Thinking of a Title


It has been quite a rollercoaster lately, I am in waaaay over my head with a personal situation and I finally sought help from experts.  I could beat myself up and say I should have done it sooner, etc. – but I am not going to should all over myself or beat myself up.  It has helped to know others have knowledge and experience that can really help since I have no idea about it.  I have friends who have dealt with the same thing and have offered help and an ear to bend whenever I need it.  I am also going to go to a support group this coming week –  I have been ambivalent with RA support groups before but this is something that feels entirely different.  I will see what it is like and go from there.

As a result, I have drawn a blank on what to write about this week – a little surprising because I often have plenty to say.  One bright spot every week day is my Note From the Universe to encourage me, make me smile and give me great insights.  It also helps me put things into a better perspective.  This one came and made me laugh as well as help me put things in perspective:

Dwelling on the unimportant, stressing on the unintended, and freaking over the unknown, Lee, simply doesn’t work… and are a bit like lighting a match in a dark room to make sure no one accidentally sprinkled any gunpowder on your bicycle, kept under the stairs, near the back porch, in January.   Actually, some of that wasn’t really important, but hopefully it distracted from any stigma you may have attached to freaking over the unknown. 

You’re so adorable,
    The Universe

Why not just celebrate that you’re alive, Lee, every single day? After celebrating that you don’t need a bike to get email, in January.

This one came and just made me smile and feel so good!

What do blaring trumpets, cartwheeling angels, harping harpsichordists, and celestial hoedowns bring to mind?
The Pearly Gates? Welcome “Home” parties? Heaven gone wild?
Actually, Lee, they play for every earthly sunrise and all of the moments of each day and night that follow.

Duck!! 
    The Universe

Phew… you were nearly accidentally side-kicked by an exuberant admirer returning from a hoedown, Lee, who simply adores you.

And then comes ones like this, that are so encouraging when I am rather down on myself for not accomplishing much.  It makes me realize how much I discount what I do, can do and have done.  In my mind I know that so often I am the most effective when I am just being me – God works through me so much better when I show up and get out of the way!  When I “know that I know” deep in my heart that I am doing exactly what I am meant to do, that I don’t have to be famous or wealthy or have a lot of hoopla to live my purpose, then I can cease and desist.  I feel I am in the process now, but old habits die hard.  Thank you ego for your concern and protection, I choose the positive.

If you were able to look back at your most brilliant successes, stunning comebacks, amazing catches, and smokin’ ideas, Lee, and you were to find that virtually all of them seemed to materialize out of thin air, when you least expected them, and that they had exceeded even your greatest expectations at the time, how excited would you be about the new year and whatever else I’ve got up my sleeve? 

Hubba, hubba – 
    The Universe

If I’ve ever helped you before, Lee, don’t you think I can do it again… and again… and again… ad infinitum? Actually, it ought to be even easier next time, with your new saunter.

I know there is a gift in this situation but at the moment it isn’t necessarily clear to me – it may not be until it is all over and I have had a chance to absorb and process it all.  I know there are lessons I can learn and that too is very hard to see. ( NOTE TO SELF:  Ekhart Tolle talks about being in the moment, in the NOW – well, isn’t Mom a great  example of living in the moment?  Yes, it can be frustrating but it also is an advantage because she doesn’t remember my impatient, bitchy moments.)  I have too much emotion in the situation and the person, so it is harder to detach, take out the emotion and be more objective.  I have learned I take on others emotions and that gets me into trouble – another habit of a lifetime to continue working on.  I have not had a massage for 2 weeks and I really miss it, I hope to go this coming week because it has been a way to clear out a lot of old stuck emotions and help me see things in a more objective way. Plus Debye and Monty are a big cheering section for me as well as helping me understand things better.  I have spent so much of my life “doing it on my own” – it’s part of my upbringing and then I carried it through my adult life.  I dealt with RA mostly by myself because I didn’t really have anyone I could talk to about it – seeing the doc and other patients was only once a month or so.  My husband traveled and I was alone a lot – it made me more independent – and the women my age either had kids or a job or both.  I had neither, plus they didn’t really understand  having a husband who traveled a lot.  I have often felt I march to a different drummer.

Hmmm, for having drawn a blank I have managed to fill the page.  Isn’t that often the way!  I just start and never know what will come or where it will arrive.

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2 Responses to “Thinking of a Title”

  1. wartica Says:

    It’s funny how that works; once you start writing something down, you feel like you can write for days. The hardest part is thinking of an idea and going with it from there. Thanks for sharing and I look forward to sharing more:))

    • Lee Kaplanian Says:

      Hi Jon,
      Thanks so much for your comment – I checked out your blog and quite enjoyed it. I will look forward to seeing what else you write. I will admit, I was amazed to receive your comment – it came only a few minutes after I published the entry about 2 minutes earlier.

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