It feels as if in some ways I am running in place, not sure what direction to go that works for me. I have made a lot of changes in the last few years, mostly on the inside; it’s time for me to choose my own direction and what I want to do. Monday Soul card reading had this card that hit me in the face:
from Doreen Virtue’s Healing With The Angels Oracle Cards:
Freedom:
“You may feel trapped right now by life conditions. By drawing this card, the angels ask you to realize that you are the only jail keeper that ever surfaces in your life.
Whenever you realize you have the power to be free, freedom follows. The next time you begin a sentence with the words, I have to………….., please stop. Ask God and the Angles to give you some alternatives.”
Ain’t that the truth! I am beginning to see how I have made choices that bring me to this point – not completely yet – and I have also been reading Neal Walsh. I started “When Everything Changes, Change Everything” and I am beginning to see that whatever happens in the Now is overlaid with past events that are similar. And of course it is more likely negative rather than positive. I am noticing that I am not reacting as much as I used to do. I have 2 or 3 times when people have gotten their knickers in a twist about something but I didn’t let it churn me up inside as I usually do. Often I hear my husband say “Oh S–T” or “Oh no!” quite a bit but I don’t go running over to see what it is – it’s usually something minor. Last night he couldn’t get the dishwasher door to close, so his conclusion was we would have to wash the dishes by hand. I went out and checked, found the upper utensil basket wasn’t on right – once I shifted it, it all ran smoothly.
I will admit to wanting to fix something right away, yet sometimes it turns out it wasn’t necessary or something else came out of it. I don’t seem to get in such a panic the way I used to, I learning to be calm and see it more objectively. Not always, I still have my “knickers in a twist” moments, just fewer as I change my choice of how I think about things.
I am working on this in regard to Mom and visiting her. She is mumbling more and more and I get a bit antsy to be sure I give the “right” answer.
I went to see Mom on her birthday on Tuesday – she enjoys the maple sugar candy very much. Since I was fairly late in the morning because I had to do my infusion, she was a bit sleepy and not too with it. I brought her Candy’s gifts – I left the chocolate at home and just bring a couple of pieces at a time. I had a purple sweatsuit with embroidery that should also keep her warm as well as Candy’s 2 tops. One Sunday Delores brought over a large pot plant – a yellow and red mum which I also took on Tuesday.
Since it was a short visit, I went back on Wednesday morning after breakfast club and spent more time with her, reading more of Candy’s book. Not sure what goes in and sticks, but she seems to like to hear it. Also, Ellen’s roses had arrived – a dozen roses in wonderful colors. I brought more chocolate and some cookies for her as well. Then I went to see her this morning, brought chocolate and read up to the last page I copied at the library, about page 74 or so. I need to go back to the library and print more the continue reading to her. I bought cookies for the house – there has been a lot of changes to the cast of characters. Jan has gone and I noticed Wendall is gone now too. The only original one is Monique. Judy definitely has her hands full with the new group.
As for Mom, she seems pretty much the same, though when she talks, only the first 3 or 4 words are recognizable and I notice now she will repeat a word several times. I don’t understand so I just look for a matter of fact way to respond. I noticed today I had to put the chocolate in her hand, the cookies I brought for house, I gave her one of each, but I had to put it very close to her hand for her to feel it. The minute she finishes the cookie or the chocolate, she doesn’t remember she had it. I talked to Denise at the Center when I took Mom for her haircut – she thinks Mom could go on for another 2 years.
I talked to Dr. Myre the other week, she wanted to know how I felt about Mom’s treatment and if there was anything I was concerned about. Strangely, when she gave Mom her check up, Mom was cooperative – that is a good change. I told I was concerned about Mom’s knees because she has been having pain there which makes walking more difficult. It also makes her less willing to move. She decided to give Mom some Tylenol 3 times a day and Judy says it is helping. I think the other meds are kicking in and helping her to sleep. I have been going in the morning because after lunch Mom is ready for a nap.
Life has gotten very busy the last few weeks, 7 clients have wanted things and I am still working on things for 3 of them. All the other orders have gone in and the USB drives were delivered before the event, the new Museum of Flight volunteer pins are due to arrive today. Still working on the calendars, one just had the proof approved so it can go into production and Kristen is working on the other. On top of all that I have been taking pictures of things for the blog as well as creating a new newsletter for Eddie at Apple. Plus whatever I need to do for Mom. I feel as though I have been running from here to there and am amazed that I have the energy to do it. I will say, at this point I have worn myself down and am working on resting and making sure I take care of myself.
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