Posts Tagged ‘Medicaid’

The Usual Mash Up

August 17, 2013

How strange to find so much running around in my head, but the moment I decide to write a post about some of it, I suddenly can’t think of a thing.  Am I the only one?  So, when in doubt, put in a great picture from my sister.  This time they are from Ellen.


A lovely Stargazer Lily


A gorgeous Rose of Sharon

I don’t know where she finds them, but the pictures are always wonderful.  She has some amazing beach pictures as well.    I will put some of those in for another post.  These cheer me up and I marvel at Mother nature and the many different kinds of flowers there are to enjoy.   Thank You so much Ellen.

The other night we had thunder and lightning, some shook the house.  then a couple of rain showers but only enough to barely settle the dust.  Usually I am afraid of loud thunderstorms, for some reason I was more curious than afraid.  We have had a few rain showers but nothing one could call a good soaking rain.  I am feeling a bit dry and parched now, I miss the rain and to be honest I feel the way my Dad’s cousin in Southern California did – “Another goddamned beautiful day”.   After having no rain for 36 days,  it is time for a good rainstorm to wash the air and feel that fresh washed clean feeling.  We have had some showers here and there but nothing soaking so far.

I saw my Mom yesterday and I talked about things I remember in my childhood – she taught all three of us girls to do housework, make a hospital corner, and cook a bit.  I said I asked her to teach me to cook one summer and frustrated the heck out of me.  She doesn’t always follow the recipe, when I ask how long to beat it or how long to cook, her answer was “till it looks right” or “till it’s done”.  Not a lot of help but I learned a lot just watching her.  I also remembered hot cocoa and Christmas cookies when we came home from following the Christmas ship.  She seemed to be looking around and I wasn’t sure she was listening or had heard me.  Then she said she was interested in what I said.

Last week she was very alert – I have been going in the morning because she is now at the point where after lunch she is ready for a nap.  She sleeps a lot, part of the progression of dementia.   I bring my iPad to play songs she likes, though my data download was only at 20%.  My older sister suggested bagpipes and Sousa marches, so when I have more download I will do that.  Sometimes I am not sure what to talk about or how much comes through for her.

On the 1st of August I saw my rheumatologist before my infusion.  She was very pleased to see one of the markers for inflammation was down 7 points.  She was thinking the last time that possibly she might have to up the dose some, but decided to wait another week and see how the tests looked.  So I am getting the same amount still – unfortunately energy seems to be the last thing to come.  I have had a little more energy lately as well as feeling better – nothing I can put my finger on specifically, but better than it has been.

We have had more balderdash from the State looking for more money.  However, I have a secret weapon while I have been dealing with them and Medicaid.  Dave my attorney friend has helped so much with Mom and so many other things.  So I emailed him the email that my two sisters received and spoke to him about it.  he wrote a letter to the State to tell why it wasn’t owed, I paid it last year and my sisters had no reason to pay.  I saw him Wednesday at Breakfast Club and said the State decided he was right – no doubt very reluctantly.  Plus I have a letter and so will my sisters.

My childhood program has been not to ask for help or bother people, but  I had to ask for help when Mom began to really have very noticeable symptoms of dementia.  It was the smartest thing I could do in that situation and I found out that it wasn’t a burden to others – they wanted to help me.  What I also learned was that I was not alone, others in Breakfast Club had or were dealing with dementia or something similar in their own family.  I knew they really meant it when they said they understood.

Eddie’s back and we are having a couple over for dinner.  I have taken up this post, then did the bedroom, relaxed, did most of the bathroom – I have to sweep and mop the floor.  then I need to do the kitchen and sweep a bit in the living room.  Two rooms will look great.

One last photo because it is a beautiful photo of one of my favorite flowers – though not the plant itself.


Inside the wisteria

After The Last Two Weeks

May 22, 2013

I was not sure about publishing the post about my Mom yesterday, it is such a personal thing for her and our family.  I often wonder if it is a good idea to publish things so close to me and family – my sisters really are there to help me, I have asked their advice more than once.  I get so close to it that it is hard for me to be objective.   But I found I slept so well last night  that I now realize I needed to express what was inside me.  I am still taking it all in, but I am not scared about it – maybe it doesn’t feel real yet.  I spoke to her doc on Tuesday afternoon and she wants to send Mom to an oncologist to see what options are available.  Fortunately she doesn’t want to invasive and heavy duty stuff  for this – she said we are not treating Mom’s breast cancer, we are treating Mom.  She doesn’t think Mom would do very well in the hospital for surgery, so I’m glad she isn’t hung ho for invasive measures.  The appointment with the oncologist will probably be in about 2 or 3 weeks.

I went to visit her yesterday and took my next door neighbor Delores with me.  She and Bob are going to the canal house tomorrow and won’t be around much during the summer.  So she brought some rhododendron blossoms to Mom.  I was glad to see Mom was doing quite well, I really wasn’t surprised to see her in a wheel chair since her knees have been bothering her.  So we had a good visit and I checked in with Judy on Saturday after the biopsy to see how things were going.   Apparently Mom didn’t have any trouble with the incision, not even sure she remembers it.  I haven’t said anything to Mom about breast cancer – I’m not sure she would understand.  She didn’t ask about results, so I didn’t say anything to her.

I am very grateful to ElderPlace and the people there as well as Didi and Judy – I don’t have to do this all by myself.  I have received a lot of support and encouragement from my sisters and my husband Ed, what a difference asking for help makes.  This whole experience of Mom and her dementia, my broken ankle, finding an adult family home for her, applying for Medicaid, etc. has made me feel more confident and competent to deal with major things occurring. Adding to this is the letting go of all the negative programs and deciding to be who I am whatever anyone one says has also helped.  I feel different, though I can’t really be specific; just a difference.

We went to pick up the check this morning, but realized it is tomorrow.  Eddie wasn’t going to the archives this morning and decided not to go to the aviation conference, so he came to Breakfast Club with me.  I was doing the 5 minute – I am now finding I concentrate on what I am doing and not wondering what Eddie is thinking of what I am doing.  I think he sees a different me when he comes to Breakfast Club.  Not a bad thing.

We have put the remodel in motion, I will be getting the check for Brad to start buying materials.  He is going to get a head start so that when the plumber and electrician start on the 10th, he will have done the demolition, put in a new back door and work on the pocket door.  Brad is going to start doing that on the 3rd.  It doesn’t quite seem real yet, but with check in hand it will.

We have started cleaning out some of the cupboards in the kitchen, last Saturday we filled the wheely bin at least half full on Saturday and made it to the top today.  We took some things over to Goodwill as well, will be packing up more for another trip or more down there.

I am looking forward to my massage tomorrow morning and another good night’s sleep tonight.  There is so much going on inside me, yet I can’t really describe it in detail.  It just is.

Glitches Handled Well

March 27, 2013

I enjoyed last week a lot, I felt a feeling of well-being and energy – something I haven’t felt for a long time.  Yesterday I went to see my rheumatologist before I went to have my second infusion.  I did the first one two weeks ago so she wanted to know if I had noticed anything.  When I said a feeling of well-being, she said that is often what people first notice.  After seeing her, I went up stairs for my infusion – I asked for the corner suite, but it was occupied.  When I was there two weeks ago, I had it and it was quite enjoyable to look out to the west and the south – didn’t see much of the harbor because of all the tall buildings in front.  Looking to the south I could see the freeway and there weren’t buildings  blocking it.  Unfortunately, both times it wasn’t sunny, just cloudy and sulking.

However, all of the IV nurses at the Infusion Center were really nice, gentle when putting in the needle.  It takes about 45 minutes to do the infusion, plus they get it started by doing a saline solution at the same time.  They also offer drinks, soup, not sure what else.  The first time I was really tired, so I had the chair reclined and I dozed during the treatment.   I moved my elbow and that set off the alarm.  This time she put it in very well and it was fine if I moved.  I had forgotten my book the last time, so I remembered this time.  It made the time go by quickly, plus I was really into the book and its story.  I had apple juice, it tasted cool and really refreshing.

After the infusion, I had to go to Radiology to have hand and foot x-rays so there is a baseline to measure if there are changes as a result of Orencia.  After I finished there, I went to see my Mom.  I decided to stop and have something to eat and read for a bit.  When I got there, I found her sitting in her chair sleeping.  It really hit me, who was this old woman sitting in my Mom’s chair?  She didn’t look like my Mom – I didn’t expect that.  Then I found she is now using a walker – she has fluid buildup in her legs and it is really bothering her knees.  She won’t keep her feet above her head to help reduce the fluid so she is more comfortable.  Sucker punch two.  When I saw her last Friday, she was sleepy, so I didn’t stay very long.  She is doing well, but she mumbles a lot and I am not sure what she is saying.  She is pleased to see me and glad I come to visit, though I don’t know how much she remembers.  I  thought I had come to terms with what is happening – NEWS FLASH – looks as though I haven’t.  Now we are getting to the really hard part.

It has been that kind of week since I came home from the seminar.  I came home and found Eddie had trouble with his computer – after a while I kept thinking things don’t quite add up.  I ended up Monday morning doing a system restore – I had it written down from the last time because I wasn’t sure I would remember.  I was able to restore it and it is fine, though it cost Eddie $300 and a lot of worry – it was a stupid virus scam.  I figured a system restore should do it, though there was a part of me that was worried I would screw it up.  So the worst that could happen was I screw it up royally and then call Larry to fix it.  What a relief to have it restored and Eddie didn’t lose his Round Up and have to do it all over again.  Hooray for me!

I went to see my chiropractor after that and as always enjoyed my adjustment – plus my neck and shoulder were much more comfortable.  I was really looking forward to my afternoon nap to rest up from the weekend.  I ended up spending an hour in bumper to bumper traffic on 167 – would have been better off going on I-5.  Some days are like that.  When I got home, there was a message on my voicemail – a small financial crisis that showed me just how little I can do on some of Mom’s affairs.  Well, if nothing, it was informative.  So I had to go to her bank and later out to the Post Office to take care of it.  At times it felt as if things were falling around me, but when I was done, I felt I handled it competently – I also knew to ask for help from the Universe as well as people at the bank.  I had a feeling of accomplishment, though those three hours felt rather tense at times.

The only thing that made my heart go pity pat was that when I checked Mom’s checking account, she had too much money.  So I have to spend some to make sure she is below $2000 or she could be disqualified for Medicaid.  We had to buy some things for ourselves at Bartell’s, so I bought some things she needs – still have more to spend.  This is crazy, I have to make sure it isn’t over their limit when they check one minute after midnight on the first of the month.

I have a massage tomorrow morning and I am so looking forward to that!

Happy Dance!!!!!!!!

February 7, 2013

cat dancing3

I just talked to the case manager for Mom’s Medicaid and it now official – she is approved!  After all the paperwork since the end of October, all the figuring how to meet all the requirements and most of all the help from Dave Mom’s attorney, it is finally a reality.  I think I have been uptight and tense about this and didn’t think I could relax until it was official.


Life for the past few months has been a series of people wanting paperwork.  First it was Providence to enroll Mom in their PACE program – there was a list of things they wanted me to provide, then after 6 weeks she was accepted – more papers to sign.  Then it was the beginning of Medicaid and also a loan for the house to pay off the home equity loan as well as money to redo the kitchen.  That went on hold until Medicaid was satisfied, now it is back in the  works.  I am hoping the papers will be ready to sign in the next week or 2.

While that was happening, I had a last-minute presentation for Breakfast Club.  I was due to present on the 20th, but the fellow scheduled for today wasn’t going to be there and Carol asked if I would do it.  I already had an idea of what I was going to talk about, but I had to write it and get my samples ready to hand out.  Along with all of that, I have been getting things ready for taxes – the appointment is on the 16th.  The presentation is done and I think I just have to deal with the tax stuff.

So the theory is I have time enough to do tax stuff and maybe finally getting back to writing my blog regularly again.  I have missed it and find myself doing something and suddenly think about something that would make a good blog post.  Of course, when I come to write, I can’t remember the brilliant things I thought about at the time.  Rats!!!!

I have been going to visit my Mom about twice a week.  Last Friday I was due to pick her up about 11 so we could go to lunch and then have haircuts.  When I got there, she was still in her robe and nightie – she had refused to wash or dress or do anything to be ready.  I wondered why her curtains were closed and her bedroom door also closed.  I wondered if she had gone back to sleep after breakfast.  So I went in and I was remembering one thing Kathy had told me – always give her a choice.  I sat and talked to her see what was happening.  I told her she didn’t have to have her hair cut that day, I would arrange it for another day; I also said I was going because I needed a hair cut.  She decided she would wash and get dressed and go with me.

We didn’t have time for lunch, just a haircut; Mom went first and decided to keep it long.  Then it was my turn.  When we finished, she said she wanted to go home.  When I pulled in the drive at her home, she seemed disappointed – I think she thought we were coming here.  Since she hadn’t had lunch, Judy fixed some for her and I left shortly after that – I was hungry since I didn’t have lunch either.

They had tried a new med and so far it keeps her awake at night and she sleeps during the day.  Judy and Didi are working with the Center to find a solution.  Mom’s doctor and the nurse and others at the Center are also looking for a solution.  Apparently she sleeps well the days she goes to the Center – she is exhausted when she comes back.  They are looking in to having Mom go a third day – has to go through channels.    She didn’t go on Monday because she refused to get washed and dressed.

As for me, I have finally rested enough to sleep.  I go to bed around 9 or 9:30 at night and wake up around 8 or 9.  When I have to get up early, I wonder if I will wake up in time.  So far it has worked out fine.  I am sleeping all night and usually comfortably – I do have times when I am too uncomfortable to sleep, it is getting better.

Last week I took a photo album that Dad made of Mom’s family.  There was a suggestion that would be something she would enjoy.  It was in an album that Kathryn (Mom’s step mother) gave them and Dad labeled the picture – thank goodness.  So we sat on her bed and I described the pictures and read the names; she really enjoyed that.  She wanted to know if she could keep it and said absolutely!  When I came back the next time Jan told me she was so pleased with the book and was saying it was all her relatives.

She has up and down days – now she calls everyone Elizabeth.  My sister Ellen called on the Saturday I went to see her and Mom said Elizabeth had called that morning.  She also introduced me as her cousin Betty one day – I am learning to go with the flow.  Sometimes I wonder what is going on inside her brain, other times I’m not sure I want to know.  Reminds me of having the same curiosity about the cats – except I realized I definitely didn’t want to know what the cat was thinking.

Is It A Merry-Go-Round Or A Roller Coaster?

January 14, 2013

I went to see my Mom twice last week, she seems a bit more alert – wonder if the med is kicking in slowly.  I brought an apple and cranberry pie for the house.  I noticed that was mostly what Mom talked about for the rest of the visit.  They were going to have  for dessert at dinner.  She was very pleased and ready to eat it right that minute.  When I saw her on Friday afternoon, I asked her about the pie – she said she hadn’t gotten any yet.  The others said they really enjoyed it and I suspect Mom did too, she just didn’t retain the memory.  NOTE TO SELF: Don’t ask her about things that happened a short while ago, she probably won’t remember and will go into wanting apple pie.  Once she has fixated on something, she worries it like a  dog with a bone – almost  an obsession.


She keeps asking about her parents – what do I know about them – and then she remembers they aren’t here.  I usually tell her they are watching over her and preparing a place for her when her time comes.  She will ask several times and Judy said she asks her a lot about them – it feels as if she has a loop playing in her mind about them and also about leaving.  So far when she says she wants to leave, I tell her this is her home, this is where she waits for the train.  It was an easier week visiting her, she likes the people and she says they are very good to her.  It has been 3 months since she moved there, I know it was big adjustment for her, though no idea how it felt to her.


This is the roller coaster part of the equation – up and down, not knowing what happening with her or what is best for her.  I am still a little uneasy and uncertain making decisions for some one else, especially the person who took care of me as I was growing up.

I am glad to say I am nearly at the finish line for Medicaid.  We had to spend down to $2000, not a penny more.  I bought almost $500 worth of clothes, though I will take them to her slowly since she doesn’t have a lot of room in her closet or drawers.  Then we went over to the cremation place and spent $1400 there – all suggests from the case worker.  She has been so kind and easy to work with, government isn’t usually like that.  The only paperwork left is her latest checking account statement that closes on the 19th.  I think she is approved to start February 1st – if we wait until March 1st, I have to jump through all the hoops again.  Believe me, I do not want to do it again!  According to Eddie’s calculations after we were at the cremation place, there is about $70 left, so I may go and buy her some lotions.

It has been hard spending down her money because Providence takes care of almost everything.  It will be interesting to see how it all works when the 1st rolls around.  It is scary having only $2000 in her account, we are very cautious about our checking account, we like to have a large cushion.  Eddie has been doing Mom’s checking account for 2 or 3 years and he treats it like ours.  So not having much of a cushion makes both of us uneasy.  I keep telling myself that because Providence takes care os so much, if something happens, they are likely the ones to take care of it.


This is the merry-go-round part – endless forms, sending things in only to have more questions and requests.  I will say that the case worker has made it much easier than some who work in government.  It has also been and education and an eye opener.  However, it is difficult for anyone having go through this experience.  I’m not sure I want to know what the next is that is coming.

Life Post Mom

November 4, 2012

I am so happy to hear from my older sister, she wrote two emails and sent some pictures of Ocean Grove.  They were very lucky, not a lot of damage and the sound of the furnace coming on was a sweet sound.

     We saw Mom yesterday and I saw her on Tuesday but haven’t told her anything, I think she would just be worried.  Actually, there isn’t a lot to talk to her about, so I am resorting to things in the past.  Some she remembers, much she doesn’t.  Keeps asking where her parents are, if they are dead and when I say yes, I tell her they are watching over her and preparing a place.  One thing, Didi, the owner, is amazed at how well and easily she has begun to settle in. Didi has adopted her and the other residents really like having her..  She thought there would be a lot of resistance because she had been in her house for so long, what a delight to find Mom is adjusting well.  Mom keeps saying they are very nice to her and she likes it there.  Apparently we moved her just at the right time.  I am still tired and there doesn’t seem to be much let up in having to do things for her.  This is a whole new learning experience for me as well as Mom.
I sent in the forms and papers to DSHS for Medicaid on Friday and now have to round up some other things I know I will need.    Funny, it still hasn’t really sunk in that Mom is not living here any more.  We have her bedroom door closed but sometimes when I get up in the night, I expect her to come out and want the bathroom at the same time.  I have to tell myself consciously I can make a late or early appointment, or come home later than I planned – I don’t have to fit into caregiver hours or Center hours.  Trying to live between 9 and 3 when the rest of the world doesn’t is very confining.  I wonder when “I know that I know” it is just Eddie and me?
Our eating habits are different now, we can make things with tomatoes – they really bothered Mom even though she loves them – as well as not having as much meat.  We are eating lighter and our food bills are probably lower.  Things last longer as well, Mom still has a good appetite and enjoys her food.  I think that makes it easier for Didi as well.  Didi said yesterday her blood pressure is good and she is doing very well, plus they check her out when she is at the Center.  Sometimes Mom tells me things but no one else, so I talked to Didi about it.  She wants to know so she can check it out and see what might be going on.  Tuesday Mom said she had been getting dizzy, so I told Judy the caregiver and then also the nurse at the Center – no idea what it is.  Mom has also been known not to tell anyone when something is hurting or bothering her – that doesn’t help.  Must be the stoic Yankee New Englander in her.
I must admit, it is so nice to get up when I want to, take a shower when I want to – before I had to either get up before 7 a.m. to have it or wait until after 9.  I can stand and enjoy the hot water for a long time as well, I do enjoy the new bathroom – the best room in the house.  I can also play my iTunes radio stations all the time and as loud as I want – Mom tended to find tv too much noise and would go along with the iTunes radio for a while.  I remember growing up and there came a time when we were watching tv Mom would ask for a little peace and quiet.  I have plenty of time while Eddie’s gone, he isn’t that fond of opera as I am.  Puccini is my main man!
We have also been slowly cleaning out some of the stuff that has been sitting in the basement for decades, my Dad couldn’t throw things away and neither could my Mom.  The recycle wheely bin gets filled up quite fast these days.  I am trying to clean out the office but it is slow going, seems to all come back very quickly.  There is so much to go through, I don’t know where to start.  All I know is it is one section at a time – now which section is first?  Then I need to decide what to with things that shouldn’t be thrown away.  I need to check with my sisters to see what they would like – they have first choice.  There’s no doubt about it, I won’t sitting twittaling my thumbs wondering what to do.

Rather Tense Week

November 2, 2012

Along with a lot of other people, I have been concerned about my sister on the Jersey Shore.  She had emailed last weekend that if we didn’t hear from her, she had lost power.  No one had any idea it would end up the way it has, so I have been wondering how she has fared.  She was able to leave a message on my other sister’s phone  yesterday to let us know she is fine,  no electricity.  Candy had found a blogger from Ocean Grove, so there were pictures of the  pilings where the pier used to be.  Apparently there is damage but seem to have avoided the worst of it.  When Hurricane Irene went through, Ellen never lost the electricity.  Now there is talk of a Nor’easter coming – let’s hope people have electricity before that happens.  My heart goes out to all those who are still wondering or who have lost loved ones in this storm.

While I was waiting for news, I have been working on two sets of paperwork.  Actually, I have been working on the Medicaid ones for quite a while.  I have begun to see there is more to my Mom’s financial state than I realized, so that has meant contacting companies or people to find out more details.  I have had to fax my Durable Power of Attorney to so many places just so they would talk to me.  One is in Rhode Island and when I fax, I just get a message saying I am not authorized to use this system.  I called the company again, the very nice lady told me it wasn’t me, it was them – I was given the right fax number.  So I will continue to try until it goes through.  Heck of a time to have to deal with East Coast businesses.

I went over to see the social worker Denise to have her go over the forms we worked on last week.  I want to be sure I have as much info and the forms are done correctly – I hope that will speed the process.  I am so glad I went because I had forgotten some things we talked about, so now the forms are ready.  I still have some things to copy but I hope to get it in the mail today.  I am sure they will come back with requests, I wanted to eliminate as many of those as I can.  I even found my birth certificate from the hospital – I have a copy from Sacramento – yes, I am a California girl, a native prune picker – that I am still looking for in our papers.  Moving several times seems to misplace some things and turn up others.

We are also applying for a mortgage for this house, it seems the most sensibly financially at this point.  So we have had forms to fill out and sign, then we were sent a slew full on-line – we just had to eSign.  A new thing – they just have what looks like a yellow sticky flag that says Sign Here.  When I click on it, it shows it typed in blue, then later when Eddie did his part, I saw my name had changed styles.  They ask the most interesting questions, we didn’t have to do this stuff when we bought our house in Fort Wayne, Stephens City or Bethlehem.  We try to make things as simple as possible, even so, it seemed as if we had a lot to sign.  The last time was probably the mid – 90’s in Fort Wayne.  I suspect the flow of forms and requests will be coming in for that as well as the ones for Medicaid.  If I had my druthers, I’d druther do one set, then do the next set after the first was finished.  At no time have I been offered my druthers.

Just came home and checked messages – while I was in the shower this morning, my older sister called to say they are fine, no damage but no electricity.  I am so sorry I missed her call.  I definitely have to get a phone with a louder ringer!  I also finished the Medicaid application and finally mailed it today.  Maybe I can relax a bit and not have nightmares about not finding papers I need; actually sleep comfortably since nothing can happen until they receive it Monday.  Still papers to collect – I will start back again on Monday.Now I have to work on the mortgage stuff.  This afternoon I have my massage and I am SOOO looking forward to it.  Even managed to have my hair cut as well.  That is mainly due to my foulups today and last Friday – I have an appointment with a client on Nov 9th, yet for some reason I keep thinking it was this Friday – same for last week.  I knew it was the 9th but I kept putting in my calendar on the wrong Friday – this hasn’t happened before and I am wondering if I am going nuts or just have too much to deal with at the moment.  It’s time to pat myself on the back and say “Good Job!” rather than beat myself up for not having every single solitary paper and form absolutely and completely done perfectly.

Things Are Looking Up

October 28, 2012

This has been a better week, I am starting to sleep better, so I must have rested enough to sleep.  I still have those nights, but it is slowly getting better.  Thanks to my chiropractor and my massage therapist, my shoulder and neck pain is a lot better than it was.  I had a great massage session because I was able to release the pent up emotions in my chest and abdomen, I have no idea what they are specifically and apparently it isn’t always necessary to know the details.

The most positive thing this week was my visit to Mom on Wednesday – she was doing well and said she liked it there, the people were good to her and she didn’t ask how long she had to stay.  They all really like her there and yesterday Eddie and I went over with a cake for the house.  Kathy suggested it and I am so glad she did.  We bought one of the Panera Cinnamon Crumb cakes and every one had a piece, with some left over for another time.  Mom has said several times that she thinks Eddie doesn’t like her, so this helps dispell that notion.  I’m glad we went.  She does keep asking about her parents, do I know where they are.  I have to tell her I don’t know, then she will ask if they are dead.  I say yes, they are watching over you and preparing a place for when it is your time to go.  She keeps saying she wants to go now, so I don’t have an answer for that.  I was also pleased to hear from Jan, one of the residents, that they love having her there.  I was also glad to hear Kathy came to visit as well.

So now it is time to fill in the forms for Medicaid, when we pay December’s payment, there won’t be much left in her checking account.  It takes 6 to 8 weeks to apply , so it looks as if it will be mid December before I find out.  I have been working on filling out forms, finding papers or making changes to others – will the paperwork never end?  I am going to ask Denise, our social worker to look at the forms, etc. before I send them in to make sure they are right.

As for the house, we want to redo the kitchen, so we are applying for a loan that will cover the remodel and the home equity loan.  If Mom isn’t accepted for Medicaid, we will have to sell the house and use the money to pay for her support.  So we are taking things one day at a time – God has already created the solution, we don’t know exactly how it will show up.  We may have to go to Plan B – whatever that is.  Somewhere I heard of a book title called “Living With Uncertainty”.   Wonder what the author recommends.  Right now it is just working on the things that need to be done now, then look to the next step.  Ain’t Life a kick in the head!

This blog sometimes is the strangest thing – I find I want to write pages and pages and other times I sit her and struggle to decide what to write about next.  I seem to have come to a standstill right now, I had so much I wanted to write when I was having trouble with neck and shoulders.  I keep thinking it is because I am still so tired, yet I know I can’t be  using that for all the things that I still haven’t accomplished.  I will admit to still getting used to being in the house with just the two of us.  It is so nice not to have the time limits any more, that I can get up and go early with Eddie when I want.

I am at a point where I need to decide what direction I want my business to go.  I am not sure, plus I have some other things I want to check out as well.  I know it is important to know where I am going and what I am meant to do, but I have been thinking this is not quite the time to decide, not while I am still resting.  How strange to think it is now MY time, I have spent so much of my life focusing on other people, it feels odd to think about myself.

Square One Again

September 19, 2012

I want to whinge so much today, I am feeling sorry for myself, frustrated and to be honest, tired of fitting my life around my Mom’s; canceling or postponing what I want to do to accommodate what she needs done.  How can one person require so much from so many people?  Yes, I do resent it and am angry at times – still haven’t taken all the emotion out of it yet.

I have spent the past few days waiting to hear if things are finally set for Mom to move into the adult family home – yesterday I had a call from the owner of the home, she has decided not to do what is necessary because it is just for one person.  So I am back to square one.  That means today  I will spend on the phone calling homes on the list to see if there is a vacancy and then go visit.  I feel discouraged but not as upset as I was last Wednesday when the glitch came up at the last minute.  I did ask God, my angels, spirit guides and master teachers to work it out – this or something better.  I was willing to start over again – not my preference – and so here I am.  That means there is something better out there.  The difference is that I have a much better idea of what I am looking for than when I first started looking the last time.  So it is “pull up my socks and get on with it”.

Before I could do anything, I needed Mom to be out of the house, but the van didn’t come until 10:30.  Then I had to call and find out how to cancel her Costco credit card, then fax info over to someone new to see if finally I can accomplish it.  Then I needed to shower and dress; wow, did that shower feel good, especially knowing I was alone and didn’t have Mom standing at the door.  Then I decided to have a cup of coffee – also had to water the roses because they are parched from no rain.  Then I realized it was after noon, so I fixed lunch and relaxed for a bit.  Then it was time to start calling other adult family homes to  see what was available.

I had talked to Denise in the morning about the situation and she is going to check 6 of the others in  Des Moines and I was going to call the ones in the Burien area.  Denise suggested giving them her name and number so she can check to be sure they meet the requirements providence has, that way I would only be seeing the ones that  would  work.  Out of the ones I called or checked out, there were 5 that were possibilities, so I told them to contact Denise for whatever information they needed.  I emailed her the names and she sent back saying she had 12 to screen.  Were they ones I sent her or did she find 6 others as well?  I really don’t know.

I have had two call me back to say they have tried to contact Denise but the center is closed today.   I appreciated that very much and I will see how it all goes.  Tomorrow after my massage, I have lists of the other zip codes they service and I will call them to see what might work.  I feel like the little girl digging through the manure pile because she is positive there i s a pony in there somewhere.  I know there is a place for Mom and also a gift for me in all this, I just don’t see it at the moment.

Most people are very nice when I call and ask about the home, if they take Medicaid and now also Providence.  I think it can narrow the field, that can be a good thing.  I did talk to one woman I really liked, she doesn’t have a vacancy but one of her ladies was just put on Hospice and may have a vacancy in the possible new future.  She suggested calling her in a while to see how things are.

It is an uncomfortable and discouraging experience at times, but there is also a feeling of accomplishment after going through the lists and calling.  I find myself having trouble getting started, then once I get going, I am okay.  It is easier than when I did it the first time, but I would dearly love to have someone tell me they have the perfect place for Mom and  it has everything she needs.  I’m not holding my breath for that one.  I will soldier on and see what happens tomorrow.

I am so worn out and tired from all this, I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping until the situation is resolved.  No chance of that without me doing the work and  going to see the places.  Kathy said she would go with me and that helps so much.  She notices things I don’t and I am relying on her knowledge and experience to help me make a good decision for Mom.

Officialdom Grinds Slowly

July 12, 2012

I have been frustrated the past few weeks working on finding a place for my Mom.  She is now at a point where she needs more care and also more social activity.  I have found a place that combines a place to live and also a day center in another location that will provide her with a doctor, OT, PT, Social Worker, Dentist, etc.  My husband and I checked out the  day center and we really liked what we saw.  It was clean, didn’t smell and people were engaged in activities.  So we decided to enroll her in the program.  I gave Corina Mom’s SSN and she fax info over for a request to have an evaluation done.  Then they would be able to better decide what would best serve her needs – assisted living, adult family home.  Then she went on holiday for a week.  I was supposed to hear from the group who would do the evaluation but I didn’t hear Boo.

It had taken 2 weeks to meet her and tour the facility, now another week before anything happened.  When she came back from holiday, the fax never went through, so she called them and they said they would have a case manager assigned.  She told me that if I didn’t hear anything by Friday I was to call and find out the name.  Another week of waiting.  To be honest, I was very antsy to put this all in place, but I finally realized that there is a reason why things are taking so long – I haven’t a clue what it is.  It is hard to be patient but I am working on it.  I called Friday, was given the name of the case manager and was transferred to her line.  She was off that day, had been out in the field the day before and the day before that was a holiday.  So it is wait until Monday.

Monday came and and I had a voicemail from the woman – except she was out in the field with a phone with no voicemail.  The Universe sometimes has a strange sense of humor.  We finally connected in the afternoon – only to find she thought Mom was ready for Medicaid and if she did the assessment (2 – 4 hours) she would have to place Mom by the end of the month.  I was trying to explain that we were told it was to see what kind of living situation would best suit Mom’s needs.  She said she would talk to Corina and tell her the situation.  I emailed Corina to let her know what was happening and apparently on Tuesday was most upset talking to the manager.  I didn’t hear about it until Tuesday afternoon when the case manager called me.  Apparently she and her boss worked it out with Corina, though she wouldn’t be able to do the assessment until July 25th.

Meanwhile I had a bio of Mom to fill out the the place – not sure I answered everything because some things I don’t know.  In between all the phone calls, etc., I went over and dropped the necessary paperwork they need.  I had a heck of a time finding it – they rent space from a rehab and nursing center.  The first time I dropped of paperwork, I went to the front desk but they had no idea who I was looking for when they checked their list.  Well, they wouldn’t because they only have info on the people who are part of the rehab and nursing center.  She sent me upstairs and I found it again from our tour the other week.  Not so easy this week, there is construction going on in the hallway that takes you to the day center.  I ended having someone show me how to get there and finally things looked familiar.  I knew I could go through the cafeteria but I could figure out which door – we had come out through it rather than going in.  The benefits were that I had a good walk and I delivered the paperwork.  Now it is hurry up and wait again.

I have to keep telling myself I have put it in God’s hands to create a solution that works for everyone.  When I keep running the squirrel wheel of worrying and trying to “fix it”, it is as if I keep snatching out of God’s hands.  It is saying I don’t trust that the Universe takes care of me and the people involved.  There other things that need attention as well and if I keep in the squirrel cage too long or too fast, I will be like the tiger in “little Black Sambo” and turn into butter.

I am getting a lot better at recognizing when I am getting into a funk and I just tell ego – thank you for sharing, I choose something else.   I am tired of allowing myself to be sucked in by negative thoughts and feelings, mine as well as other people’s.  I also am recognizing I have a choice and  when I feel it from other people, I wrap myself in my golden bubble to protect myself because it is not about me.  Even though I am frustrated and not sure how it is going to work out at times, I am definitely learning patience.


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