This is one of those times when I want to write but haven’t an idea what to write about. Usually something has happened, I have learned or discovered something, someone said or did something unusual – none of it comes to mind. I ave noticed the moles are back – they have been digging in the bed by the porch and I can see the holes, not just a pile of dirt. They are busy little bodies, that’s for sure.
I have been working on my RA book; I think I have a better handle on the program now. I decided to use my sister Ellen’s ocean pictures for the cover and also the chapter headings – looks pretty good. When I feel I have the hang of the program, I will work on the book about dementia – both Ellen and Candy have flower photos and I think those will fit Mom because she loved gardening. As for my garden, well that’s another story. Nothing else has been done since I messed up my knee – I don’t think it is the best thing to do at the moment. I did receive the flower seed mats and I have decided to use quilt block patterns to set them out – maybe with white stones to outline them. I need to cut them in squares and diamonds ready to be put down.
As for the knee from my slide; I am doing better, I just started my third week of it. I have been seeing Cheryl, my chiropractor and she has helped; mostly it is resting and taking care of myself. I don’t do a lot in a day, just what I need to do and I have been having naps at times. I’ve been using my cane when I go out, around the house I do okay. It was hard to bend my knee to walk and now it is slowly getting better. I think of the things I need and want to do, then I feel too tired to do anything about it. I keep forgetting it takes a lot of energy to deal with it and rest is so important. This too will pass – it always does.
I look around the office and keep thinking how much I need to clean out and organize. There are things I no longer need and when I take the clutter out of my mind and home, there will be room for new things and ideas. I am a pack rat, though getting less so – it’s the sentimental streak that gets me. That is how I feel about the things someone gave me, or I used to use, etc. Too much emotion invested in things. One thing I have been learning through Mom and dementia is to take the emotion out of it. Taking it personally is also part of it. Now I am working on taking the emotion out of things – I have pictures and they have been part of my life since I can remember. But I am living my life, not my parents’ life – I want to have my own things around me. Not sure I remember what I have any more, 12 years is a long time.
It is our life now – Eddie’s and mine. I guess I feel a bit disloyal selling or giving away Mom and Dad’s things. But it is also disloyal to Eddie to not have our things upstairs. I feel caught in the middle a bit, I want to move on with our life together. I think I am finally at that point I am ready to let go for myself. The advice to people is to wait a year before making any major decisions – it is almost 2 years since Mom moved to the adult family home. She won’t be coming home or need anything now, she isn’t really aware of anything outside where she lives. (I think I am actually writing this to myself).
This is probably the first July 4th in quite a while that we have had sun for several days. We tend to joke that summer doesn’t start until July 5th, this is one summer that seems to be more “normal” (if you can define that). The sun and clouds have been playing hide go seek with each other, sometimes it is a hazy sun – not my favorite. We actually had almost 90 on Tuesday – much to warms for me. since I found out we have a furnace fan, I turn that on to help cool things off upstairs and bring some warmth and dryness to the basement. It works pretty well, so Eddie and I were comfortable sleeping that night. If it is going to be partly cloudy, then make it clear blue sky, bright sun and white puffy clouds. I don’t mind the clouds covering the sun for a bit – it has a lighter feel, hazy sunshine reminds me too much of L.A. and smog or East Coast with hazy, hot and humid. I think go it as the difference between having a bad headache and feeling great.
This seems to be a bit of a mind dump – just things running through my head. It would be a whole lot longer if I wrote about everything whirling around up there.
Gift of RA 
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