Posts Tagged ‘radio show’

Labor Day Weekend

September 7, 2017

This is often considered to be the end of summer weekend.  For us it is very warm and with more fires all around us, very hazy, smokey and hot.  Sinuses are not happy but not a lot we can do.  Meanwhile, my two sisters are having Seattle summer weather.

My younger one in Nashville had rain from Harvey but no flooding; my older sister on the Jersey shore is also having comfortable weather and some rain.

Nashville

Ocean Grove, N.J.

We are having spectacular sunsets and sunrises because of the air quality.  Some people think people in Seattle are wimps because it seems we are  never satisfied – not enough rain, too much rain, etc.  I would not trade places with anyone, this is definitely my place.  People with all kinds of chronic illness are having difficulty with the weather and conditions, it is tough on the body physically, especially with a compromised immune system.  What I also know is that so far my survival rate from difficult times is 100% and I will make it through this as well.  Patience has been something I have had to learn – I will admit to times when it is stretched to it’s limits.

I was looking back at the beginning posts I wrote back in 2009 – I had forgotten a lot of it and it was a good reminder to me.  It also gave me a subject for my radio show this week – I wouldn’t be surprised to find quite a few more.  My contract with the radio station is up at the end of October, I have been working on finding sponsors to continue the show for another year.  I have three possibilities that I hope will come together.  We now have a metaphysical shop in Burien and they are an oasis for me.  I was there last week and one of the owners was saying that by tomorrow when Mercury goes back home and several other planets and eclipses occur, things will come together.  It is a matter of patience.  My problem is that I want it all settled and “in the bag” right now before my deadline.  I will see what unfolds in the next few days and weeks with as much patience I can muster.

THURSDAY

Tuesday morning I left for my show and it looked very odd outside – almost a green tinge similar to the eclipse.  When I came up the hill, the sun was a red disc – very odd.  I had never seen it that way before.  The fires are getting worse and growing – it has been so difficult for the firefighters to access the slopes and put out the fires.  For several days the smoke has made the sun red, there was talk the moon is also red – hard to see it.  I have sinus headaches and once again I am coughing with a dry, scratchy throat.  I hate to think what it is like for people with major respiratory problems.  I’m having a hard enough time with my body.  My rheumatologist’s office called yesterday because they were concerned my sed rate went up after finally going down.  I told Jennifer my body has been very uncomfortable since the fires started and the smoke hasn’t helped my sinuses.  She said a lot of patients are having trouble as well.  I am hoping when they do blood work again at the end of October, I will have lower labs again.

Now when I look at Texas and Florida, this is no big deal – it just feels that way at times.  I can’t imagine losing everything or the threat about to arrive as it comes toward Florida.  I was in one hurricane in Connecticut – spent the time curled up in a fetal position on the sofa.  Eddie was out of town and driving back – I wasn’t sure he would make it.   I didn’t want to be in the hurricane alone, but if I had to, I could do it.  To take my mind off it, I taped windows – wow, I had no idea how many we had!  Just as things began to rock and roll, Eddie got home.  I was so glad to see him.

I also saw my first Nor’easter there, we were in East Haven on the shore.  I sat and watched from my dining room window.  The Sound came up to the fence on the other side of the street – one of those days when I was glad we didn’t have beach front.  Things were flooded out on both ends of the street, but we were okay.  Afterwards it was a little tricky in places, never quite knew what would be flooded and what wouldn’t.  There have been other kinds of weather I’ve been through, I can certainly relate a small bit of how it is.

I know this too shall pass, I just like it to get on its way a little faster and bring some rain the clear and clean the air and help put out the fires.  The pictures I’ve seen are horrendous.

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Ye God’s And Little Fishes!

August 25, 2017

I had no idea I haven’t  written a post since the middle of May.  To be honest, I would have whinged about things and I promised I wouldn’t do that here.  It meant I didn’t have  to write about it but life has been interesting nonetheless.  We had a record  number of days without rain here – 52.  One of the things I enjoy about Seattle is the rain in the summer when everything has that fresh, washed clean feel.  We are still waiting for a proper rain, a slight drizzle that records as .02 inches isn’t what I can rain.

One thing that we have had is hot weather in the 90’s – yes, that’s hot for us and I know the southeast was in triple digits.  To make it more uncomfortable, there were fires up in British Columbia and we were getting a lot of smoke from it – we could smell it burning.  There were days when we couldn’t see past the front yard – the mountains have only recently reappeared.  Sometimes we could barely see Vashon, sometimes a whisper of Blake.  The heat, smoke and haze were difficult for everyone, sneezing, stuffy, runny nose and I have been getting sinus headaches – the kind when it feels as of someone is sitting on my head.  My chiropractor has helped me with them, plus Advil.  It reminded me so much of living in L.A. – hot smoggy, hazy and headachy.  Up here it also felt stuffy – believe me, I am dry and parched and ready for rain.

Of course, there are those who say people in Seattle are never satisfied – too much rain, not enough rain, too much cloudy weather, etc.  What really amazed me was the evening I looked out at the sunset and saw the reddest sun I have ever seen.  I took pictures but it really didn’t register very well, so I have some from KOMO News that are something else.

This one is mine.  you wouldn’t know the sun was so red.

 

 

Some of the pictures are sunset, some are sunrise – I had no idea how beautiful it could be while being uncomfortable.  The last one looks as if it was Photoshopped, but it is real.

During the hydro races at the beginning of August on Sunday. people didn’t think the Blue Angels would fly, but they did.  I had a doc appointment at the Polyclinic one of the days they were practicing and saw one whiz by – usually they are long gone when I hear them.

I am doing my show and having a good time, unless I find sponsors, it will be over at the end of October.  I am not happy about it and finding advertisers isn’t easy because I don’t have the numbers that they want.  I have learned a lot this year and feel as if I am getting into the groove, so it is hard to think of not doing it any more.  I have two possible and now that I have the  necessary paperwork, I will go talk to them next week.

Not a big post this time, but I wanted to share some of the photos of the last few weeks since it is something different for us.  We were home for the eclipse and what I noticed is the room got dark but there was sunlight – it had an odd look to it during the eclipse. We didn’t have glasses and I knew there would be pictures on the news of it, so I don’t feel I really missed out.  If it had been a total eclipse, it would have been very dark.

I want to be more  regular with my posts again, I realize how much I miss doing it and it helps me to make sense of things at times.

Our World Has Shifted Again

March 26, 2017

I don’t have pictures to add, so I will use Ellen’s  from last year.

It’s been quite a while since I did a post – 3 months to be exact!  I have had trouble writing because my little finger on my left hand has put in extra letters and I have to keep going back to fix it.  I have finally decided on the 2 finger hunt and peck system to eliminate as much as I can.  I’ll do spell check and if there are other errors, I’d say you will be able to figure them out without any problem.

We’ve had 2 snow storms, one on the 1st of the year, the other last month.  I definitely don’t go out in snow – I did my show from home rather than risk finding myself in a ditch.  I would have been fine, it was smarter to do it from home.  I had one I had to have a rebroadcast because I lost my voice – not helpful in radio.  I feel I am getting the hang of the show after 5 months, though what seemed clear a bit ago, isn’t quite so clear.  Definitely a learning experience.

Eddie has retired for the 4th or 5th time.  Two weeks ago was Eddie’s last day with Andy – finance is not his thing and spending time at the aviation conference really brought that home to him.  He had such a great time that week – like a kid in a candy store.  He met all kinds of people and his Kaplanian Report was a hit.  He is following up on contacts, talking to people and looking to creating a new venture in commercial aviation.  We don’t know how it will show up or how it will look yet.  Eddie has decided that at this age he doesn’t have to do something he doesn’t want to do.

That also means he is home a lot more – a big adjustment for both of us.  I let him know I haven’t retired, I have my own life and business.  There also my medical life,.  Tomorrow is a cardiac scoring the cardiologist wanted me to do – on me.  I am going to see my dermatologist on Friday to check if I have to do minor MOHS surgery or not.  I opt for not.   I need new orthotics, I have a list to the right since I broke my hip and I am noticing it more as time goes on.  Maybe they will even help me clip my toenails, I am having trouble reaching as well as strength to clip.  Both of us are dealing with runny, stuffy nose and sneezing – is it sinus or allergy?  No one seems to know.  Doc Pierce would rather save the antibiotics for heavy-duty situations – that’s fine with me.  I prefer to go do the things I want to do and not spend so much time on medical.

My personal injury case is finally settled – it’s only been a year and a half.  I got money earlier and then the second one just came recently.  I called Brad to find out when he can start on the downstairs bathroom – he came by this week with ideas and a budget.  He needs to schedule the plumber and electrician, so I’m not sure when he will start.  Since there will be a new shower stall, he wants to dig up the old one and see what is underneath before the plumber comes.  So he will do that first – Eddie can still the sink and toilet but will shower up here.  Since he will probably be home, he can make the decisions for his bathroom.

We had Mr. Rooter out because the hot water went wonky.  He had to replace the elements, my bad for not draining the water heater every year.  It’s so lovely to have it working properly again.  The joys of home ownership.  I also have a new toilet seat – the other one was loose and I have a bit more bulk now, so the mix didn’t work out very well.  No more loose toilet seat.

We have had more rain in the last 3 months than all of last year.  Not sure why – it still feels like fall and winter even though the flowers are blooming.  The crocuses were out last month – it was chilly – and they bloomed their hearts out.  Then the mini daffodils are blooming and a pink Hyacinth came up from out of nowhere.  Now the grape hyacinths are showing their pretty, purple faces.  The Scillas have greenery all over the place, soon they will have lovely lavender blossoms.  The forsythia on the bank finally bloomed, they are usually the first.

The moles have been busy off and on – Eddie is sure if he leaves them alone, they don’t produce so many mounds.  Let’s face it, they haven’t helped the lawn except to maybe aerate the soil.

As you can see, not a lot of excitement or big news lately.  However, I hope to get back into the groove of writing posts again – I miss it and it helps me process things.

 

Candy sent this lovely butterfly – great finish for the post.

Thank You both for the lovely photos you send me, I love to seeing them.

 

That Was The Week That Was

November 23, 2014

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Fall at Vanderbilt University – nothing to do with my post but so lovely I wanted to share it.

It’s a week later and I am relieved to have the letter and its accompanying  attachments on their way to DSHS – all thanks to Dave Gagley.  It will be interesting to see  if there is an answer and if so, what it will be.  Fortunately they will be sending it to Dave, not me.  Now I am possibly making it out to be worse than it is, I don’t like messing with government in any form.

I feel I have taken off my training wheels for the radio show, I am feeling more confident being on air, the times when I am suddenly at a loss for words are fewer and I am able to  recover.  I am still working on my archives, the downloads don’t quite fit the mb quota of my site.  Definitely need to work out how to put it on iTunes as a podcast.  I am also working on guests, some people are a bit shy about being on the air, even if it is on the phone.  But I am not pushing because that doesn’t help make people comfortable.

I am beginning to think my fatigue has loosened up a bit – I sleep all night, have naps in the afternoon and still have trouble getting up in the morning.  I planned to do  several things this week, instead I was dragging and had naps.  Wednesday afternoon I went to the eye doctor for a check up – I’m doing well and there is only a slight change, I don’t need to buy new glasses.  However, when we came home, I was in bed like a shot because I was beat.  I also just saw snowflakes instead of lights and things were a bit blurry, seemed the smart thing to do since I couldn’t do anything else.

Friday was a really good day.  I was able to do things all day and didn’t feel the need for a nap.  I can’t say the same for Saturday, I work with each day as it comes.  I will say I am impatient to have energy again, it feels so long ago the last time I felt energetic.  It’s so much easier to do things with energy.  I am noticing I  tend to say “I’m tired” – doesn’t help the attitude, my goal is to be aware of what I say about it and make sure it is positive.  It’s a thought, and a thought can be changed.

We have been having rain again, I really noticed it on Thursday.  My legs and hips were stiff and sore, I knew something was going on, but not sure what.  We had a lot of clear, cold and sunny days, we are back to the 40’s and 50’s with rain.  Typical Seattle fall weather.  I will take this  rather than deal with snow, ice or any other cold stuff.  I remember a woman I worked with at Boeing who was from Buffalo.  she said when it snowed hard, her Mom would let her young sister outside because she couldn’t find her in the piles of snow.  I’ve seen pictures of this last snowfall there – a lot of people have prepared for it and are concerned about the snow on the roof.  When it starts raining, that snow will be even heavier.  We had a snowstorm here with quite a few inches, then it rained and roofs caved in.  They were showing on Lake Union the roofs of the boat houses collapsing from the weight.

This coming week is a medical one, Monday afternoon is the dentist – talking to him about being on the show as well as my teeth.  Tuesday is my rheumatologist and then my infusion.  It will be my last visit to her, she is retiring at the end of the year (she is younger than I am).   I will miss her, I’ve been going to her since I moved here 12 years ago.  For their long time patients, they called each of us to let us know this was happening.  also, there are 4 other rheumatologists now, so they looked to see which doctor would fit the patient.  I will see Dr. Shasteen in January, I haven’t met her before but a friend had her as a doctor and really liked her.  Nothing stays the same, certainly I haven’t stayed the same.  I think I also see my primary care doctor as well.  Have to check the calendar.

Eddie is taking Thursday off – we have reservations at Il Fornaio for Thanksgiving dinner at 3:30.  We haven’t done this before, so I’m looking forward to it – we enjoy their food and the people.  For years Eddie would get a turkey as a work bonus and there we would be, a big turkey and the 2 of us.  Some years we invited people over, or we were invited and we provided the turkey.  I think last year we found a ball of turkey at Whole Foods, just dark and white meat and not too big for two. It worked out quite well.

We have also taken care of Christmas shopping for my sisters plus our niece and her family in Toronto.  We had everything sent so we don’t have to carry it on the plane.  Let’s hope there isn’t an ice storm this year – it was really something last year.

DSHS Rears It’s Head Again!

November 16, 2014

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Mom on her 90th birthday.

Just when I thought all was pretty much taken care of with Mom’s stuff; a letter from DSHS arrives in last Saturday’s mail.  they sent a form about asset recovery for Mom’s medicaid.  It is a simple form, but I always feel it is a more of a minefield.  I made a copy of it to play around with before doing the official one.  I took it over to Dave Gagley to check for me – I don’t want to answer questions they didn’t ask.  We spent some time figuring out what I need, what else I need to do, etc. because they are going to want the money in her checking account.  I don’t begrudge them the money because they did so much for Mom, I want to be sure my ducks are in a row and everything is properly done.

He is going to file Mom’s will for safekeeping, not for probate.  So I had a list of things to bring him to put this together.  He also suggested going to see our new accountant about final tax return and what is needed.  I made an appointment with AD  and his opinion was that it wasn’t necessary to file because she had minimum income.  I went back to see Dave on Friday to give him the stuff, plus to call AD to explain what he needed, I wasn’t too clear because I don’t quite understand it or the ramifications.

So he and AD talked and settled it between themselves – a bonus for Dave is that AD is looking for an elderly attorney as a referral for his clients.  It’s possible Dave will refer clients who need a tax accountant to AD.  Works all around.  It was such a relief to have their help with this, it has been a source of tension and stress for me all week.  Dave is going to write a letter to DSHS to let them know there are still some bills – his and AD’s still outstanding, so the account isn’t ready to close yet.

I am hoping this is the last piece to the whole puzzle and it can be put to rest.  It has seemed as if there is a spanner in the works cropping up and making me feel stressed; how glad I am to have had Dave to consult and help me with each one as it appears.  I get antsy and  uptight when it comes to government, they can make life very difficult without even trying.

Tomorrow is my radio show, thank goodness the website is up and running and I think I have email.  Last Monday Vickie Bergquist was my show, it was fun because she came to the studio with me for a face to face show.  She was nervous, later said she had fun and I put her at ease.  Not sure what I did, but I am sure Benny helped to calm her nerves too.  This week it is just me.

I have had a lot of good comments from friends on how well it sounds and how polished.  Maybe it is time to take off the training wheels.  I am more comfortable with it, though not quite sure it is real.  It’s not a feeling I can put into words, maybe more of an unreal quality because I never thought I would be doing this.  I had some advice from a marketing friend, since I don’t have a sponsor yet, he suggested using my promotional marketing business as my sponsor.  So we’ll see how that works tomorrow.

It is somewhat odd to find I have trouble remembering what I did during the past week.  I know I was busy and not able to take naps in the afternoons.  I need to check my calendar.   I have been sleeping pretty well at night, sometimes it’s hard to wake up early even though I had gone to bed around 9.  I feel I have a bit more energy at times, some days more than others.

Even tough we have had sun most of the week, it hasn’t been all that comfortable to be outside in the wind – it’s really cold to me.  I know we aren’t having Arctic Chill temperatures, but these are cold enough for me.  Yes, I am a bit of a wimp when it comes to extreme temperatures either way.  We have been having low 40’s during the day and some below freezing nights.  I know other places are colder, snowier and more miserable, this is where I live and it’s more than enough for me.  I have served my time in the  eastern part of the U.S., that’s why I appreciate living here.

Cold is not always kind to joints, at times I feel as if I am slowly being mummified, my legs are as flexible and the other limbs aren’t quite so able to move that well.  The bandages feel as if they are tightening around my middle so I have more trouble bending – or is this all my imagination?  My left side rib is still sore from the tumble, I am curious to know why it seems to travel to different sections and ribs on that side.  Not sure what’s happening but have decided to see it as interesting rather than get my knickers in a twist about it.  The combination of RA and my body have kept me wondering what is happening for over 40 years.

How about that; I have written 900 words not saying much about anything.

What Day Is This?

November 9, 2014

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Bunny doesn’t have anything to do with the subject, she is comforting and we have been spending a lot of time together lately.

Lately, I have been feeling very mixed up, the days don’t feel the same any more.  Yesterday I was home all day while Eddie was working – but it was Saturday.  Felt odd.  Today is his usual Sunday at the LeMay Car Museum, that’s feeling a little more normal.  Then again, what’s normal?  I had a rocky start to last week, the result of a small tumble that I was able to get myself upright again without outside help.  Then I had an intuitive reading and that brought more after effects, so I was feeling  out of sync on several levels.  Then Eddie took Tuesday off and had a meeting; not a typical Tuesday so I lost track of my day.  That part is on me.  As the week progressed I felt better and had a really good day Thursday.  Unfortunately, I could not go to sleep that night, so Friday I was dragging.

I slept very well Friday night and pretty well last night – wish I knew what causes me to not be able to sleep.  It has gotten so I don’t quite know what day it feels and what the actual day is.  I haven’t been looking at my calendar much, that may contribute to the situation.  Maybe it is just a matter of finding my footing again, things have been in rather an upheaval since Mom’s passing.

I also have a tendency to overanalyze things instead of “going with flow” and letting things be what they are at that moment.  Plus, I need to give myself a break and not think in terms of what I am “supposed” to do or “should” do.  It is an old set of patterns that I choose to replace with knowing I am simply in this moment and all is well.  I am now old enough to do and say what I want because I am less and less concerned about other people’s opinions.  It doesn’t mean I’m rude, simply that if I disagree, I will say so.

I thought I had finally published my new website for my radio show findingthegiftsshow.com on Monday, only to find it wasn’t online after all.  So I have been in website hell for several days trying to figure out  why it isn’t online, why I can’t arrange an email and if I can upload shows for an archive.  I also figured out that to listen live to my show, I have to  put it this way 1150kknw.com/listen.  I am still frustrated about my archives, can’t seem to download the shows to my computer – another trip to Apple to find the answer.  Maybe by then, Larry will have figured out how to make a podcast for iTunes.  This is definitely a learning experience!

Thursday I did Chat with the website group to see what the problem was.  It turns out I have Builder but not the right combination of things to make it work properly.  There was a very nice young man named Jonathan who helped me so much, was very patient and got my site up and online.  then he sent me info on creating an email and also how to upload audio.  I created the email but my computer says it has no app for the download of the audio – now I have to figure out where it needs to go on my computer.  Another learning experience.

You have no idea how happy I was to see that website working!  I created it myself, I know it still needs a lot of work, the point was have something for people to check out and see who I am and what I do.  I still have a list of things I need to add, the main part was to have it up and running.   I felt I was in website hell for quite a while, once I can have proper archives, I will feel a whole lot better.

The week was physically uncomfortable, the end of the week was mentally uncomfortable.  That’s not to say I didn’t have comfortable and happy moments, I mostly remember the uncomfortable ones.  Now there is a program for you – I’ve spent so much of my life looking at the negative side, I forget how many gifts there were in the week.  Not always big, momentous ones, often small, delightful ones.  As I look at this post, I realize I mostly wrote about things that were uncomfortable this week – either it was just the telling of a story or a way of releasing a lot of the stress of the week.

Now it is time to start looking at the gifts in the week, does anyone want to read about my difficulties, even if I put humor in it?  The old patterns are hard to recognize and to replace with positives, it means I need to notice and observe to see them.

Taking It As It Comes

October 24, 2014

I can think of a lot of things I could or need to do, but at the moment I don’t really have the energy.  One thing I have learned is that writing it out often helps a lot, even if it is just to express it and get it out of my mind.  I look back on yesterday as a good day.  I had a great show with Dave Gagley, my attorney friend and the one who helped me so much with Mom and her affairs.  It was fun and we had a caller with a good question.  I kept it to estate planning since it is only a half hour, but I would like to have Dave on again for other things.

I had time between finishing the show and my chiropractor appointment, so I read a Dick Francis book – didn’t want to put it down until I saw how it all came together.  I did enjoy my adjustment, Cheryl is gentle but very effective.  Lately I have been stiff and sore around my clavicle girdle – that is around my back, neck and shoulders.  Guess there is still tension and stress.  I decided to have coffee and something while I read, that was enjoyable.  I was also putting off going to the funeral home to “pick up Mom and Dad”.

I took Dad’s ashes on Friday and they combined them so when I scatter them from on the Sound from a ferry, they will be together.  I also arranged for some to go to Candy, she wants to do something for them around Dad’s birthday.  It is the only physical evidence of them now, their essences are not in the earthly container any more.  It is amazing how heavy ashes are – the box and container with Dad’s was really heavy and the two together was also heavy.  I am not sure what I am feeling other than uncomfortable – yet there is no reason to be uncomfortable.  All this is new to me, I am so glad to have Dave helping me navigate the legal stuff, Char has helped a lot because she did it for both her mom and dad.  So many people have offered whatever help I need, I need to sort out how that looks for me.

By the time I got home, I was exhausted.  It was after 3, too late to have a nap.  However, I was happy to go to bed early and glad I slept well last night.  It is a kind of droopy day today and I decided to just go with it rather than push against it.  I probably would have been better off having a lie down in the afternoon, but I didn’t.  However, bed looks pretty good right now.

Back later.

 

It is a whole lot later than I planned – it’s Friday afternoon.  I have been having naps and sleeping pretty well at night – that is all to the good.  Wednesday morning before leaving for Breakfast Club, I had an email from Ellen with a Flash From the Past – she sent a photo with everything blooming.

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It makes me think of my Mom and how much she enjoyed her flowers.  I had a real lift from it and I made sure I emailed Ellen back to let her know how much I appreciated it.

When I went to Breakfast Club, I wasn’t so down and droopy.  They are a wonderful group of colleagues and friends, it is often a lift to the week.   I will say the week got better after that.  Thursday I spent at Apple learning more about Pages, though she had several new ones who didn’t know how to do it.  I mostly played around the cards and looking on the internet for pictures, etc. – I didn’t have a particular project.  I was surprised to find myself really tired, I seem to be okay in the morning and then suddenly run out of energy.  I decided to have a nap and since we hadn’t turned on the furnace yet, it was cold and I was glad to curl up in the warm cocoon of the bed and sleep or doze.

Last night we went out to Mongolian Grill for dinner, we haven’t done that for quite a while and we enjoy it.  Also, no dishes to wash.  it has been pouring a lot this week, we managed to find a break in the action to go to dinner.  Eddie has had the brunt of it going to and from Mukilteo, even hail yesterday

I decided to turn on the furnace this afternoon, three layers of wool and a layer of cotton wasn’t keeping me warm.  We thought about waiting until the 1st of November, but I just decided I had had enough of being cold and turned it on.   Blessed warmth!  If I were brought up in the UK, 61 degrees would seem quite comfortable.  I went to breakfast this morning with Judith and Juno – I almost didn’t, but figured Why not.  I enjoyed it and then went over to the funeral home to pick up Mom’s death certificates.  Suddenly ran out of energy and thought about coming home for a nap.  I ended up calling people about being a guest on my show or being a sponsor.  Not sure how any of it will turn out – it is God;s hands.

It has been the kind of week I’ve had for the past couple of weeks or so.  Still not sure what I feel or how I am doing, just working my way through what’s happening this day without wondering about tomorrow.

Somewhere In Neutral

October 14, 2014

I have to do at least one thing today – so far I have slept, watched tv and been on the computer, but not accomplishing anything.  I got up with Eddie this morning to have breakfast with him, he is spending the day at the Convention Center for the Interior Show.  Then we have the volunteer dinner tonight – he is the volunteer in the family.  I feel at loose ends, somewhere in neural – that’s the phrase that comes into my mind.

After he left, I checked email and then went back to bed.  I had trouble going to sleep because I was cold, then had weird dreams.  When I got up, I checked the clock and thought it was 1:00.  I had a show and got dressed, then looked at the clock again – it was only 11:30.  I’ve been sleeping well, so I may be beginning to unwind and release tensions of the last few years.  I did my show yesterday with Krista Gibson as my guest – she is great to have on the show and I enjoyed interviewing her.  Actually, I wanted her to clarify a couple of things I had heard her say because it was just a vague I think I know, but I was looking for I know that I know.  Now I am letting it simmer on the back burner until it really sinks in.

Before the show, I had a chance to meet and talk with Consuelo – her show is at 8:00 a.m., so I hear it as I am driving to the station.  I like what she has to say, plus she is the one who told me about Sound Cloud.  As we were talking, I asked her if it was too soon to see if my Mom had transitioned smoothly and was she with Dad and Josephine – Consuelo said she is there with them and it went smoothly.  She is happy and surrounded by love.  I was so glad to hear that – I know how scared Mom was to let go and all three of us girls told her Dad would be waiting.

After the show I went to see Dave, my attorney friend, about a matter for my sister.  He wasn’t there but I was able to give Dana the information and I will probably see Dave tomorrow at Breakfast Club.  Then went to see Dr. Cheryl for an adjustment.  My shoulders and neck have been stiff and sore – a large weight I have been carrying?  I’m not sure I am ready to examine feelings and emotions right now; I know it needs to be addressed.

I went to my caregiver support group, told them about Mom.  I realized I had been doing a lot of venting, but it was necessary and I knew it was a safe place.  I didn’t say a whole lot and there were two new people.  We ended up with 2 Jeans and 2 Lauries.  Then there was Claire and me, later Toni.   Last night I suddenly realized I don’t have to deal with that any more.  I am a little reluctant to say Mom’s passing is a relief – for her because she isn’t anxious or confused any more; for me because I was having trouble handling going to see her each week, seeing her decline before my eyes.

I was really tired when I came home, then fell asleep for a bit before dinner.  I could have gone to bed at any time, I didn’t want to find myself wide awake in the middle of the night because I had gone to sleep at 7.  My mind feels a bit like mush, hard to hold on to a thought or action for very long.  I feel as if it is one of my “drag my ass tired” periods with RA.

I hear from friends this is fairly normal.  It was very different when Dad died, our niece from Jerusalem was visiting and we left for Virginia after the Celebration of Life open house.  I went home and had to put my cat to sleep and our niece had used our phone to call her fellow and he kept calling.  Eddie was really upset because he told her not to use the phone, plus his sister and her husband didn’t want her talking to him either.  I finally answered the phone, told him I would let her talk to him once but not to call again because I had too much to deal with at that moment.  I told her the same thing, but he kept calling, so I didn’t answer the phone.  So she was mad at us and when she went back home, she didn’t speak to us for a long time.  There was a lot a stuff going on and for a while I couldn’t think about Dad.

Finally I sat down and wrote to him, at times hard to see the keyboard because I was crying, it felt good to put it in words.  I think I wrote at least a couple of other times – wonder where I put the sheets.  What has always surprised me is that whenever we came here to visit afterwards, it didn’t seem strange Dad wasn’t here.  It’s more than that. but I don’t have the words to describe it.  The experiences are different,  not sure what works for me.  Mom’s passing is still so new, I am just being and seeing what happens.  It’s odd how I suddenly remember she isn’t here any more and it brings me up short.

Glad to know I accomplished something today.

Happy Butterflies!

September 15, 2014

It has come and gone this morning – I did my first radio show at 9:30.  I have been excited, apprehensive, impatient and so many other feelings.  Sometimes it felt as if it would never come and it was coming too fast – all at the same time.  The past three weeks I have been thinking about what I would say, then found myself ad libbing.  I had happy butterflies in my stomach – since fear and excitement feel the same, I chose to have excited, happy butterflies – they kept the downer butterflies from taking over.

I think I understand a bit what people mean when they prefer an audience because you can interact with them.  It was just Benny and me in the studio with a microphone in my face – no idea if there was any reaction.  A strange experience, so I will have to make sure I have notes with me next week.  All the things I had thought about saying were gone.  I talked a bit about my history, mentioned RA and also a bit about Mom and dementia as well as remembering to announce the name of the show, my name and where to find me.  I also remembered to mention twice about becoming a sponsor – that marketing is an investment, not a line item in the budget that can be jettisoned when things are tough .  I also remembered to say you are selfish if you don’t market, how are people who can benefit from what you offer find you?

I also met the three ladies who have the show before me – and now they are talking about ending their show after three years.  Everyone has been so friendly and helpful, I finally met Benny after some emails and hearing him for several years while I’ve listened to the station.  Interesting to say he is my producer.  It all feels a little unreal at the moment.  Mostly I am getting used to it and finding my rhythm.  I may try some phone calls in a week or two and see how that goes.  Then I will add guests – if I am comfortable doing the show, they will be.

After the break I was  trying to figure out what to say – a couple of giraffe moments but otherwise it was fine.  I asked people listening to send me a postcard or card to tell me who they are and where they are from – this station is in about 35 countries.  I haven’t wrapped my head around that one yet.  So it will be interesting to see if anything arrives by next Monday.  I had emails from Erik and talked to Brian, plus Benny sent me an email saying I did a great job – in all caps.

I have been feeling all kinds of emotions since I set this in motion – how amazing to find myself on the radio talking about my life with RA and other things.  Some it is just a feeling of unreality, that it is actually happening.  Because I was a bit nervous and had happy flutters, I sat quietly in the car when I arrived in the building where the studio is.  I sat quietly, took some deep breaths and asked the Universe to  give me what ever was necessary, I would just show up and get out of the way.  It turned out well and I am glad I did that before going upstairs.

I used to do that when I was doing speeches for the Conn. Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation.  I had a list of things I had to cover – basic facts of arthritis – and if time was short, I would jettison my stories.  I never knew who was in the audience and what they need to hear, so giving it to the Universe was the best way to go.  At times people come up to me and thank me or say they learned so much.  I also figured there were a lot of people who never said anything to me but heard what they needed at the time.  I’ve decided I have been doing my purpose in life without realizing it – much more effective that way.

I left the studio and went down to Kent to see Dr. Cheryl for my chiropractic adjustment.  A bit of a letdown – there was not any fanfare doing the show and then  they were on to the next show.  When I finished, I felt tired, so I came home and had a lie down – I must have slept because the next thing I knew, Eddie was home at 4.  It didn’t feel more than a half hour or 45 minutes.

We’ll see how it goes next week – Benny will be away and Taylor will be in the studio.  Lots of information and experience in a short time.

The Week Barely Started

September 10, 2014

An interesting 3 days so far – not sure I can take the excitement.   Sorry, that wasn’t what I planned to write.    I was cleaning out on Monday , this time my Mom’s hooking stuff.   I had put on Craig’s List rug hooking magazines and another one with patterns and supplies.  Imagine how amazed I was when I had an email from a lady in Nova Scotia.  She is very interested in everything – though she seems to be thinking in terms of two large boxes to go through the mail.  Hmmm, this may be more than I bargained for.

 I have been figuring out what hooking stuff my Mom has – it is a lot more work than I realized.  I went through two under bed drawers and found some dyed samples of wool ready to hook.  Mom usually dyed them in 6, sometimes 8 values – she always enjoyed the dyeing part.  I’ve been online to see what is there and how I can price things – what Mom paid is a lot less than today, though her money went farther.  I also checked the Post Office, they ship by weight to Canada.  Hmmm, this is going to be an interesting  project.
I pulled out the things I found from when Dad was working before and during the war at aircraft companies, mostly in Southern California.  Eddie checked with the Boeing historian today to see if they are interested.  They were delighted with the items.   It’s lovely to know there is some of my Dad in the Boeing archives.  They are a welcome addition and I know they are in a good home.
 I also went through a box of my Mom’s things – a lot of gift cards for her graduation and I think it was a wedding shower.  There were letters from two hospitals saying she was set to work for them, letters from a couple of young men who had been at a dance when she was in Pratt.  One guy was from Yale.  A little bit different view of my Mom.  Still more places to clear out, no telling what I will find.  I am sending them to Candy so she can decide what to do with them.
Last week  more cleaning out, amazing what my Dad and Mom accumulated over the past 60 some years in this house.  I found 2 more photos in the original North American envelope for the Boeing archives.  Eddie made sure my Dad’s name shows as the donor.  I found books on cars that might go to the library the Car Museum is  creating.   I called the Center For Wooden Boats to see if they  take ship models and if they don’t, who would they recommend.  I think the guy is on holiday this week, I haven’t heard from him.  And paper of all kinds, my Dad kept calendar pictures and so did my Mom – Dad for Scottish history and Mom for flower ideas for her rugs.  It doesn’t look all that different, I just know I made a small difference.

Friday I went to see Mom, she is usually dozy because of meds.  Judy tells me she forgets what’s she’s doing, so she needs to be reminded to continue.  I have noticed that lately.  I give her a piece of chocolate and she is enthusiastic, but doesn’t always finish it unless I ask if she is ready for more.  She doesn’t like anyone to touch, especially when it comes to taking care of her.  I now ask her if I can give her a hug, I mostly get an enthusiastic yes, but not always.  You’re not kidding this is the hardest part.
I had a call from Didi last night – Mom had fallen and hit her head.  She called Providence to let them know, she was going in for her regular day.  I went to visit her this morning, she had a couple of large scabs on her right temple and her upper eyelid was bruised.   Mom was fighting them as they were trying to get her washed and dressed.   I asked Judy if she remembered falling, but Judy doesn’t think so.  Mom was a bit sleepy today, probably not too surprising after her fall.  She ate the cookies while I read to her, but wasn’t interested in the chocolate.  She would have it later.
Eddie and I went out for a bit to have coffee and look around the bookstore.  We came home and I found an email message from the station manager, they wanted my phone number because they needed to talk with me.  so I emailed back and shortly after, they called.  Seems he was a little mixed up on days – 9:30 isn’t open on Tuesday after all.  He does have Monday at the same time and he wanted to know if that would be all right.  Plus, he would air my show twice a week for the month of October as an “I’m sorry”.  It will be a repeat of the Monday show.  I will admit I am disappointed, but I just decided there is a reason why it is working out the way it is – no idea why but I am starting this Monday on the 15th.  Anyway, we’ll see how it goes and maybe when I am ready for an hour show, there will be a different time slot.
My life certainly isn’t dull.

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