Posts Tagged ‘Life Purpose’

Seeing Mom

February 23, 2014

Some days it is hard to visit my Mom as the dementia continues to take over her life.  I sometimes don’t recognize her as my Mom sometimes – who is that old woman?  But she stays essentially my Mom, the woman who gave birth to me and raised me with my two sisters.  She and my Dad did a great job of making me (I won’t speak for my sisters) feel loved and wanted, taught me integrity ( my sister Ellen feels they gave us a great gift in that, I hadn’t thought of it before and I am glad she said it) as well as honesty, respect for other people and their property.  They gave us discipline too – when they threatened with “warming your fanny”, I knew they would carry out the threat.  They always felt kids needed to have boundaries and they would test those boundaries to make sure they were still there.

I saw Mom on Friday and she was doing well, alert and aware.  Maybe it was sitting at the dining room table instead of the recliner with a throw over her that made the difference.  My neighbor Delores called in the morning and asked to come with me to visit Mom.   She took some sugar-free chocolate and a mandarin orange for her – I took the cookies just in case.  We did have a nice visit and I think I may be getting more comfortable about just seeing how it flows.  At one point I read some of Candy’s new book and Delores really liked it – so I have lent her my copy for her to read.  She also thought “The Translucent Heart” was good as well and I lent her the pages I printed so she could read the whole thing.

I had a long email from my sister Candy the other day; she was writing from her perspective as a daughter living many miles away.

 I feel I can really only communicate from the other side of the veil now. Strange to think that all the things I used to be able to do for her are useless now. No phone conversations, no books, only cards and toys and treats–and who knows what gets through from this side of the veil. I think we have each taken our turn with her process. My Sunday night phone conversations took us through memory lane, then deciding what to do with certain precious family heirlooms (part of the reason for my long list), and then through the disorientation and waiting for the train, which was always a time of reassuring her it would all be fine, and that she would find Daddy and Josephine and friends and family on the other side, and that her daughters would eventually come to join her. 

I also think about our different experiences of Mom in various stages of life and from our different perspectives. As the youngest, I got to know a mother who began to gain self-confidence when she started volunteering at the airport and hooking rugs. She told me that she had no self-confidence before then, even with all the love she shared with Daddy. I think I would have been around eight or ten when she started volunteering at the airport, so the two of you would have been either out of the house or migrating out of the house into adult lives just as Mom was getting some confidence and perspective on herself. I got the benefit of being around in my twenties, too. I could visit Mom and Dad quite often, without all the holiday craziness. Just being there, yet even at that, still not that often. But I saw her in happier times when we were all healthy and independent. 

I often wonder what Ellen’s perspective of growing up is; as the oldest, she saw two join the fold and I’ve often wondered how it felt to go from the only child to an older sister.  Mom and Dad were learning about kids when she was born, so when I came 4 years later, they were more experienced.  By the time Candy came 6 years after that, they were much more relaxed.  It is fascinating to realize how growing up with the same two parents can be so different for each child.

Some of the early childhood training seemed to be about being self reliant; don’t ask for help, don’t bother people, do it yourself.  In many ways that is a good thing, but I realize now that is how I dealt with RA from my diagnosis – not the best way to do it.  But that was my subconscious training, along with not complaining, or at least, not too much.

So many people would tell be I have such a positive attitude about it, plus how I do as many things as I do.  My first response is that I didn’t think I had a choice, I had to do something about treatment for RA.  As for the positive attitude, they had no idea how depressed, discouraged and crabby  I could be only Eddie bore the brunt of that.  Maybe I hid behind a positive attitude, after all, I got a lot of positive feedback.  People would tell me they admired me and how well I do with RA – now that I think of it, maybe I thought it was the one thing I was successful at doing.  Is that why I let it become my identity for so many years?

I have written before how Mom’s dementia has helped me see much more clearly my childhood programs carried into adult life – real gift, though uncomfortable at times.  I am finding that gift is continuing as I become more open to seeing the truth rather than my perception of the truth.  Maybe that is part of Mom’s purpose in this lifetime.

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Go Universe!

February 16, 2014

I have had a weight problem all my life – oops, I just realized I called it a problem and it isn’t.  I once read “I am the size I am to hold my magnificence”.  That really stopped me in my tracks.  Here I have been unhappy with my size and instead, it is a blessing.  I am working on knowing it is true and knowing that I know.   Then The Universe sent this message:

You have realized, Lee, that your age, experience, skin color, personality, accent, style, saunter, weight, and height, today, are setting you up big-time for the best of your life, while adding considerably to your animal magnetism?

Nothing gets past me,
    The Universe

We’re talking world tours, Lee, fan clubs on each continent, and a TV show that follows as you create a fabulous business I am passionate about!

The two major areas I am working on are loving myself and recognizing my Life Purpose.  Sometimes I wonder if I am doing my purpose and I don’t know it.  I spent the day with my close friend Kathie who is the same age I am.  She was a court reporter for many years, then went into hypnotherapy and now is doing some real estate.  She is still wondering what her Life Purpose is as well.  I know there are a lot of people feeling that way these days; but having company doesn’t quite help me recognize mine.

I have heard the words “find my purpose” a lot, but then others say one creates it.  I have been thinking more in terms of recognizing it and creating it – I know I don’t have to know how to do it, just be willing, open and allowing.  Maybe I just too impatient for that “Aha” moment of recognition and unfolding.  I find myself wondering sometimes “Am I too old?” or “Is it too late?” – ego is working overtime to have me believe it is true.  Thanks for sharing, I choose something else.

I have always wanted to create something of my own of value but never felt I had.  Then it hit me recently, this blog is my creation.  No one else could write it they way I do, nor has anyone lived my life.  One thing through my marketing expert friend, you may have the same information as someone else, but no one presents it the way you do.  That makes you unique.

I’ve been reading a book by Richard Moss called “Inside Out Healing”.  It has been quite interesting and I find it builds on Neal Donald Walsh’s “When Everything Changes, Change Everything”.  In that, Neal spends the first half of his book talking about Past Data – all those beliefs and programs that have been built up over your lifetime.  They are not true, but they feel real.  That had quite an impact on me – I wrote about migraines a while back and continue to use it.

With Richard Moss, he talks about being in the NOW, but in a different way.  He shows a manual with the NOW in the middle of a circle, with the Future at the top, the Past at the bottom.  To one side is Me and the other side is You.

mandala_diagram

The idea is that when you are in the present moment, ego diverts you in one of four paths.   It may be the market list you need to make, the stupid things you did, a belief that isn’t true, etc.  Or it will go to another person and what they did or didn’t do, either to you or about you.  Another path is worry about the future or upset or living in the past.

the past week or more I have spent a lot of time at the computer, for work, my blog, Eddie’s Round Up and things he wanted to have typed for exhibits at the Future of Flight.  I began to think after the first or second long period at the computer – “Oh s—-!  I am going to pay for this either tomorrow or the second day!”.  But then I thought “Why do I think that will happen?  Just because it has in the past doesn’t necessarily mean it is  how it always will be”.   I began to realize I had created a belief around that, I can hear myself saying to someone more than once.  Yes, it had happened in the past, the belief that when I overdo it, I will pay for it, I have to be careful how much I do.

Then I remembered the Past Data loop I had been running for migraines, this was just another Past Data loop about what happens every time I do something and it hits me the next day or the second day.  So I told ego, “that is Past Data and no longer relevant and I am choosing something different.  In this fresh new moment, I choose filling this moment with good health and well-being in every part of my body, all Past Data is invalid and irrelevant”. How lovely to find the next morning and the mornings after that I was feeling well free of “payback” shoulder pain.

Now I am working on the cough that has lingered for 2 years, ever since I had the flu in rehab.  It takes time and some days I feel a bit discouraged, but on the whole there is progress.  now I am thinking in terms of each fresh new moment and what I want to fill it with when I bring myself back to NOW.

Waiting (Impatiently) For The Outcome

December 3, 2012

I have been wondering what my Life Purpose is, it doesn’t seem clear to me so that I have that “I Know That I Know” feeling.  Today the Universe sent me this:

You’ll know when you need to know, Lee, and not a moment earlier.

That’s how it works when the answer you’re looking for depends on other events that must first settle, new players that need to be gathered, and serendipities that are still being calculated.

Lee, sometimes, not even I know, until I know.

But you will,

The Universe

In the meantime, Lee, keep dreaming, keep busy, and if you’re feelin’ it, do a little happy dance.

At the moment, very few times of feeling like doing a happy dance.  However, I had an email from Jenna Avery about Life Lesson and Life Purpose – they aren’t the same.

Your Life Lesson Is What You Are Here to Teach

I firmly believe in the adage that “you teach what you are here to learn.”

Your Life Lesson is the perfect insight to exactly what it is that you’ve signed up to master in this lifetime.

The skills, knowledge, and training that you need to help you overcome your own bête noir willmasterfully support you to help other people with their own struggles, whether you help them literally and directly as a teacher or through another means, like through your creative work and how that work affects and heals them.

Your Life Lesson can and should be a central part of your Right Work.  Your life lesson is your blind spot. You won’t know you’re doing it to yourself unless you really learn to watch for the red flags and be alert to the signals that your life lesson is coming on.  Even advanced students of life are still working on their life lessons. (Remember what I said last time? If you were done, you’d be dead.

Use Your Life Lesson to Unlock Your Life Purpose

Understanding your Life Lesson is actually the secret key to “unlocking” your Life Purpose.

What does that mean, unlocking?

Each of us is born to a certain task — a certain way of being and taking action in the world. This is your Life Purpose — the Big Thing, that when fulfilled, puts you in a place of true alignmentwith yourself and your inner Essence.

Once you discover what that is, you can set out on a course of pursuing it, of making it a central theme in your life, and of organizing your Right Work around it.

But interestingly enough, you’ll find that your Life Lesson will keep cropping up along the way, tripping you up, causing challenges, and generally throwing you off course, but when you “exalt”your life lesson, which means that you treat it almost as if it is your life purpose, you’ll find that it can become your greatest ally.

In other words, you want to discover what the inverse of your life lesson would be, and do that.

Weil, that definitely has had me thinking – so many possibilities as I have been working through stuff about childhood programs recently.  I do wonder if it is better for me to discover what my life lessons are rather than having someone tell me.  Jenna will do hand print readings to tell you your life lessons and your life purpose.

UPDATE – I started this post a while ago and wasn’t sure how to finish it since I really don’t have any answers for myself at this point.  Then Friday a note from The Universe came that really helped me:

 Peculiarly, Lee, did you know that the single most effective piece of advice ever          given to anyone who wanted a life partner, is the exact same single most effective     piece of advice ever given to anyone who wanted to live in prosperity?!

Which also happens to be the single most effective piece of advice ever given to      anyone who wished to discover their purpose, foster peace on earth, improve their  health, or dance Gangnam Style?!“Be happy now.”

Whoop! Whoop!
The Universe

Maybe I have to finish all the balderdash with DSHS for Mom and Medicaid before I can begin the next chapter in my life.  I feel my life has been divided into chapters, often a new one began when we moved to a new place.  What I do notice is that I want to spend time every day writing blog posts, but it doesn’t always work out that way because my life  requires I do certain things.  I also want to see other blog posts and comment on them because there are people writing really cool blogs that have some great information.

As much as I would rather not admit it, there are 2 things I need a lot more work on – loving myself and silencing my inner critic and judge.  I have learned and experienced that I sometimes have to experience being uncomfortable to work out things that are working for me – oh, it feels so much better at the other side of the work.  There are times when I work with Debye during my massage and I think – I don’t want to deal with his, yet I feel so much lighter afterwards.   As they say “This too shall pass”.


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