Gift of RA

I haven’t written in at least a week because all I would have done is whinge about how uncomfortable I was – I promised no whingeing.  I am not sure what happened or what triggered it, only that I am glad to feel more my regular self.  I saw Dr. Cheryl Monday for my adjustment, then had a nap in the afternoon – when I woke up I was so stiff and sore I could barely move.  I was much better the next day and went to see Kat for PT – another afternoon and evening being most uncomfortable.  Wednesday I just rested all day and a little  reluctant to have a nap.  I still have some left shoulder issues – it’s the one that wasn’t hurt in the accident.

I have also not had Methotrexate for at least 2 weeks because when I refilled it, they wanted $141 for it – usually it is around $12 or $14.  If I had to pay with no insurance, it would be $550.  So I checked with Humana and they have kicked it from Tier 2 to Tier 3 – it’s a generic so I don’t know what their  reasoning is.  Plus they were bought out by a bigger company, so this may be the beginning of rude shocks.  I have to see if there is something on their list similar to Methotrexate as well as check my other prescriptions.  My Prednizone went from $5 to $14 – also a generic.

It has also brought up a fear I have been pushing down and this situation has made me  face it more than I have.  I am afraid without Methotrexate, I will be a basket case – it is what keeps me being comfortable.  It has become a belief because I keep finding evidence that supports my fear.  So I have to ask myself is this true or is it a false truth that I have strengthened over the years.  Which then makes me ask, is RA true or have I created a brief around it that I have it and will always have it.  The doctors all say there is no cure, that is it lifelong – but is it?  It gives pause for a lot of thought.  No more RA would be such a relief and a blessing.

We had a birthday lunch for Charlotte on Friday in Lynnwood.  Mine will be in June – my “Queen’s Birthday” to spread it around the year a little more.  I wasn’t sure how driving up would be because they have Mercer Street  along 99 under construction for the tunnel – that’s a whole story in itself.  I didn’t know how much traffic or just what was blocked, so I took the Viaduct and got off at Seneca, then went up University to I-5.  There was traffic but I made it to the restaurant right about on time.  We had a great time and it was a relaxing time of catching up and just enjoying being together.  Eddie had decided the day before to come home early Friday, so he was home before I was – I didn’t hurry or cut short lunch.

On the way home I came the usual way – I-5 to 85th and over to 99 and then down through the Viaduct – they had 2 lanes open going South and there was hardly any traffic.  Maybe every one decided to avoid the construction – though it was 2:30 when I came and not quite traffic time.  Anyway, it all worked out fine and I had no traffic coming home.  Eddie is going up for the conference a week from Monday, he was curious to know what he would find.  Chances are, they may change the whole configuration by then.  He will go up very early and stay a couple of nights during the conference.  He is quite happy not to be driving up there every day.

The tunnel is 2 years behind schedule – Bertha had to be repaired but it took forever to figure out how to get her up to the surface to do it.  Now she is repaired but as they started digging, they have some sink holes, so everything is suspended.  Well, DUH – what do you expect when you tunnel through filled in bay?  There’s no telling what is there and I doubt it is all that stable.  When they ever finish it, I am not going to use it for 2 reasons – they will be charging an arm and a leg to go through.  But the major reason is that I am claustrophobic and I don’t trust it, nor do I want to be in it if anything happens.

The moles continue  to make mounds and when Eddie scrapes them down, there are all kinds of pebbles and stones with it.  So not only is our “golf course lawn” full of weeds, moss, grass and mounds, it also is filled with rocks.  Not going to help Jorge’s lawn mower when he comes in the spring.  The soil isn’t all that great, so when we are able to put in a new lawn, it has to have completely new soil.  The big question “How to discourage moles from burrowing and making mounds in the new lawn?”  It will be a day or two before we can do that.

Both my sisters survived the snow and kept their electricity – that is no mean feat.  They sent pictures:

Nashville – It’s going to take some time for Candy to dig out her car.

This is 8″ – snow always is gorgeous when the sun comes out

NewJersey Shore – Ellen sent this one during the storm

She went out walking as soon as she could – still needs some shoveling.

I wanted to give an update on things happening around home.  A couple of changes to the look of the house – John Van Zanten came by in December to give us the view back, though I notice each year there isn’t that big a change as there once was.  Yes, we can cut the trees and branches on the bank – also improves the Allen’s view – but the people who live below and across the street aren’t trimming their trees.  So not as much view as we once had.  I am certainly not complaining because the view is still spectacular and the Olympics are looking particularly gorgeous with snow on the upper level.  At one point, even the foothills were snow-covered.

As you see, still some trees in front of the view

Snow on the Olympics means lots of rain for us  – also means we don’t see them too often.  It’s such a treat when the sun shines and they are out in all their glory.  I never tire of seeing them, or watching the traffic on the Sound.  There has been a large ferry going up and down the Sound – we think it is a new one that is being test hopped.  Wonder where it will be based.

Speaking of mountains, we don’t see the big snow cone very much – it seems to stay behind the clouds much of the time.  Sometimes we see an outline – maybe I am just not out and about when the old man comes out in glory.   Eddie doesn’t see Mt. Baker any more since he doesn’t go up north any more.  He is quite happy where he is, though the commute to Bellevue has it’s own spanners in the works.

John also cut some other things for me – the rhodos, camellia and lilac on the east side of the house were getting much too big for the space.  The lilac was dead in the core, the rhodos weren’t very healthy, so it was a good idea to cut them down.  The camellia was very healthy, but is was much too big for the flowerbed.  No point in giving the four-legged creatures easy access to the roof and possible the attic.  The house looks a bit bare now, I need to find things that don’t go higher than the window sill.  Wonder what Mom and Dad would think about the changes.

The dark lilac is the only thing left – still in good shape.

It’s beginning to look more the way it did in the beginning, except the trim was brown.

Along the sidewalk by the porch were two camellias, I had them cut down too.  They are gorgeous when they bloom but are also very messy – they drop blossoms on the sidewalk and if we don’t rake them every time we turn around, they get slippery.  There is also a large patch of moss right there, not sure the sun penetrates through the leaves enough to prevent it from forming.

I don’t know if it is voles, moles or gophers making mounds in the yard – we seem to have quite a crop.  They are getting to be huge – when there were three in one small space, it looked as though Mom and Dad were showing junior how to do it – a huge mound, one not quite so big and then a small one.  Junior has certainly gotten the hang of it, now they are all over the front yard.  Delores isn’t over with her rake and mole repellent – now Eddie goes out and pounds the mounds down.  The rain has not been conducive for him to do anything lately – hasn’t stopped the moles.

Down the hill from the porch

North end of the yard

The whole lawn looks like this.  Well, it’s not a golf course lawn.

Now I find little divet along the sidewalk to the garage – not sure what makes those little holes.  At least golfers fix their diets before they leave the hole.  Nature is amazing and certainly puzzles me a lot of the time.

Good Heavens, there is sun right now.  We haven’t seen a lot of it and it is supposed to be nice tomorrow.  I heard from my sisters – one in Nashville, one on the Jersey shore.  They both had lots of snow but didn’t lose electricity.  They sent pictures and it reminds me all too much of our adventures in snow while living in the Eastern half of the country.  One thing, the roads are usually plowed quite well – just have to dig out one’s drive after the plow goes by.  The snow is gorgeous and when the sun shines, it is magical and pristine.

P. S.  I finally got my photos to show up in iPhoto and there were a couple from Toronto  when we were in Niagara Falls.

I didn’t expect this to go into Part 3.  I also had to find pictures on the web for Niagara Falls because I wasn’t able to take any myself.  I just found a picture of the Patriarch of the Orthodox Armenian church – as opposed to the Catholic one.  Armenians are either Orthodox or Catholic.

This is him after his investiture in Jerusalem

If I remember correctly, we were  on the main street of Niagara Falls and then we turned to go down the hill to the falls.  You can see the falls on the U.S. side straight ahead.

If you remember the picture of the road along side the falls, there are sidewalks and a road – no stopping or parking on the road.  Both road and sidewalk were full of people and all around were park like areas.  At Christmas time they put up all kinds of light displays – I saw these on the web:

Every where we went, there were lighted displays all around.  They were not just Christmas themed, it was all kinds.  This only happens at Christmas and Raouf wanted us to see the light displays on the falls themselves.  It must not have been dark enough because we could see the falls quite well.  So we missed that but since I was so fascinated by the falls, I don’t feel I missed much.  Not sure I would ever be tired of looking at the falls.  I was amazed at how many people were out – maybe they didn’t think it was all that cold.

We needed to stop for gas and I think it was St. Catherine that we stopped.  Raouf as a cross hanging from his rear view mirror and the fellow at the next pump came over and warned him it was a very muslim town – that he could get beaten up if any of the muslims saw his cross.  We got gas and left, so there was no trouble.  It seems there are enclaves of groups all over the area. It was interesting when Sonia would say where we were at the moment was a particular group’s area.  Then again, Canada never advertised itself as a melting pot.

We sat up until midnight or so – that seemed to be how it went.  Sleep in around  8 or 9, go to bed late.  Very opposite of our usual routine.  Even now, I am still readjusting to home.  There was always things to talk about, we watched a couple of movies, and we enjoyed talking with Brahim and Jiries when they were around.

The night before we left, friends of Sonia came over for a visit.  She went to the German nuns school with Clovadis; not sure if Sonia also knew her husband or not.  We had a lovely time with them and of course the food came out – nuts first, then individual plates of fruit, then the cheesecake.  It happens any time we go to family or friends.

Tuesday Raouf went to buy “Jerusalem bagels” baked fresh and somewhat like kiake in Jerusalem.  It is bigger than the ones in Jerusalem but oh so good.  We also had one to take home with us – Eddie babysat it all the way home.

We had to get up very early Wednesday for our flight.  We were due to stop in Houston and then board a 737 for Seattle.  Eddie had arranged first class tickets with his miles – unfortunately Embraer first class isn’t all that much better than coach.  Neither of us slept well Tuesday night so it wasn’t all that difficult to get up around 4.  We checked our bags and a wheelchair was arranged for me – traveling is a lot harder than it used to be and especially since I have been out of breath so easily since the bronchitis.  However, going through security and customs is a lot easier and so is going to the gate.

Eddie had arranged for 1st class, though a small plane doesn’t quite have the same comfort and a regular plane.  However, it worked out quite well and we made it to Houston on time.  It was either stop in Chicago or Houston and both Eddie and I aren’t that enamored of Chicago.  We arrived only to find out flight was cancelled.  I figured that was the end of first class.  Seems all the rain and storms around the country have made travel much more difficult – even the pilots and flight attendants were having trouble making flights.  So they booked us as standby on another flight – miles away.  They have trams in Houston, so we were in one terminal and had to go to another one on the tram.  When we went to the concourse, we used the passenger cart to get to the gate – I did anyway, Eddie preferred to walk.

We had 3 or 4 hours to wait – as standby, there was no telling if we would actually get on the flight.  A while later they announced a new flight had been put on and all on standby were on that one.  Of course it was over the next concourse – thank goodness for the passenger cart!  So we were on the flight but it was delayed – the flight attendants hadn’t arrived yet.  When they came, we had to wait for the pilot to arrive, his flight was due in shortly.  Needless to say, we didn’t leave on time.

Since I figured first class was not an option, I had quite a surprise when we went on board – we had the real deal all the way!!

The seats were really plush and comfortable, lots of leg room

If you want, they also recline all the way to sleep.

This was a first for me – I wonder if I would have appreciated more if I had felt better.  Anyway, it was the best part of the flight home.  By the time we came home – once again we had a private car to take us home.  We were both very glad to be home at last.  We both slept quite well – we had started out 3 hours earlier.  that was our trip to Toronto for Christmas.

I think I left off at Boxing Day – the day after Christmas.  It is a holiday but shops were open.  The next day – Sunday – we were invited over for lunch at Raouf’s younger brother’s house in Niagara Falls.    We had gone to his uncle’s house and so Niagara Falls was beyond that in the same direction.  I coughed all the way over, during the visit and on the way back – though it was getting better.  Eddie by this time had come down with a bad cold, though he kept saying he had caught some of my stuff.  It was cloudy and a bit raw, think goodness it wasn’t raining.

Road’s brother lives in a subdivision outside the town of Niagara Falls that has some quite nice houses.  apparently there are some not so nice areas – not that surprising.  We arrived and we were greeted by his brother, his wife Rose, their son and two daughters.  I think there is an older son, but I am not sure.  We had a tour of the house, I didn’t go up or downstairs and it turns out I didn’t miss much downstairs.  That is his smoking room and bar – Eddie was hit with cigarette smoke  about 5 steps down.  He showed off his bar with all the liquor – he’s quite proud of it.  I had some lemonade to drink while he brought out Johnny Walker in a silver time – supposed to be really cool.  Raouf drank some but doesn’t really like it because it has an aftertaste.

Uncle John and his wife Bernadette came, so it was fun to see them again.  We sat down to lunch with a turkey, a plate with stuffed grape leaves, stuffed zucchini and ribs.  There was also a plate of mashed potatoes, (wish I could remember what else) .  The turkey was cooked with a special recipe, marinated in some thing and then cooked.  It was served in the roasting pan and he just tore it all apart.  I had some white meat and it tasted good,  couple of grape leaves, a ground meat dish, not sure what else – boy, has my brain gone to mush suddenly!  I haven’t been eating that much, I am full very quickly.  I was just finishing my plate while others had 2 or 3 helpings.

Back to the living room for more conversation and this time I was sitting next to Uncle John again and we had a lovely conversation.  I really enjoy him, I haven’t really had an opportunity ti get to know Bernadette.  Uncle John talked about the Patriarch from Armenia who had come to visit Toronto.  I am not sure what title Uncle John has, he is a minister and preaches.  Anyway, the first meeting the priests of the churches in Toronto were there – Uncle John was surprised to find himself in their company.  The Patriarch talked about  the churches in Jerusalem need restoration and said they need $900,000 – he was there to raise the money.

As he said there, Uncle John heard the Holy Spirit tell him to go talk to the Patriarch because the Holy spirit had a message for him.  Uncle John was very skeptical – how could he go up to the Patriarch?  It was as if the Holy Spirit first tapped him on the shoulder, a bit later it was a punch in the arm and finally a dope slap.  So Uncle John told the Holy Spirit “I will talk to him but only if he comes over to me.”  He was amazed when the Patriarch walked down the aisle shaking hands with all the robed priests, then looked over at Uncle John.  The Patriarch  told him he knows he has a message for him – you could call it a double dope slap.  So they stood together a little apart and Uncle John told him that Holy spirit wanted him to know that he had wasted his time and the priests time talking about the physical church in Jerusalem when he needs to talk about the spiritual church in the future.

Uncle John wasn’t sure how he would take the message – the Patriarch was fine with it.  So when he went to address the group again, he told them he had wasted their time about the physical church, that it is the spiritual and future church they need to focus on.  He got a round of applause and then someone stood up and told the Patriarch he had a check for him – $9 million.  Uncle John talked about it in wonder, that the Holy Spirit chose him to speak to the Patriarch and arranged for him to come to Uncle John.

By that time, I needed a pit stop, so I asked Rose if she had a powder room.  It was a big relief, I had been coughing and things were a bit damp.  After that, I went back towards the kitchen and saw the older daughter there and we talked a bit.  She is a very mature young woman, though I think she is still in high school.  She knows what she wants to do in life – a cardiac surgeon – and studies hard to do well in school.  I really enjoyed talking to her, then suddenly it was time to go.  I hope to see her again some time.

We were going to go to Niagara Falls on the Canadian side – I have only seen the falls from 37,000 feet – not all that spectacular.  Raoul wanted us to see near dusk because they put lights on the falls during Christmas.  We drove a couple of exits down and drove along the main street – full of tall hotels.  It turns out, the falls are down below th hill where the main street is – all the hotel advertise you can see the falls from your hotel room.  As we went down the hill, we saw the U.S. side straight across – took me a couple of seconds to realize it was the falls.  You can see the platform they have built out so people can see the falls.

I found pictures on Google to illustrate but I can’t find them.  Also, I need to do a Part 3 – too much of a motormouth on paper as well as in person.

In some ways, it is hard to realize it is the beginning of a brand new year.  I choose to see it as a wonderful year filled with love, joy, laughter and hope.  I am looking forward to all the gifts and blessings it has for me – some may be uncomfortable, yet there for a purpose. There is no way to know just what will come along, only to see each thing or event as an adventure and challenge.  Easy to say when I am looking it from the 2nd of January, it may be a different perspective in the middle of what is happening.  Since I am a work in progress, all will be a learning experience.

2015 certainly had its share of learning experiences, I hope I met the challenge and learned from each experience.  Some times it felt as if it was just one more thing in a long line of things, I wondered how I would make it through.  I did make it through – I am still here and I kept telling myself “It’s not going to last forever”.  Even when it seemed as if it would never end.

The first six months were about grieving for Mom, wondering how it was showing up for me.  I found a 6 week grief support group and found it intense at times – but I came out the other end better.  At least I think I did.  It is still a mystery in some ways how I grieve for Mom, I can talk about her at times and be fine, then other times it bring tears to my eyes.  I wonder if it is an ongoing process and to always landmarks to tell me I have reached a certain stage.  Because of her dementia, I have been able to see the childhood programs that were instilled in me and it is up to me to decide which are true and which are not.

I was able to do the two things  she wanted – I scattered her and Dad’s combined ashes over the Sound from a ferry and also had a Celebration of Life Open House for her.   As a result, I have been able to let go of the emotional attachment to my parents things and give them a good home.  It has meant Eddie and I could paint the living room and bring up our furniture from the basement – to make it truly our home.  We cleaned out a lot of things  – much still to do – and are making plans for the other rooms and also the basement.

It is now time for Eddie and me to live our own lives, whatever and wherever that is.

This last six months seems to have been much more medical than I ever thought it would be.  When the young man rearranged my car, I remember thinking “This is a changing event”.  I was surprised I was not angry – my arm was broken in 2 places and I had to be at home for 8 weeks until it healed.  I am still in the process of physical therapy and chiropractic to help me get back to what I was.  As that was happening, I broke a tooth and ended up having a crown – the dentist said he had been keeping an eye on that tooth for 10 years, so he wasn’t surprised it broke.  Probably the hardest part of that was when he put in the aesthetic – the needle went into my jaw and it hurt like hell – I was crying like a baby.  Then for 2 weeks my jaw was painful and I had trouble eating.

Then it was to the dermatologist to take biopsies of the two places on my face.  Plus she got trigger happy with the nitrogen when freezing other places.  Took a while to heal from that – then on to the MOHS surgeon because it is basel cell skin cancer.  After a consultation he sent me to the plastic surgeon – I let it go too long and so  there is  a lot to correct.  It seemed my weeks were filled with doctor apps, physical therapy and chiropractic apps for twice a week.  I was trying to get some orders done and out for clients as well.

All along I was fighting with the orthopedic surgeon’s office about billing and getting my money back – this is through my auto insurance and they refused to understand – they just kept saying they don’t bill third-party.  I talked to Dave about it and now I have an attorney helping me – he has a paralegal who is doing all the billing and working with the insurance company – I still have $288 the surgeon’s office hasn’t reimbursed me.  He wants to do a reverse shoulder replacement and I am not happy about that.  Plus my primary care doc and rheumatologist don’t want me to do it because I am at a much higher risk.  Eddie is against the surgery –  I see so many difficulties with it and I don’t really want to go back to hurting, healing and all the other stuff again.  I am going to get a second opinion before I make a final decision.

I was getting ready for our trip to Toronto for  Christmas and ended up with bronchitis.  It wasn’t the extra dose of a med that had me coughing, I am still coughing but doing a lot better.  I coughed my way through 2 Christmas parties, wasn’t able to go to the 10th anniversary of the Future of Flight – it was more important for Eddie to go – and coughed my way through Christmas.

Even so, we had a great Christmas, even saw Niagara Falls from the Canadian side – it was amazing!  Roauf’s brother lives there and they invited us for lunch.  We went to his uncle’s one night and then same them at the brother’s house. We went to their Catholic church for Christmas day service, friends came to visit and there was a family dinner on Christmas Eve – this time the two boys were allowed to bring their girlfriends.  We did a lot of talking and enjoying each other’s company – it felt so good to relax and enjoy ourselves, not thinking about anything here.  Sonia cooked wonderful meals and we ate well.

Truly an interesting year and no doubt I will see the gifts in the uncomfortable parts later.  That is something I have learned, the gifts of a situation or event aren’t always apparent or obvious at the time; sometimes it takes distance and time for them to show up.

I wish you all a wonderful 2016 filled with love joy and laughter.