Posts Tagged ‘Furniture’

It’s Now A Bigger Echo

April 12, 2015

I know I have been MIA for a while, I have been clearing, cleaning, sorting, packing and  disposing my parents’ things at long last.  I have been focusing my attention and energy on it, not much left for other things.  Last week was quite busy and tiring, but now we have a lot of empty space in three rooms.  I have been sorting in preparation of the young meant who came Tuesday to pack up things for Candy, the rest is going to a good home – someone from my Breakfast Group.  Thursday Lisa came for the grandfather clock, she is really excited to have it.  The grandmother clock is going to Melody when ever she is able to come for it.

When I had 2 different estate sale people come, I found myself quite emotional about it.  they both suggested I leave and have someone else do it.  Well, there was only me, but I found I didn’t have the emotion when they left.  The two brothers who came were enjoyable and friendly, fun to work with and it worked out well for all of us.  After they left, I found the cable wasn’t working, so I spent an hour and a half with Direct TV to figure out what was wrong.  We finally determined the cable was routed through the VCR, however, the VCR went with everything else.  So with Jen’s help, I plugged things in, unplugged a couple of things and finally had a picture.

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Our own wing chairs

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What you see when you come through the kitchen.

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Nowhere to sit in front of the bookcase.

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The sofa table works fine for the tv.

Unfortunately it was a bit snowy.  We kept trying things to clear it up – I had it once but didn’t know how I did it.  It still thinks it is going through the VCR and I was finally able to understand what button I pushed for a clear picture.  We have an old tv, there isn’t anywhere to plug in the cable.  Now it is working but in the lower left hand corner it shows VCR.  I can live with that.

The brothers brought up 2 of our wing chairs and our sofa table for the tv.  One did say he was wondering what we were going to sit on.  I also asked them to bring up one of the book shelves to put in the office.  They put almost everything in – there were a few things of Candy’s that didn’t fit in the truck.  Steve came by on Thursday and took them.

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Looks a bit odd to see all the book shelves

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Still bits and pieces to find homes for.

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Blue chairs i gone – used to be green.

We have empty space in the living room and now our new dining table is in place.  We have empty space in Mom’s room and also in the office.  I’ve had a sore shoulder a lot of the time, but on the whole I have done very well.  I am amazed and delighted I have been able to do as much as I have and Eddie has done so much too.  We have also filled the recycle wheelie bin until there is no room – thank goodness Tuesday is recycle pick up.  When it is empty, we have so much more to fill it again.

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Our new dining table.  Eddie working on his Report – it has been a really bugger this month.

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Mom’s room  is cleared on one side – won’t dare show the other part yet.

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The two desks in the office are gone.  I am going to build a desk for myself, then Eddie can have his back.

I will say, I am tired and sometimes I think I am too tired to sleep.  I have had some trouble sleeping and my lower back and legs have been uncomfortable – so far no flare-up.   No doubt it is all the bending and lifting that has done it.  Now I need to sort out the hooking things for the lady in Nova Scotia.  I have the room now.

I am hoping to have the living room painted and the floors cleaned and polish – not sure how much will actually happen.  I want it to be our home when we have Mom’s Celebration of Life.

I will take some pictures and put them in this post to show what we have done so far.

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Indecision Is The Pits!

November 17, 2013

Last month was a year since Mom moved to the adult family home.  I certainly have noticed a big change in her, her ice very good appetite now comes and goes, she thought I was my sister Candy when I saw her Friday and the time before she looked as if she didn’t know who I was.  It doesn’t upset me the way it did in the beginning, I am getting much better at not taking it personally because it is part of the dementia.

I have been going back and forth for that year trying to decide about selling my parents furniture and putting our furniture from downstairs up here.  The rooms all need painting, but not having furniture or very much will make it easier to paint.  I’ve been trying to understand what has kept me from doing it.

My older sister Ellen is very supportive of the idea:

 I surely understand why you would want to sell the furniture; you want your own house, as you wanted your own kitchen. I think it’s fine to sell it; Mom isn’t really “here” in the sense that she’ll ever go back to her furniture, any more than she will want her stove. Will it in any way benefit her for you to keep it when you need to get out from under? I don’t see that it will. I have no objection to letting it all go to new homes, where it will be useful and appreciated. Live your life now.

I talked to my sister Candy about it too.:

There are quite a few things she wants and has been making a list.  she also understands our need to have our home again after 11 years camping out – the last year has been limbo for us.

My longtime friend Charlotte gave me things to think about – some echoing what I have been thinking:

I can tell you why: your mom is still alive, and even though you Know she won’t ever be able to come home again, somewhere deep inside you keep thinking maybe there’s the tiniest chance, and if she did come home and see her stuff gone, she’d be So Mad!!!    That’s what kept dad and me from getting rid of mom’s clothes after she went into the care home, and was just wearing those snap-back dresses or, later, hospital gowns.  Dad said to me one time, we really should do something with mom’s clothes, and I said, yes, but I keep thinking, if she should snap out of this and come home, think how mad she’d be to find all her stuff missing!!  We chuckled about it, and just left it there.  After he died and we were getting rid of things, of course, we did get rid of mom’s clothes.  But I think it’s quite normal to feel some hesitation about getting rid of her furniture and things.  Maybe you could start with just some small pieces, or even put them out of sight somewhere, so you get used to them not being in the usual spots.

A good friend Rhonda gave me some interesting advice – she is a declutterer and organizing expert:  This is part of what I wrote her and her answer:

I don’t know what is holding me back from calling Brigh and tell him I’m ready for him to take the pieces for his shop.  I don’t know what it takes for me to give myself permission to do it.  I think part may be being afraid of “getting it wrong”; of selling something and later wishing I hadn’t.

The main thing to know right now is that you need to HONOR some of your mom’s things, HONOR some of what your younger sis wants, but also to remember that you are NOT the next storage unit!  You and hubby need to be thinking of a deadline for her to come up with the money to have things shipped to her, come get them or help you and hubby bring them to her.  Those are the options, clear and simple.  You two have already gone WAY overboard in taking care of your mum all these years and it’s high time you started taking care of yourselves – and allow yourself the permission to do so, darlin’!

We talked on the phone later and it really helped to understand what was going on – she had just gone through it with her mother-in-law.  She and her husband had to clear everything out in a weekend and her husband felt her would just put the furniture on the lawn for anyone to take.

Some of it for me is wanting to be sure I don’t “get it wrong” or 5 years later wish I hadn’t sold something.  I almost felt as if I was pushing Mom out and doing things behind her back – yet, she really isn’t in this world and I don’t want to upset her.  Now I realize she doesn’t remember as much as she did, she don’t always know what day it is or where she is.

I realize that Candy and I have more emotion attached to the things than Ellen – she is much more objective and that helps me so much.  I heard something on the radio this week that helped as well – keeping everything you have over your lifetime keeps you in who you were.  I see now also that being with all the furniture from my childhood keeps me in who I was and having our furniture is who I am .  Though in some ways, that furniture is also who I was.  It will be interesting to see how it feels after 11 years.

I was frustrated by a woman who was to come and photograph things so she could help me value things for sale.  It took forever for her to come and then didn’t hear from her.  So I found someone else and sold some things but it was not encouraging.  I feel in my naiveté I may have been taken a little.   I realized when Jo came back and we worked tougher photographing things in the hall closet, I felt comfortable and at ease with her.

She sells on-line and while she was here, called someone she knows about the things we did and the woman was ready to come over and shop.  Jo said she will have the values by next week – we’ll see how this works.  It turns out she was very upset to find her camera card didn’t have any pictures on it and she was really upset – must be why I never heard from her.

I said all she had to do was call me, I wouldn’t have been angry – it is not known=ing that irritated me.  I told her the story of my Dad who worked with a Wilmington, CA,  boat builder in the 30’s – the guy used to be a rum runner.  It was on the water and one day Dad dropped a tool in the water – he didn’t want to tell Dick but knew he had to tell him.  So he went to Dick and told him how sorry he was that he had dropped a tool in the water.  Dick told he” Thanks so much for telling, the guys usually don’t tell me!”.   It was definitely not the answer he was expecting from Dick.

As Jo and I were working, I realized I was not comfortable with Brigh – probably the reason I was reluctant to call him and have him take the things on consignment to his shop.

I also had talked about it at the Caregivers Support Group – they were so helpful and reassuring as my sisters and friends.  I’ll see what happens next.

I am beginning to think I have begun to give myself persuasion to do this.

 

 


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