From Stress To Happy Dance To Stress – Part 2

I have to admit, I don’t really like feeling I am running from thing to another, but the week was like that.  Thursday was my massage and I was truly looking forward to it – especially after Wednesday.  I was feeling a bit down and tired of all the stuff I have continued to carry around all these years.  Debye told me all I have to do is let go – not sure I knew how to do it.  So I set an intention of completely letting go and clearing all the programs and beliefs, all the things I was told I had to be and release them.  What really surprised me was that I began to feel lighter after the sessions and it has continued since Thursday; I can’t really remember what all that stuff was and I have no desire to bring them back.
I began to realize that my authentic self didn’t fit with parents, friends and others – I had to suppress her because I believed there was something wrong.  But I am long past  deciding I have to live according to what someone else says is “proper”.  If someone is not happy with me as I really am, it is their stuff, not mine.  Imagine if I had been able to be this way decades ago, things certainly would have been different.  However, I suspect I wouldn’t have been ready for it until now.
What a difference after my massage!  I also knew that the biopsy on Friday would be more difficult, so I did the “show up and get out of the way” again.  I received a call from the mortgage company, we could go in and sign the papers, wait 3 days to give us time if we decide to rescind it and it would go through.  Eddie had taken Friday off to service his car but he had to postpone because of the closing and I was going with Mom after that.
Friday was Happy Dance!  We went in and signed a whole lot of papers and were given copies for our records.  I was surprised how calm and peaceful I felt; usually I am scared when we have signed a lease or bought house – I wonder if I can live up to the terms.  Strangely, I didn’t feel that way on Friday, in some ways it was a relief to finally have it closed.  it has taken 6 months, once we stopped it while I dealt with Medicaid for Mom and then Fannie Mae decided there was a glitch so we had to wait a month.  Now everyone has agreed  we can go forward.  I called our contractor to get things in motion.
Then I had to go over to Mom’s to be there for the ride over as well as the biopsy.  She definitely didn’t understand what was happening, so it was a good thing I went with her in the cabulance.  It was interesting because the driver was Andre, he had picked us up in the afternoon on Wednesday.  I told him I was so tired on Wednesday I didn’t feel like talking, so we had a lovely conversation on the way to Swedish.  Mom was confused and didn’t really remember the friendly techs, but it worked out.
I wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with the biopsy – I’ve had to have it done so I knew what it would be.  The biggest thing was for her to hold still and keep her arm up – she did do that but not without protest and some angry (but in a very ladylike way) words for the doc.  They were going to take 2 samples, and after the second one she told them not to do it any more.  I was on the other side of the bed talking to her and just being a calming influence.  It was not easy for her – not so great for me either.  It is one thing to be the one having it done, it is entirely different when it is happening to someone I love.  I was so glad it was finished.
We did the same Tri-Med route Friday too –  though by the time I got home it was after 5.00.  When the Tri-Med driver arrived, it was Jean Pierre.  He had taken me to an appointment with my surgeon.  When I mentioned the other man in a wheelchair with his leg straight, he remembered.  the man was in the front and I was in the back. so they had to put his foot between the two front seats and his wife rode in front.  We had a lovely talk on the way back, at times Mom was sleeping – she had been through a lot the past two days.  I gave Didi the instruction for her small incision and also the 2 ice packs for her to use.  I am so glad Didi is a R.N. because I knew she was in good hands with Didi.
It was so nice to arrive home to Eddie and the lovely roast chicken in the oven.  Man, I was beat.  They will have the results next week, then decide what to do.  I hope there is more than one option.
I just had a call from Dr. Rosen who did the biopsy – it is cancer.  They are checking to see if it is  estrogen related or not and all the results will be sent to Dr. Myre.  I just called and left a message for Brenda to find out if I need to meet with the doc alone or with Mom.  Dr. Rosen also let the True Center know and they will be calling me for an appointment with a surgeon.  I want to check with Dr. Myre first to see what she suggests.  I don’t want to have a lot of invasive procedures but I also want the best for Mom.  I didn’t really think I would have to make these decisions.

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2 Responses to “From Stress To Happy Dance To Stress – Part 2”

  1. Lights of Clarity Says:

    So sorry to hear about the results being what they are. Know that I am sending positive energy and prayers your way for you both.

    • Lee Kaplanian Says:

      I so appreciate your kind words and especially the positive energy and prayers. I’m not sure it has quite registered yet – certainly didn’t expect my Mom to have this come at 94. It makes such a difference to know others are out there thinking of us and understanding what is happening – I hope there is a positive way to help others as we deal with this. Thank You so much.

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