A Different View


I have spent most of the last 39 years seeing RA as a burden and an obstacle to being a healthy, well-rounded person.  I have been to traditional doctors and used pharmaceuticals because I didn’t really know there was any other option and viewed RA as nothing but negative.  Of course, I wasn’t open to seeing that I had a part in it, so much easier to be a victim and an innocent bystander side swiped by RA for no reason.  A few years ago I began to be more open, more willing to at least think about how I may have contributed to it – still too scary to really examine.  About 5 or 6 years ago I started meeting some people in a networking group who did alternative medicine – the “Woo Woo” stuff.  I tried something with an Overlight Metaphysician – still working on understanding that one – because I had won a free  session.  I wanted to know what was causing RA but also a little afraid of the answer – might mean I wouldn’t be able to see myself as a victim any more.  She was an amazing woman, very understanding of my fears and very gentle with me.  She told me some astounding things , that she saw my guardian angel and also 2 spirit guides.  I had no idea they were there.  She asked me the name of my guardian angel, I hadn’t a clue.  Then she said she saw the letter J – first thought was Julia.  She said Julia was a 14 foot angle; boy, did that blow my mind.  She also told me that by telling people I have RA, then they don’t expect very much from me and then I surprise them by doing a great job.  I do it so I don’t have to compete.  That is quite true, I don’t like to compete because I always have felt too many steps behind everyone else.  She gave me a lot to think about.  I wish it had been recorded because if I listened to it now, I would pick up on a lot that didn’t register at the time.

I have worked with other practitioners of Reiki, Reflexology, energy medicine, singing crystal bowls, Diksha to name a few.  I have been reading books as well, talking to others, subscribing to newsletters and essentially becoming ready to see RA and its origins in a different way.  I came across a book by Misa Hopkins called “The Root of All Healing”.  A really cool book because I feel she is talking directly to me and knows what I am thinking and feeling.  She has had some great blog entries that  really hit me – she puts into words what I am trying to say.  I found Colin Tipping’s “Radical Forgiveness” a completely new way to view forgiveness and a way of seeing situations  as a way to resolve a difficult situation.

One thing I have been starting to understand is that this whole situation and my life  is not just a random thing – there is a pattern and purpose when I finally see and understand it.  For so long the question has always been “Why me?”.  Well, when I have heard people say “Why not me?”, I begin to wonder the same about my situation.  One thing I have learned over the years is that I am helping people a lot more than I realize, it’s just that I don’t always know.  That’s not a bad thing because if I always knew when I was of use to someone, I would never be able to get my head through the door.  Plus, whatever that is working would probably no longer be there.  So often we all are of use to other people when we are unaware – I would always ask God to give me the words, actions, attitude and thoughts when I did a presentation about RA, I would just show up and get out of the way.

I have been reading about surrender, that when I can surrender to RA I will be ore at peace.  I am still working on that because surrender to me means being overwhelmed and trampled.  So I decided to look it up in the dictionary:

verb (used with object)

1.  to yield (something) to the possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress: to surrender the fort to the enemy; to surrender the stolen goods to the police.
2.  to give (oneself) up, as to the police.
3.  to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion, etc.: He surrendered himself to a life of hardship.
4.  to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).
5.  to yield or resign (an office, privilege, etc.) in favor of another.
Then I found this one in Wikipedia:
To surrender in spirituality and religion means that a believer completely gives up his own will and subjects his thoughts, ideas, and deeds to the will and teachings of a higher power.
I then came across this from Let Go, Let Miracles Happen: The Art of Spiritual Surrender
by Kathy Cordova. Posted by: DailyOM:
The notion of spiritual surrender is quite different. Spiritual surrender is not about defeat; it is about acceptance, joy, and faith. Surrender is about ending the struggle in our lives and beginning our journey on a path more wonderful than we could imagine. As Marianne Williamson says in her book, A Return to Love, “Surrender means the decision to stop fighting the world, and to start loving it instead. It is a gentle libTo relax, to feel the love in yourheart and keep to that as your focus in every situa- tion—that’s the meaning of spiritual surrender.”
She has a great article and helps a little more for me to find my own definition and understanding of surrender.  I keep saying I am a work in progress as I travel on this journey.  I don’t really have a plan or itinerary with this journey – as I look back I don’t see one either.  Maybe when I get closer to the mountains it  will appear.  Yet I think there is some leading by Spirit, God, the Universe – whatever one calls that higher power – and I have been lead to people, places, things and ideas that help me come closer to the knowledge and understanding I seek.  The biggest thing I can see is that I am more open, receptive, willing and less limiting in my view.   Things no longer seem unbelievable; I have spent so much time playing small so others will feel secure, I’m ready to play big.
As I look at this entry, I realize I started out with one idea and it seems to have travelled all over the place.  Usually I write it first and then look it over before adding it to my blog; this time I felt compelled to just start writing  without the usual preliminary draft.  I hope the ramblings are of use to someone, it helps me to sort through what I am trying to understand.
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2 Responses to “A Different View”

  1. Ivie Bozeman Says:

    I am a “spiritual soul sister with arthritis, pain and sleep problems. I would like to be placed on your blog list. Ivie

    • Lee Kaplanian Says:

      Hello Ivie,

      What delight to hear from you. Thank You so much for your comments and wanting to be on my blog list. I will tell you a secret – I didn’t know I had a blog list. I will have to check with my wordpress guru and see what it takes. I also have a facebook fan page as well as a regular Facebook page – still working on figuring out how to put them together.

      I am going to make an appointment with a friend who is a medical intuitive to help me understand how all of this connects and what the core problem is. I have not done this before, so it will be interesting to see what develops. I have been looking at non-pharmaceutical remedies and solutions since I have been on too many drugs. I know a lot of the cause is from inside me and I am now willing to know the truth about myself. As Bruce Conching of Ike Pono says, other people see us better than ourselves and oh how true that is.

      I know there are are a lot of things happening inside me that the medical community can’t measure – therefore they don’t really see it as being there or important. So I hear you about Circadian Rhythm and other things. I am happy you want to be part of my blog list and I look forward to getting to know you better.

      Enjoy the day,
      Lee

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