Square One Again


I want to whinge so much today, I am feeling sorry for myself, frustrated and to be honest, tired of fitting my life around my Mom’s; canceling or postponing what I want to do to accommodate what she needs done.  How can one person require so much from so many people?  Yes, I do resent it and am angry at times – still haven’t taken all the emotion out of it yet.

I have spent the past few days waiting to hear if things are finally set for Mom to move into the adult family home – yesterday I had a call from the owner of the home, she has decided not to do what is necessary because it is just for one person.  So I am back to square one.  That means today  I will spend on the phone calling homes on the list to see if there is a vacancy and then go visit.  I feel discouraged but not as upset as I was last Wednesday when the glitch came up at the last minute.  I did ask God, my angels, spirit guides and master teachers to work it out – this or something better.  I was willing to start over again – not my preference – and so here I am.  That means there is something better out there.  The difference is that I have a much better idea of what I am looking for than when I first started looking the last time.  So it is “pull up my socks and get on with it”.

Before I could do anything, I needed Mom to be out of the house, but the van didn’t come until 10:30.  Then I had to call and find out how to cancel her Costco credit card, then fax info over to someone new to see if finally I can accomplish it.  Then I needed to shower and dress; wow, did that shower feel good, especially knowing I was alone and didn’t have Mom standing at the door.  Then I decided to have a cup of coffee – also had to water the roses because they are parched from no rain.  Then I realized it was after noon, so I fixed lunch and relaxed for a bit.  Then it was time to start calling other adult family homes to  see what was available.

I had talked to Denise in the morning about the situation and she is going to check 6 of the others in  Des Moines and I was going to call the ones in the Burien area.  Denise suggested giving them her name and number so she can check to be sure they meet the requirements providence has, that way I would only be seeing the ones that  would  work.  Out of the ones I called or checked out, there were 5 that were possibilities, so I told them to contact Denise for whatever information they needed.  I emailed her the names and she sent back saying she had 12 to screen.  Were they ones I sent her or did she find 6 others as well?  I really don’t know.

I have had two call me back to say they have tried to contact Denise but the center is closed today.   I appreciated that very much and I will see how it all goes.  Tomorrow after my massage, I have lists of the other zip codes they service and I will call them to see what might work.  I feel like the little girl digging through the manure pile because she is positive there i s a pony in there somewhere.  I know there is a place for Mom and also a gift for me in all this, I just don’t see it at the moment.

Most people are very nice when I call and ask about the home, if they take Medicaid and now also Providence.  I think it can narrow the field, that can be a good thing.  I did talk to one woman I really liked, she doesn’t have a vacancy but one of her ladies was just put on Hospice and may have a vacancy in the possible new future.  She suggested calling her in a while to see how things are.

It is an uncomfortable and discouraging experience at times, but there is also a feeling of accomplishment after going through the lists and calling.  I find myself having trouble getting started, then once I get going, I am okay.  It is easier than when I did it the first time, but I would dearly love to have someone tell me they have the perfect place for Mom and  it has everything she needs.  I’m not holding my breath for that one.  I will soldier on and see what happens tomorrow.

I am so worn out and tired from all this, I feel like crawling into bed and sleeping until the situation is resolved.  No chance of that without me doing the work and  going to see the places.  Kathy said she would go with me and that helps so much.  She notices things I don’t and I am relying on her knowledge and experience to help me make a good decision for Mom.

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