Things Are Looking Up


This has been a better week, I am starting to sleep better, so I must have rested enough to sleep.  I still have those nights, but it is slowly getting better.  Thanks to my chiropractor and my massage therapist, my shoulder and neck pain is a lot better than it was.  I had a great massage session because I was able to release the pent up emotions in my chest and abdomen, I have no idea what they are specifically and apparently it isn’t always necessary to know the details.

The most positive thing this week was my visit to Mom on Wednesday – she was doing well and said she liked it there, the people were good to her and she didn’t ask how long she had to stay.  They all really like her there and yesterday Eddie and I went over with a cake for the house.  Kathy suggested it and I am so glad she did.  We bought one of the Panera Cinnamon Crumb cakes and every one had a piece, with some left over for another time.  Mom has said several times that she thinks Eddie doesn’t like her, so this helps dispell that notion.  I’m glad we went.  She does keep asking about her parents, do I know where they are.  I have to tell her I don’t know, then she will ask if they are dead.  I say yes, they are watching over you and preparing a place for when it is your time to go.  She keeps saying she wants to go now, so I don’t have an answer for that.  I was also pleased to hear from Jan, one of the residents, that they love having her there.  I was also glad to hear Kathy came to visit as well.

So now it is time to fill in the forms for Medicaid, when we pay December’s payment, there won’t be much left in her checking account.  It takes 6 to 8 weeks to apply , so it looks as if it will be mid December before I find out.  I have been working on filling out forms, finding papers or making changes to others – will the paperwork never end?  I am going to ask Denise, our social worker to look at the forms, etc. before I send them in to make sure they are right.

As for the house, we want to redo the kitchen, so we are applying for a loan that will cover the remodel and the home equity loan.  If Mom isn’t accepted for Medicaid, we will have to sell the house and use the money to pay for her support.  So we are taking things one day at a time – God has already created the solution, we don’t know exactly how it will show up.  We may have to go to Plan B – whatever that is.  Somewhere I heard of a book title called “Living With Uncertainty”.   Wonder what the author recommends.  Right now it is just working on the things that need to be done now, then look to the next step.  Ain’t Life a kick in the head!

This blog sometimes is the strangest thing – I find I want to write pages and pages and other times I sit her and struggle to decide what to write about next.  I seem to have come to a standstill right now, I had so much I wanted to write when I was having trouble with neck and shoulders.  I keep thinking it is because I am still so tired, yet I know I can’t be  using that for all the things that I still haven’t accomplished.  I will admit to still getting used to being in the house with just the two of us.  It is so nice not to have the time limits any more, that I can get up and go early with Eddie when I want.

I am at a point where I need to decide what direction I want my business to go.  I am not sure, plus I have some other things I want to check out as well.  I know it is important to know where I am going and what I am meant to do, but I have been thinking this is not quite the time to decide, not while I am still resting.  How strange to think it is now MY time, I have spent so much of my life focusing on other people, it feels odd to think about myself.

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