I have been able to use the computer a bit more lately thanks to my massage therapist – unfortunately I still overdo because it feels good to be able to to do it. I have realized that I need to be more organized in what I do online and how long – so hard to limit myself when I have been used to spending as long as I want. Another Life lesson.
I am so grateful to Debye Peters for her massages, explanations and help in dealing with the reasons for having all this difficulty. I saw her on Friday afternoon and this time it was a bit different because we didn’t do the deep tissue massage to get out the kinks in my shoulders. It was quite interesting. We start out with setting an intention for the session – that past few sessions it has been to allow whatever is ready to release to be let go. Then Debye invites any spirits or guides of her and mine to come in and be a part of the session. I found myself relaxing and enjoying the massage this time – I will admit those places that need release do hurt in the beginning and it can be uncomfortable at times. This was more relaxed, though she is very good at finding the spots that hurt – that’s the whole point of the exercise. I was on my stomach for the first part and at one point she took the pillow from under my left knee – it’s the one that doesn’t bend or straighten very well. I was a little concerned but it didn’t have the usual feeling of being snapped and really hurting. Debye stepped back and was amazed at how straight my body was, she has never seen me that straight before. When I was on my back she really noticed the same thing – I was much straighter than I have been in decades.
She said she just listened to her guides and she says they did a lot of cellular level clearing for me. She says when she listens to the guides, amazing things happen – a couple of times she said I was out – sometimes they do that to help with healing. When I stood up, she was still amazed at how straight and tall I was. I had a different feeling, not anything I can put my finger on what I felt was different. I felt capable and strong, things I haven’t always felt. Now the most important part is for me to believe and own it – a part of me is afraid I won’t believe it and go back to the habit of walking bent over again. I also know that what I fear will happen, so I am working on focusing on walking straight and knowing I am healthy, straight and strong.
I will admit that doing this and the other work over the past few years has not been comfortable, butI know it is necessary for me to be the amazing woman I am and to truly know that I know I am. Besides, if it is comfortable, I am not growing and stretching. Some things have been a bit scary and other times I didn’t want to do what was important, but I have gone ahead and done it. I couldn’t have done any of it without support and guidance from so many loving and amazing people who love me and want the very best for me. I want to be able to give back by being there for others, in what way I don’t know. But I feel there is something wonderful coming for me. I have to do this work in order for it to be created and I am much more willing to just let it unfold than I have been in the past. I love the phrase “creating myself” rather than just finding who I am. This past year and a half has been such a revelation, I am now much more able to believe I am amazing and lovable – I am beginning to love myself and not have that snarky voice saying “Yeah, right!”. That has always been ego wanting to keep me in victim mode beating myself up. Sorry ego, not boarding that bus!
I was thinking the other day how much fear I have had about everything all my life, trying to hide from it to feel secure. Not working for me. I thought, what would happen if I didn’t fear the unknown and thinking I’m not capable; since fear hasn’t worked very well, suppose I take fear out of the mix and trust myself, my intuition and all my angels, guides, spirits and beings who are here for my highest good. Right now I feel my job and focus is to continue work on myself and to be here for my Mom. She is 93 and has both macular degeneration and dementia, so she isn’t able to drive or do the things she has always done. My husband and I moved in with her so she can stay at home as long as possible. It is not always easy for any of the tree of us, but I am finding there are gifts in it. I can see things that I didn’t realize, just knew I resented it. I realize that I have been able to resolve a few of them – I working on having less and less baggage as time goes on.
I know more and more I am a healthy, powerful, inspiring woman courageously living my vision now!
Gift of RA 
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