Posts Tagged ‘Elder Law’

An Enforced Sabbatical

June 3, 2012

Most people who take a sabbatical have a plan and focus as well as a goal for the time they take away from their business or career.  The past year or so, I feel as though I have had an involuntary sabbatical and there has been no plan or goal – I didn’t realize it was happening until it was several months into it.  Last year I spent a lot of the first half dealing with a terrible sore neck and shoulder – difficult to do much in the way of work on the computer and not too swift in everyday tasks.  I did begin deep tissue massage which has helped me so much in mind, body and spirit.

As I was having a lot more relief from the pain, my Mom was getting more and more dependent until I couldn’t really leave her on her own.  I found my world narrowing so much that my business really suffered until there wasn’t a whole lot left.  By October I was overwhelmed but didn’t realize it until I went past it into in over my head.  I had thought it was time to regroup, refocus and decide where I want my business to go.  It seemed a good opportunity to think and meditate on what exactly I really want.  A great idea but I didn’t have time or energy to really sit down alone in a quiet place and listen.  I had to find caregivers for Mom and even 4 hours to myself wasn’t very much to accomplish the things I needed to do, much less contemplation about my future.  As I established some care givers – Bam, there I was on the hall floor with a broken hip.  I spent 4 or 5 days in the hospital after surgery, then 8 weeks of rehab.  Wow I thought, time alone to read, write meditate and ground myself.  I was so tired and depressed I had no interest in reading, much less writing.  That was frustrating because reading is one of my greatest pleasures.  Oddly enough, I had 2 orders for my promotional marketing business while in rehab – boy, was that unexpected!

To be honest, I still haven’t processed a lot of what has happened, especially from my hip.  I know I can no longer do all the things for my Mom that I did, so many people telling me I will end up back in rehab permanently if I do.  It has been hard to  not do things, though when I tell my Mom I can’t do something because I broke my hip, it seems to register with her.  I feel as if I am shirking responsibility but since my husband, my doctor and my therapists are all worried about me, I am getting better at being at peace with it.

Now that I am finally mobile again and can go places myself, I thought I would have time to find a quiet place by the water to write and just go within.  Now it seems there are so many things I need to do I couldn’t before but I keep running out of energy a lot sooner than I want.  As I write this, I am wondering if these are all just excuses because I am reluctant to actually sit down and just write whatever is ready to come out on paper.  I wonder if I would feel more ready of there was a step by step plan to follow, but then change it any way I want.  When it comes to writing, the hardest part is putting tush in chair – the rest happens even it is stupid, lousy or brilliant.  It is as if I am afraid to truly go within because I am worried there won’t be anything there.  Maybe I just prefer have the answers spelled out for me so I don’t have to do the work.

One thing I know, this is not the time to make any major decisions because I am bone weary physically and drag my ass tired emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Plus I am in the middle of dealing with Mom and the next project is to find a place for her to live where she is well taken care of and safe.  I have started by talking to a good friend who has done this for years, so I don’t feel I have to navigate through all of it by myself.  She has a possible place for Mom that sounds really good because she would have her medical care covered as well as a doctor, dentist, social worker, OT, PT, etc.  Plus, when she is not able to take care of herself  they would move her to a more nursing type place.  She is checking on it to see what it takes to qualify and I need to speak with my elder law attorney about some other things.  At least I have put things in motion, but it will take a while.  We need to have her on a waiting list now rather than wait until it is a crisis – it felt like a crisis back in November when I called the Alzheimer’s Association and I don’t want to do that again.

I keep wondering if this is my job, task or business for the moment, that once I take care of Mom I can start to concentrate on me and what I really want to do.  It feels as though I have been in transition the past few months – almost as if I am at a crossroads in my life.  I feel as though any time I wonder about what I want to do, what my purpose in life is or any other type question – there is a big fat question mark and all I hear myself say is “I don’t know”.  I have been so drag my ass tired for so long, I have forgotten how having energy feels.  Thank goodness I am not alone working on this and I am so looking forward to my deep tissue massage on Thursday – it has been 3 months since the last and I have missed it tremendously.


Me and my Granny

TWO Spoiled Cats

Angel Sammy and Teddy Make TWO

Northwest Outdoors

This site is the cat’s pajamas


reflections on a passing life

Universal Cosmic Consciousness

All experiences are the journey.

Tofino Photography

Professional Wildlife, Landscape and Seascape Photography

Rocking This Illness: My Story of Life with Behcet's Disease

Navigating Life with an Illness that Doesn't Define Me

I used to be indecisive...

...but now I'm not so sure


making my world greener, one day at a time


Trying to live a creative life

Wiley's Wisdom

Joy: From the Ground Up

" Creativity is a drug that i can't live without' - Cecil B. Demille StickertyClick, Destination for all of your edgy creative needs.

brent's iPhone & japan

what am i up to...


Life as Seen by Hemingway and Steinbeck

Kalliope Amorphous

Art blog of Kalliope Amorphous

Top 10 of Anything and Everything

Animals, Travel, Casinos, Sports, Gift Ideas, Mental Health and So Much More!

The Jiggly Bits

...because life is funny.

All Flared Up: An Arthritis Blog

Living Rather Than Wallowing

∞ itis

Rheumatoid Arthritis, autoimmunity, and life

%d bloggers like this: