July | 2014 | Gift of RA

Archive for July, 2014

Back to the Warm Stuff!

July 29, 2014

I know we don’t have very hot weather compared to a lot of places – I spent a lot of time living in the Eastern half of the country so I know hot and humid. I don’t do that well with hot weather and when I found central air conditioning, I knew I had found the solution to being comfortable at home. Then it was only going out somewhere that was very uncomfortable. Plus I never knew how cold the air conditioning would be in shops, restaurants or hotels. it would be cold inside the grocery sore and coming outside to the heat and humidity was as if I had been hit by a wet gauze curtain.

As a result, I am so happy to be back here in Seattle, not only the weather but also a large body of salt water and proper mountains. Yes, I am probably a wuss, but I like to be comfortable. Our idea of hot weather is different. We were close to 90 yesterday and will no doubt be about that again today – glad to have a day to myself at home with the windows open and the furnace fan circulating air from one floor to another. It definitely makes sleeping at night more comfortable. We have lovely breezes but for some reason they die down after dark – just when we need the cool air. That’s why I am glad I checked out the fan so we could have the breeze whether Mother Nature sent it or not.

I went to visit Mom yesterday morning – she was very feisty and grumpy. She didn’t want anyone to touch her – even me. So I said “Not even your daughter Elizabeth’? She wasn’t sure who I was, so I gave chocolate and cookies which she enjoyed and read for a bit. I asked if she would like a back rub, but that wasn’t accepted. I was surprised to find I wasn’t really upset because it isn’t the first time. I suspect as time goes on she will know me less and less. I find I have to put the chocolate or cookie in her hand – Didi says someone has to be with her at mealtime to redirect her when she gets distracted. I know she will slowly forget how to do the things she can do right now.

Fern – who is 102 – was at the table and she seems to enjoy hearing the book even when I put Mom to sleep. I’m glad I can do something to entertain her, it is so hard for her because she thinks no one ever comes to visit. Her son and his family do come, but it is in the evening after work. Didi now has an opening because Monique left – she was a bit in another world but when she got on the bus and made it all the way to SeaTac, that was a big problem. As far as I know Monique went to hospital but not sure what happened after that.

I have most of the blueberry bushes covered

The two branches that need tying up

The blueberries are ripening and the birds are having a field day. There is a huge Stellard Blue Jay eating his fill. On the way home yesterday, I stopped at Joann’s for nylon net. I bought 2 3 yard pieces and sewed them together – unfortunately the blueberries extend farther than I thought. So I need to make another trip for more and also some clips to hold it together. They will get under the net anyway, but it will be a little harder.

Eddie picked some ripe ones last night and they were wonderful He also found a ripe fig on the tree, so we split it – out of this world! The apples are starting fall on the ground, probably time to check out the pears to see if any are ready to pick. I didn’t realize pears are picked unripe and then they are left to ripen. If they stay on the tree, they may rot. The red ones are doing well, don’t think we have many on the other pear tree.

How about those pears!

Tags:Blue Jay, blueberries, clips, feisty, Fern, fig, furnace fan, hot weather, Mom, nylon net, pears, reading
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Cherries!!!

July 27, 2014

Royal Anne Cherries

Rainier Cherries

It’s cherry season and they are less now than when they first came in to the stores. We have been buying Rainier cherries, though I feel they are just like the Royal Annes we had when I was growing up. I looked it up and the Royal Annes are smaller, not as flavorful – I remember them as delicious. Who ever planted them next to the garage – espaliered across the side – didn’t understand long terms effects.

They were already planted and tall, producing the most wonderful cherries. As I stand at the kitchen counter eating Rainier cherries, I am sent back to being a little girl in the summer time. I would walk down the sidewalk and pull a branch down to eat my fill of cherries. It’s a wonder I didn’t get sick to my stomach.

When Eddie and I would come back to visit Mom and Dad, he would enjoy them as much as I did. I remember one day when the two of them climbed on the roof and picked a big bowl of cherries. Later they sat eating cherries while watching baseball.

Imagine 2 very large cherry trees right up next to the garage. I think I have a picture somewhere, but it will take a while to find it.

We also had “the little cherry tree” near the two – it was a pollinator and the bird made sure we never had any of those. They did a pretty good job on the Royal Annes, but there were so many on the trees that there was enough for everyone. I’m sure there were little furry creatures from the canyon that came in the night for their share as well. Those trees served us very well.

It seemed in later years the trees had less fruit and the wildlife managed to abscond with most of the cherries before we had a chance. Then came a point when they grew too big and began to push the garage over. When I looked at the garage from the street, it listed to starboard. So Mom and Dad had to have them cut down, but left the “little tree”. Somehow two other trees grew over on the edge of the property to the north. The wildlife took care of any fruit they might have produced.

Finally they began to look so sad, dying and shriveling up the leaves. So I had John come over last year and cut them down, that was hard to see happen. I still have the tree trucks, John sawed them up in wood slices and I have used them in my three beds. So they are still useful and not completely gone.

The blackberries are also ripening now – they seem to take over everywhere. Reminds me a bit of kudzu in Atlanta. These have wonderful, juicy blackberries, but this vines and thorns will tear you to ribbons at the blink of an eye. Believe me, it’s hard work but the results are delicious – once you attend to the wounds.

What I remember most were the tiny blackberries that grew in the fields. They have tiny thorns that stuck me and stayed in there for a long time. We used to call it “frying our brains” because we were in the sun and it was hot. We would see if we could gather enough for a pie, one year we even picked enough for jam.

We also had raspberries bushes, I would pick in the morning and then late in the afternoon it would like as if I hadn’t picked any. We had lots of those for breakfast, Mom made jam and many went from bush to mouth. We had blueberries as well, loved the blueberry pancakes in the morning, though plain blueberries in a bowl were lovely. Picking blueberries was easy, not thorns and the bushes were just next to the back porch.

Funny how eating fruit takes me back to my childhood; the taste, smell, texture all bring pictures to my mind of when and how I used to eat, pick and enjoy each one.

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Mixed Up Week

July 26, 2014

This has nothing to do with the post but I enjoy Ellen’s photos a lot and this makes me smile.

It has been a rather oddball week, at times I wasn’t sure what day it was, what time it was or what was happening next. Certainly traffic has been a real problem because they closed all but one lane each way on the I-90 bridge to fix expansion joints. Friday night to the following Friday morning, Eddie had a long commute from up north coming home. Of course it didn’t help that the President arrived on Tuesday – for 2 fundraisers rather than what to do about the wildfires. It took Eddie about 2 1/2 hours to get home each day. Because of the traffic, they didn’t open the archives, so Eddie spent Wednesday up north taking 4 students and their professor for a tour and a couple of places. This was done for PNAA rather than the Future of Flight.

I went to see Mom on Monday afternoon because there was an assessment being done – like the one done last year. The guy saw a definite decline in how she is from the last time; Didi was there and was able to tell him what she needs help with – everything. She was a little uncomfortable saying it in front of me, but I told her it’s what I need to hear. In many ways I wasn’t surprised and it didn’t hit me quite as much as last year. I have noticed she does less and less, I have to put the cookie or chocolate in her hand. When I went Friday, I brought cookies for the house.

Tuesday was a day for myself – I worked on my radio show. I am working on creating a picture in my mind to help me see it clearly. I am thinking of starting with a 30 minute show during the week and seeing how it goes. So I put together a clock for myself with each minute so I can visualize how much time for program and how for ads. Still lots of questions, but I feel it is important for it to be clear to me before I can explain it any sponsor. I would like to meet with Brian and Erik, this time with questions and see how to organize the show and all the parts that need to be set. It’s interesting to notice bits and pieces of it come together without great effort. I think deciding on guests is the easy part.

Wednesday I went to Breakfast Club and then went to see Cheryl again. I really felt exhausted after my adjustment, so I came home and found no electricity – I don’t need electricity to have a nap. So I did. When I woke up, I had no idea what time it was. Melanie from PNAA called to see if Eddie was home because she was anxious to know how things went. I asked her what time it was – 3:15. About 3:30 Eddie called and the electricity came on – he wanted me to call Melanie to let her know everything went like clockwork and they were delighted. So I called and she was pleased to heart. I told her Eddie would call her when he came home – whenever that was. She appreciated my call. I have to admit, I was not sure what was going on – I felt confused because of my nap and no electricity.

We also had rain this week – blessed relief. I would have liked a day or two more rain, everything is dry and parched – especially me. Now it is a fresh, washed clean feeling and certainly the air is clearer. Having temperatures in the high 80’s and into the 90’s are a bit much – I prefer 75 to 80. Now it is due to go up to the 80’s again. Tomorrow is the Ravenna Volvo picnic where the dealership invites owners and friends to celebrate with them. Looks as if it is going to be a lovely day tomorrow. Eddie cleaned his car very well this afternoon for the car show. He just bought a new wagon and it is different from the other wagons, so that should generate a lot of comments and compliments.

Thursday I went to Apple to Group Training to help me put together a new header for the new blog for Eddie. He isn’t doing the regular newsletter for Future of Flight any more and this is going to be a work in progress until we figure out how we want it to be. Looks like another education for me.

Friday Eddie took the day off to go down to the LeMay Car Museum about volunteering. I went to see Mom with cookies for house – she was a bit droopy but certainly ready for chocolate and cookies. In some ways rather she was rather talkative while I read D.E. Stevenson – no idea what she was saying, but it was important to her. Afterwards, I met Eddie at home and we went down to visit the place that will put a coating on his car to prevent dings from rocks. He is going to take next Friday off since he has to leave it the whole day. Then we can use my car to visit Mom and do what we want to do. Afterwards we had something at Barnes & Noble and did some grocery shopping.

Today we did some different things – went to Whole Foods, then over to Des Moines to the car wash for tomorrow and then stopped for ice cream. Auntie Irene’s is the only place I know that has licorice ice cream – yummy. Eddie is doing the laundry and I am about done with this – there’s an old movie on we want to watch. I think things will feel more normal on Monday.

Tags:Apple, assessment, Breakfast Club, Cheryl, Mom, oddball week, radio show, Rain, sponsors, traffic
Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

Past My Comfort Zone

July 20, 2014

I have started a new project, though I have been thinking about it and wanting to do it for the past few years. So why haven’t I done it before now? Great question! I think it has mostly been – what I am beginning to understand finally – a result of my core belief, I am not good enough. I have seen myself in terms of what I don’t have – a degree, a specific talent, training – I can go on and on. I was also concerned about who would be interested in what I have to say, that no one would tune in to me. All those insecurities running around my brain. Strangely enough, about 5 weeks ago I calmly wrote an email:

I have been wanting to do a radio show, not quite sure how to clearly define it. I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 43 years and in the last few years I have been thinking in terms of finding the gifts in it rather than seeing myself as a victim. Since February of 2010, I have been writing a blog called www.giftofra.com,

wanting to share my experiences and what I am learning can help others. I am in the process of writing an ebook with a collection of blog posts about RA – I plan to do one about dementia since I have been dealing with my Mom’s for the past 3 or 4 years. I have spent most of those 43 years dealing with it on my own and it would have been great to have someone with more experience to consult. In some way, I would like to be that person – I am only an expert in my own RA.

I probably need someone to help me decide the focus and audience for a show – I have been thinking of calling it Finding The Gifts. It is scary, yet I have been thinking about it the last few years while I have enjoyed listening to KKNW. There is a part of me that thinks “Why would anyone want to listen to me?”, I know that is the no part of me. If I don’t actively do something about it, it will always be something I wanted to do but never had the courage.

I had a really nice email in response:

My name is Brian Egge with KKNW. Erik Krema the Operations Manager at KKNW gave me your contact information. I am sorry to hear about your condition, but it sounds like you have made the best of it. I think it’s very admirable that you want to share your experiences with others that may have the same condition and help consult them. Erik and I would love to hear more about yourself and your condition to see how it will relate to the KKNW audience.

About 2 weeks later I went over to the radian station to meet with Brian and Erik. It was a lot of fun and they were terrific. What has surprised me through this whole thing is how calm I am – I wasn’t worried about my looks even though I am heavier than I have ever been. I just thought, this is who I am at this moment and I am fine with it. I didn’t have the butterflies in my stomach or any of that, nor did I feel insecure and see myself as not having much to offer. They asked questions and I had no problem answering them, plus I put in a few bits myself.

I was amazed when they said I had the timbre and voice for radio – I told them I spent a lot of years answering the phone and having people ask if my mother was there – the timing. They really wanted me to come and do a show for the station. All I had to do was tell them when. Then I got the fluttering inside. I must admit, I was stunned and it hadn’t really seemed real or sunk in at the point. WOW! I had no idea.

Now, the sticking point is getting sponsors to fund the show – no way I can afford it on my own. I have talked to a couple of friends and they are interested – I just have to understand how it all works. I told them I would start a list of questions – I always have questions, just ask my clients. Interestingly enough, I had started a notebook about my radio show 2 or 3 years ago, that made a start for right now.

Later I had another email from Brian:

Thanks for the email. Well Erik and I really do believe you would be excellent as a radio host on KKNW. Yes, I would be happy to send you some information to share with your people of interest for sponsoring. I will put something together and try to email it to you by no later than Monday afternoon. Does that work?

Does that work? You bet your ass it does. This is new territory for me, so it is a bit confusing at the moment. I want to meet with them again to find out how it all works. It has finally sunk in and I have been thinking about it and what I would do. I had some ideas for music I listed in my notebook, then Friday I was listening to my Susan Boyle cd in the car and the last song is “This Is The Moment” and it hit me because it said a lot of things that described how I was feeling.

It is less expensive to do it outside 6 to 6 weekdays, but I have decided to aim high and do half an hour on a weekday – shoot for the moon and I will at least land on a star. Once again, I need to talk with them about it. I know there are a lot more things to do, I am working on what I know to do right now and see what comes next.

Tags:audience, core belief, ebook, email, Finding The Gifts, KKNW, new territory, project, RA, radio show, sponsors, voice for radio
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Last Part of The Song

July 13, 2014

I decided to finish up the last 2 verses of “My Favorite Things”. If Ellen and Candy have any photos to contribute, then I will redo it.

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites

When the bee stings

When I’m feeling sad

I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad

Tags:bee sting, blue sashes, dogs, feeling good, girls in white dresses, photos, sad, snowflakes, verses, winter
Posted in Photos | 2 Comments »

One More Time!

July 9, 2014

My sisters and I were on a roll when Ellen first sent the Raindrops On Roses photo and I asked about Whiskers on Kittens – Candy’s cue to send a photo of her friends kittens. I realize now I thought I knew the words to My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music. NEWS FLASH! I don’t. So I needed to check out the lyrics and see where I went off track.

Raindrops on roses

and whiskers on kittens

Bright copper kettles

and warm woolen mittens

Brown paper packages tied up with strings

These are a few of my favorite things

That’s the first verse and we only did the first line – I went into the second verse with doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles after Ellen sent apple strudel. By then we were off track but having fun.

Now to the 2nd verse, we have several pictures for that.

Cream colored ponies

and crisp apple streudel

Doorbells and

Sleigh bells

schnitzel with noodles

Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

These are a few of my favorite things

The three of us have done well with the first two verses, it will be interesting to see what we come up with for the last 2 verses. Thank You Ellen and Candy – this “project” is fun to do.

Tags:brown paper packages, copper kettles, kittens, mittens, Rain drops on roses
Posted in Photos | Leave a Comment »

Bits And Bobs

July 6, 2014

This is one of those times when I want to write but haven’t an idea what to write about. Usually something has happened, I have learned or discovered something, someone said or did something unusual – none of it comes to mind. I ave noticed the moles are back – they have been digging in the bed by the porch and I can see the holes, not just a pile of dirt. They are busy little bodies, that’s for sure.

I have been working on my RA book; I think I have a better handle on the program now. I decided to use my sister Ellen’s ocean pictures for the cover and also the chapter headings – looks pretty good. When I feel I have the hang of the program, I will work on the book about dementia – both Ellen and Candy have flower photos and I think those will fit Mom because she loved gardening. As for my garden, well that’s another story. Nothing else has been done since I messed up my knee – I don’t think it is the best thing to do at the moment. I did receive the flower seed mats and I have decided to use quilt block patterns to set them out – maybe with white stones to outline them. I need to cut them in squares and diamonds ready to be put down.

As for the knee from my slide; I am doing better, I just started my third week of it. I have been seeing Cheryl, my chiropractor and she has helped; mostly it is resting and taking care of myself. I don’t do a lot in a day, just what I need to do and I have been having naps at times. I’ve been using my cane when I go out, around the house I do okay. It was hard to bend my knee to walk and now it is slowly getting better. I think of the things I need and want to do, then I feel too tired to do anything about it. I keep forgetting it takes a lot of energy to deal with it and rest is so important. This too will pass – it always does.

I look around the office and keep thinking how much I need to clean out and organize. There are things I no longer need and when I take the clutter out of my mind and home, there will be room for new things and ideas. I am a pack rat, though getting less so – it’s the sentimental streak that gets me. That is how I feel about the things someone gave me, or I used to use, etc. Too much emotion invested in things. One thing I have been learning through Mom and dementia is to take the emotion out of it. Taking it personally is also part of it. Now I am working on taking the emotion out of things – I have pictures and they have been part of my life since I can remember. But I am living my life, not my parents’ life – I want to have my own things around me. Not sure I remember what I have any more, 12 years is a long time.

It is our life now – Eddie’s and mine. I guess I feel a bit disloyal selling or giving away Mom and Dad’s things. But it is also disloyal to Eddie to not have our things upstairs. I feel caught in the middle a bit, I want to move on with our life together. I think I am finally at that point I am ready to let go for myself. The advice to people is to wait a year before making any major decisions – it is almost 2 years since Mom moved to the adult family home. She won’t be coming home or need anything now, she isn’t really aware of anything outside where she lives. (I think I am actually writing this to myself).

This is probably the first July 4th in quite a while that we have had sun for several days. We tend to joke that summer doesn’t start until July 5th, this is one summer that seems to be more “normal” (if you can define that). The sun and clouds have been playing hide go seek with each other, sometimes it is a hazy sun – not my favorite. We actually had almost 90 on Tuesday – much to warms for me. since I found out we have a furnace fan, I turn that on to help cool things off upstairs and bring some warmth and dryness to the basement. It works pretty well, so Eddie and I were comfortable sleeping that night. If it is going to be partly cloudy, then make it clear blue sky, bright sun and white puffy clouds. I don’t mind the clouds covering the sun for a bit – it has a lighter feel, hazy sunshine reminds me too much of L.A. and smog or East Coast with hazy, hot and humid. I think go it as the difference between having a bad headache and feeling great.

This seems to be a bit of a mind dump – just things running through my head. It would be a whole lot longer if I wrote about everything whirling around up there.

Tags:Candy, clean out, clutter, dementia, Ellen, emotions, knee, moles, RA book, seed mats
Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

Life Lesson

July 4, 2014

It’s the 4th of July today – we knew it was coming because there have been firecrackers going off for a week. Strangely enough, it’s quiet at the moment – 2:15 p.m. – but I expect it will get livelier as the day goes on and it begins to be dark. So we are in for a noisy evening and night. We can look in all four directions and people have fireworks going off – sometimes it is hard to decide which way to turn. The other unusual part of the day is that we have had sun and good weather quite often – we tend to say summer doesn’t start here until July 5th.

Eddie took the day off and went with me to visit Mom. I wasn’t sure if he would because he finds it very difficult to be with her, he can’t really carry on a conversation with her. She has been having trouble with her knee, so she has been in the wheelchair – but Judy has her use the walker to go into the tv room. Today she was sitting in the chair, her walker near her. So she must be doing better. She is always ready for chocolate and cookies, I had 2 different kinds of chocolate this time. As we were walking over from the church parking lot, Eddie said he didn’t want to stay very long.

We were there about half an hour and Judy was outside on the phone, so I couldn’t tell her we were leaving. I went around the back door but she wasn’t outside, she was just inside the door. She was concerned about me because we hadn’t stayed long – I told her it is hard for Eddie to see her that way. She is so understanding and kind to me, it started my tears gathering in my eyes. And the nicer she is to me, the more I cry. It hit me and I was feeling upset. I went back to the car and decided I would just feel the feeling, feel the sensations.

I can’t really describe how I was feeling, upset is the best I can do. So I just decided this is what I am feeling in this moment, not judging it good or bad, or criticizing or beating myself up about it. I decided to speak my truth, though mostly it was inside me rather than telling Eddie. It was uncomfortable to feel like that, but that was how I felt. I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and I let them fall. I thought about the gift in it, at that moment I didn’t see any gift. I called on Mother/Father God, my angels, archangels, master teachers, ascended masters, spirit guides, over lighting divas and all who were there for my highest good to help and guide me to see the gift.

As I was working through it, I realized the gift was I felt my feelings and the sensations without judgment or beating myself up – just allowed them to be what they were in that moment. Usually I will do something or go somewhere so I don’t have to feel or think about what I am feeling – not always the best idea. It feels as if it is another step to awareness – they aren’t always comfortable or enjoyable steps, but they are necessary.

I told Judy I have had several people tell me that I will be grateful I did this for Mom – she said that was so very true. Right now it is a bit difficult for me to see this because often I want to run away and not have to deal with it. I also know I couldn’t live with myself if I did – I keep thinking how she has always been there for me and my sisters and it is my turn to do it for her. I never want her to feel she has been abandoned. I spoke to an intuitive a few weeks back and she told me my Dad’s Spirit is still here, waiting until Mom finishes what she needs to complete. She said he is very proud of me.

It’s better now, though there is a heaviness and some draggy feelings. The gift comes in unexpected ways, or is itself different from what I thought it would be. Sometimes I expect things to show up in a certain way or form, when it doesn’t, I am disappointed. I have a much easier time now just giving it to God and saying “However shows up, whatever works for me”. I have finally learned that when I say it has to be a certain way, I limit the Universe and miss out on all kinds of possibilities.

I also have some things to resolve with Mom, I plan to have a reading with the intuitive to see what is left unfinished.

Tags:4th of July, chocolate, cookies, Eddie, feeling the feelings, gifts, God, intuitive, Judy, Mom, speak my truth, Universe
Posted in Emotions | Leave a Comment »

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Gift of RA

Archive for July, 2014

Back to the Warm Stuff!

Cherries!!!

Mixed Up Week

Past My Comfort Zone

Last Part of The Song

One More Time!

Bits And Bobs

Life Lesson

Gift of RA on Facebook!

Catless In Seattle

Kitchen Remodel

Lee Kaplanian

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