Eddie | Gift of RA

Posts Tagged ‘Eddie’

Update

October 29, 2017

This week was to be the last week for my radio show. I have kept my station manager appraised of what has been happening. I thought I had some sponsors, but they fell through. I do have 2 sponsors but they are not enough to keep the show going. However, my station manager offered me a deal for the last two months so I can finish out the year. The two sponsors would really help with that, so I am going to accept his offer. I have spent the last few weeks working on sponsors, but since things haven’t come together, I have been thinking the Universe has been telling me something – maybe I am not meant to do the show at this point. I decided I had to be truly willing to let it go. This is my baby and I have been a puddle about it – in private – and I need to let it go. Who knows, the Cavalry may come to the rescue at the last minute. I am going to celebrate rather than be sad and mournful about it. I have gained so much and had a lot of fun doing the show – I am blessed to be able to do it for a second time. The station survey will be finish on the 31st of October – I am very curious to see if anyone noticed my show and what they might say. I will take each show and enjoy it, then a new year and new things to create. This show has me working on a book – plus suddenly I have another idea for a book – it needs to simmer on the back burner. Whatever happens at the end of the year, I will be forever grateful and happy about my show. I hope I have been of help to others, it is up to Spirit. I have decided that if I have helped someone quite a lot, I will never know but that is quite all right. I have been helped a lot myself and appreciate everyone I have been working with and all those out there listening.

What has surprised me is to find I am working on a book based on the things I have been talking about on my show. Also I have been doing doing 30 day course – except I am halfway through and it has been several months since I started. It has really made me think and examine things, often I have had to let it simmer on the back burner until it made sense. That is also part of where the book has come as well. It is the first time I have had a clear idea what I want to put in the book, how it needs to be organized and there are times I have all kinds of ideas when we turn off the light to go to sleep. There are many days I can’t wait to get to it and start writing.

I have sent bits of it to a few people and have received wonderful feedback. So I will be working on the book after the show and what really surprised me is an idea for another book. That will also simmer on the back burner until it is ready. Not sure how all this will work or what will happen – I see it as an adventure and will follow it where it leads.

I know I haven’t written much for a while – I don’t think any one wants to hear me whinge about what hurts, what I have been dealing with – just know I am doing better and it is feels so good to be more myself. (I know, someone will ask “Who have you been?’). The answer – I don’t have a clue. Lately I have a new ulcer on my right leg, however they have not wrapped me up much. I tried putting Cling Film all around it to see if I could take a shower. It was okay but I am tired of spit baths and I wanted to feel clean and fresh. I can only do that when it is time to change the bandage. I will be back at Wound Care on Wednesday.

Next month Eddie is having his first cataract surgery – it is time because he is really noticing it. They are doing the left eye then 2 weeks later, the right eye. He wants to do it before the end of the year, there is no telling what will change with Medicare and Medicare Supplement. I have one developing but so far it is not getting worse. I also have the beginning of Macular Degeneration – I have been taking Preservision to keep it from progressing. Getting older certainly isn’t for sissies!

We’re planning to be home for the holidays. Eddie is having his first surgery two days before Thanksgiving. We had already decided to be home for that holiday and we will also not be going anywhere for Christmas. We have definitely become homebodies.

Tags:bandage, cataract surgery, Eddie, Finding The Gifts, funding, holiday plans, homebodies, radio show, Shower, spit bath, sponsors, Universe, willing to let go, wound care, writing a book
Posted in Musings | 1 Comment »

Jammy Memories

June 12, 2016

Eddie and I were in Bartell’s the other day and I saw some Apricot-Pineapple jam from Smuckers. It immediately reminded me of the jam Mom used to make from scratch – I loved her apricot-pineapple the best. I had to buy it and then Eddie and I started talking about it because he loved the apricot jam his Mom made.

Smuckers

Sunday we had it for breakfast and talked about our Moms because they both enjoyed cooking and trying new things. My Mom made a lot of jam, this is how I remember her Apricot-Pineapple:

jam apricot:pineapple

She often collect peanut butter jars, small mayo jars and often a collection of miscellaneous jars for jam. She would cook it on the stove and add pectin and sugar – Mom and Dad were on a tight budget, so Mom did a lot of canning and preserving. Then she would sterilize the jars and add the jam. when it was cool, she poured a layer of paraffin on the top, then later a second layer to seal the jar. She often had lids to put on to seal it even more. I remember some of it was the devil to get off, it would split into pieces and then we had to dig them out. Other times, the paraffin popped out in one piece – no delay in enjoying the jam.

We used to pick the little blackberries and sometimes we had enough for blackberry jam – often it was more likely a pie. We had blueberries by the back porch – still do and they have a bumper crop this year – for blueberry pie and sometimes jam. There were raspberry bushes along the side of the property and we had lots of raspberry jam. I would go out in the morning and pick a big bowl, then late after I could do another big bowl. We also ate berries fresh for breakfast and occasional blueberry pancakes.

Mom did a lot of canning – all three of us girls helped her. The most uncomfortable was peaches – yes,, Mom would pour boiling on the peaches and the skins would come off easily. The cut them in half and remove the pit and into the jar. The problem was the peach fuzz, it got all over me and was itchy and scratchy – how could a lovely, soft and delicious peach be so uncomfortable afterward? Tomatoes were also done with boiling water, but no scratchy fuzz. Mom would get flats of tomatoes because she used them a lot in cooking, so it seemed there were more tomatoes than anything else. Apricots were cut in half with pit removed and put in the jars. The Royal Anne cherries were washed, stems removed and put into jars with syrup.The fruits had syrup added to the jars when there wasn’t any room for more fruit – I think she put a little salt and tomato juice in with the tomatoes, not sure if there was anything else. I’m trying to remember if she tried her hand at dill pickles – that’s the trouble getting older, there are more and more memories and my mind often feels as if it is a room with over stuffed file drawers with memories spilling on to the floor.

King Kelly

This is another jammy memory. This reminds me so much of my aunt and also when I met Eddie. My Dad’s older sister lived in San Francisco Bay Area and I had been visiting a couple of times with Mom and Dad. Every morning she and my uncle would have fresh squeezed orange juice, coffee and English muffins with King Kelly Orange Marmalade. When I went down to spend a couple of weeks holiday with her in May of 1968, that was what we had for breakfast. I met Eddie a couple of days after I arrived and we went out a lot – I remember the room I stayed in and a lot of different places in Burlingame.

It was an enjoyable time, though I had no idea it would end in going to Australia to marry him. My life has been very interesting and educational since I married Eddie, I have learned so much, traveled to places I always wanted to go and some I am glad I went but have no desire to return. I remember when we moved to New Jersey I couldn’t find King Kelly jam, nor any other place in the Eastern half of the U.S. I had to buy it here when I came to see Mom and Dad and take it back with me. Every time I have it on my toast, I think of my aunt and uncle and the times I spent with them. It also reminds me so much of meeting Eddie for the first time and learning about him – I had never heard of an Armenian before and in 48 years, I have learned quite a lot about them.

Funny (peculiar) how something so simple can generate so many wonderful memories.

Tags:apricot-pineapple jam, aunt and uncle, blueberries, Breakfast, canning, cherries, Eddie, itchy peaches, jam making, King Kelly Orange Marmalade, meeting Eddie, miscellaneous jars, Mom, parafin, picking berries, raspberries, Smuckers, tomatoes
Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

1st Barbecue of the Season

March 27, 2016

Friday I had to go to Wound Care again – what a lovely day it was. Eddie left in the morning for work with clouds a bit of rain; when he came home to pick me up, the sun was out. For the first time in a long time, I had the car window open and it felt quite warm. More rain today and tomorrow, then they promise the sun for several days – does Mother nature agree? We will see.

I am back wrapped up again – my legs swelled again – and wouldn’t you know, my compression socks arrived and were sitting in the mailbox as we drove out. Well, I won’t be wearing them for a couple of weeks, then I will take them with me to have them help me learn how to put them on. This means spit and duck baths again; so far the hair doesn’t look too bad. It does tend to stick up a bit when I get up in the morning, I will have to run the shower with my head in to have the steam tame those wonky parts. I have an appointment on Wednesday afternoon to remove sutures, then I can lean over the shower chair and wash my hair at least.

My forehead has been numb since the first plastic surgery, yet at times I feel it tingling, sometimes as if something is walking on my head. It is an odd sensation but not unpleasant. I asked the doc about it last Monday before surgery, he said it will take a long time to go back to normal. I expected that answer because I found that with the hip incision. It was numb and I would get sharp pricks when I least expected it – that was unpleasant. Seems to be fairly normal now, four years later.

I am determined to drive again after Wednesday, I don’t like being so dependent – at least I can see a lot better now, that makes a difference. When Eddie comes back from the Car Museum, he is taking me to Bartell’s – it is sometimes difficult to explain to him what I want. I think he is very uncomfortable buying “lady things”, but does a pretty good job.

Yesterday was fairly sunny and when Eddie came home from shopping, he had hamburgers with him. He decided to start the BBQ season and I noticed Eric across the street had his big grill on his deck. Eddie said he could smell someone else getting ready to BBQ. We have had such a lot of wind and rain this winter, it feels good to look forward to spring. Each time I go out, I see new things blooming – I almost feel I am missing out on spring. The Scillas in the beds have abundant leaves up and it will be fun to see all the lavender flower stems blooming. The grape hyacinths are blooming, not as many this year and the two clumps of yellow daffodils on the bank are doing well

My sister Ellen on the Jersey Shore has had rain, snow, sun and wind – I’m so glad she sends photos of them. The last photo I enclosed in the blog is now a painting – she is so talented! She is able to show the ocean in so many different moods and colors – so amazing.

This was the Nor’easter the other week – she had snow as well as windy.

P1200295_2

This was on March 24th – spring is coming.

I have been so self absorb in myself lately, both my sisters reminded me March 24th would be Dad’s 102nd birthday. I also thought about September 24th, Mom’s birthday – it will be her 98th. In 2018, it will be her 100th birthday and that year was as eventful as Dad’s in 1914 – so many historic things happened that changed the world during those years. Because they met, fell in love and married, my sisters and I are a part of this changing world. They gave us so many gifts – being loved and wanted, integrity, respect for other people, discipline, manners – so many things that have given me a strong foundation. (I won’t speak for my sisters) I am grateful for all of it, they were very loving parents.

A blog wouldn’t be complete without a couple of photos from my sister Candy in Nashville.

100_8006

She puts lovely backgrounds in her photos

100_6322

She has done a series of Christmas photos with flowers and also ornaments.

I have been sleeping a lot, though I still feel draggy, I need to walk a bit every day – exercise needs to be part of being rested. I have hesitated to go outside and walk up and down the sidewalk because I don’t want to trip and fall. Now that I can wear my glasses better, I am willing to give it a try. Windy and stormy is conducive to walking outside – I seem to have missed the worst of the weather during my captivity.

My posts have been so “me” centered, it is time to focus on something else for a change. Wishing you all a very Happy Easter.

Tags:BBQ, birthdays, Candy, Dad, Eddie, Ellen, flower beds, flowers, Jersey Shore, loving parents, Mom, Nashville, Nor'easter, numbness, photos, rainy, spit bath, Spring, windy, wound care
Posted in Musings | 1 Comment »

What Day Is This?

November 9, 2014

Bunny doesn’t have anything to do with the subject, she is comforting and we have been spending a lot of time together lately.

Lately, I have been feeling very mixed up, the days don’t feel the same any more. Yesterday I was home all day while Eddie was working – but it was Saturday. Felt odd. Today is his usual Sunday at the LeMay Car Museum, that’s feeling a little more normal. Then again, what’s normal? I had a rocky start to last week, the result of a small tumble that I was able to get myself upright again without outside help. Then I had an intuitive reading and that brought more after effects, so I was feeling out of sync on several levels. Then Eddie took Tuesday off and had a meeting; not a typical Tuesday so I lost track of my day. That part is on me. As the week progressed I felt better and had a really good day Thursday. Unfortunately, I could not go to sleep that night, so Friday I was dragging.

I slept very well Friday night and pretty well last night – wish I knew what causes me to not be able to sleep. It has gotten so I don’t quite know what day it feels and what the actual day is. I haven’t been looking at my calendar much, that may contribute to the situation. Maybe it is just a matter of finding my footing again, things have been in rather an upheaval since Mom’s passing.

I also have a tendency to overanalyze things instead of “going with flow” and letting things be what they are at that moment. Plus, I need to give myself a break and not think in terms of what I am “supposed” to do or “should” do. It is an old set of patterns that I choose to replace with knowing I am simply in this moment and all is well. I am now old enough to do and say what I want because I am less and less concerned about other people’s opinions. It doesn’t mean I’m rude, simply that if I disagree, I will say so.

I thought I had finally published my new website for my radio show findingthegiftsshow.com on Monday, only to find it wasn’t online after all. So I have been in website hell for several days trying to figure out why it isn’t online, why I can’t arrange an email and if I can upload shows for an archive. I also figured out that to listen live to my show, I have to put it this way 1150kknw.com/listen. I am still frustrated about my archives, can’t seem to download the shows to my computer – another trip to Apple to find the answer. Maybe by then, Larry will have figured out how to make a podcast for iTunes. This is definitely a learning experience!

Thursday I did Chat with the website group to see what the problem was. It turns out I have Builder but not the right combination of things to make it work properly. There was a very nice young man named Jonathan who helped me so much, was very patient and got my site up and online. then he sent me info on creating an email and also how to upload audio. I created the email but my computer says it has no app for the download of the audio – now I have to figure out where it needs to go on my computer. Another learning experience.

You have no idea how happy I was to see that website working! I created it myself, I know it still needs a lot of work, the point was have something for people to check out and see who I am and what I do. I still have a list of things I need to add, the main part was to have it up and running. I felt I was in website hell for quite a while, once I can have proper archives, I will feel a whole lot better.

The week was physically uncomfortable, the end of the week was mentally uncomfortable. That’s not to say I didn’t have comfortable and happy moments, I mostly remember the uncomfortable ones. Now there is a program for you – I’ve spent so much of my life looking at the negative side, I forget how many gifts there were in the week. Not always big, momentous ones, often small, delightful ones. As I look at this post, I realize I mostly wrote about things that were uncomfortable this week – either it was just the telling of a story or a way of releasing a lot of the stress of the week.

Now it is time to start looking at the gifts in the week, does anyone want to read about my difficulties, even if I put humor in it? The old patterns are hard to recognize and to replace with positives, it means I need to notice and observe to see them.

Tags:Eddie, email setup, learning experience, mixed up days, out of sync, overanalyze, patterns, radio show, rocky start, sleeping, uncomfortable, website
Posted in Questions | 2 Comments »

Somewhere In Neutral

October 14, 2014

I have to do at least one thing today – so far I have slept, watched tv and been on the computer, but not accomplishing anything. I got up with Eddie this morning to have breakfast with him, he is spending the day at the Convention Center for the Interior Show. Then we have the volunteer dinner tonight – he is the volunteer in the family. I feel at loose ends, somewhere in neural – that’s the phrase that comes into my mind.

After he left, I checked email and then went back to bed. I had trouble going to sleep because I was cold, then had weird dreams. When I got up, I checked the clock and thought it was 1:00. I had a show and got dressed, then looked at the clock again – it was only 11:30. I’ve been sleeping well, so I may be beginning to unwind and release tensions of the last few years. I did my show yesterday with Krista Gibson as my guest – she is great to have on the show and I enjoyed interviewing her. Actually, I wanted her to clarify a couple of things I had heard her say because it was just a vague I think I know, but I was looking for I know that I know. Now I am letting it simmer on the back burner until it really sinks in.

Before the show, I had a chance to meet and talk with Consuelo – her show is at 8:00 a.m., so I hear it as I am driving to the station. I like what she has to say, plus she is the one who told me about Sound Cloud. As we were talking, I asked her if it was too soon to see if my Mom had transitioned smoothly and was she with Dad and Josephine – Consuelo said she is there with them and it went smoothly. She is happy and surrounded by love. I was so glad to hear that – I know how scared Mom was to let go and all three of us girls told her Dad would be waiting.

After the show I went to see Dave, my attorney friend, about a matter for my sister. He wasn’t there but I was able to give Dana the information and I will probably see Dave tomorrow at Breakfast Club. Then went to see Dr. Cheryl for an adjustment. My shoulders and neck have been stiff and sore – a large weight I have been carrying? I’m not sure I am ready to examine feelings and emotions right now; I know it needs to be addressed.

I went to my caregiver support group, told them about Mom. I realized I had been doing a lot of venting, but it was necessary and I knew it was a safe place. I didn’t say a whole lot and there were two new people. We ended up with 2 Jeans and 2 Lauries. Then there was Claire and me, later Toni. Last night I suddenly realized I don’t have to deal with that any more. I am a little reluctant to say Mom’s passing is a relief – for her because she isn’t anxious or confused any more; for me because I was having trouble handling going to see her each week, seeing her decline before my eyes.

I was really tired when I came home, then fell asleep for a bit before dinner. I could have gone to bed at any time, I didn’t want to find myself wide awake in the middle of the night because I had gone to sleep at 7. My mind feels a bit like mush, hard to hold on to a thought or action for very long. I feel as if it is one of my “drag my ass tired” periods with RA.

I hear from friends this is fairly normal. It was very different when Dad died, our niece from Jerusalem was visiting and we left for Virginia after the Celebration of Life open house. I went home and had to put my cat to sleep and our niece had used our phone to call her fellow and he kept calling. Eddie was really upset because he told her not to use the phone, plus his sister and her husband didn’t want her talking to him either. I finally answered the phone, told him I would let her talk to him once but not to call again because I had too much to deal with at that moment. I told her the same thing, but he kept calling, so I didn’t answer the phone. So she was mad at us and when she went back home, she didn’t speak to us for a long time. There was a lot a stuff going on and for a while I couldn’t think about Dad.

Finally I sat down and wrote to him, at times hard to see the keyboard because I was crying, it felt good to put it in words. I think I wrote at least a couple of other times – wonder where I put the sheets. What has always surprised me is that whenever we came here to visit afterwards, it didn’t seem strange Dad wasn’t here. It’s more than that. but I don’t have the words to describe it. The experiences are different, not sure what works for me. Mom’s passing is still so new, I am just being and seeing what happens. It’s odd how I suddenly remember she isn’t here any more and it brings me up short.

Glad to know I accomplished something today.

Tags:Breakfast Group, caregiver support group, Dad's passing, Eddie, Krysta Gibson, Mom's passing, radio show, Sleep, somewhere in neutral
Posted in Emotions | 2 Comments »

Seafair Weekend

August 3, 2014

Today is the hydroplane races and the program by the Blue Angels. It is the last weekend of Seafair, though it doesn’t have the same feel it did when I was growing up. It was for only a week or two and there was a lot of excitement about the different neighborhood parades, the crowing of miss Seafair, the Seafair parade, the Torchlight parade and certainly when the pirates came ashore. Now that it is for a least a month or more, it feels as if it passes by very quietly. Maybe I just grew up in a more innocent time – without cell phones in every hand.

The Blue Angels have been practicing since Wednesday – I know when the I-90 bridge is closed because the planes all come over the house. The wind has been from the north, so they have been taking off that way and then make a sharp left turn to go south or not so sharp to go north. There are those who complain about them every year but it is only for a few days. I thing I notice is when I hear the Blue Angels, they have already passed by. They also have several Osprey helicopters this year – they came by the house Wednesday and I have heard them a couple of other times.

Eddie is glad he isn’t at the Museum of Flight today – it is usually a zoo. Today is his first day volunteering at the LeMay American Car Museum in Tacoma. The Volunteer Coordinator was quite impressed with his resume and the two references he gave. Now he will be there the Sunday he isn’t at the Museum. He is now doing things for PNAA and getting paid for it. he had 4 students and the professor the other week and had a lot of fun with them. he has just been asked to be Volunteer Coordinator for their events. he will find out more about it when he goes the meeting on Aug. 26th.

This weekend has felt a little strange – he took a vacation day on Friday and it has felt a bit odd ever since. He came with me to see Mom Friday – she was doing pretty well and was willing to have a back rub. She was pleased to see Eddie and enjoy the cookies and chocolate I brought. i read for a bit and then we left. I know he was itching to leave but he didn’t show it very much this time.

We went down to LeMay for him to pick up his red logo shirt and I met the Coordinator. Very nice woman and friendly. Then we did some of our errands and came home. It has been warm the past week or more, a little rain early in the week but just enough to settle the dust. I’m ready for a good steady rain to refresh everything.

Saturday it rained early for a short while, then thunder and another shower. We were sitting at the table looking out and not only was it raining, the sun was shining. I didn’t see a rainbow but I saw something I never saw before – every once in a while the sun would shine on a raindrop and it looked like a diamond falling from the sky. It reminded me of the first time I saw fireflies in New Jersey. Several times it thundered and rain for a bit – one point it was hailing as well. Then it all quit and no chance of rain again.

I don’t know if anyone outside Seattle has heard of Big Bertha and the tunnel under the city – a tunnel that is going nowhere fast. This is to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct – 4 lanes to take 6 lanes of traffic. I don’t quite see how that computes, plus they are going to charge to use it. So far I have heard they are going to charge $5 each way. No idea what it will be when the tunnel is in use, if it ever is.

I doubt I will use it not only because of the toll but mostly because I am claustrophobic and this doesn’t look very conducive to feeling relaxed. But that is the plan. This is Big Bertha:

It’s quite something and huge – the men below look like small toy people.

There have been more than one hiccup – first a pipe they didn’t know was there, then the blade needed replacing and this time it has been stuck for months because they have to figure out a way to get to the front to fix it. This is what it is like for the first 1000 feet, not a quick boring machine. There are still miles to go.

I’m sure it all makes sense to the builders but it is definitely not my cup of tea.

These concrete pieces are piled up all over the work area. They look smaller as one goes up and down the S curve ramp by the side of the digging.

As you can tell, I am not in favor of this thing. They needed to repair the Viaduct and then hire a Trompe l’oeil artist to paint beautiful columns on the sides since a lot of people talk about how ugly it is. I don’t think it is, but maybe I am too traditional. It would be a whole lot less money and it wouldn’t screw up traffic so much.

This is a flood wall but supposed they painted some cool columns

They never put a proper bill on the ballot for us to vote for or against – that sucks. Politicians seem to ignore voters unless it suits them. We have 2 stadiums side by side – one was voted down at least 3 times and they went behind our backs to do it anyway. They had been talking about another stadium a mile or so south for a basket ball team – give us a break! Lately all is quiet about that but it is likely to come up again.

Oh my, I didn’t mean to rant on about the tunnel, maybe I have been keeping it in for too long.

Tags:Big Bertha, Blue angels, Eddie, events, hydros, LeMay Museum, Mom, PNAA, Rain, Seafair, tunnel, Viaduct
Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

Life Lesson

July 4, 2014

It’s the 4th of July today – we knew it was coming because there have been firecrackers going off for a week. Strangely enough, it’s quiet at the moment – 2:15 p.m. – but I expect it will get livelier as the day goes on and it begins to be dark. So we are in for a noisy evening and night. We can look in all four directions and people have fireworks going off – sometimes it is hard to decide which way to turn. The other unusual part of the day is that we have had sun and good weather quite often – we tend to say summer doesn’t start here until July 5th.

Eddie took the day off and went with me to visit Mom. I wasn’t sure if he would because he finds it very difficult to be with her, he can’t really carry on a conversation with her. She has been having trouble with her knee, so she has been in the wheelchair – but Judy has her use the walker to go into the tv room. Today she was sitting in the chair, her walker near her. So she must be doing better. She is always ready for chocolate and cookies, I had 2 different kinds of chocolate this time. As we were walking over from the church parking lot, Eddie said he didn’t want to stay very long.

We were there about half an hour and Judy was outside on the phone, so I couldn’t tell her we were leaving. I went around the back door but she wasn’t outside, she was just inside the door. She was concerned about me because we hadn’t stayed long – I told her it is hard for Eddie to see her that way. She is so understanding and kind to me, it started my tears gathering in my eyes. And the nicer she is to me, the more I cry. It hit me and I was feeling upset. I went back to the car and decided I would just feel the feeling, feel the sensations.

I can’t really describe how I was feeling, upset is the best I can do. So I just decided this is what I am feeling in this moment, not judging it good or bad, or criticizing or beating myself up about it. I decided to speak my truth, though mostly it was inside me rather than telling Eddie. It was uncomfortable to feel like that, but that was how I felt. I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and I let them fall. I thought about the gift in it, at that moment I didn’t see any gift. I called on Mother/Father God, my angels, archangels, master teachers, ascended masters, spirit guides, over lighting divas and all who were there for my highest good to help and guide me to see the gift.

As I was working through it, I realized the gift was I felt my feelings and the sensations without judgment or beating myself up – just allowed them to be what they were in that moment. Usually I will do something or go somewhere so I don’t have to feel or think about what I am feeling – not always the best idea. It feels as if it is another step to awareness – they aren’t always comfortable or enjoyable steps, but they are necessary.

I told Judy I have had several people tell me that I will be grateful I did this for Mom – she said that was so very true. Right now it is a bit difficult for me to see this because often I want to run away and not have to deal with it. I also know I couldn’t live with myself if I did – I keep thinking how she has always been there for me and my sisters and it is my turn to do it for her. I never want her to feel she has been abandoned. I spoke to an intuitive a few weeks back and she told me my Dad’s Spirit is still here, waiting until Mom finishes what she needs to complete. She said he is very proud of me.

It’s better now, though there is a heaviness and some draggy feelings. The gift comes in unexpected ways, or is itself different from what I thought it would be. Sometimes I expect things to show up in a certain way or form, when it doesn’t, I am disappointed. I have a much easier time now just giving it to God and saying “However shows up, whatever works for me”. I have finally learned that when I say it has to be a certain way, I limit the Universe and miss out on all kinds of possibilities.

I also have some things to resolve with Mom, I plan to have a reading with the intuitive to see what is left unfinished.

Tags:4th of July, chocolate, cookies, Eddie, feeling the feelings, gifts, God, intuitive, Judy, Mom, speak my truth, Universe
Posted in Emotions | Leave a Comment »

I Call It A Slide!

June 22, 2014

An interesting experience on Wednesday, with ongoing repercussions. In February I passed the 2 year mark of not falling since my hip – a 30 per center. I have done quite well so far, then late Wednesday afternoon I went to get up from the office chair to have dinner and I found myself sliding. I had socks on and I didn’t brace myself, so I began to slowly slide to the floor. I knew I was in trouble but rather than panic, I was careful to see that I didn’t twist anything and only landed on the floor with a gentle bump on my left bun. Well, that left me in a predicament about getting myself upright again. I have had to do it before, I just walked my hips across the floor into the kitchen and over to the basement door.

Eddie was in the kitchen getting dinner ready and when he saw me working my way to the kitchen, his question was “What are you doing down there?”. I told him I was getting myself upright, but he didn’t understand how I was going to do it. He opened the basement door and I went to the top step, managed to get myself onto the landing and then put my feet two steps down and pulled myself up with the help of the railing. Voila! I was standing upright again. I wasn’t sure how things would be after my adventure – Eddie definitely doesn’t think I should be out without a keeper, but life happens. Life is uncertain, that’s why one eats dessert first.

Thursday I was fine and Friday morning I was doing well – though I did hear and feel a crunch in my right knee. I went to visit Mom and then did a a couple things I need to do. I had walked around for a while and began to feel it in my legs, so I went to have some coffee and read bait before going on to my next item. My legs were better, but I decided on only one more stop and then head home. I was glad to be home and I noticed my right knee really bothering me – it has been a while since I have had that kind of pain.

I didn’t sleep very well Friday night and I had to take some Advil to relieve some of the pain. Saturday we went out to do our usual chores, I used my cane for the first time in 2 years, took a little practice to get the hang of it again. I stayed in the car a lot and was glad to be home again. This morning it is still uncomfortable, but I did sleep very well last night – plus a nap yesterday afternoon when we came home. Tomorrow I will see Dr. Cheryl and I hope she can help; she did last Monday when my hip and the back of my knee were bothering me.

That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

Looks as though I will have to take it easy a bit to keep from making it worse. I have another appointment at Apple tomorrow for working on my book; the more I use iBook Author, the more I learn as well as new things to frustrate me.For the RA book, I am changing my whole idea of the cover – I am using Ellen’s ocean photos – except she usually does horizontal and the cover and Chapter pages use vertical photos. I have found several for the Chapter headings, now I have to figure out how tot get the Table of Contents to work properly. I am either going to become very expert at it or chuck the whole mess in the bin. I want to learn and understand how to use it so the next 2 books will come together more easily. I will also have to learn how to do the form for Amazon, Barnes & Noble, etc.; a whole different set up.

Tags:basement steps, cane, chores, discomfort, Eddie, falling, getting up, Life happens, sliding, walking
Posted in Musings | 2 Comments »

A Less Than Stellar Move

May 18, 2014

I was really looking forward to Saturday and sharing the day with my friend Char and her husband – it is their 40th wedding anniversary and they were renewing their vows. I was all ready to go, had the invitation to get a map to show me where to go and I set off. However, I forgot my phone charging on the bureau. I was driving up and I was surprised at the traffic, it isn’t usually that much on a Saturday and I managed to be behind every slow driver on the road. I was concerned about being late, but when I thought about calling to let her know I was running late – that’s when I remembered I didn’t have my phone.

So I figured I would get there when I got there, not a lot I could do about it at that moment. So I followed the map directions and when I got to the end – no church. I looked at the map and all the streets matched, but no church, just housing developments. That upset me because I didn’t know what to do. I did see a woman walking her dog, so I asked her but she had no idea. She offered to lend me her phone, unfortunately she couldn’t get it to work. Now what?

I drove around a bit looking for another 13th St. W but didn’t find one – I was upset at being late and now it looked as though I wasn’t going to get there at all. I was really upset at disappointing char and not celebrating a special day with her. I couldn’t think of anything else to do but head home. I had no idea what happened, though I figured it was my bad – I had missed something somewhere.

I was on the freeway and needed to find a pit stop, so I went to the rest stop to heed She Who Must Be Obeyed. I came back to the car and was looking at my map to see if I could see where I goofed. As I picked up the invitation, it hit me in the face – plain as the nose on my face! I had put in Everett on the map finder out of habit – I seem to associate Char with Everett because when we were in high school, her parents moved up there. So I had the address right, but it was Lynnwood, not Everett. What an idiot! So I drove home because I had no idea where it was in Lynnwood

I started beating myself up and caught myself – that wasn’t getting me anywhere. I’ve grown enough to know that has been my usual pattern and if I had stayed true to form, I would be a mess by the time I came home. Then I began to think in terms of a reason for it working out this way – I had no clue but maybe it would show itself at some point. Maybe I was in too much of a hurry and worried that I wouldn’t be there in time. Whatever the reason, it was a small miscalculation that put the spanner in the works. One of those times I wish I could go back in time to correct what I put in the computer.

When I got home and saw Eddie, I started crying , not sure why it didn’t happen when I was driving. I called Char the minute I came home and left a message for her to let her know why I didn’t show up. Eddie was glad to see me, he thought I would have later. He had just gotten home himself, so I enjoyed grilled turkey burgers with him and folded the laundry.

Char called when she got home and had heard my message. She had been concerned something had happened with Mom, Eddie or me and so her mind was at rest on that front. she was just glad everything was okay. She had a great time and there were about 50 people – I’m delighted she had fun and although there were clouds and sun, no rain fell. I will be able to enjoy it in pictures later.

I am working on understanding why I feel compelled to write about this – in the scheme of things, it’s barely a ripple. It is the same feeling I had when I began to write the blog in the first place; something compelled me to write about RA and my journey. I felt that if someone could benefit from it, then I had accomplished my objective – to be of use and help others. This has the same feeling, but no obvious purpose as I had in the RA parts. That one is going to have to simmer on the back burner for a while and see what emerges. Sometimes that works the best for me when I need to understand what is happening. There are sudden “Aha” times and I will finally “get it”.

I’ll keep you posted.

Tags:Char, Eddie, friend, maps, renewal ceremony, upset
Posted in Emotions | 2 Comments »

I Am A Late Bloomer

April 27, 2014

There have been only two things in my life I did early – I was born 2 weeks early and went to school a year earlier than was smart. The birth was when I was ready – maybe the doctor miscounted or Mom wasn’t quite sure when to start counting. Anyway, I arrived around 6 a.m., a day before my parents 5th wedding anniversary. And there was my big sister to welcome me too. As for school, my Dad tells the story of Ellen getting on the bus to go to school and me making a huge fuss to get on with her to see where she went. We were in Southern California at the time and if I was 5 by the 1st of march, I could start kindergarten. Later, when we moved to Seattle, I suddenly found I was a year younger than everyone else in my class.

I must have shot my wad on early things; after that, I always felt I was trying to catch up. I was not making the greatest grades in school – mostly C’s with a B and A every once in a while. Meanwhile, my older sister was just at the right age for her grade and did very well. Not always easy to be three years behind her and having a lot of the same teachers she had. When she graduated, I started in that Fall – there were a lot of teachers who remembered Ellen and I had the feeling they expected me to do as well as she did. It didn’t work out that way – maybe I was a little in over my head at the time.

As a result, my parents thought I would have done better if I had waited a year. When my sister Candy went to school, they made her wait a year, so she was a big older than the others. She, too, had good grades and was active in school, maybe that extra year was a real bonus for her. With the age difference, the three of us were more like 3 generations because we weren’t in the same school at any time together. By the time Candy went to high school, she was in a different one than we were because they changed the school boundaries. There were no reminders of an older sister for her – it was a whole new place just for her.

I have to admit, I didn’t expect it would take this long – I am 67 and still working on what I want to be when I grow up. Now one would think that from my start in life I would be a go getter – I was born two weeks early, at 6 in the morning. My Dad once said I was born tired and never got rested. I was 19 when I had my first date – I didn’t do well with boys because I was so unsure and had no experience about boys except my Dad. I always thought a brother would have been a good thing, unfortunately my parents never went for the idea of trading in my younger sister for an older brother. Always wondered why. I was married at 22, by then almost all the girls in my graduating class had been married for a while. Then of course I went to Australia to be married. I have never figured out what I want to be when I grow up – haven’t found anything that really “hits” me. I am have to create it for myself. I have never felt I fit anywhere. So here I am looking at 67 and I feel as if there is something really cool just around the corner – not sure what it is or how it will look and feel. All I know is I am open, receptive, unlimited, allowing with no preconceived ideas of what it has to be or how it will show up. I am finally at a point of thinking in terms of “Whatever works”.

It’s not to say I have had a boring life, once that wonderful Armenian fellow I met at my aunt’s came into my life, things have been very interesting. We were married in Australia and it is a bit disconcerting to find we will be celebrating our 45th wedding anniversary in less than a month. Put in years, it seems quite a long time. But it doesn’t feel that long. In many ways, I look back at the first years and it almost feels as if it happened to someone else or that I read it in a book. I have learned so much, been to many places I have always wanted to go, some places I never thought about and others I have no desire to return. I have met a lot of interesting and amazing people over the years, they have taught me so much.

I wonder what I am meant to do – sometimes I feel time is running out and I am getting too old. But I have heard the phrase “You are never too old” and I continue to learn and grow. I am looking to the future and what will unfold – anything is possible for me. I know I am not the same person I was and there is no changing the past. I learned long ago not to beat myself up – I did the best I could with what I had and knew at the time. I am learning that it is and was all perfect for me; I wouldn’t be where I am or who I am without it. I choose to learn to embrace the future and also learn to enjoy the journey – sometimes seems a bit counterintuitive. When I think about what I was doing before, I hear Dr. Phil in my head asking “How’s that working for you?’ and know it’s not working for me. Much better to try something different and see what happens.

Tags:Australia, Candy, Eddie, Ellen, future, late bloomer, Parents, school
Posted in Emotions | 2 Comments »

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Posts Tagged ‘Eddie’

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What Day Is This?

Somewhere In Neutral

Seafair Weekend

Life Lesson

I Call It A Slide!

A Less Than Stellar Move

I Am A Late Bloomer

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