Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

What Am I Thinking?

July 17, 2010

I was listening to Conscious Talk radio on my way to an appointment and heard the last bit of Krysta Gibson of New Spiritual Journal.  I know her through my networking at the Holistic Chamber of Commerce and Good Company lunches and enjoy what she writes.  That morning she was talking about  Life as a journey , to enjoy the ride and look out the window at everything around you.  It isn’t a big struggle to attain an monumental goal using all your energy and might, then there is nothing left to work towards.  Those goals are stops on the way.  (My apologies Krysta of I have misquoted you.)  That’s what I heard and it made me realize I haven’t been enjoying the ride or looking out the window at all the cool things of my life.  Instead I have been always looking at  the future, when I have less pain, when I am flexible, when I have more energy, etc.  Not a comfortable thought because I may have missed opportunities for myself and also to help others.  Too focused on me, but on the negatives – just as Ego loves it.  When I had my 60th birthday three years ago, I decided I wanted the last third of my life to be very different – filled with joy, fun, love and adventure.  I have done many self development things and certainly Ike Pono has really made a difference – it keeps on helping me to have the life I decided I wanted on my birthday.  The difficulty is I am still operating on a lot of the old mindsets, somebody else’s training and fears.  I came across something this morning that  was a slap upside the head, a very vivid reminder about what I have been thinking a feeling so much of my life.  The good news was, there was also the way to change that mindset into a positive thought pattern.  Now I would love to tell you I thought it up all by myself, but I didn’t.  I have to thank Brian Vaszily of The Intense Experiences for this  – he called it a mediation.

Success Manifesto

Life is how I am.
If I keep struggling to get more, my life will be a struggle filled with lack.

I have all I need, I am grateful, and anything more is just more of a gift.

Success Manifesto

If I hold anger in, anger will increasingly weigh my life down.

I accept that anger happens, but I always release it and so I fly.
If I keep telling myself I am a survivor, I will then merely survive.

I am born to thrive in my life, and so in all I do I accept that I will thrive.

If I let guilt control me, I will never live the happy life that is mine.
I consider what matters carefully, then act upon only one voice: my own.

If I keep repeating that there is never enough time, time will always run out.
I have been given all the time I need in life; it is up to me to use it wisely.
If I worry about what might go wrong in my life, the worry itself will shrivel me.

I am honest, able and complete; with that I meet the challenges that do come.
If I see certain steps I take as failing, I will hesitate to move forward.

All movement is forward movement in my life, and so I keep moving.
If I give in to my fears, my life will be a fearful place.

I move through fears that would block me from me, and so I live free.

If I keep longing for luck, my life will seem unlucky to me.

I am here, I can choose to do, and that is all the luck I need.

Life is not something that happens to me.

Life is how I am.

Thank You Brian, I needed to hear that and I realize it is something I can read every day to keep myself in balance and who knows, learn to enjoy the ride of this life as I look out the window.

And so shall it be.

Anger

March 11, 2010

Anger is a waste of energy, along with resentment, irritation, fear, hurt.  It is really Ego taking control, making me feel diminished and need to defend myself.  As Eckert Tolle write,  there is no diminishment, only a perception by the ego.  He  has a spiritual practice to consciously allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it.

“I recommend experimenting  with this from time to time. – when some one  criticisezes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – do nothing. Allow the self image  to remain diminished and become alert to what it  feels like deep inside you.  For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you shrink in size.  Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive.    You haven’t been diminished at all.  In fact, you have expanded.  You may come to the amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non-reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less”, you become more.”

I will admit I am still working on that – I know it in my head but not quite “know that I know” deep down.  What I finally do know is that getting angry is giving away my power to someone else and after spending years feeling powerless, I am determined to quit doing it.  Not an easy goal or intention, but definitely worth it.  I now know I have held that anger inside of me all these years, hugged it to me  as proof I am put upon and  a victim.  It is now lodged in my cellular level and a good part of it has contributed to the RA.  I have personalized it, when it is not really about me at all.

As I have explored and grown in changing my perceptions, my attitude and also learning about who I truly am – that’s a whole different subject – I am realizing that it is about the other person.  For some reason that person has to have the upper hand and only by diminishing me does that work for him/her.  It is my choice to let it affect me and make me feel diminished – then I give away my power.  I love the play on the Bible quote “Love your enemy – it will drive him nuts!”

I have a limited amount of energy with RA and it seems foolish to expend it on things like anger, hurt, resentment and fear.  Yes, easy words to say, but not so easy to  practice.  What helps is understanding better what is happening rather than just reacting.  I set an intention of just saying “Interesting” when someone criticizes or gets mad at me.  Someone suggested saying “Thank you for sharing”.  Whatever works for you to be non-reactive in that situation and experimenting with going within.  Because if I keep doing the same thing over and over, I hear Dr. Phil in my head saying “How’s that working for you?”.  Guess what, it isn’t working for me and never has.  The difference is that I am more aware of it.


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