Spot On, Universe!

I had an interesting post from the Universe today – so apt and also very uncomfortable.  Right between the eyes!

Lee, what if I told you that your every conflict, disappointment, struggle or challenge, with others or yourself, was merely a manifestation of what’s going on within your own thinking… would you go there first to fix, mend, and allay?

Yeah, you might miss the drama.
The Universe

Would you?

OUCH!  I have a situation right now that is very stressful, especially since there isn’t a lot I can do to change the situation. I have been thinking lately that it is important to know what I am doing that contributes to the stress and what I can do to make it better.  Not a comfortable prospect since it is much easier to think it is the other person who is the problem and I am a “victim” – all they have to do is change and everything will be fine.  What I have to look at fully is what my perception of it is, what emotions I am attaching to it – assigned significance – and what buttons are being pushed.   However, it also means that my  “victim/martyr”  bubble will be pricked and I have to see what is really happening.  I will ‘fess up to doing the victim routine really well all these years – not really proud of it and certainly not willing to admit it for the longest time.  But then I hear Dr. Phil in my head asking “How’s that working for you”?  Note to Self – it ain’t working very well any more.  Yes, it is familiar but it doesn’t feel good and it certainly isn’t creating what I want in my life – it’s just creating more negative stuff.  People have often said I have such a positive attitude, that they don’t know how I do all that I do with RA.  Wow!  That positive feedback strokes the ego, unfortunately it doesn’t advance any healing or willingness to look at what is truly going on inside me.  Much easier to bask in the light of victim or martyr.  Good thing they don’t see the bad case of “oh-poor-me-osis” going on inside me a lot of times.

The other uncomfortable part of this is to really look at what it is mirroring back to me.  Double ouch!   I grew up with a rather negative view of things from my parents – I will say they gave us a very loving home and many things my friends didn’t have – and it has carried over all my adult life.  I didn’t really understand it for along time, that was just the way it was for me.  Now there is a lot more intensified negativity and I am beginning to understand how much has been subconscious all this time.  There are so many times when my buttons have been pushed and I didn’t know what the triggers were – I see now it is my little girl side of me who feels it so much.  I also see more and more that those negative thoughts, feeling and perceptions are on autopilot – Bam! One button pushed!  Bam! Another button pushed – like torpedoes being sent out one after another to sink the enemy ship.  Except I am not the enemy – Hello, is anyone listening inside me?  Those torpedoes are hitting my little girl and I now know I just have to hug her, reassure her she is protected and loved, I am the adult and I will protect her.  I will take the hits and learn to deflect or disarm them before they can reach us.  I am becoming more aware – sometimes it sucks – and I am working on a conscious effort to be aware of thoughts and feelings as they come, recognize them and create new choices.  Simple, not easy.

What else does it mirror?  I had another one and for the life of me I can’t remember it at the moment – must have been earthshaking.

After some thinking, I realized that part of the situation I am dealing with involves questions – the same ones over and over and over and over.  Unfortunately the answers don’t take hold and it is a constant asking all day long.  So what is this mirroring?  How often have I asked God, my angels, spirits guides and master teachers what my purpose in life is, how do I find it,etc.  I am sure the messages and clues have been sent many times, I just haven’t gotten them yet because I am expecting it to come in a certain way.  Kind of like the guy in the flood who is sure God will save him, yet declines the offer from the truck, later the boat and finally the helicopter.  The poor guy drowns and gets to heaven asking God “Why didn’t you save me”?  God’s reply was “I sent you a truck, a boat and helicopter”.  Now I have to wonder what I have missed along the way because I didn’t recognize or believe it.  Thank goodness God is patient and doesn’t get fed up with me, there will be other signs and I have set an intention of recognizing them when they come.  In Ike Pono we talked about how things come or happen but not always the way we expect it.  I once read that when one prays to God for something but in very specific terms and conditions, it limits the answers.  I have finally come to a point where I will say,”I would really like it to be this, but I am open to this or something better.”  Sometimes I am not always sure what I want, so I will just ask for whatever works.  Then I have to let it go and let it be dome.  If I keep worrying it like a dog with bone, it is as if I am constantly taking it out of His hands.  Also simple, not easy.

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