Something For The Back Burner

July 15, 2018

I ran across this article and it really set me to thinking – I wish I had written it.  I need to read it several several times and let it simmer for a while until I can create a picture in my mind.   It comes from TheMighty.com – a site about chronic illness and the articles are written by people in the group.

The Wounded Healer Within: How Chronic Pain Can Have a Transformative Effect

Arjan Bogaers

One of the archetypes belonging to modern time is that of the Wounded Healer. The concept of an archetype can very briefly be explained as being an original model serving as a prototype of human behavior on which all other similar persons, objects or concepts are patterned. The Wounded Healer archetype is represented by the ancient Greek myth of Chiron.

Born of his mother Philyra, who, in order to escape Zeus’ attentions turned herself into a mare, and his father, the God Zeus, Chiron is half man, half god, symbolized in his body as a Centaur. Upon seeing her newborn, Philyra is so appalled that she abandons her child. This is Chiron’s first wounding: rejection.

Later, he is accidentally shot with a poisoned arrow by his friend Hercules.  This

is Chiron’s second wounding: that of trust.

This poisoned wound is very painful and cannot heal, and as Chiron, being a half-god, is immortal, he cannot die and thus be free of his pain. In his suffering and his attempt to heal himself, Chiron searches in the world for a cure, and through this profound sojourn eventually becomes a compassionate and wise master healer for others.

In Chiron we encounter the very opposites that are present in us also – we are of this earth and subject to our biology and personality, but we are also immortal beings of soul and spirit. Healing lies in reconciling those opposites. But this can only happen if one is willing to consciously experience and go through one’s wound to receive its blessing and emerge on the other side.

In the case of disability, physical illness and/or mental illness, the condition often has its origin in early conflicts of rejection and trust, or in its course gives rise to feelings of the same. Rejection by or loss of trust in: parents, friends, safety, life, God, a future, a lover, justice, etc. If you can relate to this in any way, your healing lies in being and doing for yourself what others could not or would not be or do.

“Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually.” – Henry Nouwen

Our immediate experience is usually that our wound obstructs our wholeness, but it is in truth the very expression of it, for it introduces us to the part of us that is whole, well and free. That awakening enables us to see that we are not our

wound, we have it. The wound, therefore, simultaneously contains both the pathology and its own medicine. Of this, Carl G. Jung confessed:  “I would

wrestle with the dark angel until he dislocated my hip. For he is also the light and the blue sky which he withholds from me. It is our own hurt that gives the measure of our power to heal.”

The wound’s inherent medicine however, is present as a dormant potential. Acceptance of what is and being receptive to what emerges is a necessary practice in the healing process. Sometimes this requires a deeply challenging change of attitude, from one of “doing” to one of “being done to.” At times, the task can be to await transformation, not manufacture it.

This is particularly difficult in a world where everything that does not fit into the healthy, ambitious, performing and (re)producing “archetype” is viewed as being less than whole or a disorder of some kind, that “should not be” and therefore needs to be fixed. Many of the qualities necessary for the transformative healing of the wound, such as patience, surrender and endurance are not part of our quick-fix consumer society. To be clear, I would at all times promote healing and the alleviation of suffering, but a balance may have to be found between what we want and what needs to happen, in order for the wound’s inherent medicine to be emerge. The real transformative and healing effect is found when you allow yourself to be recreated by your wound by going through it.

In this process, as with Chiron, the physical or mental affliction may not be cured and hence remain, but not your attachment to it.

Every strength has its weakness, every potential has its danger. A profound wound is a theme around which your life will be organized until it is healed and you have received the gift of that wound. In this, the degree of hold your wound has over you is also the measure of its power to transform you. But that power is at the same time seductive, and therefore: the degree of hold your wound has over you is also the measure of its power to entrap you. When you over-identify with your woundedness, you can remain stuck in its associated victimhood of rejection and damaged trust, long after the necessary suffering has served its purpose. You are then in danger of blocking the wound’s medicine and with it your transformation.

It is a difficult and sometimes painful task for us to develop discernment between what our wound presents in terms of necessary suffering as a gateway to wisdom and compassion, and the subconscious development of what is sometimes referred to as woundology. When finding comfort in discomfort and when pain and disability have become a tool for finding attention and have made you establish a bonding ritual with others of like condition, you become entrapped because healing would threaten that status quo.

A wound finds us not to destroy our life and keep us from what we wish to become, but to destroy our illusions and push us into who we really are. We each have the ability to move beyond our issues, our problems and troubles, albeit not on our own. What is considered to be a prison can be the very gateway into freedom.

This is from an article on Google.

Paolo Raeli

1. When you give other people advice, it feels like you are telling your younger self what you needed to hear. It’s this dynamic that makes you love to help others. Healing them heals you.

2. Since you were little, you’ve known that you wanted to help people. You may not have known how you were going to do it, but you were aware that you wouldn’t be happy unless your life amounted to service in some capacity.

3. Being recognized for your work is both your most intense desire, and your worst fear. You want other people to see you as a healer or teacher or writer or whatever, but at the same time, your deepest, most conflicting fear is being seen in that way.

4. You believe that without struggle, you cannot truly know happiness. You believe that there is a purpose in suffering, and that it is so we can see with complete clarity what it means to be at peace.

5. It’s hard not to let your work become your life. You give everything you have to what you do – and sometimes it’s hard for you to know when to draw a line. Your work is your life, but you wouldn’t have it any other way.

6. You sometimes help too much, and struggle to let people self-heal. You’ve learned the hard way that often, you can tell people the answer, but until they figure it out themselves, it won’t truly resonate.

7. Criticism feels particularly painful to you. As someone who has been deprived of love in some way (that’s what all wounds are made of, FYI) sometimes criticism can sting more than it should (but you pull through).

8. You are grateful for the difficulties you went through. You recognize that the most painful times in your life were the most deeply transformative; without them, you would not be who you are or where you are. They were necessary (and transitory).

9. You are always working on yourself. You are committed to self-growth, and you are always open to ways you could be more open-minded, more loving, or more aware.

10. You want to fix everything, sometimes to a fault. It’s hard for you to see the difference between being a perfectionist and being driven toward the life you want. You often blur the line between dedication and near-insanity.

11. You have a very sound sense of purpose. You know why you’re here, and you know what you’re here to do, even if it’s just be present and be as kind as you can.

12. Your life goal is to know that you helped even just one person, even just a little. You don’t have to save the world, and in fact, you don’t really care to. All you want to know is that you helped at least one person in their life. That, to you, is success.

EMBRACING IMPERFECTION: THE WOUNDED HEALER ARCHETYPE

In our everyday lives reminders that striving for perfection should be our number one priority surround us. The media perpetuates the myth that emotional and physical flawlessness is something that everyone should work towards and we are made feel ashamed by anything that looks or feels imperfect or ugly.

We can spend a lot of time and energy resisting change or taking the next step into unknown territory on our personal journeys for fear of being hurt or wounded in the process. But it is these very wounds that can make us grow and stretch into the warriors we were meant to be.

It allows us then to create a map for others going through this struggle and gives us a point of reference in order to help people on their personal journey.

In Psychology

The psychologist Carl Jung, when talking about a particular relationship between client and therapist first popularized the phrase ‘The Wounded Healer’. He believed that to be ‘wounded’ in some way could actually be beneficial to the therapeutic relationship. For Jung, ‘a good half of every treatment that probes at all deeply consists in the doctor’s examining himself… it is his own hurt that gives a measure of his power to heal. This, and nothing else, is the meaning of the Greek myth of the wounded physician.’

The therapist however needs to make sure that he is fully aware of his own struggles as his own wounds may be activated in certain situations, especially if his client’s wounds are similar to his own. This is the nature of healing and why many people go on a journey of self-discovery before embarking on a healing path.

Shamanic Roots

‘The wounded healer’ is a significant archetype in shamanic traditions also. The Shaman itself embodies what it means to be a wounded healer. Shamans are thought to be “called” by dreams or signs, which require lengthy training.

There is a phenomenon often referred to as the shamanistic initiatory crisis. This is a rite of passage for shamans-to-be, and commonly involves physical illness and/or psychological crisis. The significant role of initiatory illnesses in the calling of a shaman can be found in the detailed case history of Chuonnasuan, the last master shaman among the Tungus peoples in Northeast China. (Specific details of Chuonnasuan and his initiatory illnesses can be found in Richard Noll and Kun Shi’s essay ‘The Last Shaman of the Oroquen of Northeast China’ which is available to read online).

The wounded healer is a kind of archetypal journey that is very important to the novitiate shaman. He/she undergoes a type of sickness that pushes her or him to the brink of death. In the shamanic traditions, this happens for two reasons.

Firstly, the shaman crosses over to the under world. This happens so the shaman can venture to its depths to bring back vital information for the tribe and in particular its sick members. Secondly, the shaman must become sick to understand sickness. When the shaman overcomes her or his own sickness, they will then hold the cure to heal all that suffer from this.

As a Personal Philosophy

But what is the significance of adopting this archetype for yourself? We can see our lives through a variety of lenses, and our perception of ourselves and how we fit in the world around us is what makes our reality real. In CBT for example we are taught to restructure how we think about things to get a more positive and measured outlook on our lives. There is also the idea of ‘post-traumatic growth’ which is explored in Maureen Gaffney’s book ‘Flourishing’. It refers to positive psychological change experienced as a result of the struggle with highly challenging life circumstances. These sets of circumstances represent significant challenges to the adaptive resources of the individual, and pose significant challenges to individuals’ way of understanding the world and their place in it.

Post-traumatic growth is not simply a return to baseline from a period of suffering; instead it is an experience of improvement that for some persons is deeply meaningful.

The Dutch theologian Henri Nouwen is also synonymous with the concept. Henri, in his book entitled ‘The Wounded Healer’ tells a story to illustrate the idea of this archetype.

A Rabbi who came across the prophet Elijah and said to him:

“Tell me—when will the Messiah come?”

Elijah replied, “Go and ask him yourself.”

“Where is he?” said the Rabbi.

“He’s sitting at the gates of the city,” said Elijah.

“But how will I know which one is he?”

“He is sitting among the poor, covered with wounds. The others unbind all their wounds at the same time and bind them up again, but he unbinds only one at a time and binds them up again, saying to himself, “Perhaps I shall be needed; if so, I must always be ready so as not to delay for a moment.”

Nouwen adds, “What I find impressive in this story are these two things: first, the faithful tending of one’s own woundedness and second, the willingness to move to the aid of other people and to make the fruits of our own woundedness available to others.”

What this story also might illustrate is the idea that to become ‘The wounded healer’ there is a level of sacrifice that may need to take place. In order to fully embrace becoming a healer you must give over a part of yourself to the people that need your help.

Nietzsche recognized the transformative potential of negative experiences, and while you may not go as far as he did, to wish suffering upon those closest to you, it can be a consoling thought that hurtful experiences could be the very things that lead us to a more enlightened view of the world and a stronger version of ourselves.

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More Technology Challenges – I Think I’m Ahead

July 4, 2018

I was looking at my last post and was surprised to find it was at the beginning of May – has it been that long?  I have been feeling better so I could get some things done finally.  I have been clearing out the office – I am working on the bookshelf in the corner right now, 3 shelves done, 3 to go.  I can’t believe all the things I have kept, plus running across things I knew I had but had no idea where they went.  There have also been days when I have no interest in doing anything – not sure why, only that it felt as if it was too much effort.

I had been having trouble with my computer, poor baby, I bought it in 2012 and  continued to upgrade it.  But it was time for another one, so I  went to the Apple store to buy another desk top.  I kept hearing people say I should get a laptop, it can do anything a desktop can.  Plus I can take it with me when I go somewhere.  I was tempted but decided to listen to my own knowing and went with a desk top.  It felt right.

I also decided to keep my old one – Eddie thinks I am nuts and wondered where I would put it.  I found a wonderful origami fold up desk on Amazon for not too much and it fits very well.  I will admit it is a bit high, but I was looking for something I didn’t have to assemble.  All I had to do was – Eddie and Brad actually did it for me – unpack it, unfold the bottom and lock the top into place.

I took both in together to have files transferred and my old one upgraded to High Sierra.  I had to leave it for 24 hours – that meant I could relax and not feel I ‘had’ to be doing on it.  I went back for it, they had me check it out to be sure it was working, then we took both home to set them up.  First off, there was no mouse.  So I went back with my receipt to pick up my mouse.  Seemed to cause a lot of consternation and head scratching until they finally gave me the mouse.

It is a wireless mouse and it worked fine, but the keyboard wouldn’t talk to anyone.  The computer kept looking for the wireless keyboard – I had a cord with my keyboard.  So I found myself using the old mouse and keyboard for both computers – that got old in a hurry.  I kept trying to figure out what was going on – it must have been a couple of weeks before it finally hit me.  I thought I ordered a wireless key board as well, so I decided to take it in to exchange it.

Eddie brought the box up and guess what I found?  Instructions.  Seems all I had to do was take the cord off and move the little switch to ON and there was my wireless keyboard.  That kept me from looking like a fool since I hadn’t noticed the instructions.  However, we did go back so I could buy an external hard drive – needed it for back up.  A good example of letting it simmer on the back burner for a while until it makes sense.  I doubt there is a job as a trouble shooter in my future – for some odd reason, they want things fixed right now this minute.

This is July 4th, now we should be having summer weather.  It’s supposed to be 84 today – not looking too promising at the moment.  However, I will take this weather any day of the week.  I have spent summers in places that are just plain hot; places that are hot, humid and buggy, plus others that were just plain miserable.  I am not a fan of extreme hot or cold, I am getting much more temperate in my later years.  Living here is my reward for supporting Eddie as he moved for promotions or new companies in some very uncomfortable places.  I was able to see a lot of places I might never have seen and each place had special parts to it.

I killed the paper shredder a few days ago.  I only put in 4 sheets and the poor thing choked on them – says it can take up to 12 sheets.   So we had to buy another one – the secret to making it work is moving the little button under the motor.   We also bought some lubricant sheets to run through every once in a while to keep it running well.  Eddie was most upset about it, now he is the shredder in the family by his own decree.

At the beginning of June, I had my Queen’s birthday.  Since Charlotte and I have birthdays close to each other, I decided to do what the Queen does – her real one is in April but it’s celebrated in June.  We met at Medici Pizza in Alderwood Mall – they opened up recently and have the best pizza.

Eddie is helping the new Highline Heritage Museum with the section on the airport.  He has found things for them at the Future of Flight and with his other contacts.  It is supposed to open this month, but it isn’t looking too likely since the building isn’t finished yet.  However, he is having fun and enjoys working with the curator for the museum.

I keep thinking I need to put a photo in here somewhere – just not sure what it will be.

Spanners In The Works

May 7, 2018

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I used to write this every Sunday and I realize it has been only once in a while lately.  The past few months have been difficult at times – took me a long time to rest up after the flu in December.  But I learn something during that time – I found I coughed more at night and it was related to a dry mouth.  I tried Act lozenges when I went to be – I put them under my upper lip so I wouldn’t choke on it during the night.  I was amazed to find it stopped my cough and it went away faster than usual.  If I had gone to Doc Pierce, he would have given me an antibiotic, but I don’t want to use them unless I have to.  Then Eddie caught either a cold or something and this time I didn’t get it – you might say I went undercover.  That’s literally what I did at night.  I didn’t want him to breathe in my face so I put the covers over my head.  It seems to have worked because instead of catching everything coming down the pike, I missed it.

We’ve had crazy weather, sometimes some days are cloudy, others rainy, we have even have 70’s all the way up to 80.  We are back in cloudy weather and it has made me uncomfortable, not sure if it is change in pressure or just what it is.  I’m not the only one noticing  it -several people I know have mentioned it.  I’ve been doing much better, so it was quite a nasty surprise on Saturday to wake up with my knee so painful.  I had gotten up in the middle of the night and was fine – no idea what happened in the mean time.  I used my cane for the first time in a long time – it did lessen and I went out for a bit with Eddie.  I have no desire to repeat that again.

I am doing much better than I have been, I have been working with Dr. Cheryl with a new technique that teaches nerves new strategies.  I’ve noticed the past 3 or 4 weeks that my knees and legs are a lot better. Also, I am using CBD oil from both hemp (considered a supplement) and cannabis. I’ve been using it for a while but Eddie only found out when I was making a doctor’s appointment to renew my authorization.  He isn’t happy about it but I said “Why do you think I have been doing better?”  It isn’t addictive or do I get high.  I find the cannabis oil helps me sleep better and more comfortably while the hemp helps me be more alert and focused.  It isn’t cheap, but then again, I don’t use much at a time.  The hemp oil I bought this last time is from Amazon but I like the one I get from Dr. Cheryl better.

These days my computer is giving me fits.It takes forever to wind itself up so it will do things, Safari suddenly quits on me and I have to bring it up again.  It is so slow  that I sometimes think I spend more time watching the color wheel spin than I do actually using the computer.  For some reason, this little pocket of Century Link’s DSL is a very slow zone.  Why, I have no idea.  They advertise fast internet but an * that says “not available in some areas.  Guess where that is.  Plus, when Eddie and I are on the computer at the same time, it’s not very speedy at all.  For the moment, technology has defeated me but I won’t give up.

One of my clients has had a lot of problems ordering her lapel pins – it’s always work out well in the past but  for reason it has all gone kittywampus this time.  She’s upset, I am not happy and now Pete is very suspicious of the whole thing.  Right now the ball is in her court – not sure what will happen.  We have wasted a week trying to get it straightened, that means a week longer than it was going to take.  Sometimes I wonder if I am meant to be a businesswoman – or is it just the wrong business.

Flowers are blooming – the pink dogwood is going like crazy, the sculls were really lush this year until Eddie told Jorge to pull them out.  He left some clumps in different places – not quite the same.  I wanted to wait for another week or two when they had gone by.  The dark lilac is blooming, rhodos on the north side are in full bloom and the 2 pear trees have little fruit bits on them.  There are little nubs on the fig tree – not sure about the apple tree yet.

Eddie is working with the Highline Heritage Museum on 152nd and Ambaum.  He is helping with things about the airport and I suspect there will be other things as well.  It is due to open sometime in July, so he may be helping set up some of the displays.

I finished another post for my findingthegiftsblog.wordpress.com  – I’m a little behind on that as well.  I’m not sure what’s going on – I am not as on the ball as I used to be.  Not happy about it.

Winter Is Hanging On For Dear Life

April 6, 2018

The calendar may say Spring and flowers are blooming – it’s still chilly and rainy at time in spite of it.  We have had some lovely sunny days but with a chilly breeze.  Other times it is  raining and so windy that branches are blow off the trees.  Eddie says we have more wind because we are on top of the hill.  I was able to take off my shawl last Thursday in the afternoon.  I notice a 60 degree day in Spring is colder than a 60 degree day in Fall.

The scillas are in full leaf and ready to burst into blossom.  It is mostly in the garden by the back porch – I also noticed the blueberries are budding as well.  A few daffodils here and there, plus down the front bank with forsythia and daffodils.  The grape hyacinths are blooming by the garage along wth a few daffodils.  The pink dogwood is ready to bloom soon as well.  I expect to find wisteria shoots coming up all summer – stubborn little beast.  I had it taken out but I was told the only way to truly get rid of it is dig everything up in the bed and put completely new soil.

Looks as if there is another round of snow and very cold weather going east, truly winter is kicking and screaming before it leaves.  Even so, my sisters send me lovely photos on those days of sun and flowers.  They have been working together on some photos combining Ellen’s ocean photos and Candy’s roses.  It is quite a beautiful combination.

Thank you both for such a wonderful collaboration using                                                    both your photos and creativity.

TUESDAY

I found myself stuck for a while on what to write about next – for a motormouth on paper and in person, it doesn’t happen very often.  My life hasn’t been terribly exciting for a while – I didn’t want to write about difficulties and whingeing about it.

We watched a squirrel go up Bob Allen’s pole to get to the bird feeder with suet at the top.  He has an orange baffle on it, the squirrel managed to make it to the top and pretty much emptied out.  His accomplice enjoyed everything that dropped to the ground without having to do much work.  The agile one started chewing on the plastic baffle, so Bob put a spring down the pole, things seem to be working so far.  However, the squirrel had no problem eating seeds on the railing feeder – just went up the short pole and was enjoying himself.  I didn’t see his accomplice on the ground that day.

We have also been watching and at times hearing the birds.  For some reason the flickers keep drumming on the roof – it’s composite so I don’t know if they find anything or not.  I noticed in the front yard the robins were wandering around the grass but didn’t seem to find anything to eat.  Meanwhile, the flickers were busy little bodies and seem to have found quite a lot.  Maybe the robins are more picky eaters.

FRIDAY

This is taking longer than I expected.  Tuesday afternoon I went to have my eyes checked for cataracts – he says I will need to do something in the next 5 years.  Since my sight is bad, when I do surgery, I can either see up close without glasses or far away – not both.  That means I will be wearing glasses but not as strong a prescription.  He also checked for macular degeneration, it’s just starting and the eye vitamins seem to help it stay that way.  He wants to see me every 6 months to keep tabs on both.

When I was finished, I couldn’t see much clearly.  I had a nap for an hour but it wasn’t until later in the evening that things cleared up.  I didn’t turn on the computer on and watching television  was iffy but okay.

Wednesday was Breakfast Club – I had forgotten we were meeting at the coffee roaster.  I didn’t remember until I arrived at our usual place.  I had an idea where the coffee roaster was, Gene said they were way in the back.  I ended up taking the scenic route around the large set of warehouses – turns out the roaster was next door in a much smaller building.  Of course, I was late.  It is a small, rather bare specs, he has some tables and chairs and the roaster itself sits in the back corner.  It is Turkish made and looks as if it was made quite a long time ago – I kept thinking of a miniature steam locomotive.

He talked about coffee from different regions and how they differ in taste.  We choose three different kinds to make our own special blend – Kent Breakfast Club Blend – with a bag for each of us to take home.  They are whole bean because when you grind them, they lose their freshness.  Mine is still sealed but I am curious to see how it tastes.  I will try it out tomorrow for breakfast.

After breakfast, I went to see Dr. Cheryl.  She found I was tight in the shoulder and root chakra – not sure what is going on with that.  It felt better after the adjustment but all I wanted to do was go to sleep.  That’s what I did when I came home.  I was awake when Eddie came back from the archives – bad traffic and rain coming home on the 405.  We decided to relax at home rather than going out for coffee.

Yesterday we went shopping and did a couple of things before coming home – we seem to be homebodies a lot more than we used to be.  However, Eddie always has a reason to go out every day – I’m fine staying home.  I think he gets antsy since he does a lot of the work on his blog early in the morning.  He wants me to go with him – he forgets I have a business and clients.  He definitely needs something that takes him out of the house 2 or 3 days a week – he needs something to involve himself in and enjoys as well as challenge him.

This one only took me a week to write, let’s hope inspiration carries me through more efficiently the next time.

 

 

 

Ye Gods and Little Fishes!!!

March 25, 2018

I am amazed at how long ago it has been since I last wrote here.    I feel I am finally coming out of a long tunnel and the light at the end is sunlight.  I have a lot of ups and downs the past few weeks – I am tired of living them so I don’t think you will  enjoy hearing every detail.

Everyone has definitely been having weather for the past few months – quite a lot in fact.  My sister on the Jersey Shore just went through the 4th Nor’easter in 3 weeks.  She was glad they didn’t lose power – a lot of snow to clear.  My sister in Nashville also had her share of things – she is enjoying spring flower but a freeze didn’t help some that were at their peak at the time.  Although the calendar says Spring is here, the winter weather has been dragged kicking and screaming back to its own zone.

I ran across this on Facebook – it definitely tells the story for us here in Seattle.

 

How appropriate.  It’s been strange this week especially.  Last Saturday was a mild sunny day and Eddie used the BBQ – that steak tasted so good!  then we had some nice days of  sun, though chilly.  Then on Friday, we had sleet, snow, rain and then bits of sunshine.  I learned long ago after living in Southern California to dress in layers – easier to put on and take off layers than to guess what outfit will work for that day.  So many things are blooming right now, it is my favorite time of the year.  I also love the leaves turning color in the Fall, also my favorite time of year.  I realize I am not built for extreme temperatures  any more.  I found myself hibernating at home a lot when it was cold, wet, windy, snowy and not fun to be outside.

I am pleased to say I am feeling better and better – this last week has been very comfortable all week.  I’ve been experimenting with a couple of things and after some time, I will re-evaluate what is actually working.  My rheumatologist thinks the Remicade is finally kicking in – what ever is happening is a big, welcome change.

I have another blog I have been writing in since I had to end my show.  It is called – findingthegiftsblog.wordpress.com    I am in mourning for the show, now I have an opportunity to do a  90 minute show on internet radio.  It is a bit daunting after having a 30 minute show.  I need to find new music because I was using “This is The Moment” with Donny Osmond and Susan Boyle.   I don’t want to pay royalties on that.  There are some  sites with music without royalties, I haven’t found one that sounds quite right.  I am also working on what the structure and content will be – it will be the same show I was doing before on KKNW.  With more time to fill, I want to make it entertaining, informative and have some humor and fun – reasons people will tune in every week.  I will also be my own producer, a bit scary but I will be able to learn how to do it.

We are going to finish painting the house – outside is in desperate need and we also want to finish the inside.  I will confess we still have a lot of stuff to clean out and organize – ours as well as Mom and Dad’s.  Eddie has wanted me to do it for such a long time, I am feeling a little more energetic and so am working on small bits at a time.  One problem is not having a clear picture of how I want to organize – too much “stuff”.  I come from a long line of pack rats.  Also, we need to decide on color.  We may use the peachy color for a lot of it, but maybe something different in the bedrooms.

We finally had Daylight time again – still don’t know why we have it.  It is still dark as pocket in the morning.  We are enjoying sunrise and sunset on the mountains.  The sunrise makes the mountain snow pink and the color in the sky at sunset can be spectacular.  Plus, there is always something moving on the Sound – twice I have seen 5 ferries at once – and now that Eddie has had cataract surgery, he can see the names on the ships a lot better.    WE both wish they had the shipping news again – though he knows what a lot of the ships are – a car ship is very distinctive.  Now they anchor bulk carriers around Blake Island until they can go to the grain terminal.  Every once in a while a container ship is anchored there, they must be waiting to go into Seattle.  Seattle has certainly turned away business – most container ships go to Tacoma.  Things must be booming because we saw a ship going down there with 4 new cranes.

My two sisters send me lovely photos and this is from Ellen in New Jersey:

And this one comes from Candy in Nashville:

I have such talented sisters – I thoroughly enjoy having them send their lovely photos to me.

Back Into My Blog

January 13, 2018

I have been very frustrated because I have not been able to access this blog.  Usually I put giftofra and my password – now that doesn’t work.  They want the email address – I couldn’t remember which one I used because I have several.  I was in the shower the other day and I decided to try another one I don’t use that often.  The email was accepted but it didn’t like my password.  So I have been going round and round with it constantly telling me I am not authorized.  Ain’t technology wonderful!  It has taken quite a while and now at last I am in again.   Is there something about turning into 2018 that things are all different?  Now Facebook is changing – that ought to be interesting.  I may withdraw from Facebook.

The question I have is – has technology put a spanner in the works or have I lagged behind all the updates?  There is also the possibility of a combination – then I don’t feel quite so stumped.  The other question is Can I access this blog again without jumping through all the hoops again?  Not sure I want to contemplate that possibility.  I’ll just take it as it comes.

My last post here was the beginning of December – several things have happened since then.  Eddie had both cataracts done and it went really well for him.  He can now see across to the ships going up and down the Sound, everything is so much clearer.  He does need reading glasses and they should be ready soon.  He still marvels at how well he sees now as opposed to before surgery.  He wasn’t happy about being driven around for a week after each surgery – he is a terrible front seat driver.    When he gets his reading glasses, he will be done.

While that was happening, I managed to catch the flu/cold/crap going around.  I have spent a lot of time here to help get better.  I had sneezing, stuffy/runny nose, cough and having trouble sleeping.  I was surprised I didn’t  have the usual sore throat, though I did lose my voice, not very helpful for a radio host.  I managed somehow, one Tuesday Benny told me I had a husky, sexy sound to my voice.     I don’t know if I caught it from Eddie or somewhere else.  I did notice how my cough seems to be a problem – my throat gets dry and I cough.  I bought some Act lozenges and used them at night.  I finally figured out I could put one under my upper lip corner and it slowly kept my mouth and throat from being dry – hence, I didn’t cough.  There is still some left – I am not sure I want to take antibiotics to get rid of it fully.

Christmas was very quiet for us.  We were by ourselves resting and recovering.  We had snow Christmas Eve and then again on Christmas.  It made me think of Australia when someone asked me the significance of a white Christmas.  That stopped me in my tracks because I never really thought about it before.  Christmas is in the middle of summer and you are more likely to get a bad sunburn that frostbite.   I can also understand why they would ask – there is a snow scene on the cards, movies all have snow for Christmas, etc.  I explained that Christmas comes in the winter for us and some places get snow.  I realize it is a bit of a let down phrased that way.

The day after Christmas was my last radio show – I wanted to go to the studio for it, but icy, slippy hills make me very uncomfortable, so I did it from here.  I wanted say Thank You to the people I know thee and hug the stuffing out of Benny for being such a great producer and friend.  It wasn’t meant to be.  I want to find a great sponsor or two who believe in my show and want to fund it for as long as I want to do the show.  So that is one goal I have.  I have started a blog for the show  findingthegiftsblog.wordpress.com.  I have also put it on my website findingthegiftsshow.com under BLOG at the top.  What has been interesting to is to see how many people have visited the web site – wasn’t sure anyone knew about it.   I am using content from the show and new posts, almost as if I am still doing the show.

If you are wondering about the photo at the beginning of my post, it is my sister Ellen’s from Ocean Grove, N.J.  She has been getting snow, ice and frigid temperatures for a while and sends  photos to show me what is happening.  It reminds me so much when Eddie and I lived on the East Coast and other places.  Makes me so thankful to live here.

Now I have been feeling at loose ends since I am not doing the radio show.  Jan. 2nd was strange because I hadn’t prepared anything and it was odd not going into the studio.  Last Tuesday I had to see my orthopedic surgeon who did my elbow – I found I was listening to the show I usually heard as I was driving to the studio.  Instead, it was to the doc.  For some reason I have has terrible pain in my elbow at times.  It started at the beginning of December and I had to really be careful how I placed my arm – otherwise sharp, shooting pains would come.  I was concerned I had inadvertently messed up the joint.  Then it seems to right itself and I was fine.  then last weekend it did it again and I decided I needed to find out what was happening.

The doc took an x-ray and said there was no problem with the joint, it was working perfectly.  He did feel a nodule around the point of my elbow that nearly brought me out of the chair. I was really glad there was no damage but wondered what to do about it.  I had 3 options — Option 1, do nothing.  Option 2, buy a cushioning wrap for it.  Option 3, go in surgically and remove the nodule.  I opted for #2.  He showed me something on Amazon and I ordered it that day.

They came this morning.  What is strange, now the elbow seems fine.  What is going on with it?  Who knows?  Life keeps me curious, that is for sure!!

Extremely Ducky

December 8, 2017

I haven’t put any photos ore clip art lately.  My sister Ellen sent this early this morning and it reminded me of Manhattan Beach in California.  I was about 5 or 6 and we went down to the beach with our neighbor Patty Pelfrey.  We didn’t ask Mom – we just went.  I was just paddled around the edges when I was sucked under by a wave.  It couldn’t have been all that deep, but it scared the life out of me.  I wonder if that is how I became afraid of the water?

This week Eddie had his second eye surgery on Tuesday.  I had lunch with my guests for my radio show at Nordstrom Cafe on Monday – I changed it from Tuesday because it felt as if it was crowding too much into one day.  We had a delightful time, I am looking forward to the show next week.

We had to be at the doc’s by 7:30 this time rather than 6:30.  The past two weeks Eddie has not worn his glasses except to read, even os, it has made things more difficult with them on. My biggest concern was if I was going to be able to do my show at 9:30.  I let Benny know what was going on, I didn’t expect to do it at the last minute in the car on my cell phone.  I was talking to a guest who interprets dreams and not something Eddie was interested in.  Not sure how much he paid attention, I felt a bit nervous.  It went well but the quality wasn’t as good as it could be.  That’s why I prefer to be in the studio.

I drove home and we had something to eat – he had to fast after midnight and he was hungry.  We had something to eat and he went to sleep for a while.  I was droopy and ended up not getting anything accomplished, not even a nap.  I felt almost too tired to sleep.  Eddie felt better when he got up.  So far he can’t really see to read – just a bit.  He is very frustrated because he can only watch tv.  Not something that makes him happy.  I certainly understand how that feels.

Wednesday was doctor day for both of us.  We went in the morning for him to have a check up – we just went to Burien instead of all the way to Federal Way.  They are very pleased with how the surgery went and even more pleased at how well and quickly the left eye healed.  They want him back on the 19th when he hopes they will give him a prescription of reading glasses.  He is seeing so much better, it is amazing to him.

I had changed my appointment with Dr. Cheryl until 11, so I went for my adjustment.   I am constantly learning fro her, she has been working on the nerves to create new straggles for healing – my body is taking to it like a duck to water.  At some point it will be automatic and if I am out of adjustment, it will go back to the new strategies.  She is also checking out CBD hemp oil – I am interested to try it out since I trust her.  We’ll see how that progresses.

Then at 1:00 I had Wound Care – they chucked me out and said I am healed.  They are  an enjoyable group to see.  As one was checking off things on the computer, I thought I saw one choice as ‘Extremely Ducky’.  I thought, that can’t be right, this computer has no sense of humor.  I mentioned it to Christine and we looked back and found it was ‘Extremely Dusky’ – missed it by one letter.  Then when the next one came in, she asked how I was doing – I couldn’t resist ‘Extremely Ducky’.  Of course, she didn’t get it so I explained and we had a good laugh.  So it was an ‘Extremely Ducky’ afternoon.  I am healed and they are pleased with how well it healed.  I need to make sure I call right away if anything comes up.

Yesterday was errand day – we have been having lovely sunny but cold weather.  Right now the fog has rolled in, no doubt will leave at some point.  We went to BECU, then the bank, the Post Office, Barnes & Noble for coffee and to the grocery store – I was chauffeur but I think Eddie felt he was being driven around by his mommy.  He may be able to see well enough to drive on Monday or Tuesday, though I don’t know if he will go to the archives Wednesday or not.

We didn’t go to the PNAA Christmas Party last night, I don’t think we will go to Kent Breakfast Club one next Thursday – no Christmas parties this year.  Eddie wants to make sure he takes care of himself and driving at night isn’t on the agenda a the moment.

A Rather Pleasant Week

December 3, 2017

It seems strange to say this because I have been stressing out about my show and finding a sponsor as well as  how my body is feeling.  I did my show on Tuesday and went over for my infusion.  A very rainy, windy day, yet I was sitting in a very comfortable chair, with a pillow under my knees and another one behind my back.  I had the corner suite this time, I could see the freeway to the south and all the people driving in the rain. I had my crosswords book, a book to read and snacks when I got hungry. Later I had a lovely nap – it was a very pleasant time.  Yes, there was a needle in my arm, but the infusion nurse did a great job – I didn’t notice it.  I feel as if I go to visit friends there, they are friendly and fun to talk with.

It was fun to be back in the studio since I didn’t go last Tuesday because I was there for Eddie and his surgery.  He is doing very well, but frustrated with putting his glasses on and off – his left eye is doing very, very well.  This coming Tuesday is the other eye – I am hoping we will be home in time for me to call into the show – I have a guest and I don’t want to leave her hanging.

My iPhone has been doing odd things – I haven’t been able to use it as a phone because when I tap on the phone icon, all I get is a blurry screen.  I can surf the internet, text and use the other parts, but not call anyone.  I did an update and it was fine again.  Trouble was, my carrier had their own update and I was back  to a blurry screen.

I tried calling Apple but found myself on the transfer merry-go-round.  Finally, I decided to see if I could  make an appointment online and found a person to message with my problem.  Turns out it was a program glitch, she had me force quit and I am back in business.  The good things was not having to go to the store.

Things have changed a lot at the Apple store.  They had 1 to 1 to help people learn how to use their computer – I went for Pages and ended up designing the newsletter for Eddie.  They don’t have 1 to 1 any more and it has gotten so crowded.  It doesn’t feel as friendly as it did.    I miss the personal touch.  A lot of the people I got to know aren’t there any more – it feels more like a lot of strangers.

Tuesday is Eddie’s surgery for his right eye.  I am feeling a little stressed because I have a guest on Tuesday and I am hoping I will be home in time to do the show either on the phone or Skype.  Now that he knows how it goes, I don’t think he is as tense, he wants to have the other eye done so he can see well with both.  He has to wait a couple of weeks or so afterwards before they can give him a prescription for mostly reading glasses.  He is constantly putting on and taking off his glasses and it is bugging him.

Thursday Charlotte and I had an outing to Pacific Fabrics in  Northgate.  They had to rearrange the store and entrance because a while crashed through their glass door and windows.  It looks as if the vehicle took out quite a lot, fortunately  no one was hurt.  I usually help her spend her money, but I also bought fabric – a Japanese print and a cat print.  No idea what I will do with them.  I admit I haven’t been quilting for quite a while.

I also went to the pattern book table to see what was new.  Would you believe they have “vintage” and “retro” patterns?  I did find a pattern I had many years ago – they want $22.95 for it!  Patterns are very spendy now, though Charlotte said the best thing to do is wait until Joann’s has a sale on patterns.  They had patterns from the 40’s to today, rather interesting to see what they showed.  It was fun to see them again.

After we spent money there and wandered around the different departments, we went over to Nordstrom’s for lunch.  It was a delight to sit and enjoy being with Charlotte, it has been a while since we had a lovely outing together.  Things keep changing for both of us and suddenly we realize it has been months since the last outing.

I often say “It’s a good thing we don’t have a golf course lawn”.  The moles are active and make tiny mounds all the way up to gigantic ones.  They come up on the edge of the side-walk – that has me curious as to why they pick that spot.  Eddie is out pounding them down – I do notice the dandelions don’t have a chance with mole mounds.

I have also noticed flocks of birds all over the lawn, I hope they are finding food for the winter.  When I was at my chiropractor on Wednesday, I saw a flock of geese flying in a V formation.  Always fascinates me how they know when and where to move and who is in front.  Definitely a sign of winter.

I am pleased to say it was a pleasant week, I have been feeling good and doing well.  It’s been a long while since I have been able to say that.

An Odd Week For Both of Us

November 26, 2017

Thanksgiving has come and gone, suddenly Christmas isn’t very far away – where did the time go?  I have been focusing on my radio show and whether I will have a sponsor to continue.  So far, the Calvary hasn’t come to the rescue and I am doing okay knowing the last show is at the end of December.  Not sure how it will be on the day, but I spent time deciding I was willing to let it go, not easy and I have been a drippy mess at times.   It has taken a while to truly be wholehearted about it – may still be a few pockets of “I don’t want to let it go” but on the whole, doing pretty well.

As a result of the show and all I have learned over the years, I found myself writing a book.  I am using things from the show, other things from my blog, things I have written to put in it.  I will work on the book after my show is over and one day want to come back and do it again.  It means I will have more time to work on the book and see where it goes.  I have had positive feedback about the book and also for the radio show.  That is very gratifying.

We had planned to have a quiet Thanksgiving by ourselves because on Tuesday morning, Eddie had his left eye done for cataract surgery.  That is the worst one – on Dec. 5th he will have the right eye done.  He was ready to have it done, though I am sure he was a bit apprehensive about it – he isn’t big on surgery or doctors.  We went early in the morning – seems the prep takes longer than the surgery.  They gave him all kinds of eye drops, had him lie down for half an hour and then the surgery only took about 10 minutes.

He is not supposed to drive for a week, so I drove home and then the next morning back for them to check him out.  Eddie said he couldn’t see anything out of the eye, but it slowly got better – big floaters for quite a while.  When we came home, he had breakfast because he couldn’t have anything after midnight.  No computer or reading, he could watch tv.  Next thing I know, he is fast asleep for 4 or 5 hours.  As his eyes are healing, he can see a lot better, but reading and computer aren’t all that comfortable.

We had an invitation to Thanksgiving dinner at Mike Lombardi’s house.  He is the Boeing historian and Eddie volunteers at the archives with him. they have become close friends and we were pleased at the invitation.  He and his wife Carla, their son Tony and his wife and son and Carla’s parents.  It was a lovely time  – we felt part of the family.  A lot of food for 8 1/2 people, it was delicious and we enjoyed ourselves.  I drove over – it was daylight so it made it easier.  It was dark when we left and I missed the entrance for 167, we went the scenic route home.

Friday I got my hair cut, we went to Eddie’s barber but he was closed and then we went shopping.  Eddie is a front seat driver, he isn’t used to being driven and he is frustrated about not driving.  He now has an idea of what it is often like for me – though he may not admit it.  Yesterday he decided to drive to the barber, bank and BECU – he was gone what seemed a long time and I was a bit uneasy.  He finally came home and it went well for him.  I could relax again.

He worries about me when I go places, yet he doesn’t see the same correlation when he goes out and I worry about him.  Maybe he thinks because of RA, I am more likely to have problems – well, in some ways that’s true.  I don’t look for it, but somehow my car seems have a target painted on it.  And I am not all that steady on my feet at times and I do a face plant once in a while.  Fortunately he doesn’t know all the times I did it when I was alone.  He may figure he is more stable and can take care of himself, so there is no need to worry.

Now that we on are on standard time, it seems dark a lot more.  I saw something that showed 4:29 as all daylight, 4:30 is pitch dark.  We have been having a lot of rain – one would never know it today.  This morning it was sun and blue sky, now it is dark, cloudy, windy and pouring.  This is Seattle after all.  I would rather have rain than snow – they can keep it up in the mountains.  The mountains all over here are gorgeous with snow right now.

What Day Is It Anyway?

November 19, 2017

I have been having trouble keeping the days of the week straight since the middle of March when Eddie quit working for Andy.  He has been busy with things at home, I can’t tell the days apart any more.  Each day used to feel distinctive, a character of its own – now they all run together.  So I have decided to take a page from Winnie the Pooh

That will be how I think of each day, especially when they seem to run together.  I realize too often I think about things ahead rather than enjoying right now.

I have been thinking ahead about my radio show.  I don’t have the sponsors to keep it going for another year, unless the calvary comes to the rescue at the last minute.  I did get a good deal from the station manager for the last 2 months of year – plus the two sponsors I have helped pay for the time.  Unfortunately they are not in a position to  fully sponsor it for a year.

Back in October I decided I had to be willing to let it go – truly let it go.  I know it has to be whole hearted, not say it but assume I won’t have to actually give it up.  It hasn’t been easy, a lot of tears and puddles but I think I am okay with it now.  I may get a little weepy at times.  I have decided to celebrate the last show at the end of December rather than mourn.  I am going to miss going to the studio, spending time with Benny and having fun, all the people there.  It is like a family – not like any other radio station.

When I was checking Google yesterday for  my guest on Nov 28th, I came across a station that is nationwide and less money, so I emailed to find out more about it.  A woman was interviewing my guest, but to be honest, the host had such an unpleasant voice I couldn’t stand to listen to her.  But I checked out the station – it will be interesting to see what the response will be.

Since I have been doing the show, I have found myself writing a book about all the stuff I have been talking about.  It is kind of strange, at times I am writing all the time, other times I haven’t done anything for a while.  I will have time to work on it after the end of the year – I am curious to see what I come up with for this book. Reminds me of art school when I didn’t have a clue what to do – I would wonder to myself what I will turn in to class.  Amazingly, I always had my assignment done on time with an idea.  Sometimes the idea wasn’t all that great, other times everything fell into place.

This week Eddie is going for his first cataract surgery on his left eye.  He has really been noticing the changes and says he isn’t nervous.  We’ll go together because he can’t drive afterwards.  Then the next day he goes to the doc to check it out.  They figure he will be able to drive then.  Two weeks later they will do his right eye.

We have been invited to Mike Lombardi’s house for Thanksgiving.  He is the Boeing historian Eddie volunteers with at the archives.  He had invited us to the MOHAI gala to fill the Boeing table.  Eddie and Mike get along so well and enjoy Wednesday mornings.  Mike’s wife Paula is great – she was at the Gala but it isn’t all that easy to visit with all the money being raised.

We have been having a lot of rain – this week the weatherman says it will pour for most of the week.  That’s what he says, but I am more interested in what Mother Nature has in mind – I believe her over the weatherman.  Some of the passes have gotten about 4 feet of snow – some still don’t have snow to open the ski resorts.  I’m quite happy to have the snow stay up in the mountains.

A couple of weeks ago we were finally able to see the Olympics.  They were gorgeous – sunrise so all the snow was pink.  They seem to spend more time behind the clouds than they do in the sunshine.  I remember my Dad saying the sun usually shines almost every day, just some days you have to look quickly to see it.

UPDATE

I had an email from the other radio group and she said we were meant to meet.  I forwarded the email to Erik to see what his take on it is – he has been in the business so much longer than I have.  She would like to talk with me  – so I will see what she has to say.  Trouble is, I don’t want to leave KKNW but money is the deciding factor.  I’ll keep you posted on what happens.


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