Archive for May, 2013

HAPPY HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!

May 24, 2013

At last, the home equity loan is paid off, the money for our new kitchen is in the bank and Brad is already working on getting things going.  I am so glad I don’t have to deal with THAT bank again for a loan.  Mom still has her checking account there and we’ll probably just leave it.

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Yesterday I picked up the check and went to BECU to deposit it in our new checking account.  I needed to have some money for Brad but they only gave me a very small bit, I can have more Monday and then by next Thursday it is all available.  I got some temporary checks to use until the proper ones came.  Feels so good to have it finally finished.  Now it will be about 3 or 4 weeks of camping without a kitchen for a while – we can deal with that.  I told Brad if there are times when it is better for me not to be here, just let me know and I will find somewhere to go.  We do have lead paint and I know the floor of the basement is asbestos, so that may make a difference.

That was my afternoon.  My morning was my massage – Debye is so excited about how straight I have become and the amount of the heavy energy in my body that is now gone.  I was definitely looking forward to this massage, such a wonderful part of my week.  Towards the end of the massage when I was on my back, she was working my tummy and I began to feel a finger on each of my cheeks – at first I thought it was Debye, but she wasn’t that close.  I had not felt that before and when we were finished, I asked her about it.  She said someone else had come to work on me with her, she sometimes knows when it happens, but often she is focused on what she is doing and isn’t aware.  She remembers one session when she was working on me and she could see a bearded man at the head of the table working on me but that was in a different lifetime and the person on the table was a young boy.  When she told me that, I had an immediate picture in my mind of the  man and the young boy in the room; she said she thought it was in the 16th century.

How cool is that!  I am finding I feel energy coming down through my crown chakra more and more these days.  It is happening right now and I am not connecting to Source to call down my God Force energy.  Sometimes I am now feeling a bit in my Third Eye and I have always felt so much in my Heart Chakra.  She tells me I am becoming more and more aware.  I love it, I send thanks and gratitude every time I feel it.

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7th or Crown Chakra Symbol            Symbolized by 1000 petal lotus

Another time we were finished and I was writing her a check while she went to use the bathroom.  She came out chuckling because she noticed another thing Spirit had done to let her know of its presence.  She put on a new roll and I was the first to use it, then Debye did.  She showed me that the top few layers had been pushed to one side – she knew it was straight the last time she went.  She says they like to do things like that to let her know they are with her.  She says they will pat her hair and  she is delighted to have their presence.

Today I went to see Mom in the morning – John and his crew are here taking out some stuff in the garden and Brad is meeting with the plumber here in the afternoon while Eddie goes to service his car.  I brought some things Mom needed, like toothpaste, body lotion, kleenex and body wash – plus I tucked in 3 cookies for her.  She was sitting in her wheel chair at the dining room table and was alert and doing well today.  She was pleased with the cookies and we also talked about boats.  She said something about seeing a boat go by with ladies (no clue what she was talking about) and I talked about the boat parade, our adventures with the Mukilteo hull and the Christmas ship.  She remembered some of it and then I mentioned boats in Waterford during summers.  Sometimes she talked about things but I couldn’t understand what she was saying, so I agreed with her.

John and his crew ground down the stump that used to be the cherry tree that was pushing over the garage, dug out the wisteria (yes, I know it has gorgeous flowers, but the tendrils drive me nuts) then the big forsythia at the corner and the sticker bush at the other corner in the front.  We talked with the plumber and Brad and it feels as if things are really getting started.

It has taken me all day to write this, it takes less time when I am alone but it has been an interesting day.  It feels as if we have a new beginning.

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After The Last Two Weeks

May 22, 2013

I was not sure about publishing the post about my Mom yesterday, it is such a personal thing for her and our family.  I often wonder if it is a good idea to publish things so close to me and family – my sisters really are there to help me, I have asked their advice more than once.  I get so close to it that it is hard for me to be objective.   But I found I slept so well last night  that I now realize I needed to express what was inside me.  I am still taking it all in, but I am not scared about it – maybe it doesn’t feel real yet.  I spoke to her doc on Tuesday afternoon and she wants to send Mom to an oncologist to see what options are available.  Fortunately she doesn’t want to invasive and heavy duty stuff  for this – she said we are not treating Mom’s breast cancer, we are treating Mom.  She doesn’t think Mom would do very well in the hospital for surgery, so I’m glad she isn’t hung ho for invasive measures.  The appointment with the oncologist will probably be in about 2 or 3 weeks.

I went to visit her yesterday and took my next door neighbor Delores with me.  She and Bob are going to the canal house tomorrow and won’t be around much during the summer.  So she brought some rhododendron blossoms to Mom.  I was glad to see Mom was doing quite well, I really wasn’t surprised to see her in a wheel chair since her knees have been bothering her.  So we had a good visit and I checked in with Judy on Saturday after the biopsy to see how things were going.   Apparently Mom didn’t have any trouble with the incision, not even sure she remembers it.  I haven’t said anything to Mom about breast cancer – I’m not sure she would understand.  She didn’t ask about results, so I didn’t say anything to her.

I am very grateful to ElderPlace and the people there as well as Didi and Judy – I don’t have to do this all by myself.  I have received a lot of support and encouragement from my sisters and my husband Ed, what a difference asking for help makes.  This whole experience of Mom and her dementia, my broken ankle, finding an adult family home for her, applying for Medicaid, etc. has made me feel more confident and competent to deal with major things occurring. Adding to this is the letting go of all the negative programs and deciding to be who I am whatever anyone one says has also helped.  I feel different, though I can’t really be specific; just a difference.

We went to pick up the check this morning, but realized it is tomorrow.  Eddie wasn’t going to the archives this morning and decided not to go to the aviation conference, so he came to Breakfast Club with me.  I was doing the 5 minute – I am now finding I concentrate on what I am doing and not wondering what Eddie is thinking of what I am doing.  I think he sees a different me when he comes to Breakfast Club.  Not a bad thing.

We have put the remodel in motion, I will be getting the check for Brad to start buying materials.  He is going to get a head start so that when the plumber and electrician start on the 10th, he will have done the demolition, put in a new back door and work on the pocket door.  Brad is going to start doing that on the 3rd.  It doesn’t quite seem real yet, but with check in hand it will.

We have started cleaning out some of the cupboards in the kitchen, last Saturday we filled the wheely bin at least half full on Saturday and made it to the top today.  We took some things over to Goodwill as well, will be packing up more for another trip or more down there.

I am looking forward to my massage tomorrow morning and another good night’s sleep tonight.  There is so much going on inside me, yet I can’t really describe it in detail.  It just is.

From Stress To Happy Dance To Stress – Part 2

May 21, 2013

I have to admit, I don’t really like feeling I am running from thing to another, but the week was like that.  Thursday was my massage and I was truly looking forward to it – especially after Wednesday.  I was feeling a bit down and tired of all the stuff I have continued to carry around all these years.  Debye told me all I have to do is let go – not sure I knew how to do it.  So I set an intention of completely letting go and clearing all the programs and beliefs, all the things I was told I had to be and release them.  What really surprised me was that I began to feel lighter after the sessions and it has continued since Thursday; I can’t really remember what all that stuff was and I have no desire to bring them back.
I began to realize that my authentic self didn’t fit with parents, friends and others – I had to suppress her because I believed there was something wrong.  But I am long past  deciding I have to live according to what someone else says is “proper”.  If someone is not happy with me as I really am, it is their stuff, not mine.  Imagine if I had been able to be this way decades ago, things certainly would have been different.  However, I suspect I wouldn’t have been ready for it until now.
What a difference after my massage!  I also knew that the biopsy on Friday would be more difficult, so I did the “show up and get out of the way” again.  I received a call from the mortgage company, we could go in and sign the papers, wait 3 days to give us time if we decide to rescind it and it would go through.  Eddie had taken Friday off to service his car but he had to postpone because of the closing and I was going with Mom after that.
Friday was Happy Dance!  We went in and signed a whole lot of papers and were given copies for our records.  I was surprised how calm and peaceful I felt; usually I am scared when we have signed a lease or bought house – I wonder if I can live up to the terms.  Strangely, I didn’t feel that way on Friday, in some ways it was a relief to finally have it closed.  it has taken 6 months, once we stopped it while I dealt with Medicaid for Mom and then Fannie Mae decided there was a glitch so we had to wait a month.  Now everyone has agreed  we can go forward.  I called our contractor to get things in motion.
Then I had to go over to Mom’s to be there for the ride over as well as the biopsy.  She definitely didn’t understand what was happening, so it was a good thing I went with her in the cabulance.  It was interesting because the driver was Andre, he had picked us up in the afternoon on Wednesday.  I told him I was so tired on Wednesday I didn’t feel like talking, so we had a lovely conversation on the way to Swedish.  Mom was confused and didn’t really remember the friendly techs, but it worked out.
I wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with the biopsy – I’ve had to have it done so I knew what it would be.  The biggest thing was for her to hold still and keep her arm up – she did do that but not without protest and some angry (but in a very ladylike way) words for the doc.  They were going to take 2 samples, and after the second one she told them not to do it any more.  I was on the other side of the bed talking to her and just being a calming influence.  It was not easy for her – not so great for me either.  It is one thing to be the one having it done, it is entirely different when it is happening to someone I love.  I was so glad it was finished.
We did the same Tri-Med route Friday too –  though by the time I got home it was after 5.00.  When the Tri-Med driver arrived, it was Jean Pierre.  He had taken me to an appointment with my surgeon.  When I mentioned the other man in a wheelchair with his leg straight, he remembered.  the man was in the front and I was in the back. so they had to put his foot between the two front seats and his wife rode in front.  We had a lovely talk on the way back, at times Mom was sleeping – she had been through a lot the past two days.  I gave Didi the instruction for her small incision and also the 2 ice packs for her to use.  I am so glad Didi is a R.N. because I knew she was in good hands with Didi.
It was so nice to arrive home to Eddie and the lovely roast chicken in the oven.  Man, I was beat.  They will have the results next week, then decide what to do.  I hope there is more than one option.
UPDATE
I just had a call from Dr. Rosen who did the biopsy – it is cancer.  They are checking to see if it is  estrogen related or not and all the results will be sent to Dr. Myre.  I just called and left a message for Brenda to find out if I need to meet with the doc alone or with Mom.  Dr. Rosen also let the True Center know and they will be calling me for an appointment with a surgeon.  I want to check with Dr. Myre first to see what she suggests.  I don’t want to have a lot of invasive procedures but I also want the best for Mom.  I didn’t really think I would have to make these decisions.

From Stress To Happy Dance To Stress – Part 1

May 21, 2013

Last week was a crazy time for me.  I wrote yesterday about the week before – last week had its own ups and downs – who knows what this week will bring.  Monday I check my Soul Card reading and found these 2 cards:

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First Card is from Doreen Virtue’s Guidebook for Magical Mermaids and Dolphins:

Pay Attention

“Notice repetitious signs and your inner guidance, as this can yield valuable information. It’s not your imagination that Heaven is sending you signs and Divine guidance. Anytime you hear something three or more times, especially within a short amount of time period, it’s information worthy of your attention.”

Soul Guidance:

What is the Universe saying to you? Look for the common thread.

Don’t ignore your Soul’s guidance because she may do some “crazy” things if you don’t listen.

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Second Card is from Sonia Choquette’s Oracle Cards Guidebook:

Epiphany/Higher Self: Inspiration, Breakthrough, Revelation, and Divine Guidance.

“The flow of communication between you and your Higher Self is strengthening daily, allowing you to directly access your Spirit Guides, Angels, and Spirit Teachers more readily. As you contact with your Higher Self deepens, answers will suddenly plop into your consciousness, like gifts from above.”

Soul Guidance:

Your Higher Self is the megaphone of your Soul.

It’s so interesting to see that both cards speak about the same thing. Pay attention to what the Universe and your Higher Self are trying to say to you.

Is it time to take action upon a long procrastinated idea, or is it time to commit to your unique purpose?

Or are you guided to take a leap in moving forward?

I have been noticing my higher self coming through more – I am not listening to ego quite as much and when she comes out, I thank her and tell her I choose something else.  I feel there is something coming, not sure exactly what but it feels like something wonderful.  I am rather impatient to find out what it is, the time for it is coming soon.  I am amazed at how the cards reflect what is happening in my life.

Always a good start to the week.  I had my appointment with Dr. Cheryl for my adjustment – she has really helped my shoulder and neck so much.  I was having some problem with my neck and she made such a difference, I could feel as if there were knots and she did a great job.  It is amazing how she can give a wonderful back and neck rub while adjusting and aligning.

I had the rest of the day to myself, so I came home and had some lunch before having a lie down.  I find myself yawning and tired when I am finished with the adjustment.  I wanted to write a post since I hadn’t for a bit, but the nap turned out to be the best thing for me at that moment.

Tuesday turned out to be MY day – the one I missed the week before because of the computer.  I slept for as long as I wanted, had a long hot shower – except it now isn’t quite as hot.  This has been frustrating because it comes and goes, so I know something isn’t right.  Eddie doesn’t seem to notice but I certainly do.  There are times when I wondered if I was going nuts.   Anyway, I just decided to do or not do whatever I felt like doing – nothing HAD to be done, just whatever came up for me.  How lovely the day was for me.

Wednesday was Breakfast Club and I talked to John the plumber about the hot water – he was at home Tuesday and if I had called, he would have come.  So we arranged for Friday morning.  Then I had to leave because I needed to be at Mom’s before 9:45.  She had an appointment to have a mammogram, as far as I know, the first one she has had.  When we enrolled her in the ElderPlace program, they did a physical.  There was a lump and they have been keeping an eye on it the past few months.  It had gotten bigger so they decided to do the mammogram.

I will admit to feeling very stressed about it, how she would do, how cooperative, etc.  Then I decided I was looking at it in the negative, so I asked the Universe to create the solution with all the words, attitudes, actions, etc. and I would just show up and get out of the way.  I will admit I was somewhat tense when I went, especially  because she wasn’t sure what it was all about.  The Tri-Med cabulance came and she ended up going to sleep on the way downtown.  I decided to do the cabulance was to be there for Mom all the way as well as be a calming influence for her rather than just meet her at the office.

 I met her at her house and Tri-Med took us in to Swedish Breast Center on 1st hill; she slept almost all the way in.  They took us up to the office and while Mom waited, I went through a dog and pony show – I  thought Providence would have everything set up, but the Center had their own balderdash.
       All of the techs were really great, very helpful and friendly, very gentle with Mom.    She wasn’t all that pleased about any of it, especially when it came to being the filling in a the sandwich.  They had trouble with the side shots – by then she had had enough.  So we went to another room so they could do an ultrasound.  They told me they didn’t think it was benign, so they wanted her back for a biopsy.  The appointment was made for Friday afternoon.  Tri-Med came back and she slept most of the way back to her house.
I was glad to get back in time for Eddie and me to go to our appointment at Apple.  I fixed up my computer for the box in the morning and Eddie was going to put it together for me.  He needed to learn to use it and I needed help with mine as well.  We ended up changing techs in mid stream so we both learned a lot.

Life Gets A Bit Odd At Times

May 19, 2013

I haven’t posted much lately, somehow Life happens while I am working on a post.  I will say it took me a while to put together the post for Candy’s pictures – it was very hard to choose which ones to add.  I have written about Monday and Tuesday two weeks ago – by Wednesday I was worn out from thinking about it all.  Thinking about may not have been the smartest thing to do, but I know I tend to over analyze things, a habit I am working on to be in a more positive way.

Wednesday I felt better after a good night’s sleep.  I began to realize there was no feeling of satisfaction from yelling back at the guy – I thought I would feel I had been able to stand up for myself.    Looks as if I have changed more than I had realized. Instead of satisfaction, it felt very uncomfortable and pointless.  I wanted to be right and it looks as though he was more determined to be right.  Besides, do I want to be right or happy?   I am  hearing higher self’s voice more now rather than ego’s.

I was glad it was Wednesday because I could go to Breakfast club, they always cheer me up and are the highlight of the week.  Then I had an appointment with my chiropractor right after that.

I went to see Dr. Cheryl for my adjustment and she told me something that changed my perspective.  In Aikido, they use momentum rather than brute force.  If someone comes at you, instead of standing your ground and meeting it face on, they use the momentum of the person coming at you to deflect in another direction.  It is one of those times when I have a general idea of what she means but not really a specific, real life example to make it more clear.  I need to read about it so I can understand it better; to come to the “I know that I know” point.

In the afternoon we went to see Tom, our mortgage broker – to sign some papers – he usually has a thick pile for us.  Then we had to wait for a closing date.  Progress comes slowly on some things.

Thursday I was due to meet a new friend from Linked In – she went to Burnley about the time I did.  We were going to meet at 10, then there was an appointment made for that time for Mom to be fitted for new shoes.  So I asked Chris if she would mind changing to 11:30 or noon.  That was fine with her.  So I met Mom up at the Center so Scott could measure her feet.  The shoes she is wearing are too tight for her because she has so much swelling in her ankles and feet.  She sits most of the time and won’t put her feet up to drain the excess fluid, so we are hoping the new shoes will adjust to the amount of fluid.  She was not all that anxious to have her feet measured or have  new shoes – the old Yankee New Englander thrift coming out.  It all worked out well and I was able to meet Chris for lunch in plenty of time.

Chris CardYes, he is supposed to be upside down!

We talked about Burnley and she brought her portfolio with her.  She has her own, rather whimsical style I like.  Reminds me of fairies ad wood sprites.  She brought me a card with one of her designs as a gift.  she knew the instructors much better than I did, plus she is a working artist, chef and I don’t know what else.  We laughed and had a great time, then she had to leave because she cooks for an Indian family and she had to go home and start preparing things to take over to their house.  We definitely decided to meet again, she suggested going to her house and she will cook.  So that will be fun.

I was delighted to  have my massage Friday morning – that time I didn’t say a whole lot and really enjoyed the massage.   it felt like a very stressful week, though I was in a lot better frame of mind at the end of the week.    We went to visit Mom on Saturday morning to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day with some flowers and chocolate.  We only take a little bit now because she is so aware of it being there and she can’t go to sleep until she has eaten it all.   I have been bringing 3 cookies for her at a time, otherwise she would devour the whole box.

We went on Saturday because Eddie had to work on Mother’s Day at the Future of Flight.  I went with him and wandered around a bit, then called my friend Charlotte around 2.  I wasn’t sure what she was doing because in the past she and her husband would go to church and then visit with their son and his wife and kids.  Things are at sixes and sevens right now so I took a chance.  She was delighted to hear from me, she said Ron was in bed with bronchitis and she was out doing a couple of things.  So we met at a Hancock Fabrics to visit for an hour or so.  I was sorry it was short, but I needed to be back at the Future of Flight when Eddie was ready to leave.  I had the car so he wasn’t going anywhere without me.

It had been a good day and we were both tired.  It didn’t start to rain until we were leaving for home.  Ain’t that the way of it?  The end to a stressful week but I realize as time goes by, I am realizing how much I am growing and learning.  Some times it is uncomfortable, sometimes it is really cool.

Candy’s Photos

May 13, 2013

I decided my other sister Candy would have equal time with her photos.  She has been living in Nashville quite a while, she went down there for her song writing.  She has written songs herself and partnered with other song writers – it was the heyday of Music Ro and many, many publishers.  Well, like the book publishing world, the music world had the bottom drop out and things are very different now.

During those years Candy published several books – Christmas Abundance ( my favorite because it has some of our family traditions and recipes in it), then a series of three called The Art of Abundance, The Art of Simplicity and the Art of Encouragement.  For the past 2 or 3 years she has been learning about ebooks and has published several – plus a free one on her website ( http://www.candypaull.com).

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She also started taking photos of flowers, mostly roses with interesting backgrounds and arrangements.

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Love the dew drops!       I will check back in the archives to see some of her first ones.

Then at Christmas time, she had some interesting photos of  decorations, I really like this.

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Just recently she had some quite interesting photos that were taken around lake Radnor – a favorite place for her walks.  One never knows what she will find.

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And then there were the unexpected ones.

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I love this little guy but it isn’t Candy’s photo – she found it on Facebook.                                                                              I found it on http://www.dailycute.net and also couple of  other sites.

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For a while Candy worked at Vanderbilt University and enjoyed her time there, the people she worked with and the work, plus she loved walking along the campus in all seasons.  She would send some wonderful photos and her enjoyment shined through  her photos.

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Autumn in Nashville, Vanderbilt University

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That gives us an idea of Nashville and Vanderbilt University, and some of the things Candy has been doing while she has been there.  She has many things going on and has a book that is in the process with a new publisher – not only new to her but also new period.  I am looking forward to hearing how that is going and what will happen next for her.

So now I have shown both of my sisters and their photography – I am very proud of them and glad they are my sisters, or as we call each other Sisty Ugler.

Tuesday – Day 2

May 9, 2013

A machine to measure bone density to check for...

A machine to measure bone density to check for osteoporosis in the elderly and other vulnerable subjects. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Tuesday I was feeling down  when I went to see my rheumatologist and have my infusion.  I had good news, my blood work shows the sed rate and inflammation was down a bit – she said it would take about 3 – 6 months to really see the difference.  I also said I was feeling a bit better, nowhere specific, just a general feeling better.  She is quite pleased.  She wants me to do a bone density scan when I see her in four weeks – so I do the scan, see her since she will have the results and then do my infusion.  Another doctor day.

It had been cloudy all morning, so it felt good to see a bit of the sun.  I went over to see Mom when I was done at the Polyclinic to see her.  I parked the car across the street, a bit on the grass, and the next thing I know, there’s a guy yelling at me to get off the grass – not just once or twice but many times – ranting in between.  I was stunned by such unexpected shouting.  I had not even had a chance to move in the car and I suddenly felt caught up in a childhood program.  I am sick to death of being told what to do and there was a stubborn streak coming out in me.  I moved the car not to where he told to, but against the fence of Mom’s house – a little passive aggressive mode.  I felt powerless in that moment.

I went in  to see Mom and found she was sound asleep – for whatever reason, she didn’t sleep the night before and was making up for it, so I didn’t wake her.   I told Didi what happened outside and she said he has a major alcohol problem and is like that with everyone.  I wished I had had a comeback at the moment, I only thought of it when I was near the house.  I told Didi I wished I had said “Blow it out your ear, a**hole!” but couldn’t think of it.  She said he needs to be told that.  What I did was as I left, I went by his car, rolled down the window and told him “Don’t you ever speak that way to me again!”.  He was ranting again and I told him to blow it out his ear and then I left.  I realized he had a louder voice than I do, so I was not going to get the upper hand – I wanted that so much.

As I drove away I found myself very upset and wanting to cry, I didn’t like the way I felt or behaved, that’s not how I want my being.  I thought about it all the way home and realized ego was in there with her two cents, wanting the upper hand and being right.  Well, Dr. Phil often asks people “Do you want to be right or happy?”.  I know she is protecting me and wanting to keep me safe – now I realized I needed to thank her for her care and tell her I choose something else.

There was so much churning around in my mind and as a result, in my body as well.  This is not the way I am becoming, it would have better for me to have sat in the car to center and ground myself and release the negative energy before going to see Mom.  I brought that negative energy into the house and I have kept it in my body as well.

I am beginning to realize what was happening – after the fact – and recognizing the programs and reactions that have been so automatic.  I haven’t been very good company lately, such familiar programs and reactions but only recognizing them better and better.  I have not done much of anything to change the situation and my response to it.  I am definitely a work in progress as I continue to notice programs coming up and thank ego for sharing but I choose something else.

Monday – Day 1

May 8, 2013

I have been debating whether to publish this or not – there has certainly been something pushing me to write it out, that’s for sure.  Does anyone really want to read about  the past three days and the turmoil I have been feeling?  I decided to start with Monday because that was about the start of it and it has been uncomfortable  up until today (Wednesday).  Not sure if there is a happy ending or just an ending.

We have been having sunny warm weather in the 80’s and Monday was to be the warmest day.  My calendar showed a free day so I decided this was going to be MY day, to do or not do whatever I felt like doing.  I checked my Monday Morning Soul Card Reading and found this:

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First Card is from Doreen Virtue’s Ascended Masters Oracle Cards Guidebook:

Freedom: Hina

“This card signifies that your Soul is crying for more freedom, especially as it involves your life purpose. Walk away from restrictions and be free! Perhaps it’s time to take a break so that you can think clearly about your desires and available options.

Additional meanings: It’s time to leave a situation that you have outgrown. Allow the Universe to support you while you make desired life changes.”

Soul Guidance:

Are you ready to break free? Is it time to leave a certain situation? Why wait?

Feeling fear means you’re on the right path. Just don’t let fear to stop you if your heart guides you to take a leap.

Then I read the second one and it too was so fitting for me – it always amazing at how apt the cards are for me.

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Second Card is from Denise Linn’s Gateway Oracle Cards Guidebook:

Letting Go: I surrender joyously to the ebbing and flowing of life.

“Surrender. Relinquish control and allow Spirit to take over. You don’t need to do everything yourself. All is well. It is time to release any limiting patterns, emotional attachments, or inner and outer clutter. Surrendering doesn’t mean you’re yielding to a force outside of yourself. It means you’re allowing your Soul to take over.

Soul Guidance:

What area of your life needs letting go?

This week your focus is letting go and creating the freedom to pursue the longing of your Soul.

What baby step can you take?

Click here to read: Letting go is…

Unfortunately it was not to be – Eddie got another Dept. of Justice virus demanding $300 within 48 and they would unlock his computer.  If not, he would be prosecuted.  No doubt a lot of other people have had this come up for them.  this time we knew it was a scam, but I couldn’t get it to start in Safe Mode so I could do a system restore. I called Larry and he said it would be very expensive to fix it, though he sent me a site that has ways to do it.  Unfortunately they all seem to have it go into Safe Mode – something I couldn’t get to.

So I called Jon Palms from Breakfast Club, he is the computer guy in our club at the moment and others have been pleased with his work.  So I called him and when he wasn’t able to help me over the phone, he came over to fix it.  It took awhile but he found several viruses and took them all off as well as the DOJ one.  then ran a deep scan which found 2 items to be removed.  Now it is working properly.  There is always a chance it will happen again so now Eddie is willing to look at a Mac laptop since there are fewer problems with viruses.  He thinks they are too expensive, but I reminded him how much money we have spent fixing all the problems he has had with it.

By the time Jon left, it was almost 2 – there went my day to myself.  It really began to bug me because this happens quite often, it is my life that is put on hold, postponed or cancelled because Eddie or Mom needs something done.  I am fed up with it.  I said it to Eddie when he called the last time, he told me he owes me big time – you bet your a** you do!

I was upset about it and in many ways fell into feeling sorry for myself and thinking of myself as a victim.  It certainly was a familiar feeling, I have spent a lot of my life that way.  After awhile, I began to think “I have been down this road so many times before but didn’t do anything about it”  I then heard my higher self speaking, asking what I am going to do, this day has been a wake up call to begin doing what I enjoy, what I want learn and explore.  I was still feeling a bit upset and didn’t say much that evening.

Ellen’s Photos

May 5, 2013

My sister Ellen lives in Ocean Grove, N.J. and we were so grateful they did so well in Sandy, snowstorms, nor’easter and hurricanes.  I will admit to being very concerned, the worst that happened to them was no electricity for several days.  Because she lives there, she has been taking pictures of the water, the town and flowers as they bloom.  She recently sent a picture of her front yard, she has a green thumb.

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She has some awesome photos of the ocean in all its moods and conditions.

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The pier before Sandy – now just a few pilings.

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There are some jetties of rocks all along the shore.

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The waves can be small

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Or seem very large.

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Or just plain beautiful

People come in the summer for the programs at the Tabernacle as well as to be by the Shore since it gets hot and humid in the Northeast.   Some of the houses are lovely – either single family homes, B&B or hotels.

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They also have a number of tents, though you wouldn’t really know to look at them – they seem like little houses.  When winter comes, they take down the sides and wait for Spring to reassemble the.

P1130123Tents in winter.

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Tents in the Summer

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Tents in Fall

Ocean Grove is a pretty town, I visited Ellen on a trip to see people at my head office in N.J. and was glad to have some time to spend with Ellen and see where she lives.  I so appreciate her pictures of the ocean – I am a water lover – as well as showing different parts of town.  I would like to go back and see it again and spend time with Ellen.

Thank you Ellen for letting me share your lovely pictures.

A Huge Thank You!

May 1, 2013

I seem to spend more time reading and commenting on other people’s blogs than I do writing my own.  However, I have found some wonderful blogs and delightful people behind them.  I so appreciate them and the 41 Followers I have now.  WOW!  To me that is so cool and amazing.  When I comment on other blogs, I learn about other people and check them out.  I have also had people Like my posts and that is how I find them.  What a fascinating place the world of blogs has been.

When I first started, I wondered if anyone would be interested in reading about RA.  There were people who also were interested in my  Mom’s dementia, plus my every day subjects as well as metaphysical ones.  I am so pleased to have 41 Followers, I so appreciate each and every one of them, as well as all the ones who have liked by blog posts.  Some are in very interesting places and I have learned a lot about things and places I didn’t know anything about.  When there are pictures posted, it really brings it home to me.  Thank You all, it means the world to me.

It has also helped me cope with things, and when I write about dementia, I receive comments that help, support and uplift me.  As all the people who dealt with know, it is not easy and having people who have been through it say they understand, I know they do.  That helps so much as well.  There are so many lovely people out there.

I am following blogs as well, some subjects I have no knowledge or experience with it.  But although the situation is different, I have come to think over the years that there are some basic things we all share in living with and through a difficult situation.   There is something therapeutic about writing down what is happening as well as thoughts and feelings.  I find it helps clear it out for a while and I can see more objectively.  A good cry also helps as well as throwing a tantrum.  It is hard for me to throw a tantrum, I don’t have any experience because my parents were not willing to allow tantrums.  Even a good cry is harder than it used to be – for some reason I know feel there is someone standing next to me watching their watch.  It is as if there is a time limit and if I don’t get on the ball and start crying, time will be up for me.   Where this came from I have no idea, but it does put a damper on things.

Even better, publishing a post that is real, in many ways helps other people.  I’ve learned since my speaker days at the Connecticut Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation that I didn’t often know when I gave the basic facts (along with my own stories) who was being helped.  Sometimes I would have someone come up and tell me and that was always gratifying.  I often thought, it isn’t necessary to always know when I helped, otherwise I might get a swelled head ( childhood program) and my attitude would change and be all about me.  Then whatever it was that was working, wouldn’t any more.   I liked getting the feedback, I knew the more I just put it in the hands of the Universe and I just showed up and got out of the way,  the message would go to who needed it.  I do my best to go on about my business and trust I am helping others.

There are days when I want to write a post and can’t think of anything.  Other days I have several ideas and don’t have time to write any of them down.  Or if I written them down, when I go back to it, I can’t remember why I wrote it in the first place.  Usually I can’t find the list because I have “put it away safely so I wouldn’t lose it”.  There is a lot of that going around.  I remember one day I was somewhere and I thought of questions to ask myself – I was smart enough to put it in the back of my pocket calendar.  I have looked at it several times and wondered if anyone would really care.  So I have it and and I’m still undecided.

I still find myself comparing my blog to others and feel it is lacking (more childhood programs), the other blogs are better.  I am now better at catching myself when that happens, though some still slip by me.   It seems it has taken a long time for me to be aware – living in this time period there are so many more people, classes, etc. to help with all of it.  So much to learn, so much to explore.

So I want to be sure those of you who read, like and follow my blog know how much I appreciate all of you and thank you for a lovely and delightful compliment.


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