I have spent most of the last 39 years seeing RA as a burden and an obstacle to being a healthy, well-rounded person. I have been to traditional doctors and used pharmaceuticals because I didn’t really know there was any other option and viewed RA as nothing but negative. Of course, I wasn’t open to seeing that I had a part in it, so much easier to be a victim and an innocent bystander side swiped by RA for no reason. A few years ago I began to be more open, more willing to at least think about how I may have contributed to it – still too scary to really examine. About 5 or 6 years ago I started meeting some people in a networking group who did alternative medicine – the “Woo Woo” stuff. I tried something with an Overlight Metaphysician – still working on understanding that one – because I had won a free session. I wanted to know what was causing RA but also a little afraid of the answer – might mean I wouldn’t be able to see myself as a victim any more. She was an amazing woman, very understanding of my fears and very gentle with me. She told me some astounding things , that she saw my guardian angel and also 2 spirit guides. I had no idea they were there. She asked me the name of my guardian angel, I hadn’t a clue. Then she said she saw the letter J – first thought was Julia. She said Julia was a 14 foot angle; boy, did that blow my mind. She also told me that by telling people I have RA, then they don’t expect very much from me and then I surprise them by doing a great job. I do it so I don’t have to compete. That is quite true, I don’t like to compete because I always have felt too many steps behind everyone else. She gave me a lot to think about. I wish it had been recorded because if I listened to it now, I would pick up on a lot that didn’t register at the time.
I have worked with other practitioners of Reiki, Reflexology, energy medicine, singing crystal bowls, Diksha to name a few. I have been reading books as well, talking to others, subscribing to newsletters and essentially becoming ready to see RA and its origins in a different way. I came across a book by Misa Hopkins called “The Root of All Healing”. A really cool book because I feel she is talking directly to me and knows what I am thinking and feeling. She has had some great blog entries that really hit me – she puts into words what I am trying to say. I found Colin Tipping’s “Radical Forgiveness” a completely new way to view forgiveness and a way of seeing situations as a way to resolve a difficult situation.
One thing I have been starting to understand is that this whole situation and my life is not just a random thing – there is a pattern and purpose when I finally see and understand it. For so long the question has always been “Why me?”. Well, when I have heard people say “Why not me?”, I begin to wonder the same about my situation. One thing I have learned over the years is that I am helping people a lot more than I realize, it’s just that I don’t always know. That’s not a bad thing because if I always knew when I was of use to someone, I would never be able to get my head through the door. Plus, whatever that is working would probably no longer be there. So often we all are of use to other people when we are unaware – I would always ask God to give me the words, actions, attitude and thoughts when I did a presentation about RA, I would just show up and get out of the way.
I have been reading about surrender, that when I can surrender to RA I will be ore at peace. I am still working on that because surrender to me means being overwhelmed and trampled. So I decided to look it up in the dictionary:
verb (used with object)
by Kathy Cordova. Posted by: DailyOM: