Posts Tagged ‘Learning’

Writing A Blog

May 27, 2012

The cool part of writing a blog is the freedom to write about what I want, how I feel, how I see things, etc. without having to fit any mold.  This is all about me, my life and what I am learning – a way to help others and for me to learn from them as well.  It isn’t like school or business where it has to be a certain way, meet any particular standard or fit any mold – I thoroughly enjoy the freedom from all those restrictions.  I can write about RA and my experience with it, what I have learned, what I still have to learn, all with the hope it will help me clarify things for myself and help others along the way.   After a recent post, I suddenly began to doubt myself, wondering if it was something anyone wanted to read.  I wondered if what I was writing was “right or good enough”, would it turn away the people who have been reading my posts.   I had to stop and catch myself and realize those doubts came from ego.  Then I told ego “Thanks for your concern and wanting to protect me, I choose something different”.  If I sit and scrutinize everything I write,  worrying what people might think about it, I might as well pack it in and be done with it.  I finally understand I am speaking my truth at last.

Most blog entries have a specific subject and I start in and it writes itself to the end.  Other time it is like this one, I get an idea and write a paragraph or two and then wonder where does it goes, what do I write about now.  Some things I write about may seem rather airy fairy, touchy feely, woo woo, goofball stuff – everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I find it helps make sense of what I am feeling, thinking and experiencing.  I have never really felt I fit in the regular world, not sure where I fit in, if I did.  With the personal development I have been doing, networking for business with people in alternative medicine and finding myself much more open and non-judgmental, I have found a place where I am comfortable, where I belong.  I may not know specifically what I want to do or how my life will look, but I know how I want it to feel.

I look at my life now and how it was a year ago – such  vast difference!  At this point, the focus is on my Mom and doing what’s best for her, there isn’t a whole lot of “Me time”.  Here and there I have been able to do things for me, the deep tissue massage has truly been a revelation to me.  I have always wondered about past lives and if it was true, plus what were mine like.  Several times in massage Debye has had glimpses of me as a Roman warrior.  That I was strong, powerful, confident and also imposed my will on others.  This lifetime (maybe several others) is the time to balance that karmic energy and experience.  It is not good or bad, simply an experience I chose.  I see my life this time and it seems I have had people impose their will on me; wonder how it felt to be that strong confident that Roman Warrior.  It is such a new concept for me, I am just sitting with it and letting it simmer on the back burner.

I have been putting tags on my posts – I just learned how to do it.  As I read over them, I am amazed I wrote them – I have been writing down what is happening in my life and how I have been thinking about things.  It makes me feel good to know I  am writing so well (sorry ego, I have confidence in myself rather than thinking it is bragging or boasting).   I have learned from writing down what’s happening, I hope in some way it can help others.

Hello world!

February 25, 2010

I have been thinking about writing this blog for several weeks, several times almost sitting down and actually writing it.  Then I think it is more important to check email and take care of clients and orders before I write.  I keep thinking I need to have a big block of time so I can fully concentrate on the blog.  Well, here I am several weeks later finally putting finger to key.

You are wondering who I am, what is going on and why would you be interested in what I have to say.  All good questions – when I have a good answer I will be glad to let you know.  The short version is that I am a 63 year woman who has had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 39 years and I am looking for the root cause of it, why I have it and what can I do about it.  But recently I read somewhere that it is important to find the gift in a situation – “Yeah, right – some gift!”  But the more I thought about it, the more it began to make sense.  A friend was telling me she had broken her leg and it was the best thing that could have happened because it took her out of an abusive marriage – she knew her husband would finally kill her.  Wow!  A bit dramatic one might think, but not necessarily.  How often have you heard people say the divorce was the best thing to happen, or in my Dad’s case, being make redundant at 56.  At the time it doesn’t feel it is such a gift or  positive thing, so often it takes time and objectivity to look back and trace how that upsetting situation became really positive.

So now I am wondering, wouldn’t it be fairly obvious after 39 years that I could see the positive in RA?  Or is it that I have decided somewhere deep inside not to look, the prospect too scary for some reason?  Or is it that to gain perspective, one has to be away from the situation for a while?  Good luck with that since the RA comes with me everywhere I go, in everything I do.  So now the question is – how do I create that perspective?  Another good question without even a lousy answer.  I seem to have nothing but questions about this.

The good news is all the interesting books, people and ideas I have discovered on my quest to find the gift in RA.  This blog is about that, what I learned, am learning and also some things that never occurred to me before because there is so much I still don’t know.  I have learned it is no biggie to say I don’t know.   I now know I don’t have to have all the answers, that it is not a reflection of how smart, savvy, distinguished or with it I am.  It only means I don’t have to pretend I know it all, I am open to learning and exploring whatever comes my way.  I think of this blog as a journey of discovery and learning what works for me.  If along the way it is helpful to someone else, then it is a success.  It is not a whingeing session for me, there has been too much of that in my life and it is not particularly productive for this purpose.  Not to say I don’t have my own periods of whingeing and a bad case of oh-poor-me-osis times when I am the worst off person in the world and no one has it as badly as I do.  And please don’t tell me about someone who is worse off, that devalues and dismisses me as well as making me cranky.  I know it is meant to help, but it doesn’t.  I have many times when I read about or meet someone who is dealing with such stuff that I realize I don’t really have anything to complain about – I need to come to that conclusion myself.

I am working on gratitude – another one of those “Yeah, right!” feelings because I couldn’t think of anything about RA to be grateful about at all.  But I have finally figured out it is not so much the RA to  think about in terms of gratitude; instead I am grateful for the systems that are working well – digestive tract, bowel tract, respiratory, brain functions, circulatory – you get the picture.  True the joints, muscles and tendons have their problems, thank goodness everything else in working well.

See you next time.


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