Now Mom Knows


SUNDAY

I just realized the post I wrote yesterday was still only a draft – I was sure I published it.  Well, now it is published for all the world to see.

I must admit, I have been dreading to day because I needed to tell Mom about the new home – I didn’t think she would be too happy about it.  Yesterday I talked to Kathy on the phone about how to approach it and she gave me some very good suggestions.  I had been wondering what to say and worried about how she would take the news.  I realized, at least in my head, that I needed to give it all to God, my spirit guides, angels and master teachers as well as Archangel Michael to help Mom have peace.  So I  had to really talk to myself about it, to release all the worrying and over analyzing, to just let it all go.  I truly had to put it in their hands for them to give me the words, actions, attitude, thoughts, etc. to tell Mom.  I had to not only just show up and get out of the way in my head – it had to be in my heart as well.  Strangely enough, I was fairly calm, though had trouble going to sleep last night.  I kept thinking about Mom, the things I could say, how she might react – second guessing about things that hadn’t even happened.  So I decided I needed something else to think about, so I switched to quilting – that actually did it for awhile.

When I got up this morning she was very confused, asking if this was her parents house, etc.  She ended up go in and out of bed 2 or 3 times – I was feeling anxious because I wanted to “get it over”.   But I knew that was only for my benefit, this had to be  about Mom and when the best time  would be for her.  So I waited until she was fully awake, dressed and had had breakfast.  Then I sat her down at the dining room table to tell her.  I mentioned the house she had stayed for a couple weeks and the lady there, Lucy; not really but that didn’t matter.  I told her I had found another home for her, a real house with a large yard, a place to be outside when it is nice and  how pretty it is.  I said the lady who owns it met her at the Center and talked to her; thought she was sweet and made her laugh.  She liked Mom so much she has invited Mom to come and live in her home.  I mentioned a little dog who loves people that comes to visit and there are some other ladies there.  She wanted to know when and I said on Wednesday.  I feel as if I had smacked her in the face, she seemed a bit stunned.  So far she isn’t angry, though she wonders how she is going to be able to do it all.  I told her I would take care of it for her.

I called Kathy and told her I had told her and she seemed to take it well.  Kathy planned to come over and visit, bring lunch for the two of them.  After I hung up, I made phone ring and pretended it was Kathy and told Mom she was coming to visit.  Mom was delighted because she really likes Kathy.  She stayed for about an hour or more, Aster and I were in the office talking.  So far Mom hasn’t said much, maybe she is trying to process it.  We’ll see what happens.

TUESDAY

Mom didn’t say anything about moving to her new home, though Monday morning when I told Helima it would be her last Monday because Mom is going to a new home, Mom seemed confused.  So I just reminded her we had talked about it the day before and she  just said “Oh”.  Then  yesterday afternoon and evening she asked if she is going somewhere and when.  She seemed okay with it – I still don’t know how much has registered.  Kathy is coming to help today and tomorrow – I think having her will reassure Mom.

As for me, I am so tired and dragged out, I find everything takes so much energy and effort.  I did go to my caregiver support group yesterday afternoon – I think I have a difficult time, but the others have so much more to deal with than I do.  I did make an appointment for a massage with Debye on thursday morning, then I need to pick up Eddie in the afternoon.  Friday I want to meet Charlotte and accept her generous offer of the weighted baby doll – other than that, I don’t know.  At the moment I haven’t planned ahead, just want to sleep.  I know things will look different when I am more rested.

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