Still Looking


I have been able to take a little time off from calling places since I had a talk with Denise, the social worker.  The places I told her about and the ones I sent to her didn’t turn out very well – one would take Mom but wanted us to subsidize her – I don’t think so!  The problem is the new regulations Providence put into the system this year, the homes aren’t going for it.  Denise said she has seen a trend and that means not only is it more of a challenge for me, it will be a challenge for those looking after I find a place.  So she said she would talk to her director and see if there is some leeway.  So we talked again Friday and said she could see a trend and possibly have to find new homes to work with – plus she does have a little leeway for Mom.  She wasn’t specific and I didn’t ask.  She is on holiday until next Thursday, so I have some time off to relax and go to my NWPMA Pro-D day and Showcase.  I haven’t done much in the way of business with my promotional marketing, so this is an opportunity to see friends who are distributors and suppliers.

I was surprised to receive an email from Denise at the end of the day Friday – she had the name of a home that will take Mom.  Denise hasn’t seen it, so Eddie and I going this afternoon to check it out with Kathy.  It’s in the same neighborhood of the one that wasn’t – a few blocks north.  I haven’t really thought about it, just taking it as it comes rather than getting my hopes up or putting any emotion into it.  We’ll check it out and go from there.  If this isn’t quite right, then I will start calling again on Wednesday and send the promising ones to Denise to clear before I go to see any of them.

It is a relief in some ways not to have to call for a bit, it can be discouraging though most people are quite friendly and easy to talk with about it.  I know they need a certain level to operate and of course they would much rather have private pay.  But Providence supplies everything for their clients, all the home owner has to do it let them know.  Plus all go to the Center at least once a week so the doctor, nurse and therapists see them and check anything that is out of the ordinary.

I am finding myself starting to shut down with Mom, it is so hard to understand what she is trying to say when she only has the first 5 words of her thought – then she can’t remember or get the words out and it is very frustrating on both sides.   When she asks questions like “Why am I here?”, “How do I get out of here?” or  “is my mother here?”, I am at a loss for an answer.  I haven’t a clue what to say and I can’t imagine how it is for her.  She seems so lost and confused, not understanding what is going on a lot of the time.  I am glad to say she is fine going to the Center, I haven’t heard her say “I’m not going back there again!” for a while.  Now she asks everyday and evening if the bus is coming to take her to school.  Last night she asked if what she was wearing was okay to walk in the parade today.  I have no idea what she means or what parade, but I told it was fine.  She hasn’t said anything this morning about the parade, about what I thought would happen.

When I am in the office, she will tell the caregiver she needs to talk to her mother, sister, aunt, grandmother – you name it.  So she comes over to the door and I say hello, not sure who she thinks I am.  If the caregiver says I am her daughter, Mom’s response is “I know”.  More often lately she has been asking if her mother is here; when I tell her no or that I haven’t seen her, she asks if she is dead.  I hate to say yes, because it seems it is sudden, upsetting news to her.  Then I tell her that her mother is watching over her and waiting for her to make the transition.  Maybe it is too much information – I’m not sure how to handle it.

I realize I have learned a lot about this dementia, but it doesn’t feel as if I have practical things that help Mom.  I tend to go off to the office or bedroom and allow the caregiver to be with Mom – is that hiding or making it easier for the caregiver to do what she needs to for Mom.  Today she is quite happy with Aster, it is a good change since often she seems unhappy with whatever caregiver is here.  Every day is different.

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