Posts Tagged ‘Mom’

New Experiences This Week

June 23, 2013

Ellen sent a lovely beach rose photo the other day:

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I have spent so much time catching up with pictures and my kitchen remodel blog that I have not had time or energy for this one.  Working on the remodel takes more time, downloading the pictures, rotating and that need it, a little adjusting, etc.  Then it takes quite a while to upload to my media library; then it goes more quickly.  I usually have a comment on each picture – that takes the least amount of time.  I admit it has been an interesting adventure the past 3 weeks – especially now that it is definitely looking more like a real kitchen than that just my imaginings.  I am so delighted with how well it has turned out so far, Mary Ellen was such a big help in choosing colors, flooring and counter tops.  Plus I have  received compliments on the blog – I started it to show my two sisters what was happening to house we grew up in.  They have been very supportive and really like what we are doing.

Also, this week has been busy as I was putting together quotes for the new client.  He wants denim shirts, polos and tees; I put together each category in separate quotes.  Then I had my group price them for me and Friday morning they came back; then I put them in each quote and sent them off.  The proof for the lapel pin has been approved to put them into production.  He is very pleased with how well I have been doing things for him – a lovely compliment I am very pleased to hear.  Especially as  I have been having trouble delivering an item another client wants – my group has not worked with any of the suppliers and that makes them nervous.  I proposed I would pay for it and to order the one the client likes.  I haven’t heard anything yet, though that was on Friday and I can’t remember when I sent the email.

Friday was an important day for my Mom – we went to the oncologist to find out the options for her breast cancer and treatments.  She doesn’t really know what is going on and I am not sure she would understand, so I haven’t said much to her about it.  I have explained what we are doing but I think it is confusing for her.  I am amazed at how calm I have been about the whole thing because I am usually a worrywart about things.  The part I have been somewhat apprehensive about is how she would deal with the whole experience.  Many times she has asked why are we doing this but so far has been fairly calm and cooperative.

I went over to the house by 1 pm when the van was due.  I had brought my bag again with kleenex, cookies and chocolate plus my book.  The van didn’t arrive until about 1:45 – our appointment was for 2.  By the time he secured Mom’s wheelchair and I finally got in, we were off.  The van is a high one and I couldn’t quite bend my left knee enough to  use the bar to pull myself up.  Ricky must be used to it because he held my right leg and lifted me up and there I was!  Traffic was somewhat heavy, so by the time we arrived, it was waaaay after 2.  The traffic was somewhat heavy but we moved most of the time.  I was surprised we were at the Polyclinic – that is where my rheumatologist is and Infusion Therapy .  We had gone to swedish 1st Hill for the other two appointments.  I was able to slide down to the curb, much easier coming out than going in.  The office is on the 5th floor, not too far from Infusion Therapy, so I felt on more familiar ground.

The doctor is a young Chinese man, though I have to say he looks like a high school kid.  He is not that tall and has no wrinkles in his fave, but after a bit I realized he had some grey in his hair, so he can’t be that young.  He was very nice and had all the records, so that helped a lot.  He examined Mom and asked questions and had some good news for us.   He is not one for invasive or heroic measures.  He said the stains show it has to do with estrogen – good news – and intermediate aggressive.  He recommends Tomoxifin (I think that is right), a once a day pill.  It keeps the estrogen from turning on the growth message to a cell, so the cell dies.  He thinks it may even shrink the 1 1/3″ cancer – too big to  just scoop out and having surgery to remove it would be very hard on Mom.  He feels this is a good option for Mom.  He has spoken with Dr. Myre and she will arrange for the prescription.

We were finished about 3:30, so I called Tri-Med to pick us up – it was close to 5 before they arrived.   Darryl was very friendly and helped both of us into the van.  Mom sat in front because she couldn’t bend he right knee to have all legs in.   It took some doing for me to get in the back seat – I couldn’t get my right leg to bend enough to be tucked in.  Finally I found a way to do it and had to side sideways and out my feet in the middle of the van; then would be the how do I get myself out.  Even though it was 5, the traffic wasn’t very heavy going south – usually on a Friday everything is so backed up.  I called Eddie to let him know where I was and what was happening, then I would call when I was ready to leave Mom’s house.  That meant I would have to figure out how to get out of the van.  Finally I realized I could put my left foot on the floor and stand a bit until I had my right foot out enough to  leave the van.  however, it wasn’t easy to get to the ground because I needed enough leg length to reach the ground.  I felt myself falling backward but found Daryl was behind me to keep me from falling.  Those Tri-med guys are so great.

By the time I was ready to leave for home, it was almost 6.  I told Didi what the doc said and that Dr. Myre would be sending the pills.  She has received the anti-psychotic pills and has been taking them for  a few days.  Mom was really tired when she came back, but they decided to give her dinner first and  I suspect she went to bed early.  They had given her a small can of apple juice at the doctor’s office but was able to drink it until we were finished.  I asked if she would like a cookie and she was definitely open to that.  I brought three and it probably held her until dinner.   Never did get to the chocolate, I’ll save it for another day.

I came home and Brad was gone and Eddie was taking me out to dinner.  I didn’t feel so tired and worn out this time, that helped a lot.  We had a quiet dinner at California Pizza because going into Seattle wasn’t appealing at that point.  I had a chance to take pictures for my blog afterwards and just stand and admire the kitchen.

That was my week.  I loved Ellen’s beach roses but it was hard because she also sent a gorgeous clematis.  So I’m putting in both photos.  Thank You so much Ellen, you have such lovely pictures.  Next time it will be Candy and a set of really wonderful photos.  Won’t tell about it, so wait and see.

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Busy Week

June 16, 2013

imagesThat’s how I felt Friday night – I was knackered.  Besides, when in doubt, put a cat picture in the post.

I’ve been so busy catching up on the remodel blog and keeping current with pictures that I haven’t had time to do a post here.  It has been an interesting time  during the remodel, I though it might be very difficult.  How glad I am that it has been fairly easy – having the fridge and the stove make a big difference.  Also, before Brad leaves for the day, everything is neatly  packed and and stacked, plus vacuumed – very tidy.  I think the thing I have some trouble with is not having a sink and water.  I have to consciously remember it isn’t there.  Otherwise, it has gone rather well.

Some days I am here and others I have things to do outside.  Monday was the day for the electricity to go off, so Dr. Cheryl and my caregiver support group helped a lot.  I was here on Tuesday morning, then went out to see Mom, felt rather down when I came back because she was nodding off holding her bear after a little while.  So I decided to see her in the morning on Friday, I brought cookies for the house.  She was holding to one of her little bears at the table and after a while she started nodding off.

I talked to her doctor and she suggested something to help her sleep since she doesn’t sleep very well at night.  She said it was a choice between a sleeping pill that would just put her to sleep at night but would greatly increase the chance of falls – something she has had trouble with for quite some time.  Or an anti-psychotic drug that would help lessen her anxiety, confusion and fears.  As my sister Candy pointed out, Mom has always been anxious as long as we have known her.  I will admit the mention of anti-psychotic sounds very dire and not my Mom at all, but once she explained what it can do, I feel a bit better about it.  The anti-psychotic drug is her recommendation and if it can calm some of the anxiety, fears and confusion while helping her to sleep as a result and have less chance of increasing falls, I have gone along with her.  I don’t know how soon it will start, she said it would take 4 to 6 weeks to see if it is working.

Eddie and went to look for light fixtures and I couldn’t find anything that would work and I liked.  So Thursday, my day at home, was spent at the computer going bug-eyed looking at fixtures.  I found one I like, but I still haven’t found one to put over the sink that will go with it.  I did find one for the porch that we both like – not sure Eddie is all that keen on the light fixture.  I also went on Friday to pick up samples of the knobs I like.  I’m glad I did because with something to occupy my mind, I didn’t feel down after seeing Mom.  So I think I need to do that again, otherwise I am not very good company for a while.

Later

Back to the post – I have now posted all the pictures I have for the remodel, this coming week should be interesting because we are supposed to get the cabinets later in the week.  However, Brad mentioned putting them together, so I wonder how long it will take to make it look like a kitchen.  I had planned to relax this weekend and not use the computer, but that didn’t quite work out the way I planned.  I also have a new client who wants a lapel pin and now shirts.  So I am working on quotes for that this week.  I never know what is going to happen from one day to the next these days, I feel I am taking it in my stride so far.  This Friday is Mom’s appointment with oncologist, then next week she gets her new shoes.

I’m looking forward to what the week brings – I keep thinking in terms that it is an adventure.

I Am Not Unique

June 2, 2013

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I received this from Ellen this morning and I love it so much I decided to add it to the blog.   I love peonies!

I saw Dr. Cheryl for my adjustment on Friday and mentioned how tired and dragged out I had been all week.  She said she has talked to a lot of people who have felt the same way.  Hmmmm, in my own self absorbed world this week, I thought I was the only one feeling that way.  NEWS FLASH Sister, you are not unique in this.  Maybe it is all the dust I have inhaled the  past two or three weeks from the kitchen.

Now we actually have money in hand for the kitchen remodel, we feel we needed to start cleaning out cupboards.  I filled a box for my sister Candy with Mom’s cookbooks, she may get more than she bargained for with that box.  I started another one for her with the cocoa set and some cookie cutters, plus some silverware and utensils.  I put the bread machine aside as well in case she would like that.  Unfortunately there are only the smoke and light blue glasses left – I broke the green one last year.  I need to check with Ellen in case she has changed her mind about things.

Yesterday the 1-800 Junk guys came and cleared out part of the basement where the electrician will need to work.  I kept the Christmas decorations – hope I didn’t miss anything.  I went through before they came to be sure – found some quilting stuff, the two card tables and can’t remember what else.  I guess if I can’t remember or haven’t used it, I probably won’t miss it.  Still have a cupboard to go through and  figure out where we will store things while the remodel is in progress.  More stuff to Goodwill as well.

We worked a lot of the weekend and the holiday, though we also made sure we had time to rest and relax.  Tuesday I found myself tired, the I went to visit Mom and that really did it to me.  I went in the morning and found she had not slept well that night before – she was in bed and hardly awake.  I just let her know I was there and would come back to visit.  I really felt down even though my mind told me she has had lots of mornings like this, often afternoons as well.  I am not sure why it hit me like that, but it did upset me.

I went in the morning because the interior designer was coming at 1.  I have been going round and round trying to decide what color to paint the kitchen – my mind just went into neutral.  So Mary Ellen was a great help and fun to work with.  I told what I was thinking and we looked at color samples, plus I brought one of our sofa cushions up to help with the color for the living/dining room and the hall.  I was thinking pale peach because I want it to feel warm and light on those cloudy, cold, rainy days.    What we ended up with was the same color for the kitchen as well.

SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA  SAMSUNG DIGITAL CAMERA

I took before pictures of both the kitchen and living room – Sherwin  Williams has a program on their site to see how colors look.  The color sample on top is the palette, the color is the second lightest, called Creamery.  The trim will be White dove, the last chip on the other sample.  I am going to see if I can do a before and after picture of the wall and trim colors.  The little sample on the white rectangular piece is the counter top, the white on is the cabinets.  My photos aren’t the most accurate with color, because the sample is lighter.  The floor covering is at the bottom, plus I took one by itself on the floor – not the bets colors either.  But at least it is something to give you an idea of what we chose.

We then went to the wholesale place to find counter top, backsplash and floor.  While I was waiting, I could have easily crawled on the table and gone to sleep I was so tired.  I don’t know what happened, maybe a combination of together ness and seeing Mom in the morning.  I was like that on Wednesday, I went to Breakfast Club and had some time to wait to see Dr. Cheryl, so I parked in the Kent Station parking lot and decided to read.  Instead I slept, couldn’t keep my eyes open.  then I had a call from Cheryl, we had changed the appointment to 9:15 instead of 10:15 and I didn’t look at my calendar.  That’s why I saw her on Friday after my haircut.  I went home and knew I should do more cleaning out, but didn’t.  Eddie came home from the archives and we went out to do a couple of things, then came hoe.  Thursday I had my massage and although the afternoon was free, I opted for a lie down.  I had had naps during the weekend but it didn’t seem to make a difference.  I knew I needed to clean out more but I didn’t.

Friday I saw Mom in the afternoon and she was doing well, she had slept both nights before and was alert.  She was doing okay with the walker but her knees still hurt.  she was using the wheelchair but Didi and Judy were concerned she would get used to it and not use the walker.  I had taken an apple pie on Tuesday morning and I am sure she enjoyed it, even if she didn’t remember.

After The Last Two Weeks

May 22, 2013

I was not sure about publishing the post about my Mom yesterday, it is such a personal thing for her and our family.  I often wonder if it is a good idea to publish things so close to me and family – my sisters really are there to help me, I have asked their advice more than once.  I get so close to it that it is hard for me to be objective.   But I found I slept so well last night  that I now realize I needed to express what was inside me.  I am still taking it all in, but I am not scared about it – maybe it doesn’t feel real yet.  I spoke to her doc on Tuesday afternoon and she wants to send Mom to an oncologist to see what options are available.  Fortunately she doesn’t want to invasive and heavy duty stuff  for this – she said we are not treating Mom’s breast cancer, we are treating Mom.  She doesn’t think Mom would do very well in the hospital for surgery, so I’m glad she isn’t hung ho for invasive measures.  The appointment with the oncologist will probably be in about 2 or 3 weeks.

I went to visit her yesterday and took my next door neighbor Delores with me.  She and Bob are going to the canal house tomorrow and won’t be around much during the summer.  So she brought some rhododendron blossoms to Mom.  I was glad to see Mom was doing quite well, I really wasn’t surprised to see her in a wheel chair since her knees have been bothering her.  So we had a good visit and I checked in with Judy on Saturday after the biopsy to see how things were going.   Apparently Mom didn’t have any trouble with the incision, not even sure she remembers it.  I haven’t said anything to Mom about breast cancer – I’m not sure she would understand.  She didn’t ask about results, so I didn’t say anything to her.

I am very grateful to ElderPlace and the people there as well as Didi and Judy – I don’t have to do this all by myself.  I have received a lot of support and encouragement from my sisters and my husband Ed, what a difference asking for help makes.  This whole experience of Mom and her dementia, my broken ankle, finding an adult family home for her, applying for Medicaid, etc. has made me feel more confident and competent to deal with major things occurring. Adding to this is the letting go of all the negative programs and deciding to be who I am whatever anyone one says has also helped.  I feel different, though I can’t really be specific; just a difference.

We went to pick up the check this morning, but realized it is tomorrow.  Eddie wasn’t going to the archives this morning and decided not to go to the aviation conference, so he came to Breakfast Club with me.  I was doing the 5 minute – I am now finding I concentrate on what I am doing and not wondering what Eddie is thinking of what I am doing.  I think he sees a different me when he comes to Breakfast Club.  Not a bad thing.

We have put the remodel in motion, I will be getting the check for Brad to start buying materials.  He is going to get a head start so that when the plumber and electrician start on the 10th, he will have done the demolition, put in a new back door and work on the pocket door.  Brad is going to start doing that on the 3rd.  It doesn’t quite seem real yet, but with check in hand it will.

We have started cleaning out some of the cupboards in the kitchen, last Saturday we filled the wheely bin at least half full on Saturday and made it to the top today.  We took some things over to Goodwill as well, will be packing up more for another trip or more down there.

I am looking forward to my massage tomorrow morning and another good night’s sleep tonight.  There is so much going on inside me, yet I can’t really describe it in detail.  It just is.

From Stress To Happy Dance To Stress – Part 2

May 21, 2013

I have to admit, I don’t really like feeling I am running from thing to another, but the week was like that.  Thursday was my massage and I was truly looking forward to it – especially after Wednesday.  I was feeling a bit down and tired of all the stuff I have continued to carry around all these years.  Debye told me all I have to do is let go – not sure I knew how to do it.  So I set an intention of completely letting go and clearing all the programs and beliefs, all the things I was told I had to be and release them.  What really surprised me was that I began to feel lighter after the sessions and it has continued since Thursday; I can’t really remember what all that stuff was and I have no desire to bring them back.
I began to realize that my authentic self didn’t fit with parents, friends and others – I had to suppress her because I believed there was something wrong.  But I am long past  deciding I have to live according to what someone else says is “proper”.  If someone is not happy with me as I really am, it is their stuff, not mine.  Imagine if I had been able to be this way decades ago, things certainly would have been different.  However, I suspect I wouldn’t have been ready for it until now.
What a difference after my massage!  I also knew that the biopsy on Friday would be more difficult, so I did the “show up and get out of the way” again.  I received a call from the mortgage company, we could go in and sign the papers, wait 3 days to give us time if we decide to rescind it and it would go through.  Eddie had taken Friday off to service his car but he had to postpone because of the closing and I was going with Mom after that.
Friday was Happy Dance!  We went in and signed a whole lot of papers and were given copies for our records.  I was surprised how calm and peaceful I felt; usually I am scared when we have signed a lease or bought house – I wonder if I can live up to the terms.  Strangely, I didn’t feel that way on Friday, in some ways it was a relief to finally have it closed.  it has taken 6 months, once we stopped it while I dealt with Medicaid for Mom and then Fannie Mae decided there was a glitch so we had to wait a month.  Now everyone has agreed  we can go forward.  I called our contractor to get things in motion.
Then I had to go over to Mom’s to be there for the ride over as well as the biopsy.  She definitely didn’t understand what was happening, so it was a good thing I went with her in the cabulance.  It was interesting because the driver was Andre, he had picked us up in the afternoon on Wednesday.  I told him I was so tired on Wednesday I didn’t feel like talking, so we had a lovely conversation on the way to Swedish.  Mom was confused and didn’t really remember the friendly techs, but it worked out.
I wasn’t sure how she was going to deal with the biopsy – I’ve had to have it done so I knew what it would be.  The biggest thing was for her to hold still and keep her arm up – she did do that but not without protest and some angry (but in a very ladylike way) words for the doc.  They were going to take 2 samples, and after the second one she told them not to do it any more.  I was on the other side of the bed talking to her and just being a calming influence.  It was not easy for her – not so great for me either.  It is one thing to be the one having it done, it is entirely different when it is happening to someone I love.  I was so glad it was finished.
We did the same Tri-Med route Friday too –  though by the time I got home it was after 5.00.  When the Tri-Med driver arrived, it was Jean Pierre.  He had taken me to an appointment with my surgeon.  When I mentioned the other man in a wheelchair with his leg straight, he remembered.  the man was in the front and I was in the back. so they had to put his foot between the two front seats and his wife rode in front.  We had a lovely talk on the way back, at times Mom was sleeping – she had been through a lot the past two days.  I gave Didi the instruction for her small incision and also the 2 ice packs for her to use.  I am so glad Didi is a R.N. because I knew she was in good hands with Didi.
It was so nice to arrive home to Eddie and the lovely roast chicken in the oven.  Man, I was beat.  They will have the results next week, then decide what to do.  I hope there is more than one option.
UPDATE
I just had a call from Dr. Rosen who did the biopsy – it is cancer.  They are checking to see if it is  estrogen related or not and all the results will be sent to Dr. Myre.  I just called and left a message for Brenda to find out if I need to meet with the doc alone or with Mom.  Dr. Rosen also let the True Center know and they will be calling me for an appointment with a surgeon.  I want to check with Dr. Myre first to see what she suggests.  I don’t want to have a lot of invasive procedures but I also want the best for Mom.  I didn’t really think I would have to make these decisions.

Good Days, Not So Good Days

April 13, 2013

I haven’t been writing lately, seems as if things have gotten in my way – or let them get in the way.  I just put up a new post that I have been working on since the last one I wrote about it.  Could be a matter of Life happening while I am planning.

I have noticed in the last 2 or 3 weeks that Mom has been having more not so good days – or is that simply my connotation of it.  Last week I went to see her and brought two long sleeve tees for her and another pair of slippers.  When I had seen her the Friday before, she had lost one of the ties and was having trouble keeping that slipper on.  So I was going to bring the reds – both pair my sister Ellen had given her for different Christmas presents.  When I arrived, she was asleep, so I checked with Judy to see what was happening.  She said Mom hadn’t been sleeping very well at night – still haven’t quite figured out what is going on or what to do – so Mom sleeps during the day a lot.  I didn’t want to disturb her rest so I didn’t go in.  Judy told me Mom had taken the slipper without the tie and torn it so it couldn’t be worn again, then put it in her pillow case.

So I left the things and said I would be back Friday.  When I came back, Mom wasn’t there – she was at the Center for a UT test that Didi had ordered.  I decided to call on Saturday before I came – good things because Mom was resting.  I called on Sunday morning because Eddie had gone to the Museum Flight to do his docent stint and it turned out to be a good time for Mom.  So I went and had a lovely time with her;  we laughed,  remembered things and it was really good.  She seemed in good spirits and I was glad.  We talked about her walker, that she hated it.  When I asked her why, she said it was ugly.  So I suggested I would get some red ribbon and see if I could make it less ugly.  I told her I had to learn to use one in rehab and I didn’t like it, but I knew I had to so I could get better.  not sure what registered with her.

Tuesday I called before I left o see how she was doing; she had slept late and was eating breakfast.  Delores next door wanted visit so I took her over to see Mom.  She was sitting in the dining room and didn’t say a whole lot.  She had that old woman look – I am going to have to come to terms with that – and a somewhat defeated look.  Delores and I did a lot of the talking, Mom didn’t seem interested in saying much except a few responses to things.  She was cold so we got her the pink shawl and that helped a lot.  But she seemed to tire quickly, so we thought we should leave.

I asked the caregiver if she would help Mom get up and use the walker so she could rest a bit.  The older lady came and Mom took one look at her and told her she didn’t want her near her, to go away, the woman had hurt her and scratched her.  I am not sure how much is true, but I asked the younger woman to watch to see what happens.  I said I thought possibly someone who had helped her up and been too firm on Mom’s hands and had inadvertently caused the bruises.

I am going this afternoon and bringing the sugar-free cookies that I forgot to take on Tuesday.  Friday Jan gave me money to buy them since there are three who are diabetic and sugar isn’t good for the other three.  I was so embarrassed I had forgotten to take them Tuesday – I am upset when I don’t do what I promised – and they were disappointed.  So I have two sets – oatmeal and chocolate chip – and I will give Jan her money back because it was my bad.  I will update this post when I come home this afternoon.

Later that night:

Actually the visit went well, one of the good days.  I suspect the cookies helped as well.  They were all happy with cookies as well.  I tried to give Jan her money back but she wouldn’t take it – I told her it was my bad for not keeping my promise so the cookies are on me.  I found Mom in her room sitting on her bed hugging two of her bears.  The big one now named Marigold after her dad’s middle name.  Now she has another smaller bear, so I asked if it was a girl so we could think of a girl’s name.  I happen to look up at the butterfly hooked rug and suggested calling her Butterfly, but that didn’t go over at all. So I suggest a flower name, by then I wasn’t sure she was interested.

I talked to Didi and found out Mom has been very contrary for a while, not wanting anyone to help her bathe, put on clean clothes, etc.  Apparently she also will pull her hands away in mid lift, so far she has been close to something to sit back on.  Even at the Center she won’t let them near her to check to make she everything is all right.  I asked Didi if it would help if I was at the Center when they want to check her to see if she would be more willing.  We’ll see what happens.  Didi said that farther on she will be at peace with the situation but right now she fights them at every turn.  I have no idea what goes on in her head, I can’t imagine how confusing and scary it is for her.

I wrote this after I came home from seeing Mom, I wanted sleep on it before I published it.

Phooey To The Calendar, It’s Spring!

March 17, 2013

We have had some sunshine every once in a while, sometimes for the whole day.  Plus the temperatures have been mild, up into the 50’s a lot.  I noticed the first flowers started blooming around the first of March – they decided to start blooming even though the official start of Spring isn’t until March 20th.  I have seen camellias, rhodos, even an azalea yesterday all in bloom.  The cherry trees with lacy flowers and even some of the puffy cherry trees are blooming.  I was going home from visiting Mom on Friday and a whole line of cherry trees were starting to bloom.

autumn flowering cherry

http://www.cdaid.org/urban/urbanforestry/autumn_flowering_cherry.htm

The daffodils are starting to bloom in the yard and also next door.  I think it depends on how protected from the cold wind plants are as to how far along they are.  The forsythia is usually the first to come out, they are now slowly emerging.  I enjoy Spring as each plant begins to grow leaves and then blossom while others put out blossoms first, then leaves.  I am wondering how many bulbs are left after the big clean up.

I remember a quote somewhere that really makes my heart glow – The Earth laughs in flowers.

Oh dear, Eddie can’t find Bunny now that he has made the bed, I need to find her.

How she wandered into the office I don’t know, the last time I saw her was on my pillow.  I have been sleeping with her a lot, so very comforting and sweet.  I think her name is actually  Sweet Pea since I find myself calling her that without realizing it.  all is well now.

img_0035http://www.westcreations.com/bears.html

Mom’s is in blue and blue feathered hat – you get the idea.

I went to see Mom on Friday, she had had a visitor the day before – it was Luzma bearing gifts.  She brought her a beautiful bear dressed in a lovely gown and a hat with feathers.  It is on Mom’s dresser.  She also brought flowers – little dark pink roses – small box of chocolates and a packet of cookies.  Apparently she spent quite a lot of time with her, though Mom doesn’t remember it.  I have to remind myself not ask about things that happened before the present moment, her short-term memory is gone.  Then she thinks she missed out on something.

My two packets of cookies were anticlimactic, I found some sugar-free chocolate chunk for Jan and also brought sugar cookies with green frosting and shaped sprinkles on top for St. Patrick’s day.  They all enjoyed them and I was glad.  I’m learning not to bring something for the house all the time or they will expect it, once a month is better.  This came from Kathy who is more knowledgeable than I am.  I appreciate her advice and am so glad she came with me to find a home for Mom.

The two new residents are Everett, he is about 86 and in a wheelchair.  He doesn’t seem to be chatty, maybe when I know him better – he certainly scarfed up the cookies in a hurry.  Mom gave him hers, so I gave her another one and said it is for her to eat, not give away.  I don’t remember the woman’s name, she too is in a wheelchair and is about to turn 102 – looks as though Mom isn’t the oldest any more.

Mom still asks about her mother, her grandmother, even Aunt Clara.  I just tell her they are watching over her and preparing a place for her on the other side.  Also that when the time comes, there will be guides to help her through the transition, she won’t have to do it herself.  Sometimes she says she is glad I told her that.  This time she said she feels safe when she is sitting with Jan, but when she is alone she is scared.  I asked her what scares her and she is scared what to do if something happens. I tried to reassure her that everyone in the house is there for her and I am only a phone call away.  She doesn’t think she knows how to use the phone, so I said just ask some in the house – I will be there in 20 minutes.  I hope that reassured her, even for 5 minutes.  That’s a first.

Thursday was a fun day, I had my massage in the morning with Debye and then went to lunch with Kathie Brodie at Queen Mary Tea Room.  We haven’t seen each other for quite a while, she is starting a new business and I have already written many words about I have been doing.  We have so much in common and it turns out it is a two-way street for us – I learn so much from her and she learns a lot from me.  She was talking about finally understanding one of her life lessons, though still hasn’t quite learned because it keeps coming in different ways so she doesn’t see it coming.  Light bulb moment for me!  How amazing that over the years we have both been learning a lot of the same things – talking to her helps put into words what I am thinking and feeling.

We had a lovely lunch and of course a pot of tea.  We both tried different ones, though I love their Creamy Earl Grey.  They gave us a taste of Queen’s Afternoon Tea – I loved it!  Kathie is a big tea drinker and enjoys trying new one.  there is a tea shop in Edmonds she goes to try different teas.  I had an email from her yesterday – she enjoyed the outing with me but forgot it was caffeine and she finally figured out why she couldn’t get to sleep the night before.

It’s been a delightful week.

Highlights From This Week

March 10, 2013

It is now the beginning of a new week and as I look back on last week, my first thought was that nothing earthshaking happened.  I have been spending my time lately not doing a whole lot, I just want to sleep and work out this fatigue until I finally reach the last layer.  However, as I was in the shower this morning, I started thinking about a couple of things that happened.

Friday was an eventful day, I went to pick up Mom at 9:15 so both of us could have haircuts.  I know it was a bit early for her, but she was having breakfast when I arrived.  Apparently Judy didn’t tell she was going to have a haircut, that must have been why she said Mom aaas moody.  Mom couldn’t understand why she had to get up early, but the day actually worked out fine.  We had a lovely sunny day, it was such a treat to see and feel the sun again.

We went to see Michelle and I had the first haircut.  I asked Michelle to cut mine a little shorter on the top – so it is shorter than it has ever been.   I also wanted Michelle to cut Mom’s hair shorter in the back because last time she wanted it longer – it is harder to fix for Judy and to be honest, she has had that neglected look.  She is definitely not neglected.   Her silver hair was beautiful and she agreed it felt good to have it cut.

As I was writing the check, my cell rang – it was Kathy, she was at Fred Meyer and wondered what I was doing.  I told I had Mom with me and she suggested meeting us there to say Hello.  I told Mom but she didn’t really know who I meant – I knew she would recognize her when she saw Kathy.  Kathy took care of Mom a lot before she went into the Elderplace program, they developed quite a bond.  Mom was delighted to see her for a few minutes.

I took her back to the house, this she wasn’t disappointed it wasn’t here.  I had promised her a cheeseburger for lunch; I left to pick up Whopper Jrs and some fries – I decided to get her slice of apple pie because it is her favorite.  We ate lunch together and then I left to relax for the afternoon.

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Later in the afternoon I had a call from my rheumologist’s office, Jennifer said she checked my insurance and they will cover Orencia.  She says I have amazing coverage for my Medicare supplement – so glad I went with Vickie and State Farm!  I have an appointment to start it at 1 on Tuesday – I’ll visit Mom in the morning.  It is an infusion for about 45 minutes – I figure it may take a little longer to get things set up the first time.  Then I have an appointment with my rheumatologist at 10, then go up to the Infusion Room after for the next one.  It will be another 2 weeks for the 3rd one and then it will be every 4 weeks.  At the moment I am not scared nervous or apprehensive, more curious than anything else.  I figure to take it as it comes and see what happens.  I am also not excited and having high expectations either – working on keeping neutral and no emotion.

Also, there are two new people at Mom’s house – John with the cat left and Jennifer went to hospital and then to a nursing home close to her sister.  I have seen Mr. Byrd but not spoken to him because he is usually asleep in his chair.  The new woman is in a wheel chair and  although I smiled and waved to her, she didn’t really respond.  She too is in a wheel chair.  As time goes by it will be interesting to get to know them.

I have been asked to join the neighborhood bridge group as a permanent member.  I said I would and we are playing on Monday at Claire’s.  That means one of these days I will have it here – I’d like to have the new kitchen and possibly the upstairs painted, plus our own furniture.

We have been slowly cleaning out, though if you saw the house right now, it doesn’t look that way.  I have the office to clean out and organize as well as going through papers and things of Mom’s.  I have been putting it off because it feels awkward and if she knew she would be upset.  Mostly it has been a bit here, a bit there, mostly in the kitchen and a little in the desk.  It has been strange going through some things and deciding what to keep and what isn’t necessary any more.  I have that pack rat mentality that I might need it some day.

I definitely did things for myself – I saw Dr. Cheryl my chiropractor on Monday morning and had my massage with Debye on Thursday.  A lot of the time I didn’t feel like doing anything, so I just took it easy and relaxed.  Little by little there are  small bits of energy and look forward to bursts and a lot of energy again.

I am interested in what you have to say,  I definitely want to know.

Back To Waiting

October 7, 2012

After finally making a decision about Mom, I was back in waiting mode again.  The group at Providence had to do its business office drill and I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be.  I will be frank, the thought of having to do it a third time was not something I wanted to contemplate, much less do again.  But I put it God’s hands and asked that everything would done in a way that works.  I have been very neutral this week, not that excitement and relief I had the last time.  Maybe it is self preservation because it was such a let down with the other house fell apart.

Monday after I saw Didi the second time, I emailed the social worker to report on the three houses I had seen and also my visit to Didi.  She wrote back  “Our agency will complete the screening process and I’ll let you know as soon as I know if everything has cleared.”  I wasn’t sure what to make of that.  I thought it was settled – Didi had said the papers were ready, they were waiting for me to decide.  So I spent the week wondering – I did email the social worker to say I was a bit confused.  She wrote back that they are doing their best to take care of it and Mom – the process is slow.  Hmmm, sounds par for the course when officialdom is involved.  I had thought we could move Mom on Thursday – though I wasn’t holding my breath.  Good thing because it wasn’t moving day after all.

One thing that kept my mind off the situation was the three days John spent with his crew to cut back the rest of the jungle.  By George, we have a right side to our garage now.  I had forgotten how wide the north side of the house and garage is – it has been so overgrown no one can go through it.  John unearthed more tires and couple of car parts – had no idea they were there.  He also gave us the view back, gave the fruit trees a haircut and also the blueberries.  He kept his crew working, just as hard as he works himself.  There are other things that need doing but this is what made a huge difference.  I didn’t want to have everything done because I didn’t want to freak out Mom – I think this is more than enough at the moment.

Since Thursday wasn’t moving day, I went and had my massage, oh did that feel good!  I have been clearing out so much negativity and programs – still more to go.  What’s cool is that even though it is deep tissue massage, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning.  I actually fell asleep a couple of weeks ago.  Debye is amazed at how different my body is from when we started, she sees it changing and healing as she is working.  She also said she admires me for doing the work, most people at 65 have decided their life is done and not interested in doing the work.  She says I am very determined to get to the truth – all I know is that I want to “know that I know” who I truly am and love, accept, approve and trust myself.

Friday I went to see my regular doc and he was pleased with ow I am doing; plus he was asking about Mom.  I told him what the situation was and he is fine with that.  I also had my haircut – not much left of it but so much easier to wash, comb and go.  I wonder sometimes if it makes make cheeks look chubbier, yet I have been given many compliments on it.  I will keep it and see what happens.

I also played telephone tag with the social worker Friday, she just asked me to call, no info otherwise.  I figured it could go either way, so I kept the neutral feeling.  We finally talked and the house has been approved, now she just wants to know when  the moving day is.  I need to call Kathy – she is on holiday and I don’t really like disturbing her.  I want her to help with the move because Mom likes and trusts her and she also has a lot of experience.  I suspect Mom may be very angry at me – if she needs a target, okay, I am it.  I am going to ask at Breakfast Club for a driver and pickup so I can take two of her chairs to the new house – she will have familiar things around her.

I still don’t have that excited feeling, very little emotion on it – wonder if that will change when the move is made?  I will say, I got a really good night’s sleep Friday night.  Last night was okay but some time I was awake in the middle of the night.  I am not making any plans for the days after Thursday, I want to be sure it is actually happening and she is settled in.  That may take a month or more, in case she needs to come back, things are still the same.

The Flip Side

February 5, 2012

I wrote about my Mom last week and the difficulties of dealing with her progression into dementia.  I had an email from my sister Candy a few weeks back that reminded me that life with Mom has not always been difficult.  She wrote:

I think all three of us–you, me, and Ellen–have longed for the approval and encouragement from Mom. She expressed her love in other ways: doll clothes, school lunches, and dire warnings of disasters.  Yet she did encourage us in so many ways. I remember she helped with my Bluebird group, sewed dresses for school and for dolls, made delicious meals, celebrated birthdays and holidays, and took time and care to wrap gifts, make picnic lunches for Vashon Island adventures, bathed us when we were sick (remember hot lemonade? the special bath soap only used when we were sick?) and so many other expressions of mother love and concern. Some people are great at parenting for one age group, but not for other age groups. Mom was, I think, best at being a parent for the younger years, when little ones needed to be shepherded more closely and she could do all the homemaker things for us and Daddy. Teenage years were more difficult for her (and us!) to navigate.  Sometimes I wish I could be a little girl again, bouncing on Mom and Dad’s bed on Christmas morning, opening red flannel stockings stuffed with goodies. But it is Christmas in my heart.

I realize I have spent my whole life looking for Mom’s approval and support, I now know it is something she can’t give because she never had it herself.  It is letting go of wanting it from her and understanding that all that love, acceptance, approval and trust comes from within me and my source.  Candy has reminded me that our childhood was not all “Don’t!” every time we turned around.  I have been working on coming to terms with Mom and how I see my childhood and my relationship to her.  For the past few years living here, I have only been aware and remembering the things that drive me crazy – learning to take the emotion out of it is not always easy.  Before Mom goes, I would like to have the great memories and feelings in the forefront, to keep that in mind, especially in those very frustrating times.   I’d like to ask both you and Ellen to start a list of things that were special for you, things that Mom did or said that you appreciated.  I would be interested to see how many we all put on the list and what is different – I realize both of you had different views of things and I would like to know more about that.

  •    Alcohol back rubs when we had flu – so soothing and refreshing
  •   I asked for sliced black olive sandwiches for lunch and she would make them.  I loved the meatloaf sandwiches.
  •   Coming home from school and Mom was there, baking cookies or downstairs  ironing, the smell of fresh clothes.
  •   She took us to the library after school for books.  I have a picture in my mind of being in the library in Madrona with Mom and Dad, everyone had a large pile of books to check out.  So appreciate their example of reading – it has always been one of my greatest pleasures.  I don’t remember learning to read, it is as if I have always known how to read.
  •   Saturday outings to different places, Mom making two lunches – peanut butter and crackers for Candy to eat on the ride, a proper lunch for all of us later.
  •   Mom trying out new recipes for dinner, enjoying the creativity of it.
  •   Yes, I remember the doll clothes for Christmas, clothes for Christmas and I especially remember that huge blue stuffed horse she made for Candy one year in Manhattan Beach.  it’s head was so heavy it always drooped to the side.
  •   When I could order a blouse from Sears or Ward’s and spending time deciding which one would work the best.
  •   When we went camping Mom did all the cooking and  planned lunches.   Remember when she would go into the grocery store and come out with bread, lunchmeat and a spread of some sort?
  • I always felt loved and wanted.  They gave us manners and integrity, respect for other people and their property, discipline and boundaries we could test and find they stayed in place. We always did things as a family; whether it was yard work, outings, playing cards, etc.  Now the boat is a whole story by itself.
  • Mom had a great sense of humor, we laughed a lot and she would come out with unexpected things that made us laugh.
  • Mom taught us how to make beds with hospital corners, to iron and clean house so we would be able to do when we were on our own.
  • We all had fun making root beer, all the steps.  We did a lot of hand cranked ice cream as well.
  • She helped welcome Eddie into the family and make him feel a part of it.  I think he has felt Mom and Dad were like his own parents.
  • Hot chocolate after going to see the Christmas ship
  • Making Christmas cookies
  • Birthdays – the birthday plate, chocolate cake with white 7 minute icing, candles, birthday parties and the birthday box with pink and blue crepe paper

My sister Ellen is working on her list, though one thing she did mention – as well as remembering alcohol rubs when we were sick – was “the biggest thing for me is my great gratitude for my college education”.

Somewhere inside this stubborn, irritating and unpredictable woman is that witty, loving and creative mother all three of us girls remember.    I would much rather remember all of the loving things she did rather than how it feels at this moment.


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