Anger is a waste of energy, along with resentment, irritation, fear, hurt. It is really Ego taking control, making me feel diminished and need to defend myself. As Eckert Tolle write, there is no diminishment, only a perception by the ego. He has a spiritual practice to consciously allow the diminishment of ego when it happens without attempting to restore it.
“I recommend experimenting with this from time to time. – when some one criticisezes you, blames you, or calls you names, instead of immediately retaliating or defending yourself – do nothing. Allow the self image to remain diminished and become alert to what it feels like deep inside you. For a few seconds, it may feel uncomfortable, as if you shrink in size. Then you may sense an inner spaciousness that feels intensely alive. You haven’t been diminished at all. In fact, you have expanded. You may come to the amazing realization: When you are seemingly diminished in some way and remain in absolute non-reaction, not just externally but also internally, you realize nothing real has been diminished, that through becoming “less”, you become more.”
I will admit I am still working on that – I know it in my head but not quite “know that I know” deep down. What I finally do know is that getting angry is giving away my power to someone else and after spending years feeling powerless, I am determined to quit doing it. Not an easy goal or intention, but definitely worth it. I now know I have held that anger inside of me all these years, hugged it to me as proof I am put upon and a victim. It is now lodged in my cellular level and a good part of it has contributed to the RA. I have personalized it, when it is not really about me at all.
As I have explored and grown in changing my perceptions, my attitude and also learning about who I truly am – that’s a whole different subject – I am realizing that it is about the other person. For some reason that person has to have the upper hand and only by diminishing me does that work for him/her. It is my choice to let it affect me and make me feel diminished – then I give away my power. I love the play on the Bible quote “Love your enemy – it will drive him nuts!”
I have a limited amount of energy with RA and it seems foolish to expend it on things like anger, hurt, resentment and fear. Yes, easy words to say, but not so easy to practice. What helps is understanding better what is happening rather than just reacting. I set an intention of just saying “Interesting” when someone criticizes or gets mad at me. Someone suggested saying “Thank you for sharing”. Whatever works for you to be non-reactive in that situation and experimenting with going within. Because if I keep doing the same thing over and over, I hear Dr. Phil in my head saying “How’s that working for you?”. Guess what, it isn’t working for me and never has. The difference is that I am more aware of it.
Tags: Anger, Dr. Phil, Emotion, Relationship
Gift of RA 
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