Good Days, Not So Good Days


I haven’t been writing lately, seems as if things have gotten in my way – or let them get in the way.  I just put up a new post that I have been working on since the last one I wrote about it.  Could be a matter of Life happening while I am planning.

I have noticed in the last 2 or 3 weeks that Mom has been having more not so good days – or is that simply my connotation of it.  Last week I went to see her and brought two long sleeve tees for her and another pair of slippers.  When I had seen her the Friday before, she had lost one of the ties and was having trouble keeping that slipper on.  So I was going to bring the reds – both pair my sister Ellen had given her for different Christmas presents.  When I arrived, she was asleep, so I checked with Judy to see what was happening.  She said Mom hadn’t been sleeping very well at night – still haven’t quite figured out what is going on or what to do – so Mom sleeps during the day a lot.  I didn’t want to disturb her rest so I didn’t go in.  Judy told me Mom had taken the slipper without the tie and torn it so it couldn’t be worn again, then put it in her pillow case.

So I left the things and said I would be back Friday.  When I came back, Mom wasn’t there – she was at the Center for a UT test that Didi had ordered.  I decided to call on Saturday before I came – good things because Mom was resting.  I called on Sunday morning because Eddie had gone to the Museum Flight to do his docent stint and it turned out to be a good time for Mom.  So I went and had a lovely time with her;  we laughed,  remembered things and it was really good.  She seemed in good spirits and I was glad.  We talked about her walker, that she hated it.  When I asked her why, she said it was ugly.  So I suggested I would get some red ribbon and see if I could make it less ugly.  I told her I had to learn to use one in rehab and I didn’t like it, but I knew I had to so I could get better.  not sure what registered with her.

Tuesday I called before I left o see how she was doing; she had slept late and was eating breakfast.  Delores next door wanted visit so I took her over to see Mom.  She was sitting in the dining room and didn’t say a whole lot.  She had that old woman look – I am going to have to come to terms with that – and a somewhat defeated look.  Delores and I did a lot of the talking, Mom didn’t seem interested in saying much except a few responses to things.  She was cold so we got her the pink shawl and that helped a lot.  But she seemed to tire quickly, so we thought we should leave.

I asked the caregiver if she would help Mom get up and use the walker so she could rest a bit.  The older lady came and Mom took one look at her and told her she didn’t want her near her, to go away, the woman had hurt her and scratched her.  I am not sure how much is true, but I asked the younger woman to watch to see what happens.  I said I thought possibly someone who had helped her up and been too firm on Mom’s hands and had inadvertently caused the bruises.

I am going this afternoon and bringing the sugar-free cookies that I forgot to take on Tuesday.  Friday Jan gave me money to buy them since there are three who are diabetic and sugar isn’t good for the other three.  I was so embarrassed I had forgotten to take them Tuesday – I am upset when I don’t do what I promised – and they were disappointed.  So I have two sets – oatmeal and chocolate chip – and I will give Jan her money back because it was my bad.  I will update this post when I come home this afternoon.

Later that night:

Actually the visit went well, one of the good days.  I suspect the cookies helped as well.  They were all happy with cookies as well.  I tried to give Jan her money back but she wouldn’t take it – I told her it was my bad for not keeping my promise so the cookies are on me.  I found Mom in her room sitting on her bed hugging two of her bears.  The big one now named Marigold after her dad’s middle name.  Now she has another smaller bear, so I asked if it was a girl so we could think of a girl’s name.  I happen to look up at the butterfly hooked rug and suggested calling her Butterfly, but that didn’t go over at all. So I suggest a flower name, by then I wasn’t sure she was interested.

I talked to Didi and found out Mom has been very contrary for a while, not wanting anyone to help her bathe, put on clean clothes, etc.  Apparently she also will pull her hands away in mid lift, so far she has been close to something to sit back on.  Even at the Center she won’t let them near her to check to make she everything is all right.  I asked Didi if it would help if I was at the Center when they want to check her to see if she would be more willing.  We’ll see what happens.  Didi said that farther on she will be at peace with the situation but right now she fights them at every turn.  I have no idea what goes on in her head, I can’t imagine how confusing and scary it is for her.

I wrote this after I came home from seeing Mom, I wanted sleep on it before I published it.

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4 Responses to “Good Days, Not So Good Days”

  1. Maurice A. Barry Says:

    That’s the way it is. Some seek happiness. Me–I seek hope.

  2. jadereyner Says:

    I have only just picked up your story but I found it a very moving account. I can only imagine how difficult and frightening this must be for all of you and I only hope that being able to write some of it down, helps you to deal with your thoughts and emotions. I agree with the previous commenter and wish you and your family all the best in your ongoing journey.

    • Lee Kaplanian Says:

      Thank You so much Jade, your comment means a lot. Yes, it does help to write about it, I also hope it will help and support others going through it. It is so hard to see my Mom going through dementia – it really getting to the hard part. When I finally let my friends know how difficult it had become, they were there for me. Several have had to go through it too; and their understanding and support has helped me so much. I want to pass it along to others.

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