Posts Tagged ‘Purpose’

Spot On, Universe!

December 4, 2011

I had an interesting post from the Universe today – so apt and also very uncomfortable.  Right between the eyes!

Lee, what if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what’s going on within your own thinking… would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay?

Yeah, you might miss the drama.
The Universe

Would you?

OUCH!  I have a situation right now that is very stressful, especially since there isn’t a lot I can do to change the situation. I have been thinking lately that it is important to know what I am doing that contributes to the stress and what I can do to make it better.  Not a comfortable prospect since it is much easier to think it is the other person who is the problem and I am a “victim” – all they have to do is change and everything will be fine.  What I have to look at fully is what my perception of it is, what emotions I am attaching to it – assigned significance – and what buttons are being pushed.   However, it also means that my  “victim/martyr”  bubble will be pricked and I have to see what is really happening.  I will ‘fess up to doing the victim routine really well all these years – not really proud of it and certainly not willing to admit it for the longest time.  But then I hear Dr. Phil in my head asking “How’s that working for you”?  Note to Self – it ain’t working very well any more.  Yes, it is familiar but it doesn’t feel good and it certainly isn’t creating what I want in my life – it’s just creating more negative stuff.  People have often said I have such a positive attitude, that they don’t know how I do all that I do with RA.  Wow!  That positive feedback strokes the ego, unfortunately it doesn’t advance any healing or willingness to look at what is truly going on inside me.  Much easier to bask in the light of victim or martyr.  Good thing they don’t see the bad case of “oh-poor-me-osis” going on inside me a lot of times.

The other uncomfortable part of this is to really look at what it is mirroring back to me.  Double ouch!   I grew up with a rather negative view of things from my parents – I will say they gave us a very loving home and many things my friends didn’t have – and it has carried over all my adult life.  I didn’t really understand it for along time, that was just the way it was for me.  Now there is a lot more intensified negativity and I am beginning to understand how much has been subconscious all this time.  There are so many times when my buttons have been pushed and I didn’t know what the triggers were – I see now it is my little girl side of me who feels it so much.  I also see more and more that those negative thoughts, feeling and perceptions are on autopilot – Bam! One button pushed!  Bam! Another button pushed – like torpedoes being sent out one after another to sink the enemy ship.  Except I am not the enemy – Hello, is anyone listening inside me?  Those torpedoes are hitting my little girl and I now know I just have to hug her, reassure her she is protected and loved, I am the adult and I will protect her.  I will take the hits and learn to deflect or disarm them before they can reach us.  I am becoming more aware – sometimes it sucks – and I am working on a conscious effort to be aware of thoughts and feelings as they come, recognize them and create new choices.  Simple, not easy.

What else does it mirror?  I had another one and for the life of me I can’t remember it at the moment – must have been earthshaking.

After some thinking, I realized that part of the situation I am dealing with involves questions – the same ones over and over and over and over.  Unfortunately the answers don’t take hold and it is a constant asking all day long.  So what is this mirroring?  How often have I asked God, my angels, spirits guides and master teachers what my purpose in life is, how do I find it,etc.  I am sure the messages and clues have been sent many times, I just haven’t gotten them yet because I am expecting it to come in a certain way.  Kind of like the guy in the flood who is sure God will save him, yet declines the offer from the truck, later the boat and finally the helicopter.  The poor guy drowns and gets to heaven asking God “Why didn’t you save me”?  God’s reply was “I sent you a truck, a boat and helicopter”.  Now I have to wonder what I have missed along the way because I didn’t recognize or believe it.  Thank goodness God is patient and doesn’t get fed up with me, there will be other signs and I have set an intention of recognizing them when they come.  In Ike Pono we talked about how things come or happen but not always the way we expect it.  I once read that when one prays to God for something but in very specific terms and conditions, it limits the answers.  I have finally come to a point where I will say,”I would really like it to be this, but I am open to this or something better.”  Sometimes I am not always sure what I want, so I will just ask for whatever works.  Then I have to let it go and let it be dome.  If I keep worrying it like a dog with bone, it is as if I am constantly taking it out of His hands.  Also simple, not easy.

How Do I Show Up in Life?

June 5, 2010

I have been doing Ike Pono weekends and yesterday was the first day of 3rd weekend.  I haven’t been feeling that comfortable physically but this is important to me.  We had an exercise that really shook me up because it shows me how I show up in my life – not trusting my instincts and what my heart is telling me.  I have spent most of my life wondering what I want to be when I grow up, wondering what is most important to me and what my purpose in life really is.  For so long the answer has usually been “I don’t know”.   Have I spent so long not believing I can be whatever I want that I have buried it and given up my power and dreams?  As I look back I see how many times I knew something but I allowed someone to talk me into another way because I didn’t trust myself.  Then when it was finished, I realized I knew what I was talking about after all.  Makes me feel so gullible and trusting, yet criticizing and beating myself up doesn’t help at all.  So why is it I don’t trust my own instincts?  Why haven’t I stood up for my knowing?  Not enough education, experience, knowledge?  Then feeling stupid for not listening and resenting the other person.  Normally I would go into judgment mode on myself and I started down that path last night.  The whole point of the exercise is to know who I am and love myself – unfortunately a very unfamiliar feeling and MO.  As Louise Hay says “It’s just a thought and a thought can be changed”.

Now I need to look at RA and how I am showing up in that.  At this moment I am feeling less than perky because my legs are bothering me and I haven’t been sleeping very well.  That makes me a bit cranky and certainly not very objective.  So what is going on inside myself that  has created RA?  I have often thought it was somewhere I could hide so I didn’t have to make any decisions about what I want to be.  As much as I don’t want to admit it, it is also an easy out of doing something I am afraid to do or don’t know how to do.  Rather than risk failure, it has been easier not to try because of RA.  I have met a medical intuitive and I want to go see her to really find out what is going on inside.  Yet there is a part of me who is scared because I figure I will be seen in a bad light and the answers will be negative.  Why not think in terms of finally seeing my magnificence and what is amazing about me?  Probably because early training says it is boasting and egotistical to think well of myself.  I want to know but I am letting fear keep me from doing it.  Who knows, I may find out some really great things and help solve the mystery,

What is the purpose?

March 6, 2010

I was checking email today and came across a newsletter I receive regularly.  There was a post from Wayne Dyer about his book and movie “The Shift”.  He shared a poem about the Kalahari Bushmen and it  really hit me.

The Bushman in the Kalahari Desert talk about two “hungers.”

There is the Great Hunger and there is the Little Hunger. The Little Hunger wants food for the belly; but the Great Hunger, the greatest hunger of all, is the hunger for meaning. . . .

There’s ultimately only one thing that makes human beings deeply and profoundly bitter, and that is to have thrust upon them a life without meaning. . . .

There is nothing wrong in searching for happiness. . . .

But of far more comfort to the soul . . .
is something greater than happiness or unhappiness, and that is meaning.

Because meaning transfigures all. . . .

Once what you are doing has for you meaning,
it is irrelevant whether you’re happy or unhappy.
You are content—you are not alone in your Spirit—you belong.1

(Sir Laurens van der Post from Hasten Slowly,a film by Mickey Lemle)

I realized I have been wondering about the purpose of having RA, the reason for it because sometimes things are a little easier to deal with if there is a reason or purpose.  I have been wondering for a long time what my purpose is here in this life; so far there hasn’t been any light bulb moment where I  suddenly understand it completely.  I have been exploring and in many ways my whole life and dealing with RA has been a journey – very long, slow journey.  It is  as if I am on a wagon train out west and every day the train makes 5 to 10 miles.  It is progress to the goal but often the mountains don’t seem any closer than they did when I started in the morning.  I began to see that I had been looking for that one piece that would suddenly make everything fall into place and make perfect sense, all would be completely clear to me.  Instead, it is a wagon train and  there are different trails to explore if I want to,  or keep on the beaten path.  I am also still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

I asked a medical intuitive the other day “What is the purpose of RA?”.  She gave me a very unexpected answer – it could be preparation for the next life.  Or it could be the results of a past life.  It I am paying for something I did in another life, I had better have had one hell of a good time!   She explained that in her case, she had a very, very difficult time in her last life, the beginning of this life she was encased in a cast from the waist down.  As a result, she is able to help other people through seeing what  the underlying cause is in their condition.  I will admit, I wasn’t quite sure what to think – it has been simmering on the back burner of my mind ever since. I know that things come along when I am ready for them, maybe now I am more open and receptive to possibilities I might have thought were crazy or off the wall a few years ago.  Yet I still want to know “Why me”, though maybe it is more a matter of “Why not me?”.  It continues to simmer on that burner.


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