Past My Comfort Zone


I have started a new project, though I have been thinking about it and wanting to do it for the past few years.  So why haven’t I done it before now?  Great question!  I think it has mostly been –  what I am beginning to understand finally – a result of my core belief, I am not good enough.  I have seen myself in terms of what I don’t have – a degree, a specific talent, training – I can go on and on.  I was also concerned about who would be interested in what I have to say, that no one would tune in to me.  All those insecurities running around my brain. Strangely enough, about 5 weeks ago I calmly wrote an email:

  I have been wanting to do a radio show, not quite sure how to clearly define it.  I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 43 years and in the last few years I have been thinking in terms of finding the gifts in it rather than seeing myself as a victim.  Since February of 2010, I have been writing a blog called www.giftofra.com,
wanting to share my experiences and what I am learning can help others.  I am in the process of writing an ebook with a collection of blog posts about RA – I plan to do one about dementia since I have been dealing with my Mom’s for the past 3 or 4 years.  I have spent most of those 43 years dealing with it on my own and it would have been great to have someone with more experience to consult.  In some way, I would like to be that person – I am only an expert in my own RA.  
      I probably need someone to help me decide the focus and audience for a show – I have been thinking of calling it Finding The Gifts.  It is scary, yet I have been thinking about it the last few years while I have enjoyed listening to KKNW.  There is a part of me that thinks “Why would anyone want to listen to me?”, I know that is the no part of me.  If I don’t actively do something about it, it will always be something I wanted to do but never had the courage.
I had a really nice email in response:
My name is Brian Egge with KKNW.  Erik Krema the Operations Manager at KKNW gave me your contact information.  I am sorry to hear about your condition, but it sounds like you have made the best of it.  I think it’s very admirable that you want to share your experiences with others that may have the same condition and help consult them.  Erik and I would love to hear more about yourself and your condition to see how it will relate to the KKNW audience.
About 2 weeks later I went over to the radian station to meet with Brian and Erik.  It was a lot of  fun and they were terrific.  What has surprised me through this whole thing is how calm I am – I wasn’t worried about my looks even though I am heavier than I have ever been.  I just thought, this is who I am at this moment and I am fine with it.  I didn’t have the butterflies in my stomach or any of that, nor did I feel insecure and see myself as not having much to offer.  They asked questions and I had no problem answering them, plus I put in a few bits myself.
I was amazed when they said I had the timbre and voice for radio – I told them I spent a lot of years answering the phone and having people ask if my mother was there – the timing.  They really wanted me to come and do a show for the station.  All I had to do was tell them when.  Then I got the fluttering inside.  I must admit, I was stunned and it hadn’t really seemed real or sunk in at the point.  WOW!  I had no idea.
Now, the sticking point is getting sponsors to fund the show – no way I can afford it on my own.  I have talked to a couple of friends and they are interested – I just have to understand how it all works.  I told them I would start a list of questions – I always have questions, just ask my clients.  Interestingly enough, I had started a notebook about my radio show 2 or 3 years ago, that made a start for right now.
Later I had another email from Brian:
Thanks for the email.  Well Erik and I really do believe you would be excellent as a radio host on KKNW.  Yes, I would be happy to send you some information to share with your people of interest for sponsoring.  I will put something together and try to email it to you by no later than Monday afternoon.  Does that work?
Does that work?  You bet your ass it does.  This is new territory for me, so it is a bit confusing at the moment.  I want to meet with them again to find out how it all works.  It has finally sunk in and I have been thinking about it and what I would do.  I had some ideas for music I listed in my notebook, then Friday I was listening to my Susan Boyle cd in the car and the last song is “This Is The Moment” and it hit me because it said a lot of things that described how I was feeling.
It is less expensive to do it outside 6 to 6 weekdays, but I have decided to aim high and do half an hour on a weekday – shoot for the moon and I will at least land on a star.  Once again, I need to talk with them about it.  I know there are a lot more things to do, I am working on what I know to do right now and see what comes next.
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