Posts Tagged ‘social worker’

Back To Waiting

October 7, 2012

After finally making a decision about Mom, I was back in waiting mode again.  The group at Providence had to do its business office drill and I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be.  I will be frank, the thought of having to do it a third time was not something I wanted to contemplate, much less do again.  But I put it God’s hands and asked that everything would done in a way that works.  I have been very neutral this week, not that excitement and relief I had the last time.  Maybe it is self preservation because it was such a let down with the other house fell apart.

Monday after I saw Didi the second time, I emailed the social worker to report on the three houses I had seen and also my visit to Didi.  She wrote back  “Our agency will complete the screening process and I’ll let you know as soon as I know if everything has cleared.”  I wasn’t sure what to make of that.  I thought it was settled – Didi had said the papers were ready, they were waiting for me to decide.  So I spent the week wondering – I did email the social worker to say I was a bit confused.  She wrote back that they are doing their best to take care of it and Mom – the process is slow.  Hmmm, sounds par for the course when officialdom is involved.  I had thought we could move Mom on Thursday – though I wasn’t holding my breath.  Good thing because it wasn’t moving day after all.

One thing that kept my mind off the situation was the three days John spent with his crew to cut back the rest of the jungle.  By George, we have a right side to our garage now.  I had forgotten how wide the north side of the house and garage is – it has been so overgrown no one can go through it.  John unearthed more tires and couple of car parts – had no idea they were there.  He also gave us the view back, gave the fruit trees a haircut and also the blueberries.  He kept his crew working, just as hard as he works himself.  There are other things that need doing but this is what made a huge difference.  I didn’t want to have everything done because I didn’t want to freak out Mom – I think this is more than enough at the moment.

Since Thursday wasn’t moving day, I went and had my massage, oh did that feel good!  I have been clearing out so much negativity and programs – still more to go.  What’s cool is that even though it is deep tissue massage, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning.  I actually fell asleep a couple of weeks ago.  Debye is amazed at how different my body is from when we started, she sees it changing and healing as she is working.  She also said she admires me for doing the work, most people at 65 have decided their life is done and not interested in doing the work.  She says I am very determined to get to the truth – all I know is that I want to “know that I know” who I truly am and love, accept, approve and trust myself.

Friday I went to see my regular doc and he was pleased with ow I am doing; plus he was asking about Mom.  I told him what the situation was and he is fine with that.  I also had my haircut – not much left of it but so much easier to wash, comb and go.  I wonder sometimes if it makes make cheeks look chubbier, yet I have been given many compliments on it.  I will keep it and see what happens.

I also played telephone tag with the social worker Friday, she just asked me to call, no info otherwise.  I figured it could go either way, so I kept the neutral feeling.  We finally talked and the house has been approved, now she just wants to know when  the moving day is.  I need to call Kathy – she is on holiday and I don’t really like disturbing her.  I want her to help with the move because Mom likes and trusts her and she also has a lot of experience.  I suspect Mom may be very angry at me – if she needs a target, okay, I am it.  I am going to ask at Breakfast Club for a driver and pickup so I can take two of her chairs to the new house – she will have familiar things around her.

I still don’t have that excited feeling, very little emotion on it – wonder if that will change when the move is made?  I will say, I got a really good night’s sleep Friday night.  Last night was okay but some time I was awake in the middle of the night.  I am not making any plans for the days after Thursday, I want to be sure it is actually happening and she is settled in.  That may take a month or more, in case she needs to come back, things are still the same.

Still Looking

September 23, 2012

I have been able to take a little time off from calling places since I had a talk with Denise, the social worker.  The places I told her about and the ones I sent to her didn’t turn out very well – one would take Mom but wanted us to subsidize her – I don’t think so!  The problem is the new regulations Providence put into the system this year, the homes aren’t going for it.  Denise said she has seen a trend and that means not only is it more of a challenge for me, it will be a challenge for those looking after I find a place.  So she said she would talk to her director and see if there is some leeway.  So we talked again Friday and said she could see a trend and possibly have to find new homes to work with – plus she does have a little leeway for Mom.  She wasn’t specific and I didn’t ask.  She is on holiday until next Thursday, so I have some time off to relax and go to my NWPMA Pro-D day and Showcase.  I haven’t done much in the way of business with my promotional marketing, so this is an opportunity to see friends who are distributors and suppliers.

I was surprised to receive an email from Denise at the end of the day Friday – she had the name of a home that will take Mom.  Denise hasn’t seen it, so Eddie and I going this afternoon to check it out with Kathy.  It’s in the same neighborhood of the one that wasn’t – a few blocks north.  I haven’t really thought about it, just taking it as it comes rather than getting my hopes up or putting any emotion into it.  We’ll check it out and go from there.  If this isn’t quite right, then I will start calling again on Wednesday and send the promising ones to Denise to clear before I go to see any of them.

It is a relief in some ways not to have to call for a bit, it can be discouraging though most people are quite friendly and easy to talk with about it.  I know they need a certain level to operate and of course they would much rather have private pay.  But Providence supplies everything for their clients, all the home owner has to do it let them know.  Plus all go to the Center at least once a week so the doctor, nurse and therapists see them and check anything that is out of the ordinary.

I am finding myself starting to shut down with Mom, it is so hard to understand what she is trying to say when she only has the first 5 words of her thought – then she can’t remember or get the words out and it is very frustrating on both sides.   When she asks questions like “Why am I here?”, “How do I get out of here?” or  “is my mother here?”, I am at a loss for an answer.  I haven’t a clue what to say and I can’t imagine how it is for her.  She seems so lost and confused, not understanding what is going on a lot of the time.  I am glad to say she is fine going to the Center, I haven’t heard her say “I’m not going back there again!” for a while.  Now she asks everyday and evening if the bus is coming to take her to school.  Last night she asked if what she was wearing was okay to walk in the parade today.  I have no idea what she means or what parade, but I told it was fine.  She hasn’t said anything this morning about the parade, about what I thought would happen.

When I am in the office, she will tell the caregiver she needs to talk to her mother, sister, aunt, grandmother – you name it.  So she comes over to the door and I say hello, not sure who she thinks I am.  If the caregiver says I am her daughter, Mom’s response is “I know”.  More often lately she has been asking if her mother is here; when I tell her no or that I haven’t seen her, she asks if she is dead.  I hate to say yes, because it seems it is sudden, upsetting news to her.  Then I tell her that her mother is watching over her and waiting for her to make the transition.  Maybe it is too much information – I’m not sure how to handle it.

I realize I have learned a lot about this dementia, but it doesn’t feel as if I have practical things that help Mom.  I tend to go off to the office or bedroom and allow the caregiver to be with Mom – is that hiding or making it easier for the caregiver to do what she needs to for Mom.  Today she is quite happy with Aster, it is a good change since often she seems unhappy with whatever caregiver is here.  Every day is different.


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