Gift of RA

The past few weeks I have been reading a number of books, some new, some I have already read and decided to come back and reread.  I have also been listening to the radio, talking with friends who are like-minded and from many other sources.  I am working on understanding  what is going on inside of me that produces some of the less than desirable experiences and conditions in my life.  I am also working on becoming more aware, more strongly connected to my intuition, Spirit and my Higher Self.  To some it is woo woo, goofball stuff – to me it makes more sense than seeing myself as a victim, of being put upon and there is nothing I can do about it.

I have seen myself as a victim so much of my life, an innocent bystander side swiped by Life.  I know right here and now I am not a victim.  Oh yes, it is a lot easier in many ways to see myself as such, but it’s not working for me.  I  know now that I don’t discover who I am, I create who I am.

So many pieces, how do they fit together?

At the moment I feel as if there are all these bits of information running around my head, as if it I am putting together a jigsaw puzzle without a picture to check once in a while.  I have done one without the picture, a real challenge and I did put it together to see the picture.  Every once in a while I find a piece that starts to make sense – then it is gone and I can’t remember what it was.  I am sure it is in the depths of my memory, but after 66 years, it is more like a room with file cabinets all over and each drawer has so many papers hanging out of them that it takes a bit longer to locate what I want to remember.  Guess it isn’t computerized yet.

I don’t have a picture in my mind of the puzzle, its shape or other details.  So I ask:

Does it have unusually shaped pieces?

Is it round, square or some other shape?

Do the pieces look very different from I usually see?

Or is it three dimensional?

I understand things better when I have a picture in my mind.  It may not necessarily resemble what I am working on, it just has to make sense to me.  Of course, there are times when I just know that I know – I don’t need a picture in my mind.