Gift of RA

The last time I wrote was Thanksgiving, we were about to leave to visit Mom and then go to Vickie’s for Thanksgiving dinner.  Fortunately the weather held off that day – I won’t say it was sunny but it was dry.  So we went over to see Mom and wish her a Happy Thanksgiving around 1:45 or so – their dinner was cooking in the oven at that point.  Eddie and I sat with Mom in her room for a bit visiting, she tells Eddie she is doing fine, told Ellen she is doing well and likes it there during their call the night before – she gives me the crap!  She is having a rotten time and when I asked her to tell me about it, she had a hard time being specific.  I asked if it was anything to do with the people there, and yes, it is the people.   The men take up too much room – that was about all she could talk about.  Guilt trip coming – just passed by without stopping.  No way was I going to flag down that bus!  Then she says the people there are like family and Judy tells me that every one of the 5 people who live there love Mom and would do anything for her.  I think it is just part of Mom, the dementia and being 94.  Her one comment is “If I could be in my Mother’s home, I’d be all right”.  Maybe she tells me the bad bits because we have spent a lot of time together in the past 10 years and certainly the past 2 or 3 on the dementia journey.  When she talks about wanting to go home, I tell her “This is your home now, where you wait for the train”.  I have to remind myself I can’t and won’t board that bus any more.

I am getting better at shaking it off and put my focus and attention on other things – like an enjoyable time at Vickie’s house. We had flowers for Vickie since the cake broke apart, not  much to choose from on Thanksgiving Day.  She said to come around 3 and dinner was at 4.  We were there just before 3 and the drive was full of cars – we are usually the first ones.  Seems they have friends from California, so they had 2 cars, plus Vickie and Rich’s daughter Melissa and her husband James were there as well.  We had a great time and enjoyed meeting their friends Jane and Bryan from California – they also have lived here in Seattle as well.  We laughed a lot and had fun, the dinner was great – enough to feed the whole neighborhood.  Vickie made the most delicious pumpkin pie, not one of those thin filled ones, this was substantial!  We talked about all kinds of things and found a lot we all thought funny.  When we left, it felt as if it was around 8 or 9 – what a surprise to find it was only 6:30 or 7.  Even so, it was nice to come back after a great evening and just relax.

Yesterday felt like Saturday, but also didn’t, we couldn’t quite figure out how it felt.  It was pouring rain while we drove over to the dealership for Eddie to service his car.  We both brought books and read in the waiting room rather than go sloshing around University Village with the crowds.  We were surprised to find the roads were nearly empty at 9 a.m. and we didn’t see a lot of cars in the parking lot as we went through.  So we arrived sooner than we planned.  It was quite pleasant to sit and read where it was warm, dry and comfortable.  After the car was done, we went over to Whole Foods for some things – that too was quiet and then down the hill for coffee.  We had sparking space right close and there were cars around but not horrendous.  Maybe everyone was at the mall.

We came home, had a cup of tea and took it easy, glad to be out of the rain.  Also feeling more comfortable now that the drain is clear.  I will say, the cake has not gone to waste, more gone to waist.  We have had it for dessert, each had a piece before we went to Mom’s and Vickie’s.  There still is some left, we had it last night but we aren’t having humongous pieces.  Today we had bagels at Panera before stopping at See’s to buy Mom a small box of chocolates.  We drove over and spent time with her, talked to John about his cat and even Ginger Boy came out for a visit.  He spends most of his time in John’s room and was tentative about coming out to visit.  He seemed to take to Eddie quite easily, though he is skittish with unfamiliar territory and people.  Then we gave Mom her chocolates – her face lit up when she took one out to eat.  We noticed she took small bites to savor it, she definitely enjoyed it.  I also filled her jar with more Werther’s – I am looking for something different to fill next time.

We came home and had lunch, Eddie is working on the laundry and of course had to go clean the cars.  The Allens next door have a house full this weekend, they started arriving on Wednesday.  Not sure what John and Luzma are doing for the holiday, no doubt went to one of her sisters for Thanksgiving.  She called Wednesday just before we left to ask about Mom, so we said we would give Mom her good wishes.  Tomorrow I am going up  north with Eddie because he is Manager of the Day from around noon to closing.  Not sure what I am going to be doing, maybe wander around a bit.