Gift of RA

I would have written this yesterday afternoon but I was exhausted.  I had gone to visit Mom on Monday for a regular visit – she was rather sleepy and only ate the chocolate.  Elaine said she had made french toast for breakfast and I suspect that was shortly before I came.  I read and finished the book, putting her to sleep.  She was all that alert, so I didn’t stay long.  I left the cookies for an afternoon snack later.

Yesterday I had made an appointment for Mom to have her haircut at the Center.  I will admit I was not sure how much she would fight it.  I went to the Center and there was Mom, fast asleep in the wheelchair.  I took her down and she slept through it all.  Lisa cut her hair first, then shampooed it and blew it dry.  Lisa figured Mom would wake up once she started shampooing, but she didn’t.  I held Mom’s head up a bit to make sure the water wouldn’t run down her face.  Her hair looked so much better when Lisa was done, it had gotten so long.  She is now on a 6 week rotation to have her hair cut, I want to make sure it is done on a regular schedule.

By the time she was finished, it was noon and time for lunch.  It also turned out she had a check up with the doctor that day as well – how do I manage schedule a haircut the day she is to see the doc?  Anyway, I had some time on my own until the doctor.  So I went down to the small gift shop to wander around, then went to the car for my book.  There is a small cafe just down the hall, I had half a sandwich and a bottle of lemonade – boy, was I thirsty!  I read and while I had lunch and was able to regroup for the doctor’s visit.

I went up about 1:15, Mom had woken up and was awake long enough to eat a good lunch.  Then she was back asleep in the examine chair.  They also noticed she tends to list to the left, something they really hadn’t seen before – she does that in the chair when I go to see her.  She got very feisty with them when the doc and the nurse were examine her.  She was mostly asleep, but fought with them when they were checking to be sure her skin is in good condition, all around her abdomen, checked the lump, didn’t do too well looking in her eyes.  There was one point when she fought and said “Stop it, God Damn it!.  Not what one expects Mom to say.  Definitely the dementia doing its thing.

It was so hard to see her in that situation and how strong she still is – the doc and nurse were being as gentle as they could but it looked worse than it was.  It was upsetting and at times as I was answering questions, I found myself getting weepy as I told them what they wanted to know.  I said I notice now she mumbles more, not distinct words that rhyme that she repeats.  The lump has not become any smaller, nor will it; so she said they want to just keep an eye on it so it doesn’t get any bigger.  On the whole, they are pleased she is doing as well as she is.

When I had first come in, I saw Denise, the social worker who helped me so much.  A few months ago she asked if it would be all right to have a woman who used to work Traveler’s Aid come visit Mom.  I said “Of course!”.  Last week Jane came by to visit Mom and she talked to Mom about the orphan meets and Mom lighted up and actually spoke the words Airport, Babies and happy.  She smiled and was holding a stuffed animal, so was Jane – they showed each other their baby.  It was a small slice of a happy time.  I am  pleased it worked out so well.

The past three days have been  a lot of ups and downs, the downs have been mostly with Mom and I found myself out of sorts and cranky when I woke up this morning. Part of it was from a dream about Eddie, he had moved everything around in the kitchen, we had guests and I had no idea what house we were in or where anything was.  I couldn’t fix anything to eat for people, had no idea who they were and sometimes I think I had very few clothes on.  So it has been a weird day.

We have a new tax  man and we have seen him every Wednesday for the past 3 weeks.  We went in to meet him and the following week brought all our tax stuff for the past 3 years.  We figured the next time would be when we came to do the taxes – no such luck.  The IRS and Social Security sent us another letter about the 2 months when we hired Kathy while I was in rehab.  We have paid the money but somewhere it hasn’t come together, but he found the problem and had it put together in half an hour – ready to send off.  let’s hope it is the end of it.

this whole Mom situation has been a really education and learning experience – I wonder if I am expecting myself to do it perfectly.  The doc thinks I am doing a really good job, the caregivers think so – I have gotten a lot of positive comments.  I’m doing the best I can and that is as perfect as it will ever be.