I was not sure about publishing the post about my Mom yesterday, it is such a personal thing for her and our family. I often wonder if it is a good idea to publish things so close to me and family – my sisters really are there to help me, I have asked their advice more than once. I get so close to it that it is hard for me to be objective. But I found I slept so well last night that I now realize I needed to express what was inside me. I am still taking it all in, but I am not scared about it – maybe it doesn’t feel real yet. I spoke to her doc on Tuesday afternoon and she wants to send Mom to an oncologist to see what options are available. Fortunately she doesn’t want to invasive and heavy duty stuff for this – she said we are not treating Mom’s breast cancer, we are treating Mom. She doesn’t think Mom would do very well in the hospital for surgery, so I’m glad she isn’t hung ho for invasive measures. The appointment with the oncologist will probably be in about 2 or 3 weeks.
I went to visit her yesterday and took my next door neighbor Delores with me. She and Bob are going to the canal house tomorrow and won’t be around much during the summer. So she brought some rhododendron blossoms to Mom. I was glad to see Mom was doing quite well, I really wasn’t surprised to see her in a wheel chair since her knees have been bothering her. So we had a good visit and I checked in with Judy on Saturday after the biopsy to see how things were going. Apparently Mom didn’t have any trouble with the incision, not even sure she remembers it. I haven’t said anything to Mom about breast cancer – I’m not sure she would understand. She didn’t ask about results, so I didn’t say anything to her.
I am very grateful to ElderPlace and the people there as well as Didi and Judy – I don’t have to do this all by myself. I have received a lot of support and encouragement from my sisters and my husband Ed, what a difference asking for help makes. This whole experience of Mom and her dementia, my broken ankle, finding an adult family home for her, applying for Medicaid, etc. has made me feel more confident and competent to deal with major things occurring. Adding to this is the letting go of all the negative programs and deciding to be who I am whatever anyone one says has also helped. I feel different, though I can’t really be specific; just a difference.
We went to pick up the check this morning, but realized it is tomorrow. Eddie wasn’t going to the archives this morning and decided not to go to the aviation conference, so he came to Breakfast Club with me. I was doing the 5 minute – I am now finding I concentrate on what I am doing and not wondering what Eddie is thinking of what I am doing. I think he sees a different me when he comes to Breakfast Club. Not a bad thing.
We have put the remodel in motion, I will be getting the check for Brad to start buying materials. He is going to get a head start so that when the plumber and electrician start on the 10th, he will have done the demolition, put in a new back door and work on the pocket door. Brad is going to start doing that on the 3rd. It doesn’t quite seem real yet, but with check in hand it will.
We have started cleaning out some of the cupboards in the kitchen, last Saturday we filled the wheely bin at least half full on Saturday and made it to the top today. We took some things over to Goodwill as well, will be packing up more for another trip or more down there.
I am looking forward to my massage tomorrow morning and another good night’s sleep tonight. There is so much going on inside me, yet I can’t really describe it in detail. It just is.