Gift of RA

I planned to write sooner but all I’ve wanted to do is whinge and I promised I wouldn’t/  I suddenly was so tired on Monday that after I saw my chiropractor, I came home and went to bed.  I slept well that night but was still finding it hard to wake up in the morning and stay awake.  Maybe there are layers of fatigue and exhaustion.  In that case, I may be getting into deeper layers that I have had for a very long time.  I will admit, I am fed up with being tired – I didn’t get this exhausted all in one day, so I need to remember it will take a while to release it, unfortunately I am not very patient at times.

I meant to put this post up yesterday afternoon – suddenly time slipped away because we had to go to both banks for check copies for DSHS.  Then to shop because we invited Kathy to dinner, I haven’t seen or really talked to her in quite a while.  I had also been to Breakfast Club – it has only been 2 weeks since we met – we took Thanksgiving week off – but it feels a lot longer.  Then it was over to Apple for my One to One.  I needed to get my iPad working and learn how to actually use it.  When I saw Mom on Tuesday I was going to take it and play some Al Bowlly things on YouTube – but I wasn’t sure I would have WiFi.  However, I took her chocolate and more Werthers.

I feel so much better after my One to One, I feel I have accomplished something and will see how things work on the iPad on Friday when I see Mom.  Then it was over to see Debye and my massage, I have really missed that!  I have been feeling a bit out of kilter the past few days, not sure what has been going on.  It felt as if something or more than one was welling up in my chest and almost choking me.  We had a great session and I feel so much lighter.  I was able to release and clear this program of feeling responsible for the world.  I now declare I am NOT responsible for anyone’s happiness or contentment, nor am I responsible for fixing things and making it better.  That’s NOT my job!  (NOTE to Self – do you read it loud and clear?)   Finally Debye helped me see things in a different perspective.  Each of us came here with a purpose and contract to experience something, everyone’s is different.  That each thing, event and experience is a gift and I need to allow each one to have their experience without thinking it’s bad or unhappy and I have to fix it.  I need to let go and allow each person their experience without judgment.   I also have to be non-judging about my own.  A couple of times over night I was feeling uncomfortable and found myself seeing it more with curiosity than with “What can I do or take to get rid of it”.  A rather different experience for me.  It is finally sinking in that each experience is a gift, one only has to see it in a different perspective than how we were programmed to see it.   My dim bulb of understanding it getting brighter and brighter.

When I left Debye’s it was raining, we have had some lovely sunny days, though chilly, lately and now the rain has moved in.  It got me to thinking about cats and I found some pictures that really illustrated how I was feeling.

Thanks to popkitten.com for these photos.  They have some really great photos of all kinds of cats.

Fortunately it isn’t raining as hard at the moment, but I am not all that anxious to go out.  But I have more stuff to do for Mom and it isn’t getting done staying home, warm and dry.