It was my birthday last week and my wonderful other half gave me flowers and took me to a lovely dinner for just the two of us. We don’t have much opportunity to be alone since we have been living with my Mom since the end of 2002. She said the other day she wants us here with her and I’m glad to be able to be here for her as she deals with short term memory loss and macular degeneration. However, the other side is that I don’t have my own home and my things around me and I do miss that. It also means my husband and I don’t have the privacy and alone time we used to have. I know that because we are here, Mom can stay in her home as long as possible.
I received a lovely package of books and a shawl from my younger sister and my older sister also sent a cool book – we are big on books and music in our family. I also received another gift – one very unexpected. When I was at the doc for the natural supplement study, he told me I am gluten sensitive. Now I figure that means I have some problem with it but it it doesn’t send my body into a tailspin if I eat something with gluten. Not something I would have chosen for myself, but I have decided to see it as a gift. After all, if I rail and complain and feel sorry for myself and play victim, I still have it and then I have made myself miserable. Who knows, it may even help my joints and body feel better.
I have been gluten free (as far as I know) for about 10 days, not sure how long it will take to feel a difference or what that difference is. I felt really miserable the first week or so – then learned that there is withdrawal. Maybe that was what was happening. Now I think I notice something but not sure and to be honest, I don’t want to read too much into anything. I have wanted to have less pain and discomfort for so long that I want to be sure before I actually say it.
I applaud all those people who have found they are gluten intolerant all these years and had no sources of gluten free foods unless they did it all on their own. It must have been very difficult to need to be gluten free in a very gluten world – thanks to them all they have done to create gluten free products and restaurants, it is much easier for those of us who are just starting out. A huge Thank You to all of them – though they may never know how much I appreciate all they have done.
Bread seems to be the big challenge because a lot of the other grains such as rice, millet, teff, etc. don’t quite have the same texture and taste that flour gives them. I tried some rice bread and it was quite dense and a bit dry – one small piece filled me up quite easily but didn’t tickle my taste buds. Yesterday we went to a gluten free bakery and had some coffee and a pastry. I chose an Expresso marble cake – Yikes it was a huge piece. It was moist and not bad – but I would have been smarter to eat half and bring the other half home. I was stuffed by the time I finished it (childhood training to clean my plate) and didn’t need to eat for quite awhile. I bought some foccacia to take home, it looks like regular foccocia and I am anxious to try it. I also bought some quinoa to try as a salad with different things in it – I was looking at gluten free recipes on the web and found some for quinoa. I am looking forward to trying them and see how they taste.
Yes, I am now 64 – I always say I earned every one of them. I used to look back and wish I had known certain things or done some things differently, but I am beginning to understand that my life has unfolded the way it was meant to unfold, that I am in the perfect place, at the perfect time doing the perfect thing for me. I will admit I haven’t embraced it yet, I am still stepping in to it. My husband once remarked “You’re not the girl I married”. My answer was “I should hope not!”. I am a woman now and tapping into my essence of who I really am and beginning to know that amazing woman. There, I said it! (Note to Self – it’s not boasting or bragging, it’s perfectly fine to think well of myself. Oh those programs firing right now). I do not want to be that young, naive and inexperienced young girl at 22 (going on 16) who flew down to Australia to be married. I am getting better with age and although I don’t have a clear picture of my purpose in life, I know it is there and will unfold when it is time. I also know I may be living my purpose and not know it, that I am helping others while I live my life. I learned a long time ago that I don’t have to know every time I am of use or help to someone – there is a part of me a little worried about getting a swelled head if I always knew. Then whatever it is that is working, wouldn’t any more because I got in the way. Once in awhile it is lovely to hear when I have helped someone, keeps me knowing God and I are doing our job. Mostly I just ask God to take care of it, I will show up and get out of the way.