Cherries!!!

July 27, 2014

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Royal Anne Cherries

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Rainier Cherries

It’s cherry season and they are less now than when they first came in to the stores.  We have been buying Rainier cherries, though I feel they are just like the Royal Annes we had when I was growing up.  I looked it up and the Royal Annes are smaller, not as flavorful – I remember them as delicious.  Who ever planted them next to the garage – espaliered across the side – didn’t understand long terms effects.

They were already planted and tall, producing the most wonderful cherries.  As I stand at the kitchen counter eating Rainier cherries, I am sent back to being a little girl in the summer time.  I would walk down the sidewalk and pull a branch down to eat my fill of cherries.  It’s a wonder I didn’t get sick to my stomach.

When Eddie and I would come back to visit Mom and Dad, he would enjoy them as much as I did.  I remember one day when the two of them climbed on the roof and picked a big bowl of cherries.  Later they sat eating cherries while watching baseball.

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Imagine 2 very large cherry trees right up next to the garage.  I think I have a picture somewhere, but it will take a while to find it.

We also had “the little cherry tree” near the two – it was a pollinator and the bird made sure we never had any of those.  They did a pretty good job on the Royal Annes, but there were so many on the trees that there was enough for everyone.  I’m sure there were little furry creatures from the canyon that came in the night for their share as well.  Those trees served us very well.

It seemed in later years the trees had less fruit and the wildlife managed to abscond with most of the cherries before we had a chance.  Then came a point when they grew too big and began to push the garage over.  When I looked at the garage from the street, it listed to starboard.  So Mom and Dad had to have them cut down, but left the “little tree”.  Somehow two other trees grew over on the edge of the property to the north.  The wildlife took care of any fruit they might have produced.

Finally they began to look so sad, dying and shriveling up the leaves.  So I had John come over last year and cut them down, that was hard to see happen.  I still have the tree trucks, John sawed them up in wood slices and I have used them in my three beds.  So they are still useful and not completely gone.

The blackberries are also ripening now – they seem to take over everywhere.  Reminds me a bit of kudzu in Atlanta.  These have wonderful, juicy blackberries, but this vines and thorns will tear you to ribbons at the blink of an eye.  Believe me, it’s hard work but the results are delicious – once you  attend to the wounds.

What I remember most were the tiny blackberries that grew in the fields.  They have tiny thorns that stuck me and stayed in there for a long time.  We used to call it “frying our brains” because we were in the sun and it was hot.  We would see if we could gather enough for a pie, one year we even picked enough for jam.

We also had raspberries bushes, I would pick in the morning and then late in the afternoon it would like as if I hadn’t picked any.  We had lots of those for breakfast, Mom made jam and many went from bush to mouth.  We had blueberries as well, loved the blueberry pancakes in the morning, though plain blueberries in a bowl were lovely.  Picking blueberries was easy, not thorns and the bushes were just next to the back porch.

Funny how eating fruit takes me back to my childhood; the taste, smell, texture all bring pictures to my mind of when and how I used to eat, pick and enjoy each one.

Mixed Up Week

July 26, 2014

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This has nothing to do with the post but I enjoy Ellen’s photos a lot and this makes me smile.

It has been a rather oddball week, at times I wasn’t sure what day it was, what time it was or what was happening next.  Certainly traffic has been a real problem because they closed all but one lane each way on the I-90 bridge to fix expansion joints.  Friday night to the following Friday morning, Eddie had a long commute from up north coming home.  Of course it didn’t help that the President arrived on Tuesday – for 2 fundraisers rather than what to do about the wildfires.  It took Eddie about 2 1/2 hours to get home each day.  Because of the traffic, they didn’t open the archives, so Eddie spent Wednesday up north taking  4 students and their professor for a tour and a couple of places.  This was done for PNAA rather than the Future of Flight.

I went to see Mom on Monday afternoon because there was an assessment being done – like the one done last year.  The guy saw a definite decline in how she is from the last time; Didi was there and was able to tell him what she needs help with – everything.  She was a little uncomfortable saying it in front of me, but I told her it’s what I need to hear.  In many ways I wasn’t surprised and it didn’t hit me quite as much as last year.  I have noticed she does less and less, I have to put the cookie or chocolate in her hand.  When I went Friday, I brought cookies for the house.

Tuesday was a day for myself – I worked on my radio show.  I am working on creating a picture in my mind to help me see it clearly.  I am thinking of starting with a 30 minute show during the week and seeing how it goes.  So I put together a clock for myself with each minute so I can visualize how much time for program and how for ads.  Still lots of questions, but I feel it is important for it to be clear to me before I can explain it any sponsor.  I would like to meet with Brian and Erik, this time with questions and see how to organize the show and all the parts that need to be set.  It’s interesting to notice bits and pieces of it come together without great effort.  I think deciding on guests is the easy part.

Wednesday I went to Breakfast Club and then went to see Cheryl again.  I really felt exhausted after my adjustment, so I came home and found no electricity – I don’t need electricity to have a nap.  So I did.  When I woke up, I had no idea what time it was.   Melanie from PNAA called to see if Eddie was home because she was anxious to know how things went.  I asked her what time it was – 3:15.  About 3:30 Eddie called and the electricity came on – he wanted me to call Melanie to let her know everything went like clockwork and they were delighted.  So I called and she was pleased to heart.  I told her Eddie would call her when he came home – whenever that was.  She appreciated my call.  I have to admit, I was not sure what was going on – I felt confused because of my nap and no electricity.

We also had rain this week – blessed relief.  I would have liked a day or two more rain, everything is dry and parched – especially me.  Now it is a fresh, washed clean feeling and certainly the air is clearer.  Having temperatures in the high 80’s and into the 90’s are a bit much – I prefer 75 to 80. Now it is due to go up to the 80’s again.  Tomorrow is the Ravenna Volvo picnic where the dealership invites owners and friends to celebrate with them.  Looks as if it is going to be a lovely day tomorrow.  Eddie cleaned his car very well this afternoon for the car show.  He just bought a new wagon and it is different from the other wagons, so that should generate a lot of comments and compliments.

Thursday I went to Apple to Group Training to help me put together a new header for the new blog for Eddie.  He isn’t doing the regular newsletter for Future of Flight any more and this is going to be a work in progress until we figure out how we want it to be.  Looks like another education for me.

Friday Eddie took the day off to go down to the LeMay Car Museum about volunteering.  I went to see Mom with cookies for house – she was a bit droopy but certainly ready for chocolate and cookies.  In some ways rather she was rather talkative while I read D.E. Stevenson – no idea what she was saying, but it was important to her.  Afterwards, I met Eddie at home and we went down to visit the place that will put a coating on his car to prevent dings from rocks.  He is going to take next Friday off since he has to leave it the whole day.  Then we can use my car to visit Mom and do what we want to do.  Afterwards we had something at Barnes & Noble and did some grocery shopping.

Today we did some different things – went to Whole Foods, then over to Des Moines to the car wash for tomorrow and then stopped for ice cream.  Auntie Irene’s is the only place I know that has licorice ice cream – yummy.  Eddie is doing the laundry and I am about done with this – there’s an old movie on we want to watch.  I think things will feel more normal on Monday.

Past My Comfort Zone

July 20, 2014

I have started a new project, though I have been thinking about it and wanting to do it for the past few years.  So why haven’t I done it before now?  Great question!  I think it has mostly been –  what I am beginning to understand finally – a result of my core belief, I am not good enough.  I have seen myself in terms of what I don’t have – a degree, a specific talent, training – I can go on and on.  I was also concerned about who would be interested in what I have to say, that no one would tune in to me.  All those insecurities running around my brain. Strangely enough, about 5 weeks ago I calmly wrote an email:

  I have been wanting to do a radio show, not quite sure how to clearly define it.  I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis for 43 years and in the last few years I have been thinking in terms of finding the gifts in it rather than seeing myself as a victim.  Since February of 2010, I have been writing a blog called www.giftofra.com,
wanting to share my experiences and what I am learning can help others.  I am in the process of writing an ebook with a collection of blog posts about RA – I plan to do one about dementia since I have been dealing with my Mom’s for the past 3 or 4 years.  I have spent most of those 43 years dealing with it on my own and it would have been great to have someone with more experience to consult.  In some way, I would like to be that person – I am only an expert in my own RA.  
      I probably need someone to help me decide the focus and audience for a show – I have been thinking of calling it Finding The Gifts.  It is scary, yet I have been thinking about it the last few years while I have enjoyed listening to KKNW.  There is a part of me that thinks “Why would anyone want to listen to me?”, I know that is the no part of me.  If I don’t actively do something about it, it will always be something I wanted to do but never had the courage.
I had a really nice email in response:
My name is Brian Egge with KKNW.  Erik Krema the Operations Manager at KKNW gave me your contact information.  I am sorry to hear about your condition, but it sounds like you have made the best of it.  I think it’s very admirable that you want to share your experiences with others that may have the same condition and help consult them.  Erik and I would love to hear more about yourself and your condition to see how it will relate to the KKNW audience.
About 2 weeks later I went over to the radian station to meet with Brian and Erik.  It was a lot of  fun and they were terrific.  What has surprised me through this whole thing is how calm I am – I wasn’t worried about my looks even though I am heavier than I have ever been.  I just thought, this is who I am at this moment and I am fine with it.  I didn’t have the butterflies in my stomach or any of that, nor did I feel insecure and see myself as not having much to offer.  They asked questions and I had no problem answering them, plus I put in a few bits myself.
I was amazed when they said I had the timbre and voice for radio – I told them I spent a lot of years answering the phone and having people ask if my mother was there – the timing.  They really wanted me to come and do a show for the station.  All I had to do was tell them when.  Then I got the fluttering inside.  I must admit, I was stunned and it hadn’t really seemed real or sunk in at the point.  WOW!  I had no idea.
Now, the sticking point is getting sponsors to fund the show – no way I can afford it on my own.  I have talked to a couple of friends and they are interested – I just have to understand how it all works.  I told them I would start a list of questions – I always have questions, just ask my clients.  Interestingly enough, I had started a notebook about my radio show 2 or 3 years ago, that made a start for right now.
Later I had another email from Brian:
Thanks for the email.  Well Erik and I really do believe you would be excellent as a radio host on KKNW.  Yes, I would be happy to send you some information to share with your people of interest for sponsoring.  I will put something together and try to email it to you by no later than Monday afternoon.  Does that work?
Does that work?  You bet your ass it does.  This is new territory for me, so it is a bit confusing at the moment.  I want to meet with them again to find out how it all works.  It has finally sunk in and I have been thinking about it and what I would do.  I had some ideas for music I listed in my notebook, then Friday I was listening to my Susan Boyle cd in the car and the last song is “This Is The Moment” and it hit me because it said a lot of things that described how I was feeling.
It is less expensive to do it outside 6 to 6 weekdays, but I have decided to aim high and do half an hour on a weekday – shoot for the moon and I will at least land on a star.  Once again, I need to talk with them about it.  I know there are a lot more things to do, I am working on what I know to do right now and see what comes next.

Last Part of The Song

July 13, 2014

I decided to  finish up the last 2 verses of  “My Favorite Things”.   If Ellen and Candy have any photos to contribute, then I will redo it.

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Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes

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Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

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Silver white winters that melt into springs

These are a few of my favorite things

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When the dog bites

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When the bee stings

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When I’m feeling sad

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I simply remember my favorite things

And then I don’t feel so bad

One More Time!

July 9, 2014

My sisters and I were on a roll when Ellen first sent the Raindrops On Roses photo and I asked about Whiskers on Kittens – Candy’s cue to send a photo of her friends kittens.  I realize now I thought I knew the words to My Favorite Things from The Sound of Music. NEWS FLASH!  I don’t.  So I needed to check out the lyrics and see where I went off track.

Raindrops on roses

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and whiskers on kittens

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Bright copper kettles

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and warm woolen mittens

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Brown paper packages tied up with strings

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These are a few of my favorite things

That’s the first verse and we only did the first line – I went into the second verse with doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles after Ellen sent apple strudel.  By then we were off track but having fun.

Now to the 2nd verse, we have several pictures for that.

Cream colored ponies

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and crisp apple streudel

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Doorbells and
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Sleigh bells

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schnitzel with noodles

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Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings

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These are a few of my favorite things

The three of us have done well with the first two verses, it will be interesting to see what we come up with for the last 2 verses.  Thank You Ellen and Candy – this “project” is fun to do.

 

Bits And Bobs

July 6, 2014

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This is one of those times when I want to write but haven’t an idea what to write about.  Usually something has happened, I have learned or discovered something, someone said or did something  unusual – none of it comes to mind.  I ave noticed the moles are back – they have been digging in the bed by the porch and I can see the holes, not just a pile of dirt.  They are busy little bodies, that’s for sure.

I have been working on my RA book; I think I have a better handle on the program now.  I decided to use my sister Ellen’s ocean pictures for the cover and also the chapter headings – looks pretty good.  When I feel I have the hang of the program, I will work on the book about dementia – both Ellen and Candy have flower photos and I think those will fit Mom because she loved gardening.  As for my garden, well that’s another story.  Nothing else has been done since I messed up my knee – I don’t think it is the best thing to do at the moment.  I did receive the flower seed mats and I have decided to use quilt block patterns to set them out – maybe with white stones to outline them.  I need to cut them in squares and diamonds ready to be put down.

As for the knee from my slide; I am doing better, I just started my third week of it.  I have been seeing Cheryl, my chiropractor and she has helped; mostly it is resting and taking care of myself.  I don’t do a lot in a day, just what I need to do and I have been having naps at times.  I’ve been using my cane when I go out, around the house I do okay.  It was hard to bend my knee to walk and now it is slowly getting better.  I think of the things I need and want to do, then I feel too tired to do anything about it.  I keep forgetting it takes a lot of energy to deal with it and rest is so important.  This too will pass – it always does.

I look around the office and keep thinking how much I need to clean out and organize.  There are things I no longer need and when I take the clutter out of my mind and home, there will be room for new things and ideas.  I am a pack rat, though getting less so – it’s the sentimental streak that gets me.  That is how I feel about the things someone gave me, or I used to use, etc.  Too much emotion invested in things.  One thing I have been learning through Mom and dementia is to take the emotion out of it.  Taking it personally is also part of it.  Now I am working on taking the emotion out of things – I have pictures and they  have been part of my life since I can remember.  But I am living my life, not my parents’ life – I want to have my own things around me.  Not sure I remember what I have any more, 12 years is a long time.

It is our life now – Eddie’s and mine.  I guess I feel a bit disloyal selling or giving away Mom and Dad’s things.  But it is also disloyal to Eddie to not have our things upstairs.  I feel caught in the middle a bit, I want to move on with our life together.  I think I am finally at that point I am ready to let go for myself.  The advice to people is to wait a year before making any major decisions – it is almost 2 years since Mom moved to the adult family home.  She won’t be coming home or need anything now, she isn’t really aware of anything outside where she lives.  (I think I am actually writing this to myself).

This is probably the first July 4th in quite a while that we have had sun for several days.  We tend to joke that summer doesn’t start until July 5th, this is one summer that seems to be more “normal” (if you can define that).  The sun and clouds have been playing hide go seek with each other, sometimes it is a hazy sun – not my favorite.  We actually had almost 90 on Tuesday – much to warms for me.  since I found out we have a furnace fan, I turn that on to help cool things off upstairs and bring some warmth and dryness to the basement.  It works pretty well, so Eddie and I were comfortable sleeping that night.  If it is going to be partly cloudy, then make it clear blue sky, bright sun and white puffy clouds.  I don’t mind the clouds covering the sun for a bit – it has a lighter feel,  hazy sunshine reminds me too much of L.A. and smog or East Coast with hazy, hot and humid.  I think go it as the difference between having a bad headache and feeling great.

This seems to be a bit of a mind dump – just things running through my head.  It would be a whole lot longer if I wrote about everything whirling around up there.

Life Lesson

July 4, 2014

It’s the 4th of July today – we knew it was coming because there have been firecrackers going off for a week.  Strangely enough, it’s quiet at the moment – 2:15 p.m. – but I expect it will get livelier as the day goes on and it begins to be dark.  So we are in for a noisy evening and night.  We can look in all four directions and people have fireworks going off – sometimes it is hard to decide which way to turn.  The other unusual part of the day is that we have had sun and good weather quite often – we tend to say summer doesn’t start here until July 5th.

Eddie took the day off and went with me to visit Mom.  I wasn’t sure if he would because he finds it very difficult to be with her, he can’t really carry on a conversation with her.  She has been having trouble with her knee, so she has been in the wheelchair – but Judy has her use the walker to go into the tv room.  Today she was sitting in the chair, her walker near her.  So she must be doing better.  She is always ready for chocolate and cookies, I had 2 different kinds of chocolate this time.  As we were walking over from the church parking lot, Eddie said he didn’t want to stay very long.

We were there about half an hour and Judy was outside on the phone, so I couldn’t tell her we were leaving.  I went around the back door but she wasn’t outside, she was just inside the door.  She was concerned about me because we hadn’t stayed long – I told her it is hard for Eddie to see her that way.  She is so understanding and kind to me, it started my tears gathering in my eyes.  And the nicer she is to me, the more I cry.  It hit me and I was feeling upset.  I went back to the car and decided I would just feel the feeling, feel the sensations.

I can’t really describe how I was feeling,  upset is the best I can do.  So I just decided this is what I am feeling in this moment, not judging it good or bad, or criticizing or beating myself up about it.  I decided to speak my truth, though mostly it was inside me rather than telling Eddie.  It was uncomfortable to feel like that, but that was how I felt.  I felt tears spilling down my cheeks and I let them fall.  I thought about the gift in it, at that moment I didn’t see any gift.  I called on Mother/Father God, my angels, archangels, master teachers, ascended masters, spirit guides, over lighting divas and all who were there for my highest good to help and guide me to see the gift.

As I was working through it, I realized the gift was I felt my feelings and the sensations without judgment or beating myself up – just allowed them to be what they were in that moment.  Usually I will do something or go somewhere so I don’t have to feel or think about what I am feeling – not always the best idea.  It feels as if it is another step to awareness – they aren’t always comfortable or enjoyable steps, but they are necessary.

I told Judy I have had several people tell me that I will be grateful I did this for Mom – she said that was so very true.  Right now it is a bit difficult for me to see this because often I want to run away and not have to deal with it.  I also know I couldn’t live with myself if I did – I keep thinking how she has always been there for me and my sisters and it is my turn to do it for her.  I never want her to feel she has been abandoned.  I spoke to an intuitive a few weeks back and she told me my Dad’s Spirit is still here, waiting until Mom finishes what she needs to complete.  She said he is very proud of me.

It’s better now, though there is a heaviness and some draggy feelings.  The gift comes in unexpected ways, or is itself different from what I thought it would be.  Sometimes I expect things to show up in a certain way or form, when it doesn’t, I am disappointed.  I have a much easier time now just giving it to God and saying “However shows up, whatever works for me”.  I have finally learned that when I  say it has to be a certain way, I limit the Universe and miss out on all kinds of possibilities.

I also have some things to resolve with Mom, I plan to have a reading with the intuitive to see what is left unfinished.

I Am Blown Away!!!

June 29, 2014

This is my 257th blog post – with 4 drafts – and what is more amazing are the 102 followers I now have.  That is so amazing!  I was so pleased with 25 followers and now it is 4 times that amount.   I am very grateful for all of my followers, I appreciate the comments and to know there are people who are interested in my blog.

On the slight downside, I was getting a lot more spam, but I know they just want me to approve their comment so it will show up in better stats for them.  It all gets deleted, so they have wasted all that time and energy for nothing.  Recently it has slowed down to only a few at a time – I am not interested in house appraisals and inspections in Maryland, any more than all the ones from people selling cars.  Give me a break!  I don’t write anything about any of those.

As I look back over all the posts since February 2010, I started out with mostly writing about RA; then wrote at times about Ike Pono and what I was learning about myself.  Later on I wrote about my Mom and dealing with dementia and about some things going on that have nothing to do with any of the other things.   Yet, all of it affects RA and my state of mind; how can it not?  I also have learned that it is important to find the funny side of things – if I don’t laugh about it, I go nuts.

I started thinking about all the years I have had RA, all the drugs, tests, studies, procedures I have had.  When I am in the situation, odd thoughts come to me that are a bit funny.  It isn’t as though I sat there and said to myself “What’s funny here? or what does this remind me of in the past?”.   Things just came to me.  The times I have been in the hospital, I would keep a pad with me to write down my experiences.  I wrote a journal for several years and I had requests to be put on my list to send it to them.  I realized that writing helps clear things out, help me see things a bit more clearly and there is something that compels me to write things down.

Before I came back to Seattle to live, I traveled a lot with my husband and also by myself.  I would keep my journal going and at one point, I started recording it on a cassette tape.  I found someone to type those tapes out for me – when I read the typed piece, I realized I had left out things.  I may have been a little more conscious of editing because I knew someone else would see it.  People used to tell me I had such an interesting life – reading my journals didn’t have the times of pain, depression, frustration, etc. I had at the time.  I didn’t whinge because I was tired enough of it myself, I didn’t want to write about it.  Besides, who wants to read that?

When I started this blog, one thing that was important to me was not to whinge (moan and complain) because I wanted this to be a positive blog.  I’ve read other RA blogs and they tend to talk more about how they are feeling, what isn’t working, what is – I wanted to have more ideas and solutions.  I know this kind of blogs work for some and I am glad they do.  It’s just me.  I started with the Connecticut Chapter of the Arthritis Foundation doing a support group.  When I was having problems, it was good to have other people understand.  But it felt too focused on me and how I felt, I wanted to do more with people and turn outward than continually inward.

I was asked to be the Speaker’s Bureau Coordinator and later a Self Help Course  instructor and trainer.  I really enjoyed those because I interacted with people, found confidence in speaking before people and seeing something positive happening.  I usually talked about the basic fact of Arthritis – like all things, it was personal rather than just cut and dried facts.  When there wasn’t a lot of time, my stories were the first to go.  I received so much positive feedback and it made me feel so good when someone told me I had helped them so much.  I had felt things were just negative about having RA, here was such an opposite view that surprised and pleased me.

It has not only been with the Arthritis Foundation this has happened.  I have had several people tell me I am their hero.  WOW!  I was and am just being me, yet something spoke to them.  I often wonder how many  I have helped and will never know about it – but I have decided it doesn’t matter, I’m not supposed to know.  I think we all inspire people as we go along our daily life without knowing it.  To me, that is when we are most effective.  I used to think if somebody didn’t mention it, no one noticed what was happening.  But I would remember how many times I noticed something but didn’t say anything to the person.

So, to all my followers, you are the best and I truly appreciate each and every one of you.

A Bit of Sister Fun

June 27, 2014

It all started with my sister Ellen sending one of her photos and called it Raindrops on Roses.

So I emailed back – what about whiskers on kittens?  So an email went out to my sister Candy since she has a cat.  She sent back this one for whiskers on kittens – her friend’s kittens.

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Next we needed fresh apple strudel – Candy sent photo of apple blossoms, Ellen sent strudel.

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It was my turn, so I found a doorbell, sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodle.

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Things have slowed a bit, I have the feeling I am missing something.   Hmmmm, I will post this and figure out what’s missing.  Since we are now older, the three of us sisters have grown a lot closer now – I am so happy about that.  With Mom’s dementia, I  am so grateful to have such supportive, encouraging, understanding and loving sisters.  We may live far apart, but that is only in physical distance.  We are close where it counts.

 

A Short Reunion

June 24, 2014

As a result of my slide, I have become reacquainted with my cane.  It took a little practice, but I’m doing pretty well, not tripping over it so much.  It has been hard to walk since Friday afternoon and the cane has helped.  It was not my fondest wish to have this reunion, on the other hand, I am glad the cane is there.  I have had it in my car trunk for the past two years, occasionally I use it if I am not sure of the  of the terrain or if there will be a lot of people.

Black_Cane_T_HandleIt’s not a fancy cane, I bought it at Rite Aid for not too much.  I made sure it was adjustable and during out-patient rehab I asked the therapist how to measure to make sure it is the right height.

I haven’t done a lot of exercising, though Saturday I  went in a couple of places.  I was tired when we came home, so I had a lie down.  Eddie wanted to walk by the river in Renton so he could check out the flight line for the 737’s – I was quite happy sitting in the car reading.  Then we went to Panera for coffee, about the extent of walking.  Yesterday I went to see Cheryl, my chiropractor.  I explained what happened and how it had been feeling, so she worked on different places that connect with the knees.   I had an Apple One To One at 11 to work on my book.  I seem to have found something that seems to stump them a bit.  Both Larry and I learned a lot about iBooks Author – says he likes a challenge.  I told him I was ready to forget the whole thing because it has driven me crazy – but I am not about to let technology win.  I decided to go home, have something to eat and have a lie down – sometimes it is smart to do that after an adjustment.  I am glad I did because I was a bit more tired than I realized.

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One of the aspects of  RA and pain is how varied it is – with this situation at the moment, the pain has been different every day.  Friday it was sharp pain in the outside of my knee, yet Saturday it felt as if I had a tight clamp below my knee.  Sunday the clamp was in the middle of the knee and at times there was a sharper pain in the middle of the knee.  Yesterday the clamp was around the knee and today the clamp is mostly gone but the outside of the knee feels as if someone is hitting my knee each time I bend it.  That is one thing that really baffles me about RA – it is never the same from one day to the next.

Today is doctor morning, I am going to see my primary doc for a check up – he has been pleased with my progress, but not sure what he will say about this latest incident.  I don’t plan to do any “running around”, just buy some cookies for Mom for tomorrow.  She was alert and doing well last Friday, though I noticed she was in the wheel chair.  Apparently her knee was bothering her, so they use the chair.  Otherwise they make sure she uses the walker so she won’t forget how to walk.

LATER

I saw the doc and he was pleased with me – not necessarily the slide but my blood work, blood pressure, etc.  Unfortunately he weighed me and I am 15 pounds heavier – Ye God’s and Little Fishes!!!!  I suddenly realized the weight gain a week or two ago – I can’t believe I let it happen so easily.  I have spent a lot of the last few months  working a lot at the computer and not getting very much exercise; now the knee as well.  Yet I have noticed I don’t eat as much because I get full much faster and I opt for fruit for dessert at night.

I went to the store for Mom’s double stuffed Oreos and came home – I am noticing my knee is now on the side, a little below the joint and it feels like badly bruised bones.  Cheryl always says it takes some time for the body to integrate whatever happens and the next day may be uncomfortable.  I have an open house at Breakfast Club – I am hoping things will be more comfortable in the morning.  Afterward I will go see Mom.  This is not the time to put up a facade of “I’m doing fine” because I’m not.  It has worn me out and I am dragged out tired and not always sleeping well; I have trouble finding a comfortable position at night and walking is not particularly comfortable either.

I know I will come through this eventually and be more comfortable – it gets old very quickly to be hampered like this.  I have a quiet week and don’t have much on the calendar because I know rest is important.  I dealt with many other times like this one, though it doesn’t get easier and I haven’t “gotten used to it” either.   However, it doesn’t last forever, just often feels as if it does.

THIS TOO WILL PASS.


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