Posts Tagged ‘Blog’

I Hear An Echo Here

March 22, 2015

After a long down, it is feels so good to have  some interest and energy for a change.  This last week has been  unusual, but a lot has been accomplished.  We can see a difference as well.   I have been able to start things moving to clear some things out of the house.  Brigh came by Thursday afternoon to take furniture on consignment – we’ll see how it works.  He as a friend who is interested in some things as well, so that should help empty things out a bit.  As a matter of fact, we now have a big empty space in the living room so we can have our new dining set delivered – it will seem odd to have 2 tables and chairs but that won’t last too long.

We have been finding homes for things – I feel as if I am adopting out kittens.  Eddie is definitely happy to see the empty space.  He dropped off several bags of books to open up some space as well.   There is still a long way to go, but there is definitely progress.  I am finding I have no problem saying goodbye to things, I am not emotionally attached to them as much.  Maybe because I know the things have homes to go to and will be appreciated.  If we had an estate sale, we would lose money on it for all the effort and work it would take.

After 2 or 3 days of being tired physically, I was mentally tired on Friday.  I went in for my One to One to work on my podcasts.  We at least have it showing up on its but not playing – I was there with Rhys for 2 hours and at the moment we are at a standstill.  I need to finish putting the podcasts on the blog so they can at least be heard there – until I can find a platform to store the mp3s, it won’t be on iTunes for a while.  If you check out you can hear the ones I have  finished.  They are not in order, so they skip around on dates.  I plan to have them in order, 1st show to last.  I also need to do a little work on the site itself, not all that pleased with the theme for it.

Wednesday I went to Breakfast Club and then met Char for an outing at U Village.  We have been talking about it, I am the one who couldn’t get her act together.  Then I didn’t sleep well the night before, so I was draggy and not the best company.  Char and I are such good and long time friends that we are glad to spend time together no matter what is happening.  We both understand each other and our situations – sometimes it me, sometimes it’s her and sometimes both of us.  Usually we are both doing well and it works out really well.  Char is so good for me and I am so glad we had our outing.

I decided it was time to set a date for Mom’s Celebration of Life open house – it is going to be on June 14th from 1 – 4 p.m.  It’s a Sunday and I hope we will be able to paint in time for it.  There will be a cake from Robbie and mostly finger foods to make it easier for people.  I am hoping for a sunny day so we can use the yard and the back porch.  Other than that, I haven’t planned anything else.  I will invite the neighbors, the domino ladies,  my Breakfast Group who knew Mom  – not sure who else is left.

The oddest thing is happening, I have hot flashes again.  Why is a mystery.  I can deal with them during the day, but the ones at night make it hard for me to sleep well.  Last night I woke up several times with them, not conducive to a good night’s rest.  I’m 68 for Heaven’s sake – will this happen every few years?  Give me a break!

I’m not the only feeling a little screwy – the plants and flowers seem to be confused.  The early bloomers are later and the later ones flowered early.  The camellias are fully in bloom and dropping flowers all over.  Jorge and his crew came on Friday and did the yard – next thing you know, the camellias dropped more on the lawn.  The blueberries are beginning to bloom and so it the red pear tree – the other pear and the apple tree are just showing buds.   It is beautiful to see all the flowers blooming – we have had rain and wind, so I hope we don’t lose blossoms that will produce fruit.

As long I work on keeping calm, relaxed and at peace with things feel so mixed up, I will be fine.  This may be the new normal, whatever normal is – just roll with the punches and be flexible.

I Am Blown Away!!!

June 29, 2014

This is my 257th blog post – with 4 drafts – and what is more amazing are the 102 followers I now have.  That is so amazing!  I was so pleased with 25 followers and now it is 4 times that amount.   I am very grateful for all of my followers, I appreciate the comments and to know there are people who are interested in my blog.

On the slight downside, I was getting a lot more spam, but I know they just want me to approve their comment so it will show up in better stats for them.  It all gets deleted, so they have wasted all that time and energy for nothing.  Recently it has slowed down to only a few at a time – I am not interested in house appraisals and inspections in Maryland, any more than all the ones from people selling cars.  Give me a break!  I don’t write anything about any of those.

As I look back over all the posts since February 2010, I started out with mostly writing about RA; then wrote at times about Ike Pono and what I was learning about myself.  Later on I wrote about my Mom and dealing with dementia and about some things going on that have nothing to do with any of the other things.   Yet, all of it affects RA and my state of mind; how can it not?  I also have learned that it is important to find the funny side of things – if I don’t laugh about it, I go nuts.

I started thinking about all the years I have had RA, all the drugs, tests, studies, procedures I have had.  When I am in the situation, odd thoughts come to me that are a bit funny.  It isn’t as though I sat there and said to myself “What’s funny here? or what does this remind me of in the past?”.   Things just came to me.  The times I have been in the hospital, I would keep a pad with me to write down my experiences.  I wrote a journal for several years and I had requests to be put on my list to send it to them.  I realized that writing helps clear things out, help me see things a bit more clearly and there is something that compels me to write things down.

Before I came back to Seattle to live, I traveled a lot with my husband and also by myself.  I would keep my journal going and at one point, I started recording it on a cassette tape.  I found someone to type those tapes out for me – when I read the typed piece, I realized I had left out things.  I may have been a little more conscious of editing because I knew someone else would see it.  People used to tell me I had such an interesting life – reading my journals didn’t have the times of pain, depression, frustration, etc. I had at the time.  I didn’t whinge because I was tired enough of it myself, I didn’t want to write about it.  Besides, who wants to read that?

When I started this blog, one thing that was important to me was not to whinge (moan and complain) because I wanted this to be a positive blog.  I’ve read other RA blogs and they tend to talk more about how they are feeling, what isn’t working, what is – I wanted to have more ideas and solutions.  I know this kind of blogs work for some and I am glad they do.  It’s just me.  I started with the Connecticut Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation doing a support group.  When I was having problems, it was good to have other people understand.  But it felt too focused on me and how I felt, I wanted to do more with people and turn outward than continually inward.

I was asked to be the Speaker’s Bureau Coordinator and later a Self Help Course  instructor and trainer.  I really enjoyed those because I interacted with people, found confidence in speaking before people and seeing something positive happening.  I usually talked about the basic fact of Arthritis – like all things, it was personal rather than just cut and dried facts.  When there wasn’t a lot of time, my stories were the first to go.  I received so much positive feedback and it made me feel so good when someone told me I had helped them so much.  I had felt things were just negative about having RA, here was such an opposite view that surprised and pleased me.

It has not only been with the Arthritis Foundation this has happened.  I have had several people tell me I am their hero.  WOW!  I was and am just being me, yet something spoke to them.  I often wonder how many  I have helped and will never know about it – but I have decided it doesn’t matter, I’m not supposed to know.  I think we all inspire people as we go along our daily life without knowing it.  To me, that is when we are most effective.  I used to think if somebody didn’t mention it, no one noticed what was happening.  But I would remember how many times I noticed something but didn’t say anything to the person.

So, to all my followers, you are the best and I truly appreciate each and every one of you.

I’m Amazed And Grateful!

November 13, 2013

yippeeCatWThank You www. for this great photo

My last post was my 200th and I now have 73 followers, that is mind-boggling.  I am very grateful to all 73 followers and also to all the people who  have read my blog posts.  All I can say is WOW!  I looked at some of the stats for my blog and was amazed at how many people in so many countries have checked out my blog.  I know some people have a whole lot more posts and followers, but it is so cool for me.

I started this blog about 3 years ago and at times wondered if anyone would be interested in what I had to say – apart from my family and friends.  I have had people make wonderful comments and I have found many wonderful blogs because of it.  How cool is that!  Thank You all for your interest and comments.

I started it  about Rheumatoid Arthritis, then I have slowly added other subjects because I was dealing with them.  Some posts – like the moles – have nothing to do with anything else, I just wanted to write about them because it was fun for me.  I have grown and changed, though RA is still with me – I have a different perspective on it and how I have been perceiving it.

I have learned so much from writing the blog and also reading other blogs, not only RA but also all kinds of other things I had no idea existed.  I am so pleased that people care enough to comment on my posts and give me ideas and possible solutions for things I have been dealing with for the past months and years.

As I am working on my own healing, I am learning more about myself; my Mom’s dementia has made it very obvious what some of the childhood programs I have been operating on all my life.  I am working on selling my Mom’s furniture so Eddie and I can have our own furniture in the living areas rather than piled up down in the basement.  But it also making me realize that is who I was and I want to be the me I am now.

I now realize I have a lot of emotion attached to my childhood and things of my parents.  I am letting it simmer on the back burner at the moment so I can truly let go.  I have come across things and each one has memories attached – yet the practical side of me thinks it is lovely but where will I put it?  I will also have to dust it.  I am noticing I am getting less emotionally attached and I’m glad about that.

So thank you everyone for your interest and support.  Consider yourselves hugged!

Finally Up and Running

June 8, 2013

I have finally been able to put together the  blog with the kitchen remodel and published it – you can find it at  It is more pictures with a bit of description or commentary.  I have the before pictures first in the Kitchen Remodel and then under that (I hope) I have labeled it Day 1.  I also plan to do a category that shows the outside of the house and some of the interior, then another with pictures of the “garden” – I use the term loosely since it is more bare ground or weeds rather than garden.

UPDATE: I can’t seem to get the link to work and I don’t know what is wrong. I thought it was publishing but it sometimes goes to something odd.  Well, let me know if you can get through in spite of the  frustrations.

It is strange to find myself doing two blogs at the same time, one will no doubt be a bit behind – it may go back and forth.  I appreciate your patience while I catch up.  Now that we have been doing it for a week, I am surprised I don’t feel terribly stressed out – tired, you bet!  But it has seemed to take so long to come and now at last the remodel has arrived.  Dealing with no water except in the bathrooms turns out not to be so bad – we seem to eat a lot of sandwiches and don’t use a lot of plates.  Eddie uses the downstairs bathroom while I find upstairs more convenient. We trade off who does the dishes, so no one is stuck doing it all the time.

We really enjoy Brad and one thing we notice is that at the end of the day, everything is cleaned and vacuumed before he leaves.  He has also been using the vacuumed right up close when he is taking something down or cutting somewhere since there is lead pain all over the house.  He did that when did the bathroom for us.  This time he isn’t taking out all the walls, so there is less work in that area.

Thursday this week the plumber came and turned the water off just as I was leaving for my massage, he said he would have it back on about 2:30.  So I decided to entertain myself until 3.  I had a lovely massage and Debye said that Spirits were telling me to go out in Nature and breathe it in deeply.  Also, they told her I had already decided, so they were validating my inclination.  Wow!

I stopped for some lunch to go at Subway – not a smart choice and will not go there again.  But I took it over to the park and hoped there would be a parking space.  We have been having lovely warm weather and figured everyone would be there.  As I drove down, all the places by the beach looked full – then I saw an empty space.  A handicapped space just where I wanted to be because I planned to go down to the south end of the park.  They were looking out for me.  I walked down quite a way and found a place I could go down the shallow few steps and over to a log with only a small stretch of sand and stone.  It faced west and the sun hadn’t come around all the way, so I had a lovely time eating my salad and my drink while reading my book.  It was amazingly quiet and peaceful most of the time, it was what I had in mind.

Around 2:15 Brad called to let me know the water was back on, so I cleaned up things and came home.  I was surprised to find myself so tired, I had no energy to do anything but relax.  Greg was gone and had no trouble doing the plumbing for the kitchen sink and Friday the inspector was due.  I have been taking pictures of the progress, so he was kidding me a bit about it.

Friday the electrician came – Bret has down things here before so he is familiar with the house.  He is a hoot and does an excellent job, I am glad he is doing the work.  He asked what we wanted for outlets and such 0 he said he could do anything we want.  I thought he was going to turn off the power, but that will be Monday.  So I was able to write my blog and work on getting the remodel one going.  I also went to see my Mom, she was kind of tired and when I asked about her bears, she wasn’t sure where they were.  I pointed out to her and asked if she would like to hold a bear – she was very happy to hold on to the big bear, her favorite.  I noticed she kept closing her eyes and so I asked Judy if she had slept the night before – Judy said she woke up quite early.  That may explain why she was nodding off.  So Judy helped her to get ready for a nap and I left.

Today we have taken our time doing things, I even had plenty of time to look through 3 quilting magazines.  We are both tired from the week and the weekend of moving stuff.  We slept well last night and probably will tonight as well. Sorry, no pictures for this post – you will find a lot on the remodel one.

A Huge Thank You!

May 1, 2013

I seem to spend more time reading and commenting on other people’s blogs than I do writing my own.  However, I have found some wonderful blogs and delightful people behind them.  I so appreciate them and the 41 Followers I have now.  WOW!  To me that is so cool and amazing.  When I comment on other blogs, I learn about other people and check them out.  I have also had people Like my posts and that is how I find them.  What a fascinating place the world of blogs has been.

When I first started, I wondered if anyone would be interested in reading about RA.  There were people who also were interested in my  Mom’s dementia, plus my every day subjects as well as metaphysical ones.  I am so pleased to have 41 Followers, I so appreciate each and every one of them, as well as all the ones who have liked by blog posts.  Some are in very interesting places and I have learned a lot about things and places I didn’t know anything about.  When there are pictures posted, it really brings it home to me.  Thank You all, it means the world to me.

It has also helped me cope with things, and when I write about dementia, I receive comments that help, support and uplift me.  As all the people who dealt with know, it is not easy and having people who have been through it say they understand, I know they do.  That helps so much as well.  There are so many lovely people out there.

I am following blogs as well, some subjects I have no knowledge or experience with it.  But although the situation is different, I have come to think over the years that there are some basic things we all share in living with and through a difficult situation.   There is something therapeutic about writing down what is happening as well as thoughts and feelings.  I find it helps clear it out for a while and I can see more objectively.  A good cry also helps as well as throwing a tantrum.  It is hard for me to throw a tantrum, I don’t have any experience because my parents were not willing to allow tantrums.  Even a good cry is harder than it used to be – for some reason I know feel there is someone standing next to me watching their watch.  It is as if there is a time limit and if I don’t get on the ball and start crying, time will be up for me.   Where this came from I have no idea, but it does put a damper on things.

Even better, publishing a post that is real, in many ways helps other people.  I’ve learned since my speaker days at the Connecticut Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation that I didn’t often know when I gave the basic facts (along with my own stories) who was being helped.  Sometimes I would have someone come up and tell me and that was always gratifying.  I often thought, it isn’t necessary to always know when I helped, otherwise I might get a swelled head ( childhood program) and my attitude would change and be all about me.  Then whatever it was that was working, wouldn’t any more.   I liked getting the feedback, I knew the more I just put it in the hands of the Universe and I just showed up and got out of the way,  the message would go to who needed it.  I do my best to go on about my business and trust I am helping others.

There are days when I want to write a post and can’t think of anything.  Other days I have several ideas and don’t have time to write any of them down.  Or if I written them down, when I go back to it, I can’t remember why I wrote it in the first place.  Usually I can’t find the list because I have “put it away safely so I wouldn’t lose it”.  There is a lot of that going around.  I remember one day I was somewhere and I thought of questions to ask myself – I was smart enough to put it in the back of my pocket calendar.  I have looked at it several times and wondered if anyone would really care.  So I have it and and I’m still undecided.

I still find myself comparing my blog to others and feel it is lacking (more childhood programs), the other blogs are better.  I am now better at catching myself when that happens, though some still slip by me.   It seems it has taken a long time for me to be aware – living in this time period there are so many more people, classes, etc. to help with all of it.  So much to learn, so much to explore.

So I want to be sure those of you who read, like and follow my blog know how much I appreciate all of you and thank you for a lovely and delightful compliment.

Sunday Round Up

January 13, 2013

Obviously I didn’t write more than one post last week – I thought I would because of Brenda Ueland’s book and how much it made me want to write.  I am still dragging from the flu but feel a lot better, too bad my energy hasn’t caught up yet.  But I have decided it is long past time to change my thought patterns – instead of thinking in terms of my fatigue,  I am going to think in terms of “My energy is returning”.  So there!  I realize I am waiting for it to come but I have to do more than whinge and sleep.  I also think the cough stuff put me to sleep – helped the cough and now I am not using it.  Maybe it takes more than a day or so to be completely out of my system.  Some days I feel as if I have more questions about so much and very few answers. However, I also tend to want to see it on a flashing neon billboard so I won’t miss it.  That is one of the things I am concerned about – missing the messages.  Maybe I need to change my name to Thomas on those occasions.

I did notice something interesting on Thursday.  I didn’t put my neck collar on to work on the computer, but I wasn’t stiff or uncomfortable when I finished.  I was looking at other RA blogs and commenting on them as well as checking out dementia blogs.  I was having fun and I must have been doing it for 2 or 3 hours non stop.  Hmmmm, something to think about.   However, I had planned a post that day – it was a day to myself and I took full advantage of it.  I was caught up in the blogs – there are some really great bloggers out there! – and forgot what I wanted to do.  Maybe when I do things I enjoy, there aren’t the repercussions I get when I am doing something that isn’t always fun.

I have been checking WordPress to see what I need to do on my blog to be on Freshly Pressed on Fridays.  One thing is not have long paragraphs, one thing I have on my posts.  So I have been working on making my paragraphs shorter – when I write, I just go full steam without noticing things like that.  Then I check spelling and publish.  I need to do a little more with it now. They also suggest pictures, that  means  I may be surfing a lot to find  a photo that  fits the subject.  I need to go back and see what else I need to do – now that I think about it, a page with long paragraphs isn’t very interesting to look at.  However, the most important is content and how it is written.  I did learn how to put in a gravatar, so I am learning something new every day.

I just saved my draft and decided to view the post to see how it looks – about twice as many lines as they recommend – on the part where I write, I have short paragraphs, but on the blog the space is narrower, so instead of no more than 8 lines, I counted 15.  Hmmm, this is going to take some thought to decide how to do this. – I don’t have anything else to do, do I?  I checked the blog preview again, 3 lines equals 6 lines on the blog.  That does help me figure out how much to put in each paragraph when I am writing the blog.  Ain’t technology wonderful?

I am very pleased to see the sun out again, though it has been in the very low 30’s and upper 20’s the last few days.  It is a delight to see the sun this week, it feels as if it has been away on holiday for quite a while.  We checked the rain amount, as of Saturday afternoon, we have 2.71 inches, and the middle of the month isn’t even here yet.

Speaking of which, Tuesday is my birthday, the big 66.  I don’t necessarily feel that age, except Friday night and Saturday morning when I was so stiff and uncomfortable – no idea why.  Not my favorite way to feel.  I don’t feel any age, but looking at 66, I realize I don’t necessarily have a lot of time left to accomplish whatever is my Life Purpose.  By the way, I have the list of Life Lessons and I will do a post on that soon.  In looking at it, it feels as if all of them are mine.

We have been applying for a mortgage but had to hold off for a bit until we have Mom qualified for Medicaid.  Since it all looks really good, they started the process up again, but it may not be until the end of this month.  I was hoping we would be starting on the kitchen this month but not so far.  Looks more like February.  Ah well, all things come to he/she who waits.  Another part of being a late bloomer.

Have I Found My Voice?

January 6, 2013

From a purely physical, practical and right now this minute perspective, I now have my voice back after losing it due to flu.  There is also finding my voice to ask for what I want, say my truth (this requires a post by itself) and not allow anyone to walk all over me – take back my power.  But in this instance, it is my voice in my writing.  I honestly don’t know if I have found my voice, I just write what I am thinking and feeling, what has been happening in my life at the time or what sparks my fancy.  I started out writing about RA and finding the gift in it; then the last year or so I have written about dealing with my Mom’s dementia and how I have felt about it.

What has been very gratifying is the likes and comments about blog posts, as well as seeing there are 21 people following my blog – I treasure all of you for that.  I have also found other blogs that intrigue me and where I find information, humor and  some have the most gorgeous photos I’ve ever seen.  So many wonderful and talented people out there doing amazing work.  Thank You to all of you.

I started thinking about my writing voice because my younger sister sent me a book for Christmas called “If You Want To Write”, by Brenda Ueland.  Brenda talks about the students in her classes who had a lot of trouble writing because they thought it had to be a certain way.  When she asked them to write about a childhood experience, she was amazed at how different and wonderful their pieces were.

I have not really been able to imagine a character and a situation to write fiction, I enjoy writing about experiences and people I know – I think I have been more cut out to write essays like Andy Rooney than a novel like Clive Cussler or D.E Stevens who wrote nice English stories.   I find I don’t want to have to follow rules, just write what I want in the way I want.

Some days the blog post just comes out with no effort, I get lost in the writing and sometimes figuring out what came first so it is in sequence.  Sometimes I write, like this post, with an idea but I keep stopping to think what will come next.  I happened to look at the related articles and read through this one from KJ.  She writes well and put into words some of what is going through my mind.

Now, if I have found my voice, can I describe it in words?  Not really, but then I may be too close to it to be objective.  I tend to do that with so many things.  Is it necessary to describe it?  I wonder because if I did or could would that change everything and I would lose what I have?  My writing is very personal and I do inject myself in it.  Sometimes I  find something occurs to me when I am talking and of course say it – sometimes I make people laugh.  It is just that things just pop into my head and I talk without thinking.  Sometimes I think something is funny and I am the only laughing – well, at least one person saw the humor.

I have a tendency to say what I am thinking – unfortunately there are times when it doesn’t come out the way I mean it.  The minute I realize it, I usually say “Oops, move over foot, here comes the other!”. Or “Oh dear, that didn’t come out the way I meant it!”.  My writing is like that sometimes, I certainly hope I don’t offend people.  I also know if I worry about whether people will like the post and what I writing about, I could drive myself crazy.  Most likely never write a post again.

This is one of those posts I am struggling with a bit, I wonder if I have really gotten to the point or not.

I have just read what I have written and it isn’t as choppy and disjointed as I thought.  However, I may be better stopping while I am still ahead.  I appreciate any comments anyone might have.

Writing A Blog

May 27, 2012

The cool part of writing a blog is the freedom to write about what I want, how I feel, how I see things, etc. without having to fit any mold.  This is all about me, my life and what I am learning – a way to help others and for me to learn from them as well.  It isn’t like school or business where it has to be a certain way, meet any particular standard or fit any mold – I thoroughly enjoy the freedom from all those restrictions.  I can write about RA and my experience with it, what I have learned, what I still have to learn, all with the hope it will help me clarify things for myself and help others along the way.   After a recent post, I suddenly began to doubt myself, wondering if it was something anyone wanted to read.  I wondered if what I was writing was “right or good enough”, would it turn away the people who have been reading my posts.   I had to stop and catch myself and realize those doubts came from ego.  Then I told ego “Thanks for your concern and wanting to protect me, I choose something different”.  If I sit and scrutinize everything I write,  worrying what people might think about it, I might as well pack it in and be done with it.  I finally understand I am speaking my truth at last.

Most blog entries have a specific subject and I start in and it writes itself to the end.  Other time it is like this one, I get an idea and write a paragraph or two and then wonder where does it goes, what do I write about now.  Some things I write about may seem rather airy fairy, touchy feely, woo woo, goofball stuff – everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I find it helps make sense of what I am feeling, thinking and experiencing.  I have never really felt I fit in the regular world, not sure where I fit in, if I did.  With the personal development I have been doing, networking for business with people in alternative medicine and finding myself much more open and non-judgmental, I have found a place where I am comfortable, where I belong.  I may not know specifically what I want to do or how my life will look, but I know how I want it to feel.

I look at my life now and how it was a year ago – such  vast difference!  At this point, the focus is on my Mom and doing what’s best for her, there isn’t a whole lot of “Me time”.  Here and there I have been able to do things for me, the deep tissue massage has truly been a revelation to me.  I have always wondered about past lives and if it was true, plus what were mine like.  Several times in massage Debye has had glimpses of me as a Roman warrior.  That I was strong, powerful, confident and also imposed my will on others.  This lifetime (maybe several others) is the time to balance that karmic energy and experience.  It is not good or bad, simply an experience I chose.  I see my life this time and it seems I have had people impose their will on me; wonder how it felt to be that strong confident that Roman Warrior.  It is such a new concept for me, I am just sitting with it and letting it simmer on the back burner.

I have been putting tags on my posts – I just learned how to do it.  As I read over them, I am amazed I wrote them – I have been writing down what is happening in my life and how I have been thinking about things.  It makes me feel good to know I  am writing so well (sorry ego, I have confidence in myself rather than thinking it is bragging or boasting).   I have learned from writing down what’s happening, I hope in some way it can help others.


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