Gift of RA

In some ways, it is hard to realize it is the beginning of a brand new year.  I choose to see it as a wonderful year filled with love, joy, laughter and hope.  I am looking forward to all the gifts and blessings it has for me – some may be uncomfortable, yet there for a purpose. There is no way to know just what will come along, only to see each thing or event as an adventure and challenge.  Easy to say when I am looking it from the 2nd of January, it may be a different perspective in the middle of what is happening.  Since I am a work in progress, all will be a learning experience.

2015 certainly had its share of learning experiences, I hope I met the challenge and learned from each experience.  Some times it felt as if it was just one more thing in a long line of things, I wondered how I would make it through.  I did make it through – I am still here and I kept telling myself “It’s not going to last forever”.  Even when it seemed as if it would never end.

The first six months were about grieving for Mom, wondering how it was showing up for me.  I found a 6 week grief support group and found it intense at times – but I came out the other end better.  At least I think I did.  It is still a mystery in some ways how I grieve for Mom, I can talk about her at times and be fine, then other times it bring tears to my eyes.  I wonder if it is an ongoing process and to always landmarks to tell me I have reached a certain stage.  Because of her dementia, I have been able to see the childhood programs that were instilled in me and it is up to me to decide which are true and which are not.

I was able to do the two things  she wanted – I scattered her and Dad’s combined ashes over the Sound from a ferry and also had a Celebration of Life Open House for her.   As a result, I have been able to let go of the emotional attachment to my parents things and give them a good home.  It has meant Eddie and I could paint the living room and bring up our furniture from the basement – to make it truly our home.  We cleaned out a lot of things  – much still to do – and are making plans for the other rooms and also the basement.

It is now time for Eddie and me to live our own lives, whatever and wherever that is.

This last six months seems to have been much more medical than I ever thought it would be.  When the young man rearranged my car, I remember thinking “This is a changing event”.  I was surprised I was not angry – my arm was broken in 2 places and I had to be at home for 8 weeks until it healed.  I am still in the process of physical therapy and chiropractic to help me get back to what I was.  As that was happening, I broke a tooth and ended up having a crown – the dentist said he had been keeping an eye on that tooth for 10 years, so he wasn’t surprised it broke.  Probably the hardest part of that was when he put in the aesthetic – the needle went into my jaw and it hurt like hell – I was crying like a baby.  Then for 2 weeks my jaw was painful and I had trouble eating.

Then it was to the dermatologist to take biopsies of the two places on my face.  Plus she got trigger happy with the nitrogen when freezing other places.  Took a while to heal from that – then on to the MOHS surgeon because it is basel cell skin cancer.  After a consultation he sent me to the plastic surgeon – I let it go too long and so  there is  a lot to correct.  It seemed my weeks were filled with doctor apps, physical therapy and chiropractic apps for twice a week.  I was trying to get some orders done and out for clients as well.

All along I was fighting with the orthopedic surgeon’s office about billing and getting my money back – this is through my auto insurance and they refused to understand – they just kept saying they don’t bill third-party.  I talked to Dave about it and now I have an attorney helping me – he has a paralegal who is doing all the billing and working with the insurance company – I still have $288 the surgeon’s office hasn’t reimbursed me.  He wants to do a reverse shoulder replacement and I am not happy about that.  Plus my primary care doc and rheumatologist don’t want me to do it because I am at a much higher risk.  Eddie is against the surgery –  I see so many difficulties with it and I don’t really want to go back to hurting, healing and all the other stuff again.  I am going to get a second opinion before I make a final decision.

I was getting ready for our trip to Toronto for  Christmas and ended up with bronchitis.  It wasn’t the extra dose of a med that had me coughing, I am still coughing but doing a lot better.  I coughed my way through 2 Christmas parties, wasn’t able to go to the 10th anniversary of the Future of Flight – it was more important for Eddie to go – and coughed my way through Christmas.

Even so, we had a great Christmas, even saw Niagara Falls from the Canadian side – it was amazing!  Roauf’s brother lives there and they invited us for lunch.  We went to his uncle’s one night and then same them at the brother’s house. We went to their Catholic church for Christmas day service, friends came to visit and there was a family dinner on Christmas Eve – this time the two boys were allowed to bring their girlfriends.  We did a lot of talking and enjoying each other’s company – it felt so good to relax and enjoy ourselves, not thinking about anything here.  Sonia cooked wonderful meals and we ate well.

Truly an interesting year and no doubt I will see the gifts in the uncomfortable parts later.  That is something I have learned, the gifts of a situation or event aren’t always apparent or obvious at the time; sometimes it takes distance and time for them to show up.

I wish you all a wonderful 2016 filled with love joy and laughter.

This entry was posted on January 2, 2016 at 4:01 pm and is filed under Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.