one minute after midnight on the first of the month.

I have a massage tomorrow morning and I am so looking forward to that!


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