“I Hope You Know What You Are Doing”


My Mom would say that to the bulbs and buds coming up in the middle February.  We have had such mild weather so the scillas, daffodils and camellias are coming out.  The crocus are blooming their hearts out – in white, lavender and purple.

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 At this moment, most of the country is so cold, under snow and miserable while we are in the 60’s, sunny and quite mild.  We had snow in December, just a bit but enough to keep me home that day – mostly it has been raining.  The ski resorts are really unhappy because there is no snow, the environmentalists are upset there isn’t a snow pack for water.

I feel I have been in a tunnel for the past week – an uncomfortable time but I realize now, necessary.  It has been exhausting, emotional and upsetting all at once.  I had been working on a project for a client and I will admit to wearing myself out doing it.  I finished it last Sunday and they are pleased with it.  The day before we had coffee with Kathy, Mom’s caregiver and very good friend – now our good friend.  She gave me a kick in the tush about  selling the furniture and bringing up our furniture to finally make the house the Kaplanian household with our things in it.  I see now how it has been dragging me down – my mistake was trying to do it myself.

I have someone coming on Monday to see what we have and a second one on March 3rd. I feel comfortable with them – one is Katy’s cousin and the other is a referral from Vickie. I like the way their website looks and what their philosophy is.  Also, Kathy has offered to help me clear things out as well – that will help so much.  It is imperative to do it – it has been almost 2 1/2 years since Mom went into the adult family home.  It is for my own health and well-being to do this.  Plus Eddie has been so patient but frustrated all this time.  It’s been 12 years since we had our own home.

I have also been doing a 6 week grief support group with Hospice of Seattle.  there are 9 of us and Tuesday is the last session.  I am going to check with Wendi about other options, plus we all want to continue to meet – maybe once a month or so.  I thought I was doing okay until last week – apparently it comes and goes as well as being a messy business this grief.  I am not sure how it shows up for me or what works for me.  There are no set rules, steps or anything – it is very personal and unique for each person.

Eddie spent 4 nights in Lynwood last week for the PNAA Conference.  With such a difficult time, it was so good to have time to myself – do or not do, whatever I wanted.  I ate a lot of oatmeal – it was very comforting.  I can’t say I rested, I was too tired to sleep.  Monday I had a Roadshow in the morning and caregiver’s support group in the afternoon.  Tuesday I slept in and planned a leisurely morning before going to grief support in the afternoon.  I was working on the computer in my underwear when Eddie called to ask me to bring the banners he forgot.  So I threw my clothes on, grab stuff for the group and the banners and drove to Lynnwood. I felt thrown together and at sixes and sevens by then.  Turns out I had plenty of time to go to Lynnwood and back to Renton, so I had lunch and brought my book until group.

Turns out I wasn’t the only one early, so several of us talked a bit before group.  I was really a puddle that session, otherwise I have been doing pretty well.  Maybe I have done a lot of grieving while Mom was in the adult family home.  Having our things around me will help lighten things up a lot – cleaning out has felt so overwhelming.

Saturday was Valentine’s Day – Eddie and I had lunch with Andy and Jeanna at a Dim Sum restaurant in Bellevue – we usually go to the sushi place in Bellevue, but Andy wanted to do something different.  We had a great time and really enjoyed ourselves.  Eddie bought me some tulips to go with the Gerber Daisies from earlier in the week.

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 My Valentine gift to Eddie was empty space.  Luzma wanted the cradle, little child’s chair and the card table – so I called and asked if she was still interested.  She and John came over and now they have a good home next door.  The asked about the student lamp, but were a bit unsure.  Later they came back and decided to take it.  John is going to have to do some electrical work on it, it has been decades since it was converted from oil.

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Oh the fuzz, debris and junk when they moved things out – I swept it up and it looks much better.  I have the table by Mom’s chair, the pink chair and a dining room chair there now – much more open.  Eddie was  delighted with his new empty space – I wasn’t sure if he would notice it.  He thanked me profusely for empty space, there are times I think he wondered if I would ever get anything done.  It means I have begun the process and that is a huge step in the right direction.  Luzma told me several times “Don’t forget about the hooked rugs”.  I need to find out how much they would bring – she is very willing to pay for them.

The other empty space we did was the red rug Mom and Dad were married on – it is rolled up downstairs now.  Eddie put the pad in the recycle – couldn’t believe how much dirt was there.  It looks much more open now.

I closed down my Facebook account when I found out they say they own anything I put on Facebook – no more blog there.  That really made me angry – it is my life, my words, my writing, my experiences, not theres.  So up yours Facebook!!!!!!!

Now, an added bonus.  As I was downloading the photos from this morning, I forgot we had taken a couple of pictures in Toronto at Christmas.  This is Raouf and Sonia just before we went out to dinner on Christmas Eve.

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We had a great trip, just too short.  Maybe next time we will stay more than 3 days.

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2 Responses to ““I Hope You Know What You Are Doing””

  1. Charlotte Trayer Says:

    Our next-door neighbor’s forsythia is starting to bloom already, too! At this rate, we’ll have lilacs for Easter (4/5)!

    I’m glad to see you are starting to make some progress again with your mom’s things. It does take a while to sort thru things and deal with them, especially when you are doing it pretty much on your own. Sometimes you do have to take a break from the sorting and decision-making. Ask me how I know!

    You might want to save at least one of her hooked rugs as a keepsake, even if you put it away for a while. You can always sell it or give it away a year or two from now–better that than get rid of all of them, and then wishing you had kept one of them!

    Take care of yourself, my dear! love, Char

    • Lee Kaplanian Says:

      Yes, I remember when you spent days at your parents’ house going through things. I know it would be easier if I wasn’t also living here as well. I have to remind myself often they are just things, not my Mom and Dad.

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