Posts Tagged ‘letters’

Plates Spinning

August 17, 2014

At times I feel as if I have several plates spinning on sticks – similar to the  people Ed Sullivan used to have on his program.  Some days I feel like this:

Plate-Spinner

Everything is nicely balanced and I am in as much control as I can be.  Then there are days like today and the past week, I haven’t felt much control and there doesn’t seem to be enough time to keep them all spinning properly:

plates

I could give a name to each plate – cleaning out Mom & Dad’s stuff, my new website for my business, a new website for my radio show, understanding how the sponsoring works and finding sponsors, doing Eddie’s new report (he isn’t doing the Round Up but calling it The Kaplanian Report, not associated with the Future of Flight), things for Mom, personal business stuff, Apple Group Training and also One to One,my blog, my book, Kaplanian International stuff, etc.

This week I have been  doing a lot of clearing out bureau drawers – the stuff my parents kept!  All kinds of cards they received and Mom had so many cards ready to send for almost any occasion, I am going to give them to the Goodwill so other people can use them.  I have bags of papers to put in recycle – our wheelie bin is full to the top and I have 2 other bags ready – plus things I have put away in boxes to see if my sister Candy wants them.  I found 2 photographs from North American Aircraft in an original envelope that is going to the Boeing Archives, lovely to know they will be pleased to have them.

My parents kept things even though they were worn out, some things had never been used and there is a beautiful  grey wool yard length – very fragrant with moth balls.   And letters from people, from Mom & Dad to his parents, letters from both his sisters and letters from his Uncle James to Dad’s father.  I had a hard time reading the hand writing, I am putting them away to read later since I need to work on the clearing out.

Along with that, I was having a lot of discomfort – the toilet and I became close companions on thursday, Friday and even into Saturday, though not as much.  The tummy was unhappy and I was really tired.  Yesterday after we did all our stuff, I came home and crawled into bed with Bunny to sleep some of it off – and I was better when I woke up.  Not sure what happened because I didn’t eat anything  different.  I have been very careful how much I eat, the tummy gets uncomfortable.  I have been using water and baking soda which seems to help.  maybe the side effects of veggies.

We finally had rain this week, blessed soaking rain.  I have been feeling very dry and parched and it was so lovely to hear the raining really coming down as I was lying in bed.  Rain is so refreshing and makes things feel washed clean.  Now it will be 81 today and 83 tomorrow, then back to the 70’s – that’s quite okay with me.

I have been playing phone tag to arrange a haircut for Mom, finally made it for Tuesday.  Her hair is getting long and needs cutting – not sure how she will be when the time comes.  She is very feisty when anyone wants to do anything for her – I make sure I am there for the hair cut and sit beside her.  There is no way to tell how she will be from one minute to the next, one day to the next.  I saw her on Friday and she was rather sleepy, though chocolate sounded very good to her.  She was cuddling a stuffed dog or cat and Judy had put a chair on each side of her, she could easy fall to the side.  She seems to mumble more than before.   I don’t know how much she knows that Fern died last week.  Fern was 102 and having a lot of pain in her body, as well as feeling alone since she was used to family all around.

I’ve been wondering if  visiting Mom and clearing out things has had an emotional and mental effect as well as physical.  It maybe stirring up a lot of old programs, messages and memories that I had not been conscious of for quite awhile.  The bottom drawer of the desk is definitely a proud parent’s drawer; all the drawings and things the three of us girls have done since we were very young are there.

I saw Mom on Monday and then went to my Caregiver’s Support Group.  I’m so glad I did, it helps so much.  I told them what was going on with Mom and that I feel as if I am walking in thigh deep water.  It feels more than just fatigue, but there is more to it – I can’t really name it at the moment.  I also realize each time I go that I have it relatively easy compared to the others.  They have to deal with so much more, how they cope I can only imagine.  I will admit, I have periods of feeling I have such a difficult time – usually when I am tired and worn down.  I haven’t figured out how to actually become rested while still doing what I need to do.  Is that what’s called the horns of a dilemma?

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Cleaning Out

August 10, 2014

I knew I had to start cleaning out drawers and closets but there was something holding me back.  Not necessarily the size of the project so much as going through my parents’ belongings.  If you saw the house, it doesn’t necessarily look as though anything has been done – it is more the inside where there is a difference.  I cleared out a shelf in the office with things both Mom and Dad had clipped and saved, mostly Mom’s idea pile.  She had a lot of articles about rug hooking, pattern ideas, calendars with flowers and some patterns she had transfer to a backing to hook.  I found her patterns for the coat of arms rug – a list of tartans and descriptions as well as individual shield patterns.

Thursday afternoon I started on the desk in the living room, clearing out the top of the desk with all the little drawers and cubby holes.  I know I come from a long line of  pack rats, but I had no idea how much Mom kept.  I filled a shopping bag with old pay stubs for Dad, check registers, you name it.  I was really tired by the time I finished that.  Friday I started on the first three large drawers below – another full bag of things.  I put all the things to be shredded on top of the desk and Eddie took care of that for me – they may be old but I want to be sure no one can use the information.  I have one more drawer to go.  then it is on to the bedroom.

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It was interesting to see what Mom kept, there are reports from school for all three of us, some letters from grandparents, congratulation cards for all three of us from relatives, a bunch of newspaper articles about family members – the others I don’t know who they are but I think they are people Mom went to school with or knew in Glastonbury.  There are pictures of all kinds and in the lower drawers she has so many cards to use for any occasion.  I may send those over to Goodwill and some other things.  Letters, photos and other papers I have in a box so Candy and Ellen can check them out.

It will be interesting to see what is squirreled away in the bedroom bureaus.  Now that I have done most of the desk, I realize it would have been smart to do it a lot sooner.  Maybe it has just taken this long to be ready to do it.  I need to clean things out to sell them, otherwise they would be very heavy and there is no telling what is in the drawers.

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I put the dining room table on Craig’s list last Saturday – no word so far.  I had been hesitant to do it only because I didn’t know how it worked and what to do.  I checked out eBay as well just to have an idea how much I could ask – 52″ round mahogany pedestal table with 3 leaves, 6 chairs and table protectors.  Turned out it was very hard to list it on Craig’s List, so I will put another on the site.

We need to start going through books and donate them to the library.  I want to make sure which ones are worth keeping or truing to sell – the ones I have with Judith on her online book store are still there.  She said things are very slow right now.  I do want to check with her to find out which books are valuable then decide what to do with them.

I know Mom is no longer in this world but a world of her own – still, it feels strange to be doing this while she is still alive.  Yet she isn’t going to be coming back and it is long past time for Eddie and me to make this house our own.  I often feel pulled in 2 opposite directions.

I visit Mom twice a week and I notice she is more sleepy when I come – some days she is quite alert and aware.  The day she didn’t know who I was took me a little by surprise and since she was in a feisty mood, she didn’t want anyone to touch her.  So now I ask her if she would like a hug and the other day, she said yes, and a kiss.  I know the not recognizing me will come more often, I hope to be able to be objective about it and not get upset.  She loves chocolate and cookies, always saying yes to them.  When she is really sleepy, I will save some of the cookies and put them in her room for later – Judy says she will have a snack in the afternoon.  I tend to put her to sleep when I read, she says that’s fine.

Every day is an education, learning experience and challenge, I am working on seeing it that way rather than a upsetting situation.  I am working on it every day and I have made a lot of progress, though I am still a work in progress.


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