Posts Tagged ‘caregiver support group’

Somewhere In Neutral

October 14, 2014

I have to do at least one thing today – so far I have slept, watched tv and been on the computer, but not accomplishing anything.  I got up with Eddie this morning to have breakfast with him, he is spending the day at the Convention Center for the Interior Show.  Then we have the volunteer dinner tonight – he is the volunteer in the family.  I feel at loose ends, somewhere in neural – that’s the phrase that comes into my mind.

After he left, I checked email and then went back to bed.  I had trouble going to sleep because I was cold, then had weird dreams.  When I got up, I checked the clock and thought it was 1:00.  I had a show and got dressed, then looked at the clock again – it was only 11:30.  I’ve been sleeping well, so I may be beginning to unwind and release tensions of the last few years.  I did my show yesterday with Krista Gibson as my guest – she is great to have on the show and I enjoyed interviewing her.  Actually, I wanted her to clarify a couple of things I had heard her say because it was just a vague I think I know, but I was looking for I know that I know.  Now I am letting it simmer on the back burner until it really sinks in.

Before the show, I had a chance to meet and talk with Consuelo – her show is at 8:00 a.m., so I hear it as I am driving to the station.  I like what she has to say, plus she is the one who told me about Sound Cloud.  As we were talking, I asked her if it was too soon to see if my Mom had transitioned smoothly and was she with Dad and Josephine – Consuelo said she is there with them and it went smoothly.  She is happy and surrounded by love.  I was so glad to hear that – I know how scared Mom was to let go and all three of us girls told her Dad would be waiting.

After the show I went to see Dave, my attorney friend, about a matter for my sister.  He wasn’t there but I was able to give Dana the information and I will probably see Dave tomorrow at Breakfast Club.  Then went to see Dr. Cheryl for an adjustment.  My shoulders and neck have been stiff and sore – a large weight I have been carrying?  I’m not sure I am ready to examine feelings and emotions right now; I know it needs to be addressed.

I went to my caregiver support group, told them about Mom.  I realized I had been doing a lot of venting, but it was necessary and I knew it was a safe place.  I didn’t say a whole lot and there were two new people.  We ended up with 2 Jeans and 2 Lauries.  Then there was Claire and me, later Toni.   Last night I suddenly realized I don’t have to deal with that any more.  I am a little reluctant to say Mom’s passing is a relief – for her because she isn’t anxious or confused any more; for me because I was having trouble handling going to see her each week, seeing her decline before my eyes.

I was really tired when I came home, then fell asleep for a bit before dinner.  I could have gone to bed at any time, I didn’t want to find myself wide awake in the middle of the night because I had gone to sleep at 7.  My mind feels a bit like mush, hard to hold on to a thought or action for very long.  I feel as if it is one of my “drag my ass tired” periods with RA.

I hear from friends this is fairly normal.  It was very different when Dad died, our niece from Jerusalem was visiting and we left for Virginia after the Celebration of Life open house.  I went home and had to put my cat to sleep and our niece had used our phone to call her fellow and he kept calling.  Eddie was really upset because he told her not to use the phone, plus his sister and her husband didn’t want her talking to him either.  I finally answered the phone, told him I would let her talk to him once but not to call again because I had too much to deal with at that moment.  I told her the same thing, but he kept calling, so I didn’t answer the phone.  So she was mad at us and when she went back home, she didn’t speak to us for a long time.  There was a lot a stuff going on and for a while I couldn’t think about Dad.

Finally I sat down and wrote to him, at times hard to see the keyboard because I was crying, it felt good to put it in words.  I think I wrote at least a couple of other times – wonder where I put the sheets.  What has always surprised me is that whenever we came here to visit afterwards, it didn’t seem strange Dad wasn’t here.  It’s more than that. but I don’t have the words to describe it.  The experiences are different,  not sure what works for me.  Mom’s passing is still so new, I am just being and seeing what happens.  It’s odd how I suddenly remember she isn’t here any more and it brings me up short.

Glad to know I accomplished something today.

Advertisements

No Pictures, Just Me

June 15, 2014

I’m not sure what to call this post, seems mostly a round-up of what I have been doing this last week.  It turned out to be a busy week and at the end of each day I was beat.  Monday I went to see my chiropractor in the morning – I had been carrying rocks again Friday.  Fortunately there were very many consequences but it was god to have an adjustment nonetheless.  Then I had an Apple appointment at noon to work on my book in iBooks Author.  It has driven me crazy because I can’t figure out some of it – such as how to put my Pages copy into the format and have it work properly.  The bottom line, I have to do more copy and paste.

Even Katie, the tech, was having trouble getting it to work; I didn’t feel like so clueless after that.  Apparently the app hasn’t been updated for 2 years and I am not the only one having trouble getting it to work properly.  I will have to write to Apple feedback and tell them what is happening.  Apparently they do read it and Shawn has noticed they made changes she has written about.

After that was my caregivers support group.  I didn’t have much time to get there, so I stopped at Mrs. Field’s for a brownie, not the smartest choice, just the fastest.  When Eddie asked me later what I had for lunch, I said not the best choice, a brownie.  Then he asked me if I ate it because I was upset – an unexpected question he has never asked before.  I told him I had very little time and it was the quickest thing I could think to do.

We had a large group at the support meeting, some for the first time.  One of the advantages of having been there for a while, I am more calm when talking about Mom than I have been.  there are still times when I need support and I am so glad to have these friends there for me.  I have also been able share my experiences and resources to others who are beginning the journey.  That feels good to be able to do that – I don’t know the outcome usually, but it is not always necessary.

Tuesday I didn’t visit with Mom because I went up north with Eddie for the day.  Tuesday was the day we decided for my Queen’s Birthday.  We stopped for breakfast and I spent some time in “my office” – otherwise known as the balcony – reading until I was ready to leave.  Things are different at the Future of Flight since the coming of the new Exec Director, so I wanted make sure did what worked for Eddie.  I left and spent time in Hobby Lobby and also Pacific Fabrics before meeting the other women at the restaurant.  It felt good to sit down.

I was about half an hour early, so I found a spot and read until I saw Joyce come.  We went in together and sat at a table waiting for Char and Lois.  They came fairly soon after that and we had a lovely time.   Char brought me a chocolate bar with a card and Joyce brought a card.  We have been just doing cards lately – at this point there seem to be a lot of funny cards about older women.  Yikes!  That’s me now!

Afterwards, Char and I went to Half Priced Books to look around, then it was time for me to meet Eddie.  I told him I would wait for him in the car until he was ready – seemed to work out well.   We left at about 3, but it was 6 before we finally arrived home.  There had been an accident in the tunnel and the Viaduct was closed – you can imagine what that did to traffic.  We took I-5 to 85th and then went over to 99 – but the traffic was backed up quite a way.  Everyone was trying to find a way around the tunnel and the Viaduct – not all that easy.  We decided to go through town, just as everyone else did.  We were on 5th and suddenly the Monorail went right overhead, never been under it like that before.  It happened several times so that shows how slow we were inching our way.

Finally we found the traffic opening up a bit, so we decided to go down Airport Way – that was so much better – it was good most of the way home.  We were beat and had a light dinner – I slept so well that night that I didn’t want to get up at 5 the next morning.  But it was Breakfast Club morning and I enjoy going there.  The last 3 or 4 weeks, Eddie has been going later because the historian Mike has been away – had a knee replacement.  He is planning to come back next Wednesday.

I always enjoy being with the group, they are such good friends and colleagues.  We do have fun but we are also serious and professional about our businesses.

Afterwards I went to visit Mom, bringing cookies and chocolate.  Lately I read to her, I was finishing up one of the “The Cat Who . . . . ?” books; I brought another one on Friday to begin.  I came home shortly before Eddie did, then we went out to do some things in the afternoon.  I felt myself almost falling asleep in my chair those 3 days.

Thursday I went to the Group Training for Pages because I have been having difficulty with Eddie Round Up – the type goes small on him and he gets very frustrated with it.  I found out I need to do some adjustments before I can make it a template, then it should work properly.  I don’t think Eddie is ready for new Pages yet.  Afterwards I came home and found myself working on the book.  I had energy and enthusiasm, plus I figured out how to copy the Pages version – unfortunately only one entry at a time – so it fit in the format.  Now I need to figure out how to get the Table of Contents to behave.

While I had been at Apple, Paul and Jude cleared the house and property for me – I have to admit I didn’t feel anything different when I came home.  Wonder if the burst of energy and enthusiasm was part of it.  But that night I felt uncomfortable – no where particular, just a general uncomfortable.  I didn’t sleep very well  that night and woke up feeling crappy.  Things are better now, maybe it is going to take some time to settle down and clear out.

That’s my story and I am sticking to it.


Angelswhisper2011

Me and my Granny

TWOspoiledcats

Angel Sammy and Teddy Too

Northwest Outdoors

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

countingducks

reflections on a passing life

Universal Cosmic Consciousness

All experiences are the journey.

Sequins and Cherry Blossom

Where to see cherry blossom and other things in London

Welcome to Tofino Photography

Professional Wildlife, Landscape and Seascape Photography

Rocking This Illness: My Story of Life with Behcet's Disease

Navigating Life with an Illness that Doesn't Define Me

I used to be indecisive...

...but now I'm not so sure

livelovebegreen

making my world greener, one day at a time

LEANNE COLE - The Photographer's Mentor

Fine Art Photographer ~ Daring to be Different

Wiley's Wisdom

Joy: From the Ground Up

StickertyClick.com

" Creativity is a drug that i can't live without' - Cecil B. Demille StickertyClick, Destination for all of your edgy creative needs.

brent's iPhone & japan

what am i up to...

twocatsviews

Life as Seen by Hemingway and Steinbeck

Kalliope Amorphous

Art blog of Kalliope Amorphous

Top 10 of Anything and Everything!!!

Animals, Gift Ideas, Travel, Books, Recycling Ideas and Many, Many More

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.

All Flared Up: An Arthritis Blog

Living Rather Than Wallowing

%d bloggers like this: