Gift of RA

A New Beginning

October 20, 2012

I have no idea what to call this post, it feels as if it has been a very long time since I was able to write about what’s been happening. Maybe something will come to me as I write.

On the 11th of October I moved my Mom to an adult family home – I could not have accomplished it without Kathy’s help. Mom left for the Center , then Kathy came over around 10. She ran 3 loads of wash so everything would be clean for Mom as she started out in her new home. Kathy knew what to pack and did a lot of it. Most everything was labeled except a few things and ready to go. I am not sure what I was doing, only that I was busy and time was passing by very quickly. I think I spent time making inventory lists – except my mouse was losing battery power so it took so much longer as it disconnected and then reconnected.

By the time we were ready to leave, it was after 1. We put things in both cars – Kathy was able to put Mom’s white chair in her car. That way Kathy would have her car when she wanted to leave. As we unpacked the cars, I realized it was getting near time to pick up Mom; Kathy, Didi and the caretaker Judy helped unpack while I went over to pick up Mom. I was concerned about how Mom would take to the move – she had been fine with it when I told her Sunday night when she initiated the conversation. So I decided I would just take it as it came and not anticipate negativity.

When I went to the Center, I couldn’t find Mom, she had gone walkabout. Apparently she gets a bit restless about that time of day and they take her for a walk around the facility. So we found each other and we went to the car. We were fine until it seemed a long time to her – she wanted to know where we were going. I told her we were going to the new home we talked about. She did seem to think it was a long way away – from West Seattle to DesMoines is a bit far. I told her Kathy was waiting for her, she had helped fix up her room. On the whole it worked out very well.

I will admit to being exhausted by then, so tired I couldn’t see straight. Kathy had to leave to get some sleep because she was working all night. I stayed a bit longer, then said goodbye to Mom – they took her to see John’s cat in his room, so I don’t think she noticed I left. I was feeling a bit faint when I got home – I hadn’t had time for lunch – not a smart move. Eddie took me out to dinner and I felt better after something to eat. I thought I would go right to sleep because I was so tired – not that night. I think I was too tired to sleep plus I was uncomfortable as well. So I didn’t have much sleep that night, getting up at 4 to go with Eddie wasn’t a big deal. I was spending the day at Olympus Spa by myself and just sit and soak, have tea and lunch there. After awhile in the 104 degree pool I was feeling really good, I had trouble keeping from falling asleep. After awhile I went into the lounge room and used the foot massager for awhile on both feet – boy, that was great too.

Then I went into the tea room and enjoyed some jasmine tea and lemon rooibos – sat and read – unfortunately I forgot my book in the car. That was okay, they had magazines. The next time I do it, I am going to take a notebook and write. I went back to the pool for a bit longer until it was time for lunch. One thing I noticed that concerned me, my hip scar and that area was sore – maybe too long in hot water.

I had a lovely lunch the went back for a little more tea. After a bit I decided to do the foot massager again but they were all being used. I was having trouble staying awake, so I got dressed and went out for some fresh air. That helped and then went back up to the Future of Flight. I was glad to see several people up there, it has been many months since I was last there. Did called to let me know how Mom was doing, then talked to Mom – she asked if she could stay there and I told definitely she could. Then Eddie was ready to go home and I slept off and on all the way home. We had dinner and went to bed early. Now that night I slept very well.

I did not expect this drag my ass tired, I figured tired but not this much. Several people have said I have had a very emotional upheaval and shift – I am not sure what all that is. To be honest, I don’t know what I feel nor does it seem to have sunk in yet. I am just going from one day to the next until I feel more rested. I’ve had some days or periods when I was feeling a bit rested, then back to tired again. The last few nights I have been sleeping better – last night, not so much. Fortunately there aren’t any things that need my immediate attention and study. Rest is foremost on my agenda right now.

Tags: adult family home, drag my ass tired, God, Mother, moving, Sleep
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Ever Had One of Those Weeks?

October 13, 2012

Unfortunately this is very short because I am so exhausted and wiped out. It is better today but Thursday when Kathy and I packed up Mom’s things to take to the adult family home. It actually went quite well, but when I was done, I could barely see straight I was so tired. Plus I hadn’t had time for lunch. I thought I would sleep well that night, but I didn’t. Friday I went with Eddie and spent the day at the spa – soaking and relaxing while trying not to fall asleep. I did sleep better last night but I still want to curl up and sleep right now.

When I am more rested and feel human again, I will write more details. Didi did call me yesterday afternoon to say Mom is doing quite well, she has some adjusting to do. So far, so good. I did talk to Mom and the one things she said to me was “Why didn’t you take me home yesterday?”. I told her that is her home now. Felt like a guilt trip and I am not boarding that bus!

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Back To Waiting

October 7, 2012

After finally making a decision about Mom, I was back in waiting mode again. The group at Providence had to do its business office drill and I wasn’t sure what the outcome would be. I will be frank, the thought of having to do it a third time was not something I wanted to contemplate, much less do again. But I put it God’s hands and asked that everything would done in a way that works. I have been very neutral this week, not that excitement and relief I had the last time. Maybe it is self preservation because it was such a let down with the other house fell apart.

Monday after I saw Didi the second time, I emailed the social worker to report on the three houses I had seen and also my visit to Didi. She wrote back “Our agency will complete the screening process and I’ll let you know as soon as I know if everything has cleared.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. I thought it was settled – Didi had said the papers were ready, they were waiting for me to decide. So I spent the week wondering – I did email the social worker to say I was a bit confused. She wrote back that they are doing their best to take care of it and Mom – the process is slow. Hmmm, sounds par for the course when officialdom is involved. I had thought we could move Mom on Thursday – though I wasn’t holding my breath. Good thing because it wasn’t moving day after all.

One thing that kept my mind off the situation was the three days John spent with his crew to cut back the rest of the jungle. By George, we have a right side to our garage now. I had forgotten how wide the north side of the house and garage is – it has been so overgrown no one can go through it. John unearthed more tires and couple of car parts – had no idea they were there. He also gave us the view back, gave the fruit trees a haircut and also the blueberries. He kept his crew working, just as hard as he works himself. There are other things that need doing but this is what made a huge difference. I didn’t want to have everything done because I didn’t want to freak out Mom – I think this is more than enough at the moment.

Since Thursday wasn’t moving day, I went and had my massage, oh did that feel good! I have been clearing out so much negativity and programs – still more to go. What’s cool is that even though it is deep tissue massage, it doesn’t hurt as much as it did in the beginning. I actually fell asleep a couple of weeks ago. Debye is amazed at how different my body is from when we started, she sees it changing and healing as she is working. She also said she admires me for doing the work, most people at 65 have decided their life is done and not interested in doing the work. She says I am very determined to get to the truth – all I know is that I want to “know that I know” who I truly am and love, accept, approve and trust myself.

Friday I went to see my regular doc and he was pleased with ow I am doing; plus he was asking about Mom. I told him what the situation was and he is fine with that. I also had my haircut – not much left of it but so much easier to wash, comb and go. I wonder sometimes if it makes make cheeks look chubbier, yet I have been given many compliments on it. I will keep it and see what happens.

I also played telephone tag with the social worker Friday, she just asked me to call, no info otherwise. I figured it could go either way, so I kept the neutral feeling. We finally talked and the house has been approved, now she just wants to know when the moving day is. I need to call Kathy – she is on holiday and I don’t really like disturbing her. I want her to help with the move because Mom likes and trusts her and she also has a lot of experience. I suspect Mom may be very angry at me – if she needs a target, okay, I am it. I am going to ask at Breakfast Club for a driver and pickup so I can take two of her chairs to the new house – she will have familiar things around her.

I still don’t have that excited feeling, very little emotion on it – wonder if that will change when the move is made? I will say, I got a really good night’s sleep Friday night. Last night was okay but some time I was awake in the middle of the night. I am not making any plans for the days after Thursday, I want to be sure it is actually happening and she is settled in. That may take a month or more, in case she needs to come back, things are still the same.

Tags: adult family home, emotions, Mom, social worker, waiting
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I Ran Out of Zip Codes

October 7, 2012

I have really missed writing posts the past couple of weeks – the word that came up to describe how I felt about it is constipated. Considering my past experience with the drug study, it seems rather appropriate. Anyway, I am still bone weary and to be honest, my neck and shoulders have been very uncomfortable even though I now use the mouse with my left hand.

The last time I wrote was almost 2 weeks ago and I was back making calls. Providence has certain zip codes they serve from the West Seattle site, so I went through all of them – though decided Beacon Hill was just a bit too far. I looked at a place in Seatac, a house run by a woman, her mother plus she has a 13 year old special needs son. she only takes 2 people, the woman there had a stroke but moves around quite well. It has a family feeling and maria has experience with dementia, my only concern was there really wasn’t enough socialization for Mom. Back the the lists.

A lot of places are private pay, they can’t afford to pay their caregivers on Medicaid. I can understand that, though I would like to have seen the Star Lake one – bet it was nice. The social worker emailed me before she left on holiday a name and number, so Eddie, Kathy and I went out to see it. It is near where the other one that fell through is and it wasn’t hard to find. Didi is a RN and only takes referrals, she doesn’t advertise. Mom would have her own room – a bit small – and is right across from the bathroom. There is a living room where she can be quiet if she likes or spent time in the tv room with the other residents. There are 5 others there and one man has a cat in his room. Didi says she is very generous in sharing the cat. The other residents are well functioning and eat together as well as games and other activities. it is a quiet street and Mom could go walking when she likes – they would make sure she has someone with her. She would also go to the Center, probably 2 days a week. I must admit, we all had a Yes and No reaction to it – I know no house will have everything perfect.

So I went back to my lists and spent a day calling – I found 3 more and went with Kathy to check them out.

The house in West Seattle is a small house for 6 people – with a urine smell. It feels too small for the number of people and the tv is on the wall of the bedroom. There’s really no place for her to have some quiet time. All residents are from Providence. Kathy feels it is warehousing and not the right place for Mom.

The first house in Kent with Gloria is a nice, clean place but she would be sharing a room – there really isn’t a space of her own. The bed is open on both sides and Mom needs to have the bed against the wall for her feeling of security. Gloria and her husband live there, the other residents don’t seem all that alert. They do take the people on outings and there is some interaction.

The other one in Kent is on Railroad Ave – right across the street from the tracks. It is not a nice neighborhood, though the house is new and spacious. The room they showed us isn’t certified yet – it is rather dark and she only has a curtain on the door. There is another room with another lady, the shared door means Mom goes through a corner of the other one’s room. It is Saliem and her husband and two young sons – they live upstairs and the residents are downstairs. It too has a family feeling like Gloria, but not much access outside. If you just want to stay inside, it is a good place. Not sure how much interaction because the two guys in the back prefer to be in their room and the other 2 we met said Hello.

I had to sit down and write out for myself the pros and cons of each. I crossed off Railroad Ave right away – the trains are loud and it really isn’t for Mom. When I looked at Gloria’s, it had a lot of good points but more drawbacks. I decided to go visit Didi again , that wasMonday. I had a nice talk with her and she had said she felt after observing and talking with Mom at the Center that Mom would fit in. Didi said she only takes people she feels will fit in with the other residents – she has had several people look at the room but they weren’t a fit.

I have been having a lot of pain in my left hip all week – I looked it up in “Feeling Buried Alive Never Die” to see what she had to say. The first one on the list is “fear of making a major decision”. So spot on!!!! It is one thing to make a major decision for myself, it is more difficult for someone else. I had a hard time saying yes, not sure what was holding me back. But I finally told Didi yes, I would bring my Mom to her home. She thanked me for trusting her with Mom.

Tags: adult family home, choosing, emotional decision, Mother
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A Post Will Be Coming

October 2, 2012

There has been a lot happening over the past week and I haven’t had time or energy to write – I have wanted to express it and in some ways feel frustrated. So I haven’t forgotten to write posts, nor have I lost interest – I could use a good shot of energy right now. I could also use another neck and set of shoulders, they have been bothering me as well. However, I have decided to be a glass half full person and thank God for all the gifts and blessing each day – both the comfortable and uncomfortable ones. I prefer to think of all the things I get to do and the wonderful gifts they bring me. It’s a work in progress.

Thank You for understanding!

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Still Looking

September 23, 2012

I have been able to take a little time off from calling places since I had a talk with Denise, the social worker. The places I told her about and the ones I sent to her didn’t turn out very well – one would take Mom but wanted us to subsidize her – I don’t think so! The problem is the new regulations Providence put into the system this year, the homes aren’t going for it. Denise said she has seen a trend and that means not only is it more of a challenge for me, it will be a challenge for those looking after I find a place. So she said she would talk to her director and see if there is some leeway. So we talked again Friday and said she could see a trend and possibly have to find new homes to work with – plus she does have a little leeway for Mom. She wasn’t specific and I didn’t ask. She is on holiday until next Thursday, so I have some time off to relax and go to my NWPMA Pro-D day and Showcase. I haven’t done much in the way of business with my promotional marketing, so this is an opportunity to see friends who are distributors and suppliers.

I was surprised to receive an email from Denise at the end of the day Friday – she had the name of a home that will take Mom. Denise hasn’t seen it, so Eddie and I going this afternoon to check it out with Kathy. It’s in the same neighborhood of the one that wasn’t – a few blocks north. I haven’t really thought about it, just taking it as it comes rather than getting my hopes up or putting any emotion into it. We’ll check it out and go from there. If this isn’t quite right, then I will start calling again on Wednesday and send the promising ones to Denise to clear before I go to see any of them.

It is a relief in some ways not to have to call for a bit, it can be discouraging though most people are quite friendly and easy to talk with about it. I know they need a certain level to operate and of course they would much rather have private pay. But Providence supplies everything for their clients, all the home owner has to do it let them know. Plus all go to the Center at least once a week so the doctor, nurse and therapists see them and check anything that is out of the ordinary.

I am finding myself starting to shut down with Mom, it is so hard to understand what she is trying to say when she only has the first 5 words of her thought – then she can’t remember or get the words out and it is very frustrating on both sides. When she asks questions like “Why am I here?”, “How do I get out of here?” or “is my mother here?”, I am at a loss for an answer. I haven’t a clue what to say and I can’t imagine how it is for her. She seems so lost and confused, not understanding what is going on a lot of the time. I am glad to say she is fine going to the Center, I haven’t heard her say “I’m not going back there again!” for a while. Now she asks everyday and evening if the bus is coming to take her to school. Last night she asked if what she was wearing was okay to walk in the parade today. I have no idea what she means or what parade, but I told it was fine. She hasn’t said anything this morning about the parade, about what I thought would happen.

When I am in the office, she will tell the caregiver she needs to talk to her mother, sister, aunt, grandmother – you name it. So she comes over to the door and I say hello, not sure who she thinks I am. If the caregiver says I am her daughter, Mom’s response is “I know”. More often lately she has been asking if her mother is here; when I tell her no or that I haven’t seen her, she asks if she is dead. I hate to say yes, because it seems it is sudden, upsetting news to her. Then I tell her that her mother is watching over her and waiting for her to make the transition. Maybe it is too much information – I’m not sure how to handle it.

I realize I have learned a lot about this dementia, but it doesn’t feel as if I have practical things that help Mom. I tend to go off to the office or bedroom and allow the caregiver to be with Mom – is that hiding or making it easier for the caregiver to do what she needs to for Mom. Today she is quite happy with Aster, it is a good change since often she seems unhappy with whatever caregiver is here. Every day is different.

Tags: adult family homes, dementia, questions, social worker
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Square One Again

September 19, 2012

I want to whinge so much today, I am feeling sorry for myself, frustrated and to be honest, tired of fitting my life around my Mom’s; canceling or postponing what I want to do to accommodate what she needs done. How can one person require so much from so many people? Yes, I do resent it and am angry at times – still haven’t taken all the emotion out of it yet.

I have spent the past few days waiting to hear if things are finally set for Mom to move into the adult family home – yesterday I had a call from the owner of the home, she has decided not to do what is necessary because it is just for one person. So I am back to square one. That means today I will spend on the phone calling homes on the list to see if there is a vacancy and then go visit. I feel discouraged but not as upset as I was last Wednesday when the glitch came up at the last minute. I did ask God, my angels, spirit guides and master teachers to work it out – this or something better. I was willing to start over again – not my preference – and so here I am. That means there is something better out there. The difference is that I have a much better idea of what I am looking for than when I first started looking the last time. So it is “pull up my socks and get on with it”.

Before I could do anything, I needed Mom to be out of the house, but the van didn’t come until 10:30. Then I had to call and find out how to cancel her Costco credit card, then fax info over to someone new to see if finally I can accomplish it. Then I needed to shower and dress; wow, did that shower feel good, especially knowing I was alone and didn’t have Mom standing at the door. Then I decided to have a cup of coffee – also had to water the roses because they are parched from no rain. Then I realized it was after noon, so I fixed lunch and relaxed for a bit. Then it was time to start calling other adult family homes to see what was available.

I had talked to Denise in the morning about the situation and she is going to check 6 of the others in Des Moines and I was going to call the ones in the Burien area. Denise suggested giving them her name and number so she can check to be sure they meet the requirements providence has, that way I would only be seeing the ones that would work. Out of the ones I called or checked out, there were 5 that were possibilities, so I told them to contact Denise for whatever information they needed. I emailed her the names and she sent back saying she had 12 to screen. Were they ones I sent her or did she find 6 others as well? I really don’t know.

I have had two call me back to say they have tried to contact Denise but the center is closed today. I appreciated that very much and I will see how it all goes. Tomorrow after my massage, I have lists of the other zip codes they service and I will call them to see what might work. I feel like the little girl digging through the manure pile because she is positive there i s a pony in there somewhere. I know there is a place for Mom and also a gift for me in all this, I just don’t see it at the moment.

Most people are very nice when I call and ask about the home, if they take Medicaid and now also Providence. I think it can narrow the field, that can be a good thing. I did talk to one woman I really liked, she doesn’t have a vacancy but one of her ladies was just put on Hospice and may have a vacancy in the possible new future. She suggested calling her in a while to see how things are.

It is an uncomfortable and discouraging experience at times, but there is also a feeling of accomplishment after going through the lists and calling. I find myself having trouble getting started, then once I get going, I am okay. It is easier than when I did it the first time, but I would dearly love to have someone tell me they have the perfect place for Mom and it has everything she needs. I’m not holding my breath for that one. I will soldier on and see what happens tomorrow.

I am so worn out and tired from all this, I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping until the situation is resolved. No chance of that without me doing the work and going to see the places. Kathy said she would go with me and that helps so much. She notices things I don’t and I am relying on her knowledge and experience to help me make a good decision for Mom.

Tags: adult family home, Medicaid, Mother
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Dementia and RA

September 16, 2012

I have been wondering over the past few weeks and months as my Mom has been slowly going deeper into dementia – how much has taking care of her and dealing with the stress and frustration impacted the RA and my body. What differences will I notice once she is established in a good adult family home? I know it means there are still things to take care of, to keep watch over, etc. Will there be less stress, less pain and less difficulty moving? One thing I think will be better is that I will finally be able to rest and have some energy again. I have been feeling bone weary for quite awhile and no way to really sleep well at night to re-energize. I’m not sure how long it will take to really rest, but not having the day to day difficulties and frustrations will certainly help. Also knowing she won’t be walking around and suddenly come into our room and wake us up out of a sound sleep will help a lot. A few months back we were sound asleep and suddenly she came in at 2 a.m. flashing a flashlight in our eyes. She kept asking “How do I get off this boat!”. That came out of left field and I am happy to say she hasn’t done it again. It may take some time but I won’t be wondering if she has fallen in the middle of the night or during the day so I have to call those very friendly fellows from the Fire Department to get her up on her feet again. And it will be so nice not to have to suddenly cancel my life because she needs something.

I have had neck and shoulder problem since March of last year – at times it is better and other times it really hurts. I tend to say it is computer and too much mother – there may be more truth in that than I realize or would want to admit. I know my Mom can’t help what dementia is doing to her; I have probably not handled as well as I could have – it has been a learning experience for both of us – I wonder how much has registered with her. I am not going to second guess myself and beat myself up because I wasn’t perfect – I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. It is constantly new territory, sometimes I do well and other times I have allowed emotions to rule; doesn’t come out that well when that happens.

I suspect I am tight in my muscles, tendons and ligaments as well as in the joints or how I hold myself. I feel as if I have spent my life “bracing for the onslaught” – though I can’t honestly remember when I first felt that. So I have probably held myself tightly most of my life, definitely not conducive to relaxing and being at ease. Lately I have noticed I get a bad pain in my left hip – I can tell it is from Mom and I have allowed her to control my choices. Also, the left is the feminine side – go figure! She has been a major, controlling figure all my life and it isn’t easy to change gears at this time of life. But By George, I am doing it! My Dad would say “By The Lord Harry!”. I was very pleased and flattered that Debye tells me how she admires me for doing this work at 65 – too many people have given up by then and think themselves too old. I decided when I turned 60 that the last third of my life was going to be the best – I knew it meant changes and as uncomfortable as it has been at times through Ike Pone, massage with Debye and the other things I have done and learned, it has been worth it. I have this need to understand and “Know that I know” who I truly am and love, accept, approve and trust myself completely. I am getting there but I expect it to be a life long journey – I am a work in progress.

I will admit I feel I have been doing this with Mom for so long that I don’t remember what life has been before coming here 10 years ago. Any more than I can remember age 23 and younger when I didn’t have RA. It feels as if I have always had it; the difference is that I am not seeing myself as victim any more – an innocent by standing minding her own business and sideswiped by RA. Strangely enough, I am learning that it may not have been something that started in this lifetime, that it has been from a past lifetime. In my massage with Debye and also time with Monty I have learned I was a Roman soldier in another lifetime. Thursday Debye had a picture of his leg hurt – I could picture it myself. Yes, I know it sounds woo-woo and goofball to some, but in some ways it makes sense to me. As that soldier, I imposed my will on others and there has to be an energy balance for that – karmic balance. I am still learning, but in many ways a lot of what I am learning gives me different angles on having RA. I am determined to understand what happened and is happening as a way of creating a healing. Call me crazy if you want.

Tags: dementia, rheumatoid arthritis, Stress
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Hugs and High Fives

September 15, 2012

With all the stuff happening with my Mom, I hadn’t really paid much attention to how I am walking and what’s going on with my hip. I am pleased to say that I don’t use my cane much, though I do have it in the car in case I go somewhere unfamiliar or with a lot of people around. Most of the time I don’t use it – Wow! that is so cool! All the hard work over the past few months has really paid off. This week as I was coming back from the adult family home to pick up papers to sign, I decided to go visit my friends at Stafford Health Care. I have planned to do it, but my goal was to be at a point that I could walk in there without my cane and be about the way I was walking when I fell.

When I walked in, it felt very familiar, as if I had come home. I went over to the therapy room first and surprised the therapists. Most of the ones I worked with are still there, Tony left to be a substitute at different centers Consonus contracts to; Sebrina has moved to Florida. But Carol was there – we spent many hours together and she devised new games to help me stretch parts of me that weren’t working as well. I forgot to ask her if she is doing “Tape My Butt” with any one – she had a great time doing it with me. And it worked. Marilyn is still there and I had a hug from her; Michael is still there and showed me pictures of his daughter, now 6 months old. Marion who was my occupational therapist was there and was pleased to see how well I am doing, plus a couple of therapists I hadn’t worked with but know me. Arthur is now full time – he was a substitute and was away for a bit. When he came back, the other therapists wanted to surprise him because they kid him about his mustache. So someone found some stick-on mustaches and had them all on when he came back to the therapy room. I was the only patient there and they gave me one as well – was he surprised to see us all with hair on our upper lips. He laughed and was up for a group picture as well. They did a lot of kidding around but they also did a great job of helping all of us improve so we could go home. It felt good to hear them say I am one of their success stories.

I went down tot he first floor to see Eleanor, she was my aide most of the time and a wonderful woman. She had to do everything for me in the beginning and took wonderful care of me. As I got better she began to tell me “You can do ti, I’m not doing it for you any more”. yet when I had that terrible flare up and she found me bawling my eyes out sitting on the toilet, she was a warm loving Mama Bear comforting me and helping me to do things. She doesn’t suffer fools gladly, but when you need help, she is there for you.

I was so glad she was working that day, so I went down the hall until I heard her voice. I found the room she was in and stood in the doorway until she saw me. Then I stepped away a bit so she could finish with her patient in that room. I got a big hug from her and she was delighted to see me walking without a cane. She did her job well and I am so very grateful to her. She too said I am one of her success stories and it was lovely to have such a warm welcome. I also stopped by the nurses station and said Hello, most of them I recognized and they recognized me. I felt so at home there – though I have no desire to go live there again. I have said I would miss seeing all my friends when I left to go home and it still feels that way.

I didn’t see Katrina because she was doing showers on the third floor and I don’t think LeAnn the nurse was working that day, nor did I see Theta – I was sorry not to see them and give me hugs as well. But I plan to go back again ever once in awhile. They said very few people come back to visit – I wonder why. In spite of the pain and difficulties during those 8 weeks, it was a very positive experience for me, all those wonderful people made the difference. I am so glad I went to visit, I was delighted to see them and it was wonderful to have such a warm welcome.

Tags: Health, no cane, rehab visit, therapists, walking
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Moving Day That Wasn’t

September 12, 2012

When I went to Breakfast Club this morning, it was Moving Day for Mom to her adult family home. I had spent yesterday creating lists of what she will take and getting some things ready. Kathy came over this morning to help me choose her clothes and I got to use my permanent marking pen to put Mom’s name on the labels of her clothes. Kathy did laundry so everything was clean and ready to go. She came by yesterday afternoon to have Mom pack a suitcase so she would feel she had a part in the process. At the time Kathy left, she had some questions that I needed to ask Jas today.

I called Jas and asked the questions and she answered them for me. Then she told me a situation had come up about one of the requirements from Providence. She was checking on it and would let me know. I called Denise, the social worker, to see what she knew and what was happening. I must admit, it really upset me that there was a glitch that looked as if moving wasn’t going to happen – I might even have to start from square one again. I felt like crying and Kathy said to just let it out – so I did. There is still some left but I think I got a lot of it out then. There is disappointment, let down, upset, frustration and I am not sure what the emotion is about not having my life back after all. I will admit to counting down the days and thinking last night it was the last night Mom would sleep here.

Kathy suggested we go out for lunch because I needed to get out of the house. As we were leaving, Jas called and said she was going to take care of the requirement fully. I said that was great, that we could do the move next Tuesday or Wednesday when everything was verified by the social worker. That way it isn’t a hurried situation.

I was thinking this morning that it was in God’s hands, whatever works. It was a little hard to remember that when the glitch surfaced. I got into a panic and thank goodness Kathy was there to calm me down and it is only a glitch. I did do a few “God help me!” while setting an intention of surrendering, allowing and being willing. The good part about it is that we have decided what to pack for her, so that is done. I have gotten most of the items labelled, though some present a challenge. So I will have to work out how to label those in the next week or so. The other thing is that if I had to go looking again, I have a much better idea of the kind of place I want for Mom.

Since all of this came to a head about noon time or later, it throws an spanner in the works for me. Sheila who assigns caregivers didn’t think she would be able to have one for tomorrow morning because it is short notice. She isn’t sure about Friday either and she will check to see if Aster can come Sunday and someone for Sunday. Also, Eddie is coming home from 3 days in Spokane, about the time Mom will come back from the Center. Two people need to be picked up and there is only one of me. So I will collect Mom from the Center tomorrow, come home and wait for Eddie to call and then the two of us will pick him up at the airport. He called late this afternoon and was very surprised when I told him the two of us would be there to pick him up.

If no one shows up tomorrow, I have to be here until the van comes, but I have some business for Mom I need to take care of before my massage. And I AM NOT going to cancel my massage, I have had to cancel too many things lately to take care of things for her. This is for me and I so need it!

It has been an emotional roller coaster all day, I am ready to sleep, I just hope I can and not oversleep tomorrow. I did this morning but was still on time for Breakfast Club. Mom has been asleep since at least 6 – not sure if she will be up wandering around later or not. Yes, this too will pass. There is a purpose, a gift and a lesson in all of this, right now I am too tired to look for it. It will all reveal itself at some point. The one thing Kathy said was that I dodged a bullet. Suppose I had moved her there and she had settled in, then had to take her out because a glitch happened. That would be so much harder for Mom, I am not sure if she would transition a second time. Strangely enough, Mom hasn’t asked about moving, she kept asking where her mother is – this is something new, asking about one or both parents. Too bad I don’t have a good answer for her.

Tags: emotions, glitches, God, Mother, moving
Posted in Emotions | Leave a Comment »

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