Posts Tagged ‘friends’

Connected Friends

May 1, 2016

At my network breakfast club I was talking to Robbi and I realized it has been quite a while since we had time to talk.  It was a lovely conversation because I felt as if we had just picked up  from when we left off the last time.  Not only that, we don’t have to explain things to each other, we “get” the other.  She is some , she brought in some of her many quilt tops – she doesn’t do the quilting until she is ready to give them away.  Even though I haven’t done any quilting for quite a while, I still check things out.  I mentioned how quilting has changed and it was great to know she has noticed it as well – both of us aren’t that pleased with the changes.

Connected friends

Everyone has people in their lives like that – friends you may not see or talk with very often, but who are so much on your wave length it never feels that way.  You just seem to pick up where you were the last time.  I have one friend I really miss seeing because of things in my life and in hers, yet when I get an email or call from her, the sun comes out.  She has a lot of knowledge and experience in things I don’t, so I learn a lot from her – how lovely it works well in the opposite direction.

Friends 2

Another friend I have known since the 9th grade.  We have stayed in touch through all my moves and we would get together any time I came here to visit my parents.  Now that I live here again, I see her more often – I have noticed as we have “matured” we have had a little harder time finding a day for ourselves.  That means those days feel more special and we have many shared experiences and talents that work to keep us so well-connected.  She is much better at emailing than I am.  I remember we started to email before we moved here, we were sharing the same type of experience and it made it so much easier to write to someone who understood what was happening and also what I was feeling.

far away friends

I have many close friends but who live in places I used to live.  I don’t have an opportunity to visit them and they don’t have one to come here.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised to find we would be instantly connected if we talked with each other and had time to spend together.  That is one of the things about moving several times – I lose touch with good friends and it is difficult to leave them.  I started finding I didn’t make close friends the last couple of move – it hurt too much to leave.  I found my life a bit lonely, I also had a Newcomer Group to socialize and make friends.  I started quilting in Atlanta – that was something I could take wherever I went and quilt shops have classes and quilters.

Known All your life

Someone I met here is still close, though she lives near Las Vegas.  She has family here and once or twice I have had a visit with her when she came to town.  I think she is moving back, not sure.  When I talk to her on the phone, I feel she is right here in the room with me.  She has boundless energy and enthusiasm that definitely rubs off on me.  She was a guest on my radio show in the studio, that was a real kick and we had a great time.

friend far away

Then there are the ones who I meet and it feels as if we have known each other forever.   Sometimes it is instantly, other times it is in a very short time.  It happens when I least expect it and over the years I have learned to wait for a while before I decide it is real.  I have experiences where there was an instant connection and then later it cooled off, something wasn’t quite right.  I have also had more experiences when it was real.  A little wait and see is often smart.

deep connection

I have also had the opposite – I didn’t like the person at first and as I began to know them, I changed my mind.  I remember at the Newcomers Club in New Jersey, I met a woman and instantly disliked her; I admit I was looking at her outside appearance and mannerisms.  I saw her in many interest groups and I began to change my mind as I got to know her better and she became a good friend.  This is another wait and see situation – first impressions aren’t always true impressions.

Over the years seeing doctors, etc. for RA, I have met some really great people – I would rather know them in a social situation instead of a medical one.  I really appreciate when they are friendly and have a sense of humor.  The Wound Care group is so great – there is a little too much fun going on there.  They are very serious about what they do and do it very well; it is pleasure to go see them.  It would be better if we could all gather and have fun in a social setting – I’m not happy about the reason for going, I appreciate how they operate.

I definitely prefer people with a sense of humor, especially now.  More often I find people who give me a blank look when I mention something or  make a joke.  It is quite possible I am not as witty as I think I am, but I often get laughs when I least expect it.  I find myself saying something without thinking, usually works out, but the blank look makes me wonder.  However, I will continue doing it because that’s me and it comes out without my realizing it.  If I can make someone laugh, all the blank stares don’t matter.

Just Living Her Life

August 11, 2013

I always enjoy Ellen’s photos and one she sent not too long ago made think about my own life.

P1040505The subject line she put for this one is where my title came from for the post.

I seem to have been a loner most of my life, I didn’t feel I fit anywhere.  As an overweight child, I was teased and made fun of during my school and childhood years.  Not conducive to self-esteem and loving myself.  It often felt as if there was something missing me that the other kids had.  Never figured that out.  (No, this is not an oh-poor-me-osis post)  I had to have glasses when I was in the 3rd grade – no one else had them.  Now I see I could have perceived it as something special rather than a detriment.  It is only now in the 50’s and especially my 60’s that I am much more aware about such things.  A lot of changes in this decade of my life.

I had a few friends, but not really the “go over to each other’s houses” kind.  I saw them at school and on the bus ride home.  I remember either going to bus stop in the morning or coming home after school and there were always boys riding bikes.  I noticed they liked to ride straight toward me, I wanted to run but decided to just keep going.  Fortunately they never did hit me and I am pleased that I just kept going – maybe that was no fun for them.

I did a lot of things on my own, not usually by choice, but over the years I have learned to entertain myself.  Came in very handy when I traveled with Eddie on his business trips.  I loved reading, it is still  one of my greatest pleasures; I feel lost if I don’t have a book to read, I tend to have several books going – one in the car, one in the living room and one in the bedroom.  Sometimes I have a pile in each place.  I buy new ones but most of my car books I buy from the library – $0.50 for paperbacks and $1 for hard bounds.  It is always interesting to see what there is, sometimes a favorite author, or book, sometimes new authors or occasionally a book I was looking for quite a long time.

I liked writing but didn’t seem to create a character, mostly letters for quite a while.  I have written journals and for several years after we bought our first computer, I wrote a journal that soon had a list of people to send it.  I would write it on the computer, print it and then xerox it – that was how I learned how to work the computer.  Before that I was typing it on a typewriter.  First I borrowed Ellen’s (our upstairs neighbor) in New Jersey, then I think I bought one when we moved back to Los Angeles.  We didn’t buy the computer until we were in Atlanta.

I joined Newcomer’s clubs whenever we moved to a new place, that’s where I met most of my friends and had a social life.  When I started quilting in Atlanta, that was the one thing I could always take with me where ever I went and I would find friends.  What I mostly noticed was that my friends tended to be older women whose children were grown.  I didn’t have much in common with the younger married women because they either had kids, a job or both.  i had neither, but I had my own limitations with RA, but freedom they didn’t have because Eddie traveled.  They didn’t really understand it – their husbands had 9 to 5 jobs and always came home.

Not too long after I moved here, I had a session with an over lighting metaphysician and she told me I had chosen to do things the hard way and by myself in this lifetime.  I found that interesting and realized that most of my dealing with RA was by myself.  It wasn’t my choice but it seemed to work out that way.  I also realize a lot of that was childhood programming, “Don’t ask for help, don’t bother other people, don’t bother them”.  Now I realize I was operating that way all my life and never realized it.  I finally learned to ask for help and it has been such a blessing.  I have friends who are there for me and it doesn’t mean I am weak or telling the world my business when I ask for help.  I can’t do it all by myself, there are things I don’t have the knowledge to do and I need help.  In some ways, it is liberating.

I remember the trip to London on the QE2 and spending a few days in London with the group before they left for Ireland.  We were in someone’s room either before or after dinner and I was talking to one of the women.  She said something about “You are so  damn self-sufficient”.  How odd, since I was feeling outside the group.  A good friend once told me that I am more independent because Eddie traveled and I had to take care of things when he wasn’t around.  I never realized that before – too close to see it.

What my 60’s have brought is now knowing I don’t have to do what other people say, I don’t have to live up to their expectations and most important, my confidence and self-worth come from within rather than from validation and approval  from other people.  I am less concerned about what other people think or their opinions, but I am less judgmental and critical of them; definitely a work in progress.  I am better at seeing the positive in them and more loving towards them.  No one knows what life path they are on and what they are working through this lifetime.

I have always had to do something different, whether is has been a project, a dinner or whatever.  There are often times in the middle of it that I wonder “What was I thinking”. Or say “why didn’t I do that other idea?”.  But I kept on and it usually turned out quite well.  Maybe there is a list in there called “What I know for sure about myself”.  Oprah did that and it might be a smart idea for me to see myself in a different light.


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