I am cold all the time, even in warm weather. I know my personal thermostat has been wonky since menopause, but this is ridiculous. I spent a few months going from boiling to freezing – maybe I can be glad it is more consistent now. I find myself bundled up all the time, I started wearing my wool sweaters and turtlenecks and it is only September. I have been very glad to have my electric blanket on at night – I don’t usually use it much. Maybe this is menopause aftermath.
This sounds very much like a whingeing session, that I am so focused on myself and how I feel that I am oblivious to anyone else – especially Eddie. I think about when I was taking care of my Mom as she went into dementia and how little patience I had at times. I have scared Eddie a lot of times over the years and this year has been the worst. He showed me exactly who he was when I was diagnosed with RA in Nov. 1970 – he stayed with me and has always been there for me, he is such a gift for me. I also know when he is cranky and grumpy, he is worried and afraid. If someone could show him what he could do to make it all go away, he would do it. He is more of an action guy. I often say he is a Point A to Point B by the shortest route person, I on the other hand am a Scenic Route person.
Sometimes the hardest part is when he asks what he can do for me to help – I don’t always know what to do for myself. How can I tell him when I am struggling to understand. Sometimes I tell him I need a hug or to hold me – I don’t think he understands why it is important to me because he doesn’t see any improvement. There are so many mental, emotional, and spiritual parts as well as physical and he doesn’t understand it. It’s woo-woo, goofball, and Hocus Pocus to him. Another scenic route would understand.
Unfortunately, I am not done – I have an Endoscopy in October to see why my esophagus is partly blocked – the doctor wants to explore it – thank heavens I will be sedated during it. He says I have a Hyanial Hernia and my stomach is up in my chest. I’m not sure of the consequences of it but I don’t feel anything so far. Oh yes, he said I also have acid reflux. My diagnosis list is getting a bit long. It’s enough to deal with RA and Lymphodemia without constantly adding to the list.
One thing I have found that keeps me from going bananas with all this balderdash is my offbeat sense of humor. I know I march to different drummers, but I never really belonged anywhere except Ike Pono – I miss that community so much. When I am in a situation, I find myself saying things without thinking first. Not always the best policy. I make my husband laugh, even when it isn’t meant to be funny. I have had all kinds of tests, in and out of the hospital and I find things pop into my head. Mostly it is a description of how it feels or looks – I can’t think of anything off-hand. I would remember them when I was writing my journals and since I have been here, in my blog.
My blog has been a way to write about what has been happening to me – sometimes it helps make things clear or just get it out of my system. It has been ages since I have written that one – giftofra.com – and I also was doing a blog after I finished my show – findingthegiftsshow.com – more on topics with some personal experience. Neither of them has been updated for quite a while.
Gift of RA 
October 7, 2019 at 1:08 am |
Dear Liz, I was just thinking about you this week, wondering how things were going since I last saw you for Karen’s birthday. Now I know! I’m so sorry you are having such a rough time. Getting old is not for sissies, that’s for sure!! It seems the older we get, the more health issues we have–but you have had way more than your fair share lately!! I’ll catch up with you more via private email later on, but for now, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Love, Char