I wrote this in January of 2019, I have been trying to remember what was happening at the time to make me choose the title – I have drawn a blank. I may have been thinking that the physical world had become more difficult to navigate than it used to be. I realize I need an attitude overhaul rather than an adjustment – I choose to be more positive since it is so easy to slide into negative with this disease. So I will say the physical world is more challenging than usual and leave it at that.
I realize my world has gotten much smaller and more limited, mostly from COVID-19 and my suppressed immune system. I have mostly been out of the house for medical appointments, a trip to Bartells once in a while, and a ride with Eddie. I have also found it very painful to walk because of my knees – I have had painful times before and still went out driving. I haven’t been driving for almost 18 months and have allowed myself to be housebound a lot of the time. Then again, not much has been going on since everything had closed down – a pandemic will do that.
I avoid stairs, though going down is easier than going up; curbs, rough roads, or surfaces – I am very selective (picky) about where I walk. I haven’t been down in the basement for ages, it would have been great when we had weather over 100 degrees for 3 days. However, we don’t have any beds down there and we survived the heat. Not something I want to do again. However, the weather people think it will come again.
Eddie is the one who food shops, actually shops for everything, takes care of the laundry, cooks and pretty much takes care of almost everything. At times I feel as if I have abdicated my life to circumstances because it hurts to do almost everything. Not the way I want to be. I started seeing Dr. Cheryl again, she has done more for me than Physical Therapy – I am actually worse after PT. Maybe it is unrealistic to expect things to be at my speed there. Dr. Cheryl had loosened me up and I feel more open and at ease.
She also gave me homework – a notebook to write in every day. 3 things I am grateful for – they can be the same every day. The second part is a time when I was comfortable. I kept thinking it had to be now, but it could be in the past because the mind doesn’t know the difference. Being comfortable is a bit harder because I have been in a negative mindset for too long. I sometimes forget to write every day, finding things to be grateful for is not that difficult, just need to be in the habit. I can be there for other people and keep promises to them, but I have trouble keeping promises and my word to myself. No doubt a habit of putting other people first and myself last.
Too narrow – I remember flying to Toronto for Christmas and instead of being able to lift up the armrest to get out of the seat, there wasn’t one. It was such tight quarters that Eddie and some other passengers had to help me out. On one flight, the flight attendant had me put my arms around her neck and she put her arms around the small of my back – I was up in no time! I used it at the Polyclinic when the chair was too low – the tech and I worked out it well.
Too low – chairs, sofas, and toilets are much too low in the real world. When we remodeled both bathrooms, Brad put in taller toilets – what a difference. When I am out, I use the handicapped stall because it is more likely to be a bit taller, but not always. I look for straight-back chairs, they too are more likely to be taller than soft chairs or sofas. I spent a lot of my life stuck in a chair until Eddie could pull me up; it’s a lousy feeling to be trapped.
Too steep – almost all activities of life require standing, walking, or climbing up and down – steep stairs and steep streets. We have been watching YouTube a lot lately and this is the only way I can travel. We were watching a program in Greece – they not only have steep streets and steps, the stairs aren’t smooth and evenly built, plus, a lot of them don’t have railings to hold. So many places are like that around the world – I’m glad I have the option to watch it from my living room. What I also noticed is how much is built on high hills and mountains – my fear of heights really kicks in to look over the edge. In Gibraltar you can climb up to the very top of the rock – Ye Gods and Little Fishes, what a narrow and rough path to have to navigate.
I have been working on this post for quite a while, usually, I write it and publish it without delay. I am still trying to remember what prompted it way back then – since YouTube, I have found things that fit well with whatever the premise was at the beginning. Life tends to present me with things that I can write about, I am a little out of practice since I wasn’t able to get back into my blog. So glad to have it back, now I need to program myself a bit more to write. I think of things and then when I start writing, sometimes I forget what I wanted to say. It is a little hard for a motormouth like me since I usually have plenty to say about a lot of things.
Gift of RA 