It hasn’t been a stellar week for me in terms of comfort physically, but it brought some interesting insights that hit home. I had been doing well last weekend and was thinking “Maybe there is something to this gluten-free stuff after all”. Then Monday hit and I felt as if I had been run over by a Mack truck. I could barely move and I was so muzzy and tired it took time and coffee before I began to feel human around noon. I have no idea what happened, unless it was that cough medicine I took for this persistent cough – I need to go see the acupuncturist who cleared up the last one. I have always used that one and it has really helped the cough – what was different?
As the week went on, I began to feel better each day – another round of withdrawal from gluten? Then came Thursday night, I was cold all night and Friday I couldn’t get warm all day, my hands were cold and my head was quite warm. It was also the day I felt discouraged with all of this and then something I had read a few days earlier suddenly hit me. It was an “I know that I know” moment. I have been very aware of ego and all her negativity – she definitely was in control that day. But then I remembered someone writing about “Ego Voice” and Inner Voice” and I began think about that and it seemed to fall into place. I was listening to ego voice and all her negative nonsense trying to keep me in fear and frustration. What I wanted to hear was Inner Voice with her loving, positive and empowering words and feelings. I realized if all I hear is ego voice, it is better not to think at all. I have listened to ego voice all my life since I didn’t know there was a difference, but now that I know there is Inner Voice, I choose her. Listening to ego all this time has landed me here with all this going on – suppose I only listen to Inner Voice and see what results I create. I can’t say I only listen to Inner Voice now – ego voice had free reign last night when I couldn’t get to sleep and I was feeling tired and cranky. Though I did switch thoughts to something else and that did help.
However, I woke up this morning cranky and not feeling my shining self, so I asked Spirit for an attitude overhaul – an attitude adjustment wasn’t quite enough to overcome this morning’s cranky. I am doing better now, that was only about 45 minutes ago but there was a shift and I know this works. I remember in 1974 we moved to Los Angeles and rented an apartment in a brand new complex – it was quite nice but for some reason I didn’t like it there. So I said to Spirit “I don’t like it here, would you change my attitude?”. Awhile later I realized my attitude had changed and I was fine. So I have used this over the years and it works – it’s better if I forget all about it after I ask because I have a tendency to keep checking to see if has happened. It is much better to forget it and then realize later on the change has been made.
This weekend I have been feeling better and more comfortable, I will be interested to see what Monday brings. I have an early dentist appointment and then a Roadshow with some suppliers – once again bringing home catalogs and samples that right now are overrunning the office and the basement. The Roadshow means walking and standing, so I know I will be tired when I finish, a nap may be in order when I get home. I would like to be walking comfortably tomorrow so I can talk to the suppliers I most want to see, then decide how much more I can do.
Usually when I do a post, I have a lot to say – this one has about come to the end and yet I feel it needs a conclusion. I haven’t a clue what it needs to be, but I will definitely check in to let you know my progress with listening to Inner Voice more. How is it for you?
UPDATE
It is now 4 weeks later and the mean cough is on the way out. I did see my acupuncturist and have had three treatments plus the chinese herbs every day. I am not so drag my ass tired and I am beginning to feel more myself. I also have been getting daily emails from Julia Rodgers Hamrick of Easy World. She has changed it from just a quote to Love Letters From Spirit – Wow, that makes such a difference! I am now more able to allow Inner Voice in and listen to her, to be comfortable hearing the positive about myself and understanding that small things are triumphs. I am proud of myself for keeping to gluten free for 6 weeks, it has been easier than I thought. I found myself feeling depressed last week when I was working on taxes and found I have not earned much of anything. I suddenly felt a failure and started to beat myself up. Then I changed course – where did that come from? – and began to think about what this promotional products business has brought me. Ike Pono, wonderful friends and relationships, helping people grow their businesses, quite an education in the promotional industry, starting to know I am creative, building confidence and self assurance and also, having fun. I have gained so much from doing it, maybe the next step is making enough money to break even and then slowly increase it every year. Thank You Spirit for helping me turn around a very negative and upsetting experience.
Gift of RA 